Some time passes at The Sanctuary. After Negan and Chuck finally get back home, they get back to their normal lives. Though there are a few changes.
Negan orders extra guards to stay upstairs on the fifth floor. In addition to Sam and José, Arat and Laura are added to the rotation. José and Sam keep their same post on the stairwell while Arat and Laura cover the freight elevator on the other end of the hall, making it so there are always two guards on the floor at all times. That is, when Chuck is upstairs.
When Chuck is downstairs, the woman on duty follows her like a bodyguard. It annoys Chuck at first, but she understands why Negan asked them to do it. And Laura and Arat do their best to be unobtrusive, which Chuck appreciates. They stay just far enough away that Chuck has her space, but close enough that they could step in if need be.
Even though Negan is true to his word and doesn't leave the gates, he still has to do his job around The Sanctuary everyday, which leaves Chuck completely alone upstairs. For the first time in her life, she actually doesn't enjoy being by herself so much. She figures it probably has something to do with being locked up in that room at Eldritch's compound, completely alone for most of the day. Or maybe it's just that she's changing to be more open to people. For the first few days back, she would walk the hall outside her and Negan's apartment. She'd start at one end and talk to either José or Sam, then walk to the other end and talk to Laura or Arat, whoever was on duty. Then she'd turn around and do it all over again.
But that is still too claustrophobic. So instead, she starts to walk around The Sanctuary. For hours she would just walk and observe everyone around her. People would talk to her pleasantly, but they'd also fuss about her. Asking her if she's okay, if she needs to eat or needs water, coming up to her with chairs so she can "rest". She knows they mean well, but it's still kind of annoying.
She visits with the former wives in all their different rooms, too. Sherry has taken to working in the kitchen full-time and living with Dwight. And Chuck admits that Sherry looks happier with him. Kayla and her boyfriend Felix have gotten more serious, so she decides to permanently move in with him. Though she still makes routine visits to Chuck to check up on her and the baby when she's not on shift in the infirmary or checking on Amber, who is nearing the end of her pregnancy. Frankie and Tonya get their own room on the third floor, their relationship together more than official now. Tonya spends her days at her chair in the marketplace giving haircuts and Frankie has her massage table set up nearby. She tells Chuck that business is good; there are always people willing to spend their points to feel a little better.
Chuck decides that she needs something to actually do with her time, so she starts teaching the kids music again. When they seem so genuinely happy to have her back, Chuck swears that her heart swells. She enjoys teaching the children so much that she starts giving lessons in the afternoon to anyone that wants it, no matter the age. Some people that come in have absolutely no music experience, but some actually do. Class time is divided up into teaching those that need it and jamming out with those that can play.
That, too, fills Chuck's heart with joy. They're all in a place now where those little things, like music and art and fun, can come back. People aren't just worried where the next meal is coming from. Or whether or not they'll get attacked during the night. People are actually living.
Everyone is also enjoying the cemented alliance between the groups and the ease of passage between them. Negan and Rick have doubled down on fencing and barriers at the borders of the entire area, keeping the biters out. It's not exactly free of the dead, but Negan's domain is much safer than it once was.
The "dead zones", as Negan calls them, are serving their purpose. The noise making devices that Eugene engineered are doing their job of drawing the dead into places that they can't get out of, thus making the surrounding areas clear without any extra effort from Negan's or Rick's men. And once the temperature dips further, thus freezing the biters, all of them will be taken care of.
Because there are daily journeys between the groups, there is a freer exchange of goods and services. Alexandria has stopped needing support from The Sanctuary, so their relationship is based more on equal trade, just like everyone else. If someone at The Sanctuary needs metal goods, they trade for that with the blacksmith at Hilltop. If someone at Hilltop needs new clothes, the seamstress at Alexandria will oblige. And they all have unofficial areas that they scavenge from so there are always new goods to trade. Alexandria gets the north, Hilltop gets the west, and The Sanctuary gets the south and east.
Though Hilltop is still "owned" by Negan, it's mostly autonomous. Negan trusts Jesus to run the place well, and he has been. He gives Negan updates everyday and Negan gives his advice, but that's pretty much the end of his involvement there. Nevertheless, Negan takes credit for their success under him, and no one is inclined to question him.
Though Chuck has been spending time downstairs, she does enjoy the occasional quiet day in her room with her cats lounging all over the place. Negan moved the animals back upstairs pretty much immediately, though he stipulated that they were not allowed in the nursery. Ever. Chuck conceded as long as she could cuddle with them in their bed. And despite what Negan says about the "furry bastards", he still lets Moe curl up on his lap every time he sits in his office looking at the inventory sheets.
One day, while Chuck is walking around the marketplace, she sees a large whiteboard and gets an idea. After asking Arat nicely to carry it upstairs and help her put it up on the wall in the nursery, Chuck gets to work on it. Just as she's finishes up, she hears Negan come home.
"Come in here, Negan," she shouts. "I want to show you something."
Negan steps into the room and gives her a kiss before turning to Chuck's creation on the wall. She has turned the large whiteboard into a calendar, starting with the month of November (the current month) and ending in April with important days like Thanksgiving, winter solstice, Christmas, New Years, Easter, and the first day or spring all highlighted. But the most important day is more prominent than all the rest. April 2.
"You got my fuckin' birthday wrong," Negan says casually.
"What?" Chuck scrunches up her face in confusion. "I don't have your birthday on here at all. I don't actually know your birthday, I guess."
"Then what's that?" He points to the extra special date.
Chuck smiles wide and rests her hands on her belly. "That's the due date."
