A/N: Hello my lovely readers. I have a new chapter for ya'll, which is a good thing and a sad thing. We are now even closer to the end. I believe I have three more chapters and an epilogue before the story is over. I know, sad, but don't worry it will be a happy ending. Okay, so enough sad talk, please enjoy this new chapter. Disclaimer: I do not own Instant Star. I also do not own 2 AM by Alexz Johnson.

Chapter 44

Dear Diary,

Summer is over. Today is the final performance and I am actually nervous. Nothing really happened these past months, and I am so thankful for that. It has been a very calm, relax summer and I want nothing more for it to end with me winning that record contract. I didn't really do anything besides write new songs. I swear I wrote almost 100 songs. All of which are about him in some way. Most of them are actually about how much I still love him, but I will never tell him that. I will never give him the satisfaction of knowing that I still love him more than anything in the world. As much as I like to think I've moved on, I don't think I will ever move on from him. A part of me will always be reserved for him, but that doesn't mean I am just going to wait around for him. He had his chance with me and he threw it away like yesterday's garbage, so why should I wait for him to figure things out? I mean, I waited for five years to just get him to date me, how long will he make me wait for him to figure out whatever is scaring him off? I can't wait around for him to figure things out. It isn't good for me and I am just tired of all the waiting. But enough about him, now about the final performance tonight. Due to the new rules, I had to choose my song Sunday and submit it to the director for approval. It took me forever to figure out what song I wanted to sing, and I still don't know if I made the right choice. The song I chose is a very personal song, one I did not think I would ever share with other people, but as I was going through my songs I realized it was one of the most powerful and beautiful songs I wrote. I knew deep down that this song would win, but it took a lot of fighting with myself before I ultimately picked it. I had a really hard time getting past the fact that this song would reveal how much I still love him and how impossible it is to get over him, not matter how hard I try. I am normally okay with baring my heart and soul to strangers, but for some reason this song is different. I don't know what it is, but I know singing tonight is going to be harder for me than normal. I just hope that there are no surprises tonight. I just want to get through everyone else's songs without someone singing one of my songs and without anyone I don't want to see showing up. If that happens, then I will be golden. Here's hoping that things will be golden.

XO Jude

(~~**~~)

"Jude, stop pacing. You're making me nauseous." Alice states annoyed. I ignore here request, and keep pacing the length of the dressing room back stage.

"Alice, I don't think I can sing this song." I say nervously, starting to bite my nails.

"Jude, calm down. The song you picked is the best song you have ever written. You just need to relax and trust that everything is going to go perfectly. You will sing amazing and then win that contract. Simple as that." Alice replies reassuringly. I glance over at, giving her a nervous smile.

"What if I mess up the words? Or I play the wrong notes? Anything could go wrong because I am too worried about singing this song. I could fail and then al this work was for nothing." I ramble out, starting to pace faster.

"Jude!" Alice shouts in a commanding tone, causing me to abruptly stop pacing and look at her confused. She walks over to me, standing right in front of me, looking at me like I've lost my mind. "First off, we both know that you don't write and sing because of the potential of a record contract, but because you love music. Don't you ever say that all the work you did this summer was for nothing." Alice continues irritated.

"Sorry" I mumble out, feeling like I just got scolded by my mom.

"Second, you aren't going to mess up. You just need to calm down, take a few deep breaths and just trust in yourself. The music will pour out of you like you are repeating your name over and over again. You can do this." Alice states reassuringly. I let out a little sigh and give her a small smile.

"Thanks, I needed that." I reply, pulling her into a tight hug.

"That is what best friends are for." Alice states with a little chuckle.

"Knock, knock, can we come in?" I hear Ryan ask through the door, opening it before I can even reply.

"You do know that you are supposed to wait until the person says come in before actually coming in, right?" I ask sarcastically, before pulling him in for a little hug.

"Glad to see you got some of your fire back. I'll deny this if you ever tell anyone, but I have missed my smart ass little sis." Ryan replies, a giant smile on his face.

"Aww, who knew Ryan could be so sweet?" Alice asks mockingly, causing all of us to bust out laughing.

"As fun as it is to see you, didn't you ask if 'we' could enter? Where is this other person that would constitute a 'we'?" I ask curiously, trying to glance out into the hall behind him, but he moves so I can't see.

