Title: 100 Lifetimes
Chapter Title: Life 45; Antonio Moves The Mountain.
Summary: When Romano finally agrees with one of Spain's corny ideas, they have no idea the journeys that that one decision will take them on, courtesy of a sneaky god.
Chapter Summary: Clueless Farmer!Antonio x Clueless Farmer's Wife!Lovina; Antonio needs to move a mountain so he can prove his love for his wife. There may be other factors involved, but they don't really matter.
Rating: T for a brief mention of drug use.
Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia in any of its many shapes and forms. I don't even own all of the one-shot ideas for this fic, since some were ideas suggested by my sister. Others are mini ideas that I had for other fics, usually just a scene or idea. These I do own. But Hetalia, no. I also don't own the original story that this is based off of. I just happened to read it while at a laundry mat, and decided to use the bare basics of the story here. I don't remember who it was by, just know that this isn't really original writing.
Warning: Short chapters, my bad writing skills, etc…
Characters: Antonio, Lovina, Yao.
Pairings: Antonio/Lovina.
Word Count: 2,395.
Notes: Bad habits, author, bad habits… So, it's been a while. Yeah. …Blame the Avengers and the Sims, which I got for my birthday. So far, my Clintasha couple has had triplets, and Coulson is dead...again.
Also, if you, the readers, have any pairings you would like to see, please let me know. Otherwise I'll just keep coming up with either the same boring pairings over and over again, or I'll be forced to use crack pairings. And I'm not going to lie, I rather like crack pairings.
For further notes on the chapter, read the latter half of the disclaimer.
Once upon a time, there lived a poor farmer and his wife. This farmer and his wife, Antonio and Lovina, lived in a small village in the rural countryside. Life was fine, except for one thing. They lived at the base of a mountain that left their house in shadows and darkness. As a farmer, Antonio needed the sun light to be able to grow his crops. For several long years, he and his wife lived in the shadow of the mountain. Their crops failed and their house was in perpetual darkness and depression.
Because of their proximity to the mountain, mountain storms would hit them regularly. Tired of always having to patch up their roof, Lovina gave her husband an order. He needed to find a way to get rid of the mountain so that they could have light in their lives once again. It should be said that both husband and wife weren't very smart. Antonio set off for the village proper to consult the wisest man who lived there, Yao Wang.
Antonio beseeched Old Master Yao for advice on how best to get rid of the mountain. Old Master Yao, amused by his plight, thought and thought for some time as he smoked his pipe. Finally, he came up with a solution.
"Here is what you must do," Old Master Yao told Antonio very seriously. "You need to go to the forest and cut down the biggest tree that you think you and your wife can move. Once you have done this, you both need to take this tree and ram the mountain as hard as you can to push it away."
This made sense to Antonio. It was all basic science and mechanics, really, with the tree acting as a lever of sorts, or in this case a battering ram. If you wanted to move something that you couldn't pick up, didn't it only seem logical to push it? With a plan of action in mind, Antonio raced to his house and found his prized ax. With a quick good luck kiss and an 'I love you!' to his wife, Antonio set out for the forest. He wandered around the great expanse of trees for most of the day, looking for the perfect tree.
Finally he found one that was big and sturdy enough that it could feasibly push the mountain away, but still small enough that his precious wife would be able to lift it with him. Antonio set about cutting the tree down. It took the rest of the evening for him to make it back to the house with the tree in tow. Needless to say, Lovina gave him quite an earful when he made it back home at dawn.
Not wanting to waste even a moment longer, Antonio quickly told his plan to his angry wife. Lovina couldn't quite find anything wrong with Antonio's reasoning and reluctantly gave in. They picked up the log, faced the mountain, and ran as hard and fast as they could. To their surprise, they didn't hit the mountain. Instead, they ended up running up the side of the mountain, quickly losing their momentum and dropping the log. The large log rolled down the mountain before coming to a rest against a few of the trees that grew on the mountain. Chagrined, the couple marched back home.
The next day, Antonio sought out Old Master Yao once more. Again, amused by their plight, Old Master Yao thought and thought. Finally, he came up with a solution. "If shoving the mountain away will not work, then you simply must try and scare it away!"
Again, this made since to Antonio. Many times he caught his beloved wife running from their house and into the fields because she was scared of squirrels that somehow managed to make their way inside. It was a natural response, after all. Maybe not the being scared of squirrels part (his wife was just cute that way) but running away was definitely something that normally happened. Antonio remembered hearing once about the 'fight or flight' response. It seemed to him that the same thing would happen in this case. He only hoped that the mountain didn't try to fight them.
Antonio returned to his house and told his wife about the new plan. Lovina seemed skeptical but willing to go along with the plan. Together, they gathered up as many pots and pans as they could carry and walked resolutely towards the mountain. They exchanged grim looks and started making as much noise as they could to scare the mountain away. Birds from all over the mountain took to the skies, but the mountain remained where it stood.
"Maybe it's deaf," Antonio suggested. Lovina narrowed her eyes.
"I don't know why, but I'm getting the feeling that the mountain's mocking us…"
Since there was nothing more they could do that day, the couple retreated back to the house. After sitting in silence for a while, the two decided that they must not have been scary enough. To Antonio, his beloved wife was too adorable to even be considered scary. Lovina's opinion was that the mountain (or whoever, really) would take one look at Antonio's dopey face and burst out laughing. Because they were in a stalemate, it seemed, Antonio vowed to return to the village to ask the Old Master for better advice.
