Jack giggled himself awake, squirming in response to a tickling sensation around his midsection.
"Shit. Sorry."
He opened his eyes, and found Mark looking back at him, his face close by, resting on the pillow they were sharing. Jack was curled on his side, holding Mark's shoulder with one hand.
"Hey. What's wrong, love?"
He felt Mark's fingertips sliding along his belly, underneath his shirt.
"Nothing's wrong. Everything's perfect."
Jack shuddered, let out a small gasp as Mark slid his fingertips inside the waistband of his pajama bottoms. He blinked, the darkness of the room making him wonder if he was actually still asleep.
"Mark. What are you…?"
He gasped again as he felt Mark's thumb slip inside his boxers, tracing the crease of his hip. He throbbed involuntarily.
"Mark… We can't…"
"Yes we can."
Jack knew he should be putting up more of a fight, but he was having trouble formulating a coherent thought with Mark's hand moving across his skin.
"But… What if…"
"Sean. I don't want to wait anymore. Please let me."
Mark's hand was warm and strong.
"Oh. Say it again."
Mark wrapped his fingers around Jack's cock.
"Please."
Jack flipped onto his knees and braced his forearms on either side of Mark's head. He kissed Mark's mouth, hard, channeling all of his restraint to keep from climbing into Mark's lap, from pressing their bodies together. He nipped at Mark's lower lip. He licked at Mark's upper lip. He forced Mark's mouth open with his tongue; the inside was warm and wet. He imagined the sensation traveling elsewhere… he moaned against Mark's lips as Mark stroked at him. He knew he was already leaking precum, could feel Mark's hand gliding easily over his sensitive skin. Stress and deprivation had weakened his defenses; he was helpless.
Mark nudged at Jack with his nose, creating a small space between them. They stared at each other, breathing hard.
"Take off your shirt." Mark's voice was quiet, but hard and commanding. Jack obeyed.
Mark removed his hand from Jack's pants and held his arm out to the side, creating a space for Jack to settle into.
"On your back."
Jack shivered at this second command, understanding what Mark had in mind. He turned over, put his right arm around Mark's shoulders, and rested some of his weight tentatively along Mark's left side so that Mark could easily reach around him.
"Like this?"
Mark responded by pulling down on Jack's pants and boxers, and taking Jack's cock in his hand. He was using his left, which should have been awkward, but was actually thrilling. They both pulsed with arousal, overtaken by the need for closeness and release, rebelling together against everything that had been keeping them apart: Mark's illness, this hospital room, this too-small bed.
"Sean. It's just like the beach."
Jack buried his face in Mark's hair, grinding his hips while Mark stroked at him, eyes closed, moaning softly.
"I knew I could make you come. I knew you wanted me to. I knew I wanted to do this every day, for the rest of my life."
"Mm." Jack leaned into Mark, trying to think of something intelligible to say. "Yes. Please. Fuck. Mark."
Mark laughed softly. "There's my Sean. I love it when you get monosyllabic." He slowed his pace, brushing his lips against Jack's cheek, wanting to make the moment last, and also fighting off a small wave of lightheadedness. Jack let out a long, low moan, grinding slowly against Mark's hand.
"Mark. Love. I missed yeh so much. I can't wait to take yeh home."
"What, you don't want to stay here forever?" Mark squeezed in a long, slow movement.
"Ooh. In this position, yes. In this room, no."
Mark's whisper was barely audible. "Which room, then?" He continued to stroke in long, slow movements, pushing Jack toward the edge an inch at a time.
"Downstairs. On the couch."
"Mm. And you would be…"
Jack grazed Mark's ear with his teeth.
"In yer lap. Riding you until I felt yeh come inside me."
"Mm. Sean. Would you like to come now?"
"Yes."
"Yes…?"
"Please."
Mark gradually picked up speed, leaning his head against Jack's, loving the feeling of Jack's hot, hitching breath against his skin. Jack moaned continuously until he started to go rigid, and Mark could tell he was ready to fall.
"Sean. I love you. Come for me, now."
