|* Hey!
SORRY SORRY SORRY!
It's pretty late ... but I had sort of a horrible week. The most horrible in my whole life - which is saying something.
Guess in the next chapter will be some smut and Michelle. Idk when I have time to write again ...
anyway, enjoy it!
x aida *|
Something loud awakes Blaine from his sleep.
Stupid phone!
He stops the alarm and feels like he'd been drunk. Every movement hurts, his head aches and he just has the urge to sleep. Slowly, he guides his gaze to the left, where he sees the empty bedside.
"Kurt," he asks and hears a knocking as response out of the bathroom.
Kurt stands in front of the mirror, hands wrapped around the sink, heavily breathing and sweating. Blaine needs a moment to be totally awake and to realize that his face is contorted with pain, so he steps slowly to him and hugs him from behind, causing Kurt to wince with shock, since he didn't saw or heard him.
He feels Blaine's warm hands on his stomach and how they start to move in soothing circles.
"Let me stay home today," Blaine starts and kisses Kurt's sweaty neck.
"Want you to tell me everything. Need to talk with you ... properly."
Kurt tenses his body more and Blaine can only assume what pain he must feel. He takes his hands away, afraid that he hurts him, although he just wanted to support him, but Kurt grips them and clutches them with his arms.
Slowly, Kurt shifts his weight backwards, leaning against his boyfriend's strong body.
"Let's spend the day together," he breathes into Kurt's ear.
Kurt can only feel the pain in his stomach and how good it feels to have warm circles on his skin. Somehow, he thought he would get used to that kind of ache, but he doesn't.
To the contrary, it gets worse every time.
It gets more specific, overwhelming and devouring, making sure that he never forgets that he's close to die.
He feels how Blaine takes one hand from his grip away and wipes Kurt's tears off.
I haven't even realized that I was crying.
Blaine lays his hand upon Kurt's stomach again, hoping that his warmth would help him somehow.
"I wanna spend the day with you, my love," the voice whispers into Kurt's sweaty neck. After a few horrible minutes, Kurt turns his head to Blaine and lays his forehead against Blaine's cheek. He looks extremely exhausted and ill, and dear god, did he sleep at all this night?
Anyway, his face is more relaxed now and Blaine can't help but smile about that fact.
"Feeling better?"
Kurt nods slightly and would love to wrap his hands around his boyfriend's body, but he isn't able to move at all.
The pain is gone, but for how long?
Gingerly, Blaine strokes Kurt's back and hugs him when this one lets his body fall against him. Kurt's face lays upon Blaine's neck now and Blaine can feel something wet running down his skin.
"Kurt," he asks, takes the boy's shoulders ans pushes him slightly away. His eyes widen as he sees Kurt's tear-stained face. He realizes immediately why he's crying and takes him into his arms again.
"We'll stay together no matter what happens, okay? I won't leave you," Blaine mumbles and feels Kurt's trembling body.
"Have you already taken your medicine?"
Kurt nods and finds finally the strength to raise his arms and put them on Blaine's back, still sobbing.
"I'm so glad that I know it now, seriously," Blaine says, but his voice sounds wobbly and Kurt senses that he's also crying.
"Now we can do whatever we want and don't," he sobs. "We don't have to hide what we feel ... I'm happy that I know why you're crying right now."
Blaine pulls away and wipes his own tears off and while Kurt could regain his poise, Blaine lost his and started sobbing instead.
Kurt contracts his brows and feels so sorry for making Blaine feel that kind of bad.
That's exactly what he never wanted to do.
Never.
"It's okay for you to cry, you know," he blubbers out and lowers his face, trying to hide his tears without any success.
"You don't have to hold your tears back, Kurt," Blaine continues sobbing and winces when he feels Kurt's arms around his back.
"You don't have to comfort me ... I- I should be the one – the one who comforts you-" but his voice breaks and he lets his boyfriend stroke his head and back, to soothe him.
Gently, Kurt takes Blaine's hand and guides him into their bedroom where he takes his notebook and writes something down, while Blaine tries to calm down.
Don't be silly! You have all right in the world to cry or to be mad at me.
And I have all right in the world to comfort you.
Blaine nods but doesn't seem convinced at all, so Kurt takes his hands and kisses them, smiling, what causes Blaine to cry even more.
"How can you be so strong?"
Kurt tilts his head and releases his boyfriend's hands again, it's necessary to write something down.
I started to feel strong when you started to love me.
Blaine wipes his tears away and sobs a few last times.
I would love to spend the day with you and let you know anything.
"Okay," Blaine breathes, drops his head and raises it again, as he feels Kurt's fingers on his still wet cheek.
But I also want to tell Michelle at first.
At first?
He nods reluctantly and feels how his body temperature rises, thinking about the fact that he will be the last person Kurt tells the truth of his own accord.
Kurt has to smile about that childish expression, the attempt to be indulgent and the try to not be jealous. He lays his lips on Blaine's, kisses him slow and gently and shows him another note when he pulls away.
We'll have a proper talk this evening, when I'm back.
Again, Blaine nods, but grips Kurt's hands shortly before this one wanted to leave.
