Disclaimer: I don't own this song or characters… but story, hmm.. Yes!
Shout Out: Back from holidays, working like a horse and I've bought a first car. You can tell things on my side are being hectic, so I apologize for this oen being shorter than usual. And of course, I've mentioned Xanxus wanted to have revenge on a certain Cloud Arcobaleno, so here's his execution. Next chapter will conclude this arc and launch into Grail War one… but whoops, some people won't be happy about that.
Warnings: AU-verse on multiple scales, Xanxus is being petty, three guys are enables to Iri (the horror,) and Skull suffers. (Unable to battle real Sky attraction, anyone?) Not beta-read.
Vu d'en haut ces frontières, ces lignes qui nous écartent
Ne sont que des dessins, des traits sur la carte
Derrière chaque maison, des gens rêvent, des gens s'aiment
C'est beau vu d'avion qu'on a l'air tous les mêmes
Je pense à ça dans mon ciel si vide
En bas éclatent des guerres civiles
('Voler de nuit', by Calogero)
Xanxus Gabriel Potter - Kotomine had an evil plan.
Meaning, he was jealous of Harry's Guardians - not that he would admit that in a billion years - and he wanted a certain loud-mouthed s coward of a stuntman suffer through the inevitable wrath of the three monsters when they found out that the coward in question was encroaching on their territory.
Their, meaning Harry.
The plan was very simple. Slip some helpful hints to Iri, who would then use her big puppy-dog eyes to con a certain person in attending to her and then invite him to meet Harry while insinuating to the Guardians that something was afoot and kaboom, watch the fireworks unfold.
Iri, despite having her brains stuffed with more knowledge most Magi would ever learn in their entire lives, was still terribly innocent in worldly matters. While Xanxus may have lapsed in knowledge, he had more than enough of street smarts to survive in the world, as brutal as it was.
(That didn't mean Xanxus wasn't petty as fuck when it came to Harry's undivided attention freely lavished upon his Guardians - a smile here, a pat on the shoulder there, a friendly cuddle or two and Xanxus was having Harry-withdrawal, dammit!)
The first part of the plan had been successful. An innocent suggestion here and there, and voila, Iri was brightly suggesting to the blushing-to-his-ears stuntman to the dinner at Harry's, because Skull-sama was so funny and awesome and just all around nice guy.
(Xanxus doubted that Iri just employed the fine art of friend-zoning a guy there, considering she was, what, six years old? And Skull was eighteen at most, all angles and awkwardness, that vanished as soon as he was on one of his beloved motorcycles doing stunts no one in their sane mind would have dared to attempt But honestly, the guy blushed like no tomorrow, when in Iri's presence, much to Xanxus' entertainment and Iri's confusion. It had gone even so far Skull had to use makeup to conceal the traitorous rosiness of his cheeks, because professional pride...)
Thus, Xanxus was nonchalantly following the duo, half-heartedly listening to Skull's stutters in the presence of Iri's beaming face, right to the gates of Hell - ahem, I mean Harry's temporary domicile.
Which could also be termed as Hell, considering just who was waiting on the poor bastard on the other side of the doors.
(But that was not Xanxus' problem anymore.)
"Iri's got a friend."
Harry's casual mention of the fact halted any and all activity in the living room.
Kirei ceased refining his Back Keys via Mist Flames - he was trying to make them corrosive to anything they touched, except himself, as attested by a small mountain of massacred rubber duckies in front of him.
Soichiro stopped reading some obscure mathematical text provided by Kirei, his eyebrows arched above the upper rim of his glasses.
Kiritsugu, who was casually cleaning his guns, while taking most of the couch for himself, blinked at Harry. "And that should concern us, why?"
Harry shook his head, exasperated at their single-mindedness. Honestly, he loved those three - they were his best friends after all, but sometimes they could be pretty much dense when concerning social matters. And that, coming from Harry, who was Mr. Unsocial himself, was a pretty big thing!
"Becaaause," He drawled out, mockingly tilting his head as he wagged the pen he was twirling around his fingers, temporarily detracted from solving the sudoku puzzle in front of him, willfully ignoring the heap of destroyed rubber duckies and unpolished gun parts at the either side of him. "They are coming for a visit?"
"Hopefully they are better than that shark bait." Kiritsugu grumbled sullenly. Honestly, the brat's voice ought to be classified as an illegal weapon in and of itself. Never mind the fact Squalo practically adored Kirei when he found out about the shitty priest and his shitty knives. Well, at least that Matou annoyance had been recalled back to Japan because of some undisclosed matters.
(Waver was reading some of Magi texts in his room like a good kid he was. Harry supposed he was like male Hermione, only without bushy hair and buckteeth and with a huge dose of pragmatism included.)
Soichiro hummed an assent and Kirei nodded, causing Harry to stop and stare.