"Oh, shit!" Negan places his hand on Chuck's belly, too and turns back to the calendar. "April second, huh?" He chuckles happily.
"When's your birthday?" Chuck asks, realizing that she probably should've already known it.
"April seventh," he responds with a smirk. "We'll be celebrating two fuckin' birthdays in one week."
"The baby might not come on that day exactly. She'll decide when she's ready."
"Well, we're gonna have a big fuckin' party, regardless. Might be a dual birthday party." He moves to stand behind Chuck and wraps his arms around her belly.
"So, how old are you gonna be anyway? Fifty...eight?" Chuck teases.
"The fuck you talking about, little girl? I'm not fuckin' fifty eight!"
Chuck can't help but laugh hard at her joke.
"I'll be forty seven, for your fuckin' information," Negan fakes offense, causing Chuck to giggle more. "You know, you shouldn't be laughing, Chuck. You're the one fucking my old ass."
They both pause then start to laugh together as Negan's words sink in.
"Get your mind outta the fuckin' gutter, perv," Negan jokes. "I didn't mean it that way." He pauses. "Though I'm not opposed to the idea," he tacks on with a smirk.
Chuck turns around in his arms and smacks his chest. "Negan!" she chides, but she's still laughing.
He chuckles then shrugs his shoulders innocently. "What? You know, I'm pretty sure we got some strapons in storage you could use."
"Why on earth would you have strapons in storage?"
"The guys ran across an untouched sex shop and brought the whole fuckin' thing back a while ago."
"Really?" Chuck asks a little incredulously.
"Yeah. That shit's just been sitting there this whole time. But it did come in fuckin' handy, I guess."
Chuck scrunches up her face trying to think of how stuff from a sex store would be handy in any other way but the obvious one.
Negan chuckles at her, apparently picking up on her confusion. "When we destroyed Eldritch's shit, I had the guys suit up in latex sex suits so they could gut up and get through the fuckin' biters without getting sick."
Negan had never told Chuck the details about the assault on Eldritch's compound and she never really asked. The details aren't important. The only thing that Chuck cares about is the fact that Eldritch isn't a threat anymore.
"Latex sex suits?" Chuck asks in confusion. She's never heard of such a thing.
Negan laughs again. "Yeah. Suits made of fuckin' latex so it covers all your skin."
Chuck tries to picture it. "How is that sexy? One of the best parts of sex is feeling your skin on mine. I don't think I could do it all covered up. With latex, no less."
Negan just smiles at her for a moment.
"What?" she asks.
"You're just so goddamn cute." Negan leans in to kiss her.
Chuck can tell by Negan's movements that he's going to want more, but she has something else she wants to talk to him about. "Wait." She pushes him away slightly. "Before we get too far, I want to talk to you about something."
Negan groans.
"It's not bad."
"It means we're not fucking right now, so, yeah, it's bad."
Chuck gives Negan an unimpressed look, which makes him let out a sigh. He moves to the doorway and holds his arm out, gesturing for Chuck to cross the threshold back into their bedroom. She walks forward and sits on the edge of the bed. Negan follows suit, sitting beside her.
"So, what's on your mind?" Negan asks.
Chuck takes a deep breath and lets it out, nervous about what she's going to talk about. "I love the nursery," she starts.
"Okay...?" Negan responds. "Is that it? Can we fuck now?"
"Negan," she bites back.
"Okay, okay. Sorry."
"I just wanted to say... I love that you got all those pictures of my family for our daughter to see. Because she'll never get the chance to meet her grandparents, but she can still know their faces. She'll still know my family. Where she came from."
"Yeah," he replies softly. But there is some confusion behind it.
Chuck continues tentatively. "But she didn't just come from me. She comes from you, too. A-And I know you have those pictures and things in your closet. I'd like to frame some of them and put them-"
"I don't have any pictures of my family, Chuck. My father was a fucking monster and... I don't have any pictures of my mom."
"Lucille was your family. And Simon, too."
Negan just stares back at Chuck. "Why would you-" He stops and rakes his hand through his hair.
"Lucille was a big part of your life. I don't want to hide that from our daughter."
"Do you realize-" He huffs out a breath. "You want our kid to know I was a piece of shit husband?"
Chuck doesn't know how to respond to that. "I just want her to know your past. My past. Our past. She's not gonna live the kind of life we had. She's not gonna have high school dances and field trips. Go to college. It'll be completely foreign to her. But I want her to know about it. And, no, I don't particularly want to tell her about your... indiscretions. But I don't want to hide your whole life either."
Negan stands and starts to pace slowly without saying anything.
"There has to be good memories in that box, too," Chuck says quietly. "Memories you'd want to share with her."
Negan turns back to Chuck, but again, he doesn't say anything. He slowly moves over to the closet and finds his memento box. He sits back down beside Chuck with the box in his lap.
"I really don't know why I even took this shit. It was... right after me and Simon got this place cleaned up. Before we had any other fuckin' people here. I decided to go back to my house by my-fuckin'-self." He starts to root through the box. "The place was fuckin' trashed. Nothing of use was left. Pantry was empty. My tools, gone. My fuckin' Impala, gone. Handgun I kept in the closet..." He shakes his head. "I shoved all my personal shit everyone left behind in a bag. I just... I don't fuckin' know. I didn't need this shit. But I had found a fuckin' place to live and I just..."
"You wanted part of your old life with you," Chuck answers for him.
Negan nods slightly. "When I was rooting around the fuckin' closet, I found my old baseball bat. Lucille bought it for me when I first got the job at the school." He sighs. "She said I was gonna 'Knock it outta the park'." He chuckles sadly.