"Do you want me to do something while you're away? I don't know ... tidy your room or the house or something else? Get a book or a movie for you?"
Kurt just smiles and leans forward again, kissing the churning boy.
He pulls away, rubs his nose slightly against Blaine's and moves to the door.
"Kurt," Blaine screams with an undertone of fear, while watching how his boyfriend leaves.
Kurt turns immediately around and looks at him with a questioning look.
"Love you, too," he whispers and feels how tears flood his eyes when Kurt smiles and runs back to Blaine to kiss him once more.
Burt and Blaine were sitting in the living room, almost the whole time when Kurt was talking with Michelle.
Blaine felt a bit better, knowing that Burt didn't know much more than him, just that this tumor Kurt had in his larynx a half-year ago, came from that tumor in his stomach. It was 'only' a metastasis. And if the doctors would've look at Kurt properly they would've found that tumor in his stomach earlier, when he wasn't in terminal stage.
He could have a chance to live.
This fact drove Blaine crazy and both ended up, crying.
Somehow, Burt and Blaine feel connected by their worries about Kurt. And they understand each other much more than weeks ago, as Burt felt nothing else but hatred for Blaine.
Hatred for the guy that stole his son's heart.
"He wanted to spare you both the pain. Spare you the pain of thinking about losing him and himself the feeling that he hurts you, I guess," Burt once meant and Blaine was just able to nod, not wanting to let him hear his wobbly voice.
Suddenly, Kurt stood in the room with swollen eyes and Blaine jumped up to hug him.
They went to Blaine's car and drove to a really nice place.
It's a bit outside the city, a cute bench from where you have a perfect sight over a few hills and houses.
Kurt looks at the setting sun and smiles.
"How can this be that it's the first sunset we watch together?"
Blaine puts his hand on Kurt's waist and kisses his cheek, Kurt pulls away and writes something, giggling.
We just spent too much time in our room, doing OTHER THINGS.
"Other things," Blaine laughs, kisses his forehead and takes his boyfriend by his hand to lead him to the bench where they both sit down.
"What did Michelle say?" Blaine asks after a while and feels sorry for it right after it, as he sees how Kurt starts to cry again.
"Sorry, I-"
Kurt shakes his head and writes something down.
Don't have to feel sorry. It's not your fault that I'm ill.
Blaine watches how his boyfriend drops his gaze.
"But it isn't yours either," he whispers and slides closer, starting to stroke Kurt's arm.
Kurt lets his head sink upon Blaine's shoulder and feels suddenly so warm and safe, being held by his boyfriend's strong arms.
"It's not your fault ... and we will stay strong, facing all the problems together."
After a while, and before the sun sets completely, Kurt holds out a leaflet to Blaine.
"Hm?"
A new casting show. You can compare it to American Idol.
Blaine sighs and puts the paper away, knowing what Kurt is aiming at.
"No."
Kurt pouts and holds the leaflet out to Blaine again.
"No," he says once more and turns his head to Kurt.
"I don't want to make a complete fool of myself."
You won't, you will win that show!
You just have to go there!
"Okay, listen," he mumbles and grips Kurt's hands.
"Like I said – I don't want to win that. I don't want something which you want much more than I do. And you deserve that more ..."
Kurt shakes his head. He really wants Blaine to win that, wants his boyfriend to become a star. Then, he has an idea and takes his notebook.
To do list (before I die)
- convince my boyfriend that he has to win that show to be a great star, have fame and fortune and the possibility to make the world to a better place
Blaine smiles.
"What a mean trick using that list," he whispers and plants a kiss on Kurt's grinning lips.
Let's make a deal, he continues writing.
I won't be mad at you if you don't go to school anymore, when you promise me that you'll go to that casting and give your best.
Blaine pulls completely away and looks down to that leaflet.
The casting is in one month.
He tilts his head back and closes his eyes.
Maybe he's gone in one month, thus me too. I can't promise something I know I won't be able to.
"Honey," he says, opens his eyes and turns to Kurt, who has turned away in the meantime and crossed his arms.
"I don't have a special voice and I don't want to be a star. I don't want to-" he interrupts himself, careful to don't cause Kurt's distrust.
I don't want to live without you.
I will stop loving you right here, right now if you don't promise me to go to that casting!
Blaine laughs out and Kurt has also to smile, although he doesn't want to.
He wants Blaine to be a singer.
He wants Blaine to be happy.
Even after his death.
"Silly," he laughs, grips Kurt's waist and pulls him closer. "As if you could do that!"
Kurt blushes a bit while Blaine kisses him fervently. After Blaine pulled away, Kurt slaps his forehead playfully with his notebook, causing Blaine to laugh out once more.
And suddenly, there are Blaine's arms again, holding him tight and making Kurt feel as if this would be the first time ever they are entwined like this.
Blaine buries his face in Kurt's neck and inhales his scent.
"Your dad told me about your tumor and the thing months ago ... that you could have a chance if they -" his voice changes into a sobbing.
Kurt pushes himself away and scribbles something on his papers.
I never wanted to make you feel like this. And I never wanted to leave you alone, but I have to. The whole issue with hiding the truth was just to let us spend some time together, without thinking about the near and inevitable end.