"I thought you would be more concerned." Harry stated, as he furrowed his eyebrows. What was wrong with them, really? Before, they had been completely cuddly lot, to the point of being underfoot whenever and wherever Harry wanted to go, not letting him go out of their sight or touching distance - many a cuddling session had been caused even by Harry's slightest movie after that disastrous… black thing, whatever it was, and now, they were, thankfully, back to their more rational selves, but still camping in the living room, doing whatever, just not letting Harry out of sight for more than five minutes, despite Harry being hearty and hale again, thank you very much, and now, they didn't care about incoming visitors? Just what kind of one-track mind did they even have?
"It's Iri's friend." Kiritsugu stated, as it that explained everything, and maybe it kinda did, but Harry failed to see how.
"But - !" Harry tried to oppose, because what? They didn't tolerate Kariya, they didn't tolerate Kawahira, Fon was barely a few notches better than Kawahira, not that this was any consolation, as Harry's social life suffered because of those three bozos who designed themselves Harry's bodyguards every damn time either of those three were near Harry, Xanxus was acceptable because he was Harry's son, Iri was… well, something, and Squalo was Xanxus', and thus not their concern.
And Iri - well, whoever she would led in their crazy abode, was Iri's thing, and thus not their concern. Until, of course, it began to make moves on Harry. (Not that Harry himself knew about that.)
"Iri's problem." Kirei deadpanned. "Really, Harry, you ought to be happy for the girl to grow up so quickly. At the rate she is going, we may soon hear the wedding bells ringing - " His last word was muffled by Harry throwing a pillow at his face
"Shut it, you." Harry huffed at him, both entertained and annoyed Kirei's nonchalant attitude. "But honestly, what if it's one of those bozos again?"
"Mafia?" Kiritsugu snorted. "Not happening. Not after that last warning we've give to them." he finished snootily, looking at the gun he just finished polishing before dropping it on the desk with a clatter and reaching for the next one which he begun to deftly dismantle with a master's precision.
"Iri is a well-behaved child." Soichiro put his two cents in. " I doubt she would get in any kind of trouble like Xanxus." Upon hearing his well-meaning assurances, Harry made a face and slumped on the couch with a long whine.
"Whyyy did you have to say that? Don't you know Murphy's law?" He complained, groaning as he rubbed his face. "This is, like, rolling red carpet to our doors and inviting trouble to enter because hello, welcome, we're ready to be your personal bitches." He snarked.
Kiritsugu choked at Harry's lament and upon the coughing, Soichiro patted his back a bit too hard, making him glare at the assassin in annoyance.
"Harry, language!" Kirei admonished Harry, his own eyes also widened with shock at Harry's crass language, the poor duck neatly beheaded in process. .
"It's English!" Harry fired back, before he turned back to Soichiro. "Whatever happens now, I will blame you for it, just so you know."
And then, the bell rang.
Skull De Mort was nervous. He had heard so much about Iris' precious little family he knew they were very dear to the girl, and he wanted to make the best impression possible. Thus, he was carrying a small bouquet of red roses and a bottle of champagne - Iri was carrying the box with assorted chocolates, cheerfully chatting his ear off, while Xanxus was leisurely skulking behind them and making Skull nervous with his presence - especially because of that shiny choker around his throat that on occasion moved.
(Tribble because a master in disguising itself in random clothes, much to Skull's dismay, because the goddamn thing had tried to eat him each and every goddamn time it came in contact with him. Once, it even camouflaged itself into a cool purple sweater which Skull had gleefully donned on - only for the said sweater to reveal his appetite and cloth-filled fangs. It went without saying that Skull had been deathly afraid of any type, shape or form of sweaters henceforth.)
"We re ho-me!" Iri sing-songed as she entered the flat, quickly changing her shoes for comfortable flats and running ahead, with Skull apprehensively following her.
"Hello, Iri!" Another voice replied her, just as cheerful and Skull's body loosened a little. This was no Reborn, no Viper, and no Verde - it wasn't that kind of a haughty voice.
It was kind, friendly and warm and Skull wished someone would have welcomed him with such an enthusiasm.
"I brought a friend!" Iri's bright smile could've illuminated the room, and Skull damn near fainted with how cute it was, letting himself to be led into the room, with the roses and champagne in his hands, stumbling a little.
The room the entered was simple, but what caught Skull's attention was a pair of soft green eyes on a smiling face.
(Not like Verde's, his mind concluded, they were deeper, softer and somehow reminding him of Ireland and it's verdant treasures. )
"Uh-h, Hi!" He squawked, feeling his cheeks flush hot under the scrutiny of the younger teen.
"Hello, and welcome to our humble abode." Harry - it had to be Harry, those green eyes were unmistakable - replied back, amused. "I am happy to have you here - oh, and thank you for taking care of those two rascals. Iri had told me many things about you…. All good, of course."
"Glad to hear than." Now Skull was sure he was redder than a cooked lobster. "Um, here!" He finally remembered his gifts and thrust them toward Harry, only for them to be snatched by the gun-toting guy, and the other priest-looking one plucked his load of a bottle of champagne delicately as if it were a time bomb instead of a coming champagne bottle.
