Class ended up not being so different from normal after all. We had our usual exercises coupled with tough love and sparing sessions outside. I'd been purposely sitting low in my seat the entire day, trying my best not to be noticed or called on. Either my skills were just that great or she was just making a point by not calling on me. I think. It mostly just made me feel very paranoid.
As class ended for the day and students started to file out the door, I cautiously made my way to the front, looking everywhere but at my teacher. She was erasing the chalkboard, leaving a chalky white cloud in her wake.
"Masuyo-sensei…?" I mumbled quietly, shrinking back in place. "I need to talk to you about some things."
She slowly wiped the dust from her hands, turning back around the face the podium. She shut her teacher's copy of the book with a loud thud. Her expression was perfectly plain, eyes squarely placed on me.
"We missed you in class yesterday Kato-san."
When a teacher says that sentence to you, you know you're doomed.
I gave her a trademark sheepish smile, trying my best to confidentially look her in the eyes while silently screaming on the inside. "I'm really sorry about that. I suddenly got very sick that morning and I wasn't sure who I should talk to about my absence." I let out a slight cough, picking at the hem of my shirt.
"Is that all you wanted to tell me?" Masuyo-sensei questioned, making a point of slowly tapping on her desk.
"Uh…" I said very articulately, searching for the right words as my brain started to fail me. "I'm quitting and I'm sorry?" Crap, no! That wasn't subtle or tactful at all! "About the wedding, not the quitting." I attempted to clarify. "I'm not that good at this stuff anyway, and it is kind of embarrassing. Being with people more than half my age…And the fact that I can barely do the homework…And the getting up early every morning makes me feel like I'm slowly dying on the inside…"
The only reaction I got was to see her purse her lips, continuing to stare me down without saying a word.
"So…yeah." I added lamely, shuffling my feet.
I stood there for what felt like an eternity, waiting for some sort of response. When still none came, I started to panic. My conclusion was that she was really, really pissed.
I started to drift my gaze around the room, body jittery, and fully aware that I was still being zeroed in on. And it didn't help that with the last student gone and the sliding door closed shut, the only noise left was the tapping and the clock, out of sync with each other.
I started twisting the fabric on the bottom of my shirt, trying to get up the courage to meet her eyes. When I finally did, Masuyo-sensei finally broke eye contact. But then she started to gather her books, placing them neatly in a pile along with her own pens and pencils. Stepping down from the raised platform, she started to head towards the door.
A surge of panic raced through me. She was leaving. Just like that.
My feet froze to the ground, mouth forming the words 'stop' and 'wait' but I didn't have the ability to say them.
But I couldn't just let her leave. Leave without a word, without any sort of closure.
"About the wedding," I blurted out rapidly, voice much louder that it needed it to be. "Please excuse the bluntness, but the whole thing was just a scheme set up by the Hokage and Anko." I took a moment to swallow my words. "I mean, I sort of had a part in starting the whole thing, though I really didn't mean to. And I did everything I could to stop it, but in the end the only thing we could come up with was what you saw the other day."
She was still walking, albeit slowly to the exit.
I took a deep breath, exhaling my frustration.
You know what. Screw it, I was quitting today anyway. What more could happen to me? If I didn't say this now I might not ever have the chance to say it again.
"I'm sorry you were misled so badly like that, getting your hopes up. You seemed really excited about you little sister getting married, only to be let down in one of the worst ways possible. If it had been my sister, I think I'd be really angry too."
I looked down at the beaten floorboards, kicking at some of the protruding nail heads. I tried. I said my piece and that's all I could do. At least I gave her the courtesy of knowing I was leaving. Not everyone would ha-
The footsteps stopped.
"Me stepping down was your cue to follow me." Masuyo-sensei stated, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
I turned back to look, seeing her now standing at the door, waiting for me. "We can talk more in the privacy of my office."
I felt heat rush to my face. Then I really hadn't needed to say those last few things after all. Had the panic all just been in my head?
I scrambled after, nearly jogging as we exited the classroom. So I was apparently an idiot. But the silences, and the staring…
… That had been an interrogation technique, hadn't it?
Well.
The office we came to was meticulously clean, barely lived in with only a framed photo of her family on the desk and a wall scroll as behind it as decoration. The gray walls and dim yellow lighting didn't do much to liven up the place. The only thing that gave the place some life was the sole window overlooking she school's playground. Masuyo-sensei slid her things into a drawer, taking a seat in her swivel chair, before propping her legs up on the desk. I pulled up a wooden chair that had been pushed off to the side, hoping she didn't mind I did that without being directed.
I stiffly sat down, folