I hated to break away but somewhere in there my mind woke up and all the 'oh fuck' started happening. I couldn't distinguish between reality and dream land. I had a mind racing of what the hell is going on and I pushed away and stumbled backwards. Not my finest of moments but this has to be one of those times that shit doesn't add up to the truth and reality.
I stop somewhere between the door and the kitchen island and just stare. He is here, plain as day he is at my door. I can tell that, I know that as fact. He looks, well aside from the rumbled designer tux and crazy hair and wild eyes, he looks perfect. Just like something I would and have dreamed up. But the sting in my lips and the memory senses in my fingertips know this is in fact real. He has a passive look on his face tell me he is doing the facing a bear armed with no more then a stick as a weapon face. I have to laugh at that and I do. Out loud and it won't stop. I really might have lost my mind for good but it feels good to finally laugh like this.
I relish the feel of the ache in my gut from it. I feel the tears down my face. Then I wipe my eyes and take a look at his face. And it all dies. Like that, the joy of finding something truly funny is gone. His face is heart breaking, hand my the razor blade now type hurt.
"Fuck" I think I said that out loud. Scrambling I wipe my face and catch him just as he is turning out the door. "No! Wait!" I catch his arm and fear he will pull away. Lord knows he is strong enough, but he doesn't he stops.
He doesn't look back, he just stops his face is trained on the floor in front of him. But he stopped. I scramble to say something to make him not pull free. His body is lax and I need to think fast in my clouded mind. The only thing I can do is find honesty.
"I'm sorry, I didn't know you were real."
The dead air screams at me. There is nothing I can hear not even my own breathing. My fingers loosen and I am going to pull away. Then I feel strong fingers cover mine, keeping my hand where it is. They squeeze more then gently.
"I'm real." I wish I could see more then just his profile. But I will take what I get. Foggy brain tries to work.
"Thank god for that, I think you are the only thing that has ever been." Cheesy corny but it is the truth.