"Kerry! Kirei!" Harry looked just as mortified as his own bodyguards beside him looked expressionless. "Excuse them, I've had a bad spell and they are still hovering up and around even if" - there, Harry gave his bodyguards an evil glare "– it's not really needed anymore. And Kerry, you did the same thing you accused Xanxus of doing. How's that fair?"
'Kerry', as Skull found out the gun maniac was being called, looked at Harry with a deadpan expression. "Some of his ideas are rather on point, wouldn't you say, Kirei?"
"Um-hm." The priest agreed, serenely as he nodded and for some reason, Skull felt as if he was in front of the God of Underworld himself. "Thank you for your offering; we will make sure it won't go to waste."
"P-please do?" Skull's squeak sounded more like a question than agreement.
"But of course." And since when did priests learn to purr like big, bloodthirsty, carnivorous cats?
Harry shot the priest a glare while he jabbed an elbow into his rib. "Well, we do have a guest here, and since you insist on e staying put, mind to make some coffee and sandwiches?" He gave Kirei a sweet smile, laced with a bit of killer intent, before turning back to Skull, acting as if it hadn't even happened.
(That, in retrospect, should have been Skull's first warning that something was amiss.)
"Now, I heard you are a stuntman?"
Skull smiled. "But of course! You are in the presence of the Great Skull-Sama, the one whom even Death hates!" He made a victorious poise before screeching with shock as he dodged a - was that a glowing knife!?
"KIREI!" Harry was appalled. Why, just why did a perfectly good evening go to the dogs yet again?
And Xanxus, that little bastard, was grinning in the background like devil himself, on the verge of cackling at the mess happening in front of him. Harry wouldn't put it past him to not orchestrate this whole mess somehow.
"Oh. I think we ought to validate that claim of yours, if you don't mind. Mind you, it will only hurt… a bit." Soichiro joined, and Skull unintentionally became a very good contortionist in order to avoid fist, wrapped in several arcs of crackling green lightning.
"Don't mind them, Harry." Kiritsugu purred as he deftly caught the bottle of champagne when Kirei threw it to him. "It's just another… shall we say, way of welcoming the guests in our humble abode."
"But of course!" At Iri's happy chirp, Harry looked at the little girl as if he saw her for the first time.
"Oh my god - " He breathed out, appalled at the revelation. "Since when did you convert my pure little princess into a battle maniac?"
Iri just cheered at the chaos happening across the table, on which both gun parts and half-melted plastic ducks were still in their respective heaps, not moved a bit.
"Happy to be of service." Kiritsugu, that bastard, was as smug as one could be, as he smirked at Harry, causing the green eyed wizard's eyebrow to twitch with irritation with his 'honor guard' in all that mess.
"I am sincerely blaming all three of you." Harry told him flatly.
(Thank God and Merlin Waver was a good child out of the three of them. Otherwise, Harry's life would've been a ruin.)
(On the second thought, than God and Merlin for sound proof seals that prevented Harry's sole good child's innocence from those battle-thirsty maniacs raging at his guest in front of him.)
Xanxus cackles became even louder.
(Strongest Cloud or not, Xanxus' bait of to lure the Skull in range of Harry's Sky Flames worked perfectly. And of course, Kirei sensed the intruder encroaching on their territory and acted, despite him being Sun and Mist, which had been a surprise, considering the one with Cloud Flames was Kiritsugu., thus the one most inclined to snap. Xanxus' little props, red roses and champagne bottle, did their job just magnificently, and Skull even exacerbated things via his blushing… and his posturing, that was seen as a challenge to their places in Harry's Sky.)
(Xanxus' revenge was Perfect with capital P. And not even being delegated to eating only vegetable dishes for a week could diminish that fact.)
(Now… how to convince Kiritsugu to flip out on that bastardo of a stuntman again?)
Scribbles
Their last job was shockingly simple. Climb onto the top of mountain and be there for half an hour.
Fon gritted his teeth. 'Only half an hour', he had to repeat to himself again and again, while straining to hold back his temper. Half an hour, and then he would be free to pursue his Sky. Half an hour and this farce would be a mere shadow among the memories of his life.
Half. An. Hour. He glared at the back of their erstwhile Sky - and he used that title with the greatest contempt possible - from below his eyelashes, careful to restrain his Flames not to snap out and devour her own.
The weather was mild, and on any other occasion, Fon would've enjoyed this little trek - because despite of its difficulty, it was a trek for someone of his caliber, and the only two they really had to take care of were Mammon and Luce, as they had to adjust to their tempo.
(Skull, despite being a civilian stuntman, was surprisingly fit for one.)
That half on hour seemed to stretch into infinity and Fon contemplated the merits and demerits of setting the woods on fire before fleeing in resulting pandemonium.
Half an hour. A whole eternity.
Clenching his jaw imperceptibly, he steeled himself and walked ahead, not even reacting at Luce's feeble attempt to draw him in conversation despite bland - and wholly fake - smile of polite disinterest.