"Ahh- Mark-"
Jack released with a gasp, splashing warm liquid over Mark's hand and his own stomach. Mark felt the tension in Jack's body break, felt his limbs and hips relaxing as he finally exhaled. He could actually feel affection radiating from Jack's skin, felt warm and satisfied as if he'd been the one exploding with pleasure a moment before.
"Mm. I think I actually felt that one, too. How's it feel, Sean?"
"Uhm. Not sure there's a word fer it." Jack took a long, shaky breath. "I love you too."
He adjusted his position so he could press his lips against Mark's. He took his time, exploring all the lines of Mark's mouth until his limbs started to ache from the awkward position he was holding. He assumed that Mark was probably equally uncomfortable, and reluctantly broke away.
"Hey, love. How about we clean up, and I make out with yeh 'til yeh fall asleep?"
Mark nodded. "Yes please."
"Ok. Be right back."
Jack climbed out of the bed, trying his best not to make a mess of the sheets and blanket. He did a rough job of cleaning up in the bathroom, then returned to Mark with a warm towel, and took his time cleaning Mark's hand.
"Ok. I'm going to take the world's fastest shower. Two minutes. Alright?"
Mark nodded. "I'll be here."
Jack was true to his word, and he was climbing back into the bed with Mark within five minutes. He'd towel-dried his hair as best he could, but it was still slightly damp. Mark ran his fingers through it and pulled him close, inhaling deeply.
"You smell so good. You feel so good. How did I ever sleep before you came?"
Jack giggled softly. "Yeh didn't, remember? Yeh stayed up all night talking to me."
"Mm. Right."
Jack settled onto the pillow next to Mark, close enough to touch Mark's nose with his own. He gave Mark a nudge.
"Thanks fer that, love. It was almost like we really were somewhere else, fer a while."
Mark nodded sleepily. "That's what I was going for. I wish I could do more."
Jack traced the corner of Mark's mouth with his thumb.
"Me too. And I will. As soon as it's safe. I'll do anything yeh want. I'll make yeh feel so good. I promise."
Mark smiled. "I'm not in this for the orgasms, Sean. But… that sounds amazing. You're amazing. And I can't wait."
"Close yer eyes, love."
Mark obeyed. Jack ran his fingers slowly through Mark's hair, starting at his forehead and moving down behind his ear. He rested his fingertips along Mark's jaw and kissed him, so sweetly.
They drifted back to sleep with their lips close enough to touch.
Jack spent the early morning doing maintenance for his and Mark's channels and sifting through social media, while Mark played cards with Wade, Bob, Ken, and Felix. Mark had spent most of the previous afternoon convincing them all to fly home, and they'd finally started to pick up on the fact that Mark was feeling guilty and stressed about keeping them from their work and their homes. They'd agreed to visit early the following morning ("…to make sure Jack can keep you alive," as Felix had put it,) and they'd booked afternoon flights under Mark's supervision.
Jack knew Mark was relieved, but his own feelings were more complicated. Selfishly, he didn't want any of them to go; he had already grown attached to all of them by the time he'd left Seattle. He'd never had so much fun in his life, and he knew that feeling of enjoyment stemmed from the unconditional support they'd shown for his relationship with Mark. He'd already been dreading saying goodbye to them, even before Mark's surgery, and now he found the idea intolerable. They'd helped him survive the most challenging week of his life, and they were like family to him now.
Wade had been eliminated from the game, and noticed Jack's expression as he stared aimlessly away from his laptop screen. He got up and dragged his chair over to the table where Jack had been working.
"It's going to be ok," he said quietly.
Jack forced a smile. "I know, I'm fine-"
Wade cut him off: "None of us are fine. I remember what it was like the first time Mark went through this, and it really wasn't much easier this time around. I can't even imagine what this was like for you."
Jack nodded. "I honestly don't know what I would've done without you guys."
Wade smiled. "You would've taken care of Mark. No one could do it better. I don't think any of us had any doubts that you guys belong together, but if anyone did… well… it's obvious. You do. If I had to make a list of people that I'd trust to take care of my best friend, you'd be the only person on it. Especially after all this."