"That's ...Lucille?" Chuck questions softly.
Negan nods. "Barbed wire came a little later. When more people came. The name came later, too. I don't fuckin know why I did that. It's fucking insane, isn't it?"
"No." Chuck smooths her hand over the back of Negan's head. "You were hurting. Processing everything."
Negan finds a picture of him and Simon. They're teenagers, probably fourteen or fifteen, and it looks like they're just hanging out in the woods. But they're laughing.
Negan looks at the picture and starts to talk. "Simon's family lived next door to the first foster family I stayed with after my mom died. Me and him were fast fuckin' friends. Never experienced anything like it before or since. We just got each other immediately. Shit, I spent more time at Simon's house than where I was supposed to be. I guess that's why my foster family got rid of me. Said I wasn't 'bonding'." He shrugs. "I moved across town after that. But me and Simon still fuckin' hung out. Got ourselves into trouble more than once." He chuckles.
"I bet you got into trouble," Chuck comments with a giggle.
Negan's face turns more somber. "Simon was really the only person I fuckin' cared about after my mom died. Before Lucille, anyway. I lived with six different families before I turned eighteen." He chuckles humorlessly. "But the whole fuckin' sob story of my life got me some kickass grants and scholarships. That's pretty much the only reason I even went to fuckin' college."
Chuck feels a sadness with what Negan has said. He never had a real family in his life. That fact is probably why having a child is so important to him. He wants to make the family he never had.
Negan pulls out his college diploma. "Look at this shit." He opens it up so she can see. "What a fuckin' waste."
"It wasn't a waste. You taught a ton of kids for a long time because of that. It meant something." She takes it from him and sets it down beside her. "We're putting it up in the office."
"We are?"
"Yes."
Negan finds a picture of him standing in some sort of museum and shows Chuck. "Baseball Hall of Fame. Me and Lucille took a trip to New York for our ten year anniversary. She wanted to see Wicked." He shrugs a shoulder. "It actually wasn't too fuckin' bad."
"So you made her go to the baseball museum because she made you go to a play?"
"Not at all. Lucille fuckin' loved baseball. Her dad was a goddamn nut about it. Took her to games all the time when she was a kid. Baseball was the only thing me and him could fuckin' talk about. He hated my goddamn guts, otherwise. But when we talked baseball... It was like he forgot he hated me so much. He even showed me his baseballs signed by the fuckin' greats. Babe Ruth, Mickey Mantle, Joe DiMaggio, Cy Young, Willie Mays," he rattles off.
Chuck listens intently, but can't manage to mirror Negan's enthusiasm about the men he's talking about. Especially because she doesn't know who they are. "I recognize some of those names..." She grimaces a little at her lie. "One of those names."
"What?!" Negan responds, shocked at her lack of baseball knowledge.
Chuck shrugs. "You know I'm not into sports."
"You should still know the fuckin' greats!"
Chuck giggles. "You'll have to teach me."
After going through some other pictures and keepsakes, he finally pulls out his wedding picture, though he doesn't really look at it.
"It's okay, Negan," Chuck whispers as she rubs his back. "I know this isn't easy."
Negan takes a deep breath and looks at the picture, staring at it in silence for a few minutes. "I'm glad you made me fuckin' do this," he says quietly and touches Lucille's face in the picture.
Chuck is shocked. She expected him to fight her on this. And definitely not be happy about it. "Really?"
"Yeah. I never wanted to think about... Lucille... because all I could see was her in her hospital bed. Or the look on her face when I'd come home from fucking some other girl. But you were fuckin' right. There are good memories here." He lets out a sigh. "I just gotta let myself remember them."
After a moment, he pulls out a picture that Chuck recognizes. It's the picture her mother took of her and Negan at her graduation.
"This," she takes the picture from his hand, "This was in my house, wasn't it?"
Negan nods. "I didn't want to put it up. Thought maybe it made me look like a fuckin' pedo."
Chuck laughs. "It's an innocent picture!" She looks at it closely. "It's pretty much the only picture of me I ever liked. I took a copy of it with me to college. And then to my apartment in the city."
Chuck studies the picture then looks back up to Negan. The smile on her face falls when she sees that his own face looks sad.
"What's wrong?" she asks.
"I should've kept in touch with you."
She casts her gaze downward. "It's okay, Negan. I didn't expect you-"
"You kept this photo with you? At college? After?"
"Yeah," she answers, a little confused at why Negan is questioning it.
"Did you have any fuckin' friends after high school?"
Chuck shrugs, not wanting to admit that she really didn't.
Negan lets out a huff and shakes his head. "You wouldn't've held onto that damn picture if you had anyone else."
"I was fine, Negan. I did four years of college in three, so... I was busy. I didn't need friends."
"Goddamnit, Chuck," he mutters. "I should've kept in fuckin' touch."
"What would we have done together? I was a teenager and you were... married! With a job and a house. I couldn't exactly relate. And would you have gone to frat parties with me?"
"We could've-" he scratches his cheek. "I could've taken you to goddamn baseball games. Made sure you were doing alright. Made sure you were happy. I shouldn't have just dropped you."
"Well, why didn't you keep in touch?"
Negan lets out a heavy breath and starts to answer Chuck's question.
— Negan's POV —
— Seven years ago —
"You all ready, honey?" Lucille says to me as I walk toward our front door. She's got her fuckin' coffee cup in her hand, just about ready to leave herself. She's got a house to show in an hour.
"Yeah," I kiss her on the cheek when she walks to me. "I should be back for dinner. At least I fuckin' hope I will. If this thing goes long, I might just fuckin' kill myself."
She laughs at me. "Come on! This is a good thing."
I guess she's fuckin' right. I got invited to this goddamn "Sports and Education" conference because my baseball team went pretty fuckin' far last year. Almost won the division. And there's gonna be coaches and educators from all over the state there.
But I hate shit like that. It's just guys fuckin' jerking themselves off to the crowd and saying how fuckin' amazing they are. I don't have to talk about winning to show that I'm fuckin' successful. I fuckin' win and that's that.
However... the school kinda lost their shit over it, thinking that my appearance at this stupid ass conference will translate into more money for the school. So I was gently persuaded to attend. And by "gently persuaded", I mean Principal Addams told me that she'd personally kick my ass if I fucked this up. And she probably would. She's a fuckin' hard ass.
That means I gotta fuckin' schmooze the right people. Which I fuckin' hate. But whatever. I gotta do it.
And I may have a little bit of an ulterior motive in wanting to go there.
This conference is at the University of Virginia in Charlottesville. My own alma mater. And it just so happens to be the college that my former fuckin' favorite student attends.
Chuck.
I've been thinking about her a lot lately. I don't fuckin' know why. The last time I fuckin' saw her was months ago right after she graduated. But recently, she's been on my mind for some reason. And I can't really do much about it without looking really fuckin' weird. I can'r exactly fuckin' call her up outta the blue. "Hey, barely legal former student. It's me, the guy that fuckin' taught you. Yeah, I'm still twenty years older than you and really have no business talking to you anymore. How's things?"
Yeah, that's not gonna happen.
I've seen her mom a few times out and about and I always casually ask how Chuck is. She says she's good, so that's all I really know. That should be enough for me to know. I mean, I've seen former students before. I've asked about them, what they're doing. And, sure, I wanna know they're doing good. In a friendly sorta mentor kinda fuckin' way.
But Chuck is different. And it's really fuckin' confusing for me.
This is a fuckin' recent thing, too. And I don't know why exactly shit changed. Chuck was my student. She was my student. And that was it. It always was. But now when I think about her... it's just... confusing.
I don't want to fuck her. I mean, it's not like I would hate to fuck her. But... Shit, I shouldn't even think about it. She's got that fuckin' baby face! But that body of hers...
Goddamn, only a fuckin' perv would think that way.
No, it's not like that! ...Is it?
No. It's not like I think about burying my dick in her like I do with most women. Yeah, I know, that's fuckin' sexist. But I can't help it. I love fucking women. And women love fucking me. But eighteen is way too fuckin' young. Shit, I haven't fucked an eighteen year old since I was... twenty two, probably. And I sure as hell ain't twenty two now. I'm pushing fuckin' forty!
It's ...different with Chuck, anyway. I don't know how to describe it. It's... like I said, confusing.
I'm just hoping seeing Chuck again will answer some fuckin' questions. If I immediately wanna fuck her brains out, then I guess I'm turning into a perv in my old age. That's not ideal, but I guess I can fuckin' deal with it. Not that I'd try to fuck her, really. I mean... I don't know. It just seems wrong. If I see her and it's just the same protective, teacher/student shit, then that's that. I've just been fuckin' thinking about her because I'm worried and haven't seen her in a while. Then I can stop freaking the fuck out about it.
It's been fuckin' weird these last few weeks. I don't wanna tell anyone about it. Everyone at school is completely fuckin' out. If I say I've been thinking about a female student, even a former one, shit would get investigated. And I'm a little too ashamed to tell Simon. He's got a niece Chuck's age; I don't want him thinking I go for girls that young.
Lucille... I can't fuckin' tell Lucille. How the fuck could I? "Oh yeah, Lucille, I've been constantly thinking about some girl. Wanna discuss it?" Yeah, no. She hasn't even talked about Chuck since... probably the last time we fuckin' saw her. Like, not at all. I don't know if maybe she knows...? Nah. She can't. I haven't fuckin' talked about Chuck either, so why would Lucille think something's up?
The drive to Charlottesville takes about two hours, but it feels like fuckin' forever. I just keep thinking about what I'm gonna do when I get there. Should I look Chuck up? That seems weird. Should I just walk around campus and try to run the fuck into her? Like it was an accident?
I let out a huff and turn the radio up in my truck to try to drown out the thoughts. "I'm fuckin' horrible," I mutter to myself.
The conference... confers, I guess. And I schmooze all the right people, so I don't have to worry about getting my ass kicked tomorrow by a sixty year old woman when I go back to work. The whole thing was enough to distract me, but now that it's over, I'm back to kinda freaking the fuck out.
I walk around campus aimlessly, sorta hoping that I'll come across Chuck randomly. That seems like the most fuckin' organic way to... I don't know, get this shit started. But I don't run into her. I'm just about ready to throw in the towel and find a student directory when I see her walking a ways away.
She looks exactly the fuckin' same. I mean, I guess it's only been less than a year that I saw her last. That red hair of hers put up in those two buns she always wore. She's dressed in tight jeans and a baggy hoodie with her backpack slung over her shoulder.
She must be done for the fuckin' day because it looks like she's headed back to where the dorms are. I start to walk quickly to catch up with her, but still trying to look fuckin' casual.
My fuckin' phone starts to ring, so I pull it out of my pocket without stopping. Lucille's picture fills the screen and I push the button to silence the ring. But then something just fuckin' tells me to answer it. So I do.