"I'm so glad that I know it now," he breathes and strokes Kurt's cheek.
For a while I wanted you to be mad at me, so that you would break up again, but somehow, you never did.
Blaine contracts his brows and scans Kurt's face.
He remembers the moment as Kurt walked away from the doctor's and showed Blaine his middle finger.
But then I changed my mind, because I'm too selfish to let you go.
Kurt starts to cry and Blaine hugs him once more.
"You're not selfish at all," he says and means it.
"Come, let's watch the sunrise."
Kurt nods, pulls away and lays his head on Blaine's shoulder while this one puts his arm around his boyfriend.
It's a bit chilly and Kurt starts to feel cold. Blaine begins to stroke Kurt's arm and slides a bit closer to him, like he would be able to read his mind.
Kurt smiles.
I don't deserve you.
Above the horizon, there's only a hemispherical red spot left. The whole sky is dipped into a soft, warm and red light and Kurt can't hold back any longer. He raises his head and kisses Blaine's neck.
He really wanted to watch the sunrise, but right now, he prefers to kiss his boyfriend.
No matter what he does, what amazing experience he has, he would always and in any circumstances prefer to cuddle with Blaine.
Blaine tilts his head a bit, giving Kurt more space to do whatever he wants, so he slides upwards and kisses Blaine's ear and his earlobe. He senses how Blaine's grip gets stronger and feels the arousal in his own stomach.
Slowly, Kurt pulls away and smiles. It's been ages since he had the will to 'that thing' again.
"My love," Blaine says and leans to Kurt to kiss him, but this one lays his hand upon Blaine's mouth.
Promise me to go to that casting!
Blaine rolls his eyes and looks like he would be thinking about it, but he says "NO" anyway.
Kurt jumps up and walks away.
"Kurt?"
Blaine runs after him.
"Where are you going?"
Suddenly, Kurt turns around and writes something. Blaine makes an effort to read the note, but it's hard to, since it's almost completely dark by now. To have Kurt's approval that he got the text, he reads it out.
"I said I would stop loving you ... ?"
Kurt nods and looks at Blaine's shocked and scared face. After a few seconds, Kurt can't hold back any longer and laughs out.
Blaine sighs with relief.
My god, for a moment I was thinking ...
"You dork," he mumbles and pulls the laughing body to him.
"Like to tease me, hn?"
Kurt nods and smiles, but then Blaine leans to Kurt and sucks on that spot underneath Kurt's earlobe, so that this one has to giggle.
He writhes under Blaine's tongue and mouth, while this one doesn't stop touching Kurt's ticklish skin.
Suddenly, Kurt puts his hands on Blaine's back and pulls himself against his boyfriend's body, causing their chests to touch.
Blaine is in wonderment about Kurt's tenseness, but then Kurt presses his crotch slowly against Blaine's, letting him feel the hard buckle. A cold shiver runs down Blaine's back while he starts to recognize Kurt's heavy breathing.
He strokes Kurt's back and kisses his temples, trying to calm him down.
"I- it ... wasn't my inten-" Kurt's tongue finds its way into Blaine's mouth and interrupts his speaking.
To get some air, Blaine pulls away and watches how Kurt types a message into his phone.
Idc what your intention was. But now, I'm like this, it feels amazing and I need to go home with you.
Blaine swallows hard and Kurt has to smile about Blaine's hesitation.
Don't worry. I will be a dear boy.
Blaine's jaw falls open and he just has to kiss Kurt who already opened his mouth as if he knew what Blaine wanted to do.
The heat goes through Blaine's whole body and he starts trembling by himself.
"Ho- honey you-"
Kurt interrupts him again by laying a finger upon Blaine's mouth. With the other hand, he types something.
It feels finally right again.
Blaine smiles and feels really happy. Kurt takes his finger away and buries his hands in his jacket pockets, feeling really cold by now.
"And what about that casting issue?"
Kurt shrugs his shoulders.
Let's simply move it to tomorrow.
Blaine nods and reaches out his hand to run his fingers along Kurt's cheek. He pushes forward again and kisses him briefly before he continues to lick that spot under Kurt's earlobe, laughing by himself when Kurt has to giggle.
Then, Kurt pulls away, grips Blaine's hand and leads him to Blaine's car.
Blaine stops and holds Kurt back.
"I got that you ... sort of put pressure on yourself because of ... that," Blaine starts and Kurt furrows his brow.
"But even if we won't have sex ever again ... I mean - that's not what ... it's not necessary for you to do that. I want you to take your time and -"
Kurt kisses him once more, grips Blaine's hand and guides it between his legs, letting Blaine realize that Kurt is far away from 'pretending' to want anything.
Suddenly, they see how a car approaches, so Blaine takes his hand away and both start to giggle like schoolboys.
"Oh my," Blaine breathes and lays his head against Kurt's.
"Get your cute ass into my car, so that we can go home."
Kurt grins and gets in, while Blaine turns to the bench one last time and takes a deep breath.
Calm down Blaine, be good to him ...
Don't urge him.
He blinks his tears away.
And never let him notice how much it hurts.