The next day came bright and early, with birds still flying around the mountain ominously. Antonio took one look at this sight and set off determinedly for the village. He had to find some way to get rid of the mountain, and soon. It was starting to look very scary.
Old Master Yao was waiting for Antonio this time, no doubt having noticed that the mountain was still in its original place. Antonio was optimistic, though. He could have sworn that the mountain had moved a centimeter or two over night. Lovina claimed he was high and shooed him off towards the village. When Old Master Yao heard Antonio's theories on why the mountain was still in its spot, the old man was overcome with a sudden coughing fit. Worried, Antonio quickly fetched tea and snacks to help ease the old man's poor health.
It was while Old Master Yao enjoyed his snack that he gave Antonio his newest piece of advice. If forcefully ramming the mountain and trying to scare it away wouldn't work, then the next best thing would be to try and appease the mountain to move. Old Master Yao suggested that Lovina should bake as many cakes and other pastries as she could in a day and then offer them up to the mountain.
Antonio couldn't find a flaw in this plan. He also used this trick to keep his wife happy and to do things at times, such as to serve his favorite food once in a while, or to not make such a mess when she cleaned, or to stop hitting him when he made a comment that she thought was 'inappropriate'. If it could work on his (literally) hard-headed wife, then surely it could work for a mountain? Antonio once again thanked the Old Master and hurried on his way back home.
Lovina didn't quite like hearing the reasoning that Antonio had for why this plan would work, but it was worth a shot. She got up extra early the next morning and started putting her old family recipes to good use. By the end of the day, the small house was so full of sweets and breads that she and Antonio could barely move around without hitting something. Since cooking all of that had taken a lot out of Lovina, and Antonio had worked hard in the hard fields all day, they decided to sample a few of the sweets and breads themselves. They went to bed with full stomachs that night.
The next day Antonio and Lovina loaded up all the sweets and breads that they could carry between them and headed up the mountain. They weren't quite sure on what the best way to appease a mountain would be, so they started throwing the sweets and breads around the mountain while asking for it to please move. This went on for a few minutes before the first of the birds that were still flying around the mountain saw what they were doing.
The birds went directly for the free food and swarmed Antonio and his wife. Soon, they had no choice but to abandon what was left of the sweets and breads and head back for their house. Once there, Lovina stated that they would have been more successful if they hadn't eaten so many things the night before.
"Then we would have had some extra to fend the evil birds off with, and still could have appeased that stupid mountain!"
Antonio could see the logic in her explanation, but he also couldn't agree with her. They were really hungry the night before, and his wife's cooking was delicious.
"It's okay," he reassured his angry wife. "I can still talk to the Old Master tomorrow, right? I'm sure he'll have a better plan for us then." Reluctantly, Lovina let the issue go. They spent the rest of the day tending to the wounds they received from the angry birds as well as from their hasty descent down the mountain.
The following morning, Antonio hurried to the village to meet with Old Master Yao. He was desperate to solve the problem of the mountain, and nothing so far seemed to be working. Before he left, Lovina gave him an ultimatum—either get rid of the mountain, or she would leave. Of course, his cute wife threatened to leave almost every time they got into a fight, but Antonio didn't want to risk the chance that this might be the time she actually kept her promise.
Antonio found Old Master Yao sitting outside of his house again, smoking on a long pipe. He puffed out a few smoke rings as Antonio told him his tale and why he had to move the mountain this time. Old Master Yao sat in silence for a few moments, smoking contemplatively. A smile graced his lips as he told Antonio his plan.
"If all the conventional ways will not work," Old Master Yao said, "then you must try the mystical. I know of a way that is guaranteed to move that mountain."
"Really? That's wonderful!" Antonio cheered. He fell silent as Old Master Yao told him what to do.
"You must perform a special dance. This is a very powerful dance, so you have to do exactly as I say or it will not work." Old Master Yao then went on to explain, in detail, what the dance entailed.
Antonio hurried home with wonderful news for his wife; they finally had a way to move the mountain! Old Master Yao even said that if it didn't work, then he would personally move it himself. With that kind of guarantee, Lovina was sure to not leave! …also, the mountain would get moved. That was important for Antonio, too.
Antonio and his wife stood outside their small house, staring at the mountain. After explaining what the dance would entail, they were more than ready to move the mountain! First, they lifted their arms and started moving to the two-four rhythm that the Old Master had given them. When they were fairly confident that they had the rhythm right, the farmer and his wife started the next part of the dance—dancing backwards.
They were told that if they danced backwards for a thousand steps, the mountain would slowly but surely move away. Antonio and Lovina danced, keeping careful count in their heads. Slowly but surely, the mountain was moving away from them. When they finally reached the last count, they couldn't even see the mountain anymore. Finally, their troubles were over.
The mountain wouldn't cast a permanent shade over them anymore. Mountain storms wouldn't bother them anymore. This was all Antonio and his wife ever really wanted.
End of Chapter Forty-Six—Next Up! To Boldly Go Where No Hetalia Fanfiction Writer Has Gone Before!