"Hey, baby," I say as I slow a little, but don't stop walking. Chuck is still in my sight, and I want to get to her before she gets to her dorm. Following a college girl to her room seems like a bad fuckin' idea.
"Negan?" Lucille's voice sounds weird.
I stop in my tracks. "What's wrong."
She clears her throat. "I'm in the hospital."
"What?! Are you okay? What the fuck happened?"
"I-I collapsed at the house I was showing. The clients called the ambulance." She lets out a breath. "The doctors are doing tests."
"I'm leaving right the fuck now." I turn away and walk in the opposite direction of where the fuck I was headed.
The whole ride to the hospital, the only thing I could think about was that I probably already know what the doctors are gonna fuckin' find when I get there.
— —
"Her cancer had come back," Negan explains with his head cast down.
"I'm sorry, Negan." Chuck grabs his hand and holds it in her lap.
"She fought it so fuckin' hard. And I was there every step of the fuckin' way. We thought we beat it a few times. But..." He shakes his head. "I focused on Lucille then. I didn't step out on her. Didn't even fuckin' think about it. That's why I didn't..." He lifts his head to look at Chuck with tear-filled eyes. "I could've still called you, at least."
"No." Chuck wipes his cheek. "You were exactly where you needed to be. You did right by Lucille in the end."
"If I had kept in touch... I could've had you with me. You wouldn't've gone through all that shit you did."
"Negan," Chuck shakes her head, "don't feel guilty for things you had no control over. And just..." she cradles his face in her hands, "look to the future with me. The past is the past."
Negan nods then wraps his arms around Chuck, holding her tight until long after the sun sets.
Because everyone had such a good time on Halloween, people ask for more holiday celebrations, the next one being Thanksgiving on November 26th. The community meal is all planned with as many traditional dishes they can manage. The most important dish, of course, being the turkey.
Max and his hunting party are very successful and manage to get about forty good sized turkeys, enough for everyone at The Sanctuary and the outposts to have some. There is even enough to send the excess to Hilltop to feed them. When Negan tells Jesus that he is going to be sending turkey his way, Jesus says that the Hillfolk would return the favor by making pumpkin pies. They get the pies all ready and send them along with some saviors to be cooked in The Sanctuary's industrial ovens.
The day before the holiday is very busy for the kitchen, making sure that all the food is ready to be cooked the following day for the community meal. But Negan assures the kitchen workers that they will be rewarded with extra points for their extra effort.
The day is also busy for another reason. Amber goes into labor in the early afternoon. She requests that Chuck be present in the infirmary to help out with the delivery, and Chuck obliges, though she more often than not just stands back and allows Carson and Kayla to do their thing.
Chuck thought she was prepared for the experience, having read all the books that Carson had provided several times each, but she definitely was not. And it most certainly didn't look like any childbirth she had seen from tv or movies. But of course, it's all worth it in the end. It takes about two hours, but Amber births a healthy baby girl.
After the baby is cleaned and has some bonding time with her parents, Amber hands her new daughter to Chuck to hold. The baby fusses for a moment, but soon settles in Chuck's arms.
"She's so perfect," Chuck whispers in awe, never having held a newborn before. "Look at those big blue eyes." Chuck runs her hand over the soft tuft of hair on the top of the baby's head. "And blonde hair, too."
"She's beautiful," Kayla comments as she looks at the child.
Chuck doesn't linger too long, knowing that Amber and Mark would like time alone with their baby. When she gets back upstairs, she's delighted to see that Negan is cooking dinner.
"How'd it go?" he asks, still standing at the stove preparing their meal.
Chuck lets out a sigh of relief as she sits down at the the counter, thankful to get off her feet. "Really good. Everyone's healthy."
Negan turns back to peek at her. "You look fuckin' tired."
"My back just kinda hurts. And I'm starving."
After they eat, they curl up on the couch and watch old dvds of The X Files.
"Fuck, Gillian Anderson was hot."
Chuck shoots him a look. She is leaning on the opposite arm of the couch with her legs curled up beside her while Negan has his legs kicked up and crossed on an ottoman.
"What?" Negan glances at her and chuckles. "You know I got a fuckin' thing for redheads," he teases.
Chuck stretches out her leg to kick his thigh lightly.
"Oh, I'm not allowed to say some actress is hot?" he asks incredulously.
Chuck just shrugs, already aware of where this conversation is going to go.
Negan puts on a higher pitched voice. "'God, Chris fuckin' Whatevers-worths abs are ridiculous! Dean Winchester has jaw bones for days!"
Chuck can't help but giggle at his impression of her, but she's trying to look mad, even though his point has been made. She knows she does talk about various actors a lot.
He continues. "That dude from that shitty Superman movie is gorgeous."
Chuck steels herself to give him her most serious look. "I'll have you know, Dean Winchester does have jawbones for days," she deadpans.
"Come here," he teasingly growls and grabs her feet to start tickling them in his lap.
Chuck laughs uncontrollably. "Stop! No tickling!"
"Alright, alright." He stops, but doesn't remove his hands from her feet. Instead, he starts to rub them. "You know, I don't say shit when you talk about all those fuckin' hunky guys."
"Well, it's not like you have anything to worry about."
"And you have to worry about Gillian Anderson circa 1996 coming here?"
Chuck laughs at the absurdity. "Point taken."
He continues to massage her feet. "You know I got the biggest fuckin' boner for you anyways."
She giggles. "My husband, the poet."
"What? That's romantic as shit if you really think about it."
The way Negan is rubbing the soreness out of her feet has Chuck thinking about what she did today. "Did you ever watch an actual birth?"
"I saw a video in college. It was kinda fucked up."