Jack felt heat rising in his cheeks. "Thanks, man. I'm glad it shows that I'm… serious."
"It does. He is, too. You know that, right?"
"I do." Jack sighed. "Maybe we can come visit soon? I know Mark was talking about going to Cincinnati around the holidays…"
"We'll miss you, too," Wade said, reading between the lines. "I know you met us as 'Mark's friends,' or whatever. Me and Bob, anyway. We're your friends, too, though. I know Bob feels the same way. We're here for you."
"Hey. Wade. Quit flirting with Jack, we're dealing you back in." Jack was fairly certain Felix hadn't overheard their conversation; he was just being generally antagonistic, as usual.
"Deal Jack in, too," Wade said.
They all played one more hand together, and the mood became gradually more subdued until it was time to say goodbye. Felix hugged Mark first, and then draped an arm around Jack's shoulders.
"Listen to me, dude," he said to Mark. He used his free hand to point at Jack's face. "Do not fuck this up. Do you see this face?" He grabbed Jack's chin and gave him a shake.
"Christ, Felix," Jack giggled.
"I mean it. Look at him. Don't fuck it up."
"I won't," Mark said seriously. "I swear."
Felix nodded approvingly, then made room for Ken, Bob, and Wade to exchange hugs with Mark and Jack.
"Call if you need anything," Wade reminded Mark. "You too, Jack."
Jack nodded, trying to find the words to express himself, to tell these people what they meant to him. But he found that he could only wave as they let themselves out of the room. He let his hand fall to his side as the door clicked shut behind them.
"Sean."
He looked back at Mark, forcing a smile.
"It's ok to be upset. I know they'll miss you too."
"No, love, I'm fine-"
"Hey. Babe. You don't have to do that."
Jack sighed. He knew he was working too hard to be protective. Mark was recovering, and becoming more alert by the hour. Jack knew he couldn't – shouldn't – hide how he was feeling; Mark would always see right through him.
"I'm not upset, exactly. I just… I've never had friends, like this, before. And… they know about us. And they still…"
Mark's forehead was creased with concern. He gestured with one finger, and Jack moved toward the bed until he was close enough to hold Mark's hand.
"Being with me doesn't make you less lovable, Sean. And I have no use for anyone who would think like that."
"I know. I just… I always feel like people will think differently about me. I can't help it."
"They do think about you differently. You're different. You're better. We're better together, and they know it. They told me so. They liked you before – you know that – but now… they love you."
Jack nodded. "I think I knew that. Maybe that's why I feel sad. How d'you always say goodbye to them?"
"Keeping in touch is easy. We'll all be playing games again together in a few days. And with Bob and Wade… I've known them for so long. They're family. I know they'll always be there. And… I don't know. I don't have any concrete plans, or anything, but… I always envisioned that we would all live near each other again. Someday."
Jack had been wondering about this, but had chosen not to bring it up. He knew from previous conversations that Mark had always viewed living in LA as a temporary career move rather than a long-term life plan. Temptation tugged at the corner of his mind; he wanted to talk about the future. He wanted to be making these plans with Mark. But he knew the timing wasn't right.
"I can see why. I think it'd be good fer all of yeh."
"For all of us. I'm not going anywhere without you."
Mark said it so matter-of-factly, Jack's heartbeat danced. He smiled.
"Does it snow in Cincinnati?"
"Yeah. The seasons are nice. I think you'll love it."
There was a brief knock at the door, and Nancy and Theo entered the room. As much as Jack had been hoping to take the conversation further, he decided to take this interruption as a sign; it would be best to come back to it another time. He took a step back so Nancy could approach the bed and hand Mark a cup of water.
"How are you feeling?"
Mark nodded, taking a sip, keeping his eyes on Jack's. "Good. Better. Thanks."
"Your family is here, but we'd like you to get up and walk before you have any more visitors."
"Sure. I'm ready. Let's do it. Uhm… Sean? Want to stay?"
Jack nodded enthusiastically. "I do."