"I really tried to convince him not to come, and especially not to talk to you, but he is too damn stubborn. Please don't hate me." Ryan replies nervously.

"No. No way in hell did you bring him here." I state firmly, denying to believe what he just said.

"I guess I'm not welcome here. I'll just…go." That all too familiar voice stammers out disappointedly from the doorway. I glance over to where he is, just catching a glimpse of his blue eyes, making my heart skip a few beats, before he disappears into the hall.

"I told him he shouldn't have come and that you wouldn't want to see him, but he wouldn't listen. He was very determined about seeing you." Ryan explains apologetically.

"I don't care how determined or whatever he was about seeing me, you still shouldn't have brought him here. You are my brother, which means you should be protecting me from getting hurt, not bring the one person who has done nothing but hurt me to see me." I bite out bitterly.

"Jude, don't take your anger out on Ryan. You know that he isn't really the source of your anger." Alice chimes in matter-of-factly.

"You know, you are totally right. I should be taking my anger out on the real source." I state, storming out of the dressing room to find Tommy.

"Jude, don't do anything stupid." Alice shouts after me, but I ignore her, too focused on letting all the anger and pain out on Tommy.

"Tommy" I call out once I find him. He turns around with a smile on his face, but it quickly falls away as fear washes over his face.

"Jude, I know you aren't too happy about me being her but…" Tommy starts, but I cut him off before he can finish.

"Not too happy? Seriously, you think I am only not too happy? Try pissed off, or beyond irritated, or better yet, completely and utterly furious. Those would describe how I feel about you just showing up here, not 'not too happy'." I bite out, my voice dripping with disdain.

"Okay, fine, you are pissed that I am here, but I needed to see you. I need you to know that I am so sorry for what happened. I was stupid and made a mistake, and I need you to know that." Tommy practically pleads, causing me to bust out laughing.

"Seriously?" I question sarcastically, trying to control my laughter. "You really think I didn't already know all of that? I mean, that is literally what all those letters you sent me said."

"I didn't know if you got the letters or if you read them, so I figured the best way to make sure you heard me was to do it in person." Tommy replies a little timid.

"Tommy, I don't care if you are sorry or if you figured out that you made a majorly stupid mistake. Nothing you say will make me forgive you for what you did. Especially a weak ass explanation like what you are giving me." I state matter-of-factly.

"Jude, you have to understand that when I broke up with you, I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought you would be better off without me and that I didn't deserve you, but I know now that I was just scared. I was scared of loving someone like you and then eventually losing you. I didn't want to have to suffer losing you later on, so I got it over with before I was too far gone." Tommy explains apologetically.

"Oh come on, those are all pathetic excuses. Everyone is scared that they might lose the one they love, but that doesn't keep them from being together. People who love each other fight to be together, not run away scared of what the future might hold." I reply, a hint of annoyance in my voice.

"True, but…" Tommy starts, but I cut him off.

"No buts Tommy. Love is complicated, but it is also very simple because it always comes down to whether you love that person or not. And if you love someone, you should never stop fighting to be with them. Maybe that is me just being naïve, but I know you agree with me. So what made you give up the fight, for real this time? No excuses, just the cold, hard facts." I question.

"I can't tell you that right now. Just know that I am sorry for hurting you." Tommy replies apologetically.

"God, I am so damn tired of hearing that you can't explain something to me." I shout in frustration.

"I'm sorry Jude." Tommy simply replies.

"Stop saying you're sorry, because you aren't. If you were really sorry, you would tell me the damn truth already." I state angrily.

"I can't" Tommy replies, his voice barely above a whisper.

"Well when you can, don't come knocking on my door because by then I won't care anymore." I bite out bitterly, giving him a death glare.

"Jude, you don't mean that. You are just angry and aren't thinking straight." Tommy states matter-of-factly.

"No, I do mean it. In fact, after tonight I don't ever want to see or talk to you again. I'm done with all of this crap you keep putting me through. So goodbye Tommy, forever. Have a nice life." I reply firmly, turning and walking off before he can say anything else.

"What happened?" Alice asks worried once I reach the dressing room.

"Oh the usual. Tommy apologies, but doesn't actually explain anything." I state bitterly, still riled up from the confrontation.

"I know you don't want to hear this, but I'm sorry. I know how much that hurts you." Alice replies comfortingly, pulling me in for a hug.

"Thanks, but it doesn't matter anymore." I state matter-of-factly.

"What do you mean?" Alice asks confused.

"I mean, I told him that I never want to see or talk to him again." I state nonchalantly, walking over to the mirror to fix up my makeup before my performance.

"Jude, please tell me you are joking?" Alice questions.

"I'm not joking. I'm tired of being in this constant tug-a-war with him, so I decided to walk away. Don't get me wrong, the already millions of little pieces of my heart are slowly breaking into even more little pieces, but I had to do it. If I ever want to be happy without him, I can't have him in my life. I will always love him, but I can't have him around. End of story." I explain matter-of-factly, trying to keep my emotions in check.

"If you really think it is for the best, then I will support you. I just want to make sure you know what you just did. I mean, Tommy is the love of your life and you just cut all ties with him. Are you sure this is really what you want?" Alice asks concerned.

"I'm sure." I reply firmly, giving her a reassuring smile.

"Okay then. I guess it is time for you to go out there and win a record deal." Alice states, giving me a giant smile.

"Sounds like a plan." I reply with a little chuckle, as we leave the dressing room towards the stage.

(~~**~~)

"Okay, it is time for I final performer. I am very pleased to introduce Ms. Jude Harrison." The director says, gesturing towards me as I walk onto the stage. I hear the crowd start cheering and I give them a little wave before taking my seat at the piano.

"Thank you everyone. I am super excited to be here performing for all of you tonight." I say sweetly, pausing to take a deep, calming breath. "The song I am going to be singing is a new song called '2 AM'. It is a very personal song for me and I hope you enjoy it." I continue, before focusing on the piano in front of me. I let my fingers hover over the keys for a few seconds, taking in one last deep breath before starting to play.

Snow falls on the city
White on white
It's the color of hope
On an unforgiving night
You kissed me into ruins
Sin on sin
Now I've got all of your love letters
Written on my skin

I can't tell the stars from the downtown lights
If I said I was truly over you
My heart would say amen
But I'd give in to the cold caress of 2 am.
If I admit I can't get used to this
Will my heart break again?
As I fall into the waiting arms of 2 AM

Someone scratching music
Through the walls
Sirens weaving through the streets
I must have missed your call
I'm gathering up these nights
Black on black
I know your voice like it's my own
And it makes my heart go slack

I cant tell the stars
From the down town lights

If I said I was truly over you
My heart would say amen
But I give in to the cold caress of 2 AM
If I admit I cant get used to this
Will my heart break again?
As I fall
Into the waiting arms of 2 AM

Oh
If I said I was truly over you
My heart would say amen
But I give in to the cold caress of 2 AM
If I admit I cant get used to this
Will my heart break again?
As I fall
Into the waiting arms of 2 AM
Of 2 AM

I finish the song, and I hear the crowd go wild. I stand up, take a little bow and walk off the stage. Alice engulfs me in a giant hug, and I can't help but smile in triumph.

"You did it. You made it through the song without any problems and you blew away everyone. You just won for sure." Alice states excitedly.

"Thanks, let's just hope the judges thought the same thing." I reply, my nerves slowly starting to grow.

(~~**~~)

"Okay everyone, the judges have deliberated and we have winner. Remember, the winner gets a record contract with one of the best labels in LA." The director says, dragging out the announcement for anticipation. "This year's winner is, Jude Harrison." The director states. I hear my name and everything around me falls silent and I can't move. I feel someone pushing me towards the stage, and somehow I manage to make it to where the director and judges are waiting.

"Congratulations" I hear from all the judges and the director, followed by the cheering from the crowd.

"Jude, you did it." Alice states excitedly, giving me a giant hug once I return back stage.

"I can't believe it. I actually won." I say dumbfounded.

"Well you better believe it little sis because soon you will be out in LA making your very own record for the world to hear." Ryan states, pulling me in for a hug to congratulate me.

"Oh my gosh, I won. I won and I'm moving to LA." I say, my excitement growing with each word, causing me to start jumping up and down.

"I guess this really is goodbye." Tommy says from behind me. I turn to him, giving him a small smile and he returns with a small of his own before I walk away with Alice and Ryan. I glance back over my shoulder and meet his deep blue eyes for probably the last time.