"I know, right! Like... I felt really bad for Amber's vagina."
Negan laughs. "It seems fuckin' insane that you're gonna push a baby sized thing out of your tight ass pussy."
"It kinda freaked me out. Like, there were all kinds of bodily fluids going on. And Amber was screaming in pain. It was just kinda intense. And I'm gonna experience all that, too."
"You'll get through it, baby girl. You're tough as shit."
"Amber's baby is really cute, though," she comments with a smile.
"They name her?"
"Yeah. Skyler Alice. Amber said Alice was her sister's name."
"Shit. I guess we should get on finding a fuckin' name for our kid."
Chuck shrugs a little. She's been going over that very thing in her mind for a while, but she's been a little worried that Negan won't like the name she wants.
Negan looks up like he's thinking. "It's gotta be something cool, like 'Negan', but something cute like 'Chuck'. Hmm." He hums, still thinking.
"Uh." Chuck clears her throat. "How about... umm. Well... I think I have a good name."
"Well?" he prods when Chuck doesn't actually say it.
"Madeline Rose."
Negan's face instantly drops, but he says nothing.
Chuck can feel her blood pool in her cheeks. "You don't like it," she says more as a statement than a question.
He just stares for a moment longer before speaking. "Madeline was my mom's name."
Chuck waits for him to say something else, but he doesn't. And his reaction makes Chuck not want to admit that she knows that that's his mother's name. "So... you don't like it?"
"I... didn't say that."
"I just... uh. I liked it. And I thought of 'Rose' for the middle name for my mom. 'Cause she always smelled like roses. And also... you know, for Lucille, too. Since you said roses were her favorite."
Negan still doesn't say anything. He just blinks like he has to process it.
"But also, I wanted 'Rose' so I could call her 'Rosie Cotton'."
Negan finally cracks a smile. "It's fuckin' perfect."
"Really?" Chuck exclaims. "You really like it?"
He smiles wide. "I fuckin' love it." He moves to lean over Chuck's belly. "My little Madeline." He softly strokes the baby bump with his fingers. "Our baby Maddie."
The cafeteria is, of course, a little crowded because the entire Sanctuary is there for their Thanksgiving dinner. The whole thing goes off without a hitch, though. Each table of six is given a half of a turkey so they can carve it themselves, which made it easier on the kitchen workers.
Negan, naturally, is the one who carves the turkey at their table, which also includes Simon, Patty, Sherry, and Dwight. But before that happens, Negan stands to give a speech to the packed room.
"Today is fuckin' Thanksgiving! And in the time before all this shit, we used this day to watch football, lounge around, and eat our fuckin' weights in food. And, yeah, it was fuckin' nice to get a few days off from work, but that's not what the day was supposed to be about. This day was supposed to commemorate one group of people being fucking selfless enough to help another group just because it was the right thing to do. Those pilgrims were fuckin' thankful on that day because they were starving and the Native Americans gave them food. And because of that, on this day, we are supposed to fuckin' think about everything we have.
"We got food, we got a place to live, we got people and safety. We got families. Including the newest member of The Sanctuary that was just born fuckin' yesterday."
People in the room clap at the mention of the new baby, which makes Chuck smile. Despite the fact that there are a ton of people that live here, it still feels like everyone cares about each other. It's a real close knit community.
"So," Negan continues, "I am very fuckin' thankful that we are all here. We went through a bit of a tough time, we lost some good people, but we are still. fucking. here! So, this may be our first Sanctuary Thanksgiving, but it sure as fuck isn't gonna be the last! Let's eat!"
The meal is absolutely perfect. The food is all delicious and conversation flows easily. Even though it isn't in a family dining room, it really feels like a family meal to Chuck.
After Thanksgiving, the temperature turns colder fairly quickly. And it's not only the change in weather that has Chuck needing new clothes. Her baby bump is continuing to expand in the weeks that pass.
Chuck finds out quickly that Negan absolutely loves taking care of her. It's not like she didn't already know that, but the further along in the pregnancy she gets, the more evident it is.
Negan practically forbids Chuck from putting on her own shoes. Plus, nightly foot rubs become the norm. Those foot massages always come after their nightly baths, where Negan gently washes Chuck's skin and hair while she just relaxes. And, of course, Negan keeps her fed with homemade meals everyday.
Chuck certainly doesn't mind the royal treatment.
As the days pass, people start to talk about Christmas. Four Christmases have passed since the world unofficially ended. Three of of those while The Sanctuary existed. People had told Chuck that some people had always celebrated Christmas, or whichever holiday they celebrated, but it was never widespread. This year, though, more people are looking forward to that special time of year.
Including Chuck. Even though she knows that this Christmas won't compare to next year's one, because that will be "baby's first Christmas", she's still excited to spend it with the man she loves.
Chuck's mother had always made a big deal of Christmas. Her family wasn't exactly religious, but her mother had said that Christmas was about family and being with the ones you love. Those words had always stuck in Chuck's mind every Christmas after the turn. After she lost everyone she had ever known.
And that last Christmas at the nursing home... It had almost broken her.
But now, she had Negan. And everything is perfect.
"Baby's awake!" Chuck calls out from her seat on the couch. She has been feeling the movement in her belly pretty consistently, but Negan has yet to feel it. Chuck keeps telling him that it's not uncommon, but she knows he's disappointed.
Negan walks into their bedroom from the office. "Still kicking?" he asks as he sits beside Chuck on the couch.
"Yup."
Negan sneaks his hand under Chuck's shirt and places it on Chuck's belly. He stays still for several moments, trying to feel the movement. "I can't feel shit," he comments dejectedly.