He watched as Nancy and Theo skillfully instructed Mark, noticing that he needed far less assistance to get out of bed this time around. He accompanied them to a room a couple doors down which was much larger than the patient rooms, and contained equipment that Jack guessed was used for physical rehabilitation. Theo and Nancy directed Mark to walk between a set of bars, so he would have something to grab onto in case he needed it. He didn't. Jack stood at the end of the pathway, alternating between scathing insults and words of genuine encouragement until Mark completed each lap. Jack took note of Nancy's barely-contained smile, and made it his mission to antagonize Mark until she finally broke into a genuine laugh.
Mark's spirits were equally high. Jack was relieved all over again that Mark had insisted on giving him a break the day before. He hadn't wanted to admit it at the time, but his nerves had been fraying from the stress. He wasn't sure how much more pain he could've witnessed Mark suffering through. Maybe he was still coasting on memories from the night before – Mark's hand moving confidently over his body – but today, Mark seemed… good. Better. Stronger.
Happy.
Jack spent more time online while Mark visited briefly with Dee. The response to the content he'd posted to Mark's channel had been almost entirely positive, particularly the Vlog he had recorded himself. It had received far more than the typical number of views given the short time since he'd uploaded it, and he thought it might actually break viewership records for his and Mark's channels, given more time. He took his headphones off and stretched, eyeing Mark flirtatiously from across the room.
"Hey. McLoughlin. Time to eat. Dee's going to take you out for lunch."
"Oh? What've I done to deserve such an honor?"
"Such a gentleman, Jack." Dee beamed at him. "Only if you'd like to."
Jack grinned at her, genuinely pleased that she'd even make the request. He knew this was a practical plan for other reasons, too. Mark needed to spend some time alone with his mom. Jack guessed he'd have a better shot at winning her over if he could show that he respected her privacy.
"I'd love to. Need anything while we're out, love?"
"Large pizza? Burrito? Wings? Brownies?"
Jack giggled. "Starting to feel hungry?" It had been days since Mark had actually spoken positively about food, which had been disturbing in and of itself.
Mark nodded. "Yes. I was going to mention it earlier, but… I'm kind of scared of Nancy."
Jack laughed in earnest. "I know what yeh mean. She's all fluff inside, though. Want me to mention it to her?"
"Yes, please."
"You got it. I'll take a walk while yeh say goodbye."
He put on a baseball cap and walked down to the nurse's station, where Nancy was sitting behind the desk. She smiled warmly when she saw him, and he thought he might've finally put a permanent dent in her no-nonsense exterior.
"Everything ok down there?"
"Everything's great. Mark says he's actually feeling hungry. That's good, right?"
She nodded, and checked her watch.
"Right on schedule. Wait here a minute?"
She disappeared into a room nearby, and came back with a cup filled with what looked like a smoothie. She handed it to Jack.
"I thought you'd like to do the honors. I think it'll mean more, coming from you."
He hugged her with his free arm. She stood rigid for a beat, then gave his shoulder a brief squeeze. He released her.
"Thanks fer helping him get better."
She smiled. "You can take more credit for that than I can."
He blushed, nodded. "Thanks. Uhm. Any idea when he'll be able to eat real food again?"
"We'll see how he does with that. If he tolerates it well, we can start him on soft solids tonight. He might be able to eat a real meal tomorrow, but don't quote me on that, just in case."
Jack couldn't keep the grin off his face. "Right. Thanks. Again."
He practically skipped back to Mark's room, and presented the smoothie to Mark with a flourish. Mark's eyes went wide.
"Really?"
"Yep. Nancy says it's ok."
Mark reached for the cup, but kept his hand over Jack's, holding it in place.
"You're the best, Sean."
Jack flushed happily. "Smoothie now. Compliments later. Go on, love."
Mark took the cup, sipped hesitantly, and moaned with pleasure.
"Oh my God. This is so gross. I love it."
Jack inadvertently took hold of Dee's arm, bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet.
Mark looked him up and down and broke into a low giggle.
"Sean. It's ok. It's just a smoothie."
Jack took the bait.
"Just a fucking SMOOTHIE, FISCHBACH?"