"You will, Negan. It might just be my uterus, you know. But you'll be able to feel her eventually. Couple more weeks, tops."
He sighs and pushes himself back into the couch.
Negan looks so sad that Chuck wants to make him feel better. "I'm sorry," Chuck breaks the silence.
Negan turns his head to her. "It's not your fault, sweetheart. I just wanna feel her."
Chuck's eyes flick to movement outside the window behind Negan. "It's snowing!" The snowflakes reflect the light coming from the window and almost shine against the dark backdrop of the night sky.
Negan turns his head to the window. "It won't stick. Still too fuckin' warm."
"We might have snow for Christmas, though."
"Hmm," is his unenthusiastic response.
"You're not excited about it?"
"I'm not fuckin' religious."
"Neither am I, but I still can't wait."
Negan just shrugs.
"It's going to be our first Christmas together," she comments quietly.
Negan nods. "You're right. We can have a nice and quiet fuckin' Christmas together." He pulls her into his side. "Just fuckin' lounge around and not do shit. But fuck, maybe."
Chuck giggles. "We have to watch Die Hard, though."
Negan laughs. "Fuck yeah, we will! Die Hard is the shit!"
Even though Negan is a little blasé about the holiday, Chuck is determined to get him the perfect gift. That proves to be difficult in a time where there are no more stores. But Chuck has an idea.
She goes around and finds someone who used to be an artist, a woman named Sara. Arat is actually the one that pointed her out to Chuck, having known and worked with her for some time. The artist is a savior and has her own room on the fourth floor, which Arat leads Chuck to.
"Do you think you could draw a face of a person if I described it to you?" Chuck asks the woman, who is in her early thirties, thin, with a sleek black bob reminiscent of the ones from the twenties.
"Yeah, sure!" Sara responds enthusiastically. She moves over to her shelf and grabs a notebook and some pencils. "Is this for Negan?"
'Yeah," Chuck answers. "So I kinda need you to be discrete about it."
Sara puts her hand up. "Say no more. This is a special commission and won't leave this room." She gestures to a desk in the room and Chuck sits on one chair as Sara takes the one next to it.
"So, um, can we do it like 8x10 so I can put it in a picture frame?"
"Yeah. You want it just black and white or color. I have colored pencils and pastels, too."
"Uh... color," Chuck decides. "That would be nice."
Sara sets up her page and pencils. "So tell me what you want."
Chuck goes on to describe the picture of Negan's mother that she had seen once before in his office back at school. Though Chuck only saw the picture once, she never forgot the woman's beautiful face. And she is fairly easy to describe because she pretty much looked like a feminine Negan.
Chuck knows that Negan loved his mother very much, but doesn't have any pictures of her. When Chuck had Negan go through his mementos, she had hoped that the picture she saw all those years ago was there so they could hang it in the nursery, but it wasn't.
Chuck couldn't think of a better Christmas gift than to give Negan the chance to see his mother's face again.
It takes a while, but in the end, Sara gets the rough picture finished. She tells Chuck she'll work on it more and add the colors. Chuck makes sure to pick out the color of Negan's mother's skin, eyes, and hair, so Sara can get it right.
The day before Christmas, Negan is busy making sure everything is done that needs to be done. Though there won't be a big community dinner like there was for Thanksgiving, Negan tells The Sanctuary that anyone that wants the day off to get together with friends and family can take it off and still get half pay. Anyone that still wants to work will get double pay. A lot of people decide to take the day off, so much of The Sanctuary won't be working on Christmas.
Chuck uses Negan's absence to her advantage and asks Simon and Laura to help her get a fake Christmas tree and decorations up to Negan's office. She spends all day setting up the tree and putting the ornaments on it, though she saves the star for Negan.
Negan comes in just before dinner time and immediately stops in the doorway as he looks at what Chuck has done. Chuck, who has been sitting on the couch in the office waiting for Negan to arrive, just casually turns the page of the book she's pretending to read, acting like she doesn't know anything about the fully decked out Christmas tree.
After a moment, Negan finally closes the door and walks into the room. "What's all this, sweetheart."
Chuck stands up to meet him. "I don't know. It just appeared," she teases.
"Oh, did it, now?" Negan wraps his arms around Chuck and kisses her head.
"Yup. But the star still needs hanging." She picks up the star and hands it to Negan. "I couldn't reach."
"I thought mysterious beings set this shit up."
Chuck shrugs. "I guess they couldn't reach either."
Negan places the star on top and steps back to look at the tree. "Just tell me you didn't carry all that shit up here by yourself."
"Of course not." She turns to look at him. "So you don't like it?"
"Yeah, I like it."
"Well, you've just been so... not in the Christmas spirit. I thought if I did this..." She gestures to the tree.
Negan hangs his head. "I'm sorry, baby girl. Christmas has always been fuckin' rough for me. When I was a kid, the only thing I could look forward to on Christmas morning was a goddamn beating."
Chuck kisses his cheek and hugs him. "I'm sorry, Negan."
"My mom..." He clears his throat. "My father killed her in December. So, I've never really cared for the whole fuckin' month, really."
"Oh, Negan..." Chuck holds him tighter. "Why didn't you tell me?"
Negan wraps his arms around Chuck to hug her back. "I didn't want to fuckin' ruin it for you. But I just... I'm trying, but it's fuckin' hard, baby girl."
"Well, next Christmas is gonna be completely different. Because were gonna have a little girl to spoil. It'll all be about her."
Negan smiles at that. "Damn right." He gives Chuck a quick peck before heading off to the kitchen to make dinner.
After the meal, the couple cuddles up together back on the couch in the office in front of the tree, admiring the twinkling lights in the dim room. They sit there for hours, just talking easily and laying with each other. Negan shifts so he's laying beside Chuck across the couch, his head turned down to Chuck's belly and his hand placed softly atop it.
"You doing okay in there, Maddie?" he coos.
"She likes hearing your voice," Chuck comments.
"Really?"
"She seems to move around more when you talk to her."
Negan shifts so that his mouth is even closer to Chuck's baby bump. "Come on, Maddie. Give daddy a good kick so I can fuckin' feel it."
Chuck places one hand on Negan's head and the other on his hand on her stomach. "She's not moving yet. She might be sleeping."
Negan makes a disappointed noise, but doesn't move. "When will she wake-" Instead of finishing his sentence, he lets out a gasp.
At the same time, Chuck feels a strong kick. "Did you feel that?"
Negan looks up to Chuck with wide eyes and a huge smile. "I fuckin' felt that!"
"You did?"
"Yeah!" He looks back down to her belly. "Do it again, Maddie."
After a moment, the baby kicks again making Negan giggle. And that's a noise Chuck has never heard come out of Negan before.
Chuck flicks her gaze to the clock on the wall. "Hey look." She points to it and Negan follows her hand. "It's past midnight. It's Christmas."
Negan laughs slightly, his grin still spread ear to ear. "This is the best fuckin' Christmas I've ever had already."
Negan keeps his hand on Chuck's belly until the baby stops moving around. Chuck tells him that she probably really is sleeping now. With the excitement over, the couple gets ready for bed. While Negan is in the bathroom brushing his teeth, Chuck takes the opportunity to slip back out into the office and place her gift to Negan under the tree.
When Chuck wakes up the next morning, she finds Negan laying curled around her with his ear pressed into her belly.
"Morning," she rasps, her voice heavy with sleep.
"Can I hear her heartbeat?" Negan suddenly asks without moving.
Chuck giggles. "I don't know. Can you?"
"I mean, is it fuckin' possible?"
"Yeah."
"I can hear... It sounds like a fast fuckin' heartbeat?"
"That's her."
"Really?"
"Yeah."
"Holy shit. I can hear her heartbeat," he says, his voice filled with wonder.
Even though Chuck is excited to give Negan his present, she lets him listen to their baby's heartbeat for as long as he wants. When he finally sits back up, Chuck jumps out of bed and pulls him out with her.
"What are you so excited about?" Negan teases.
Chuck continues to pull him out to the office. "I want to see if Santa came."
When Chuck gets to the tree, she sees two wrapped presents sitting underneath it, the one she put there last night and another one. She whips around to look back to Negan.
He shrugs. "Santa must've fuckin' come."
Chuck just stares back at him. She really didn't expect him to get her anything, let alone surprise her with it. He must've put the present there this morning before she woke up.
"Well," he gestures to the tree, "you wanna see what Santa got you?"
"You first."
"No, you-"
Chuck cuts him off. "You first," she says more forcefully.
Negan chuckles. "Okay, sweetheart." He goes to the tree and picks up both presents, which are similar in size, handing Chuck's to her before they both sit on the couch.
"I hope you like it." Chuck smiles at him, but she's nervous.
Negan seems to pick up on that fact and gives her a quick kiss. "I love it already."
She giggles. "You haven't even opened it, yet."
"Doesn't matter. You gave it to me so I fuckin' love it."
Chuck laughs again. "Open it."
Negan rips through the wrapping paper and turns the picture frame around to see what it showcases. Chuck can't immediately tell what he thinks of it; his face has so many emotions going on at the same time.
"What do you think?" Chuck asks, nervous about how he's going to answer.
His mouth is agape as he stares down at the picture in his hands. "What- How..." He finally looks up to Chuck. "How did you get this?"
"I, uh... Back... in high school, I saw a picture of your mother in your office. And... I knew her name was Madeline because it was written on the back. That's why I wanted that name. I didn't tell you..."
Negan looks back down to the picture. "It's..." He runs his fingers over the picture. "It looks just like how I remember her."
"I thought we could put it in the nursery. If-If you wanted to."
Negan lets out a soft sob and brings his free hand up to cover his face.
Chuck, thinking that he hates the picture so much that it upsets him, tries to take the picture out of his hand to get rid of it.
Negan doesn't let her, though. He brings the picture tight to his chest as tears stream down his face.
The sight has tears welling up in Chuck's eyes. "Are you okay, Negan? I'm sorry. I didn't want to upset you."
He breathes in a deep breath and wipes his face. "It's so fuckin' perfect," he chokes out. "Thank you." He wipes her cheek, too. "Thank you so much for this."
Chuck gives him a little smile. "You like it?"
"I fuckin' love it so goddamn much." He leans forward to kiss her. "I love you."
"I love you, too."
He clears his throat and composes himself. "Shit. I think I need to get you a better gift." He laughs.
She picks up the box. "No. I'm gonna love it." She pulls the paper off of the box and sees that Negan had gotten her a box set of the show Firefly including the movie Serenity.
"I remembered you liked it and I never fuckin' watched it so... We can fuckin' watch it together."
Chuck smiles. "I love it." She wraps her arms around Negan and hugs him tight.
Negan pulls her into his lap and hugs her back. "This is my most fuckin' favorite day yet and it's all because of you," he whispers. "Merry fuckin' Christmas, Chuck."
She giggles. "Merry Christmas, my love."