Mark was laughing fully now, and Jack realized he'd been teasing.
"Jesus Christ, love…" He laughed, then looked at Dee, embarrassed. "Sorry fer the language, Dee."
She patted his arm. "I've seen your videos, dear. It's alright. I'm excited, too."
Mark took another sip, made another satisfied noise. "Ok. You guys should go. Dee, if he doesn't settle down after you eat, see if you can get him to do laps in the parking lot, or something. He's been trapped in here for too long."
Jack searched for a sarcastic response, and came up short. Mark was trying to take care of him, the only way he could right now. He took the cup out of Mark's hand, put it on the bedside table, and wrapped his arms around Mark's shoulders.
"See yeh later."
Mark's whisper was so quiet, Jack barely heard him:
"Love you."
Jack and Dee met Tom and Mark's mom in the waiting room. Tom hugged Jack, as usual, and surrendered the keys to Mark's car. Jack addressed Mark's mom.
"He's drinking a smoothie! They said he can start eating soon. He'll be really happy to see yeh."
Her smile was more genuine than he'd seen it thus far.
"And how are you doing?"
His heart fluttered with nervous excitement.
"Really good. I mean, he's so much better. I'm… just… really happy."
She nodded. "You look happy."
"Thanks. Uhm. Do yeh need anything? While I'm out?"
"No. Thank you."
"Right. Call if yeh do. See yeh later?"
She and Tom both waved while he and Dee headed for the exit.
Dee was excellent company. Jack was reminded all over again that he'd be content to listen to her talk about Mark all day long. He told her so, and got the feeling that she felt the same way about him. He navigated them to a nearby restaurant, ordered enough to feed at least three people, and worked his way through it under Dee's supervision. She even agreed to snap some photos with his phone so he could send them to Mark, and Jack blushed and giggled in response to the somewhat suggestive responses he received.
He looked a Dee apologetically. "Sorry, he's… he always makes me laugh."
She nodded, looking thoughtful. "You know, I'm sorry to admit it, but I was skeptical when Mark first told me about the two of you. I mean, he sounded so happy, but…"
Jack chewed and swallowed. "It's alright. I know how shocked I was at first, I can't imagine what everyone else must feel like."
"I felt like I owed it to you. To be honest about that. I felt so guilty, having that reaction. Even right afterwards. Mark has never called me to tell me about someone in his life like that, before. At first I thought it had more to do with him feeling like he needed to… come out? Is that what you call it?"
Jack giggled. "I think so. It's new to me, too."
"Right. But I know different, now. He didn't make a big show of it to make some point about his… preferences. He was making a big show about you. And rightfully so. I promise, I was ready to give you the benefit of the doubt before any of this happened. For Mark's sake. And as much as I wish to God that Mark didn't have to… I mean, Lord, what he's been through…"
Her eyes had filled with tears. She sniffed, and dabbed at them with a napkin.
"What I mean to say, is… all any parent wants is to see their child loved and cared for. That's all any decent parent should want, anyway. I'm sorry that I had a hard time picturing you with my son. After all this, I don't think I'll ever be able to picture him with anyone else. And I hope that makes up for it."
Jack had completely lost his breath. He tried to find it, and failed. He felt a tear splash onto his cheek. He wiped it away. He opened his mouth, and waited for something to come out.
"I…"
He managed to take a breath.
"However you think he feels about me… that's how I feel about him. Love and care don't even begin to cover it. He's everything to me. I promise, I won't disappoint yeh."
"I know you won't. I've seen it for myself. That's the one part of all this heartache that I wouldn't trade away." She paused, her eyes traveling over his face. "You're so young. You may not know this, but very few people are capable of this kind of commitment. This kind of selflessness. Mark is easy to love when he's happy and healthy. He might be the most lovable person in the world, then. You know it. Millions of people know it. But I always wondered how many of those people would stick around, through something like this. How many people would love him just as much after seeing him so…"
She paused again, fighting off another wave of emotion. She wiped at her eyes, took a steadying breath. "But you do."
Jack reached across the table and put his hand on her arm. He nodded.
"I do."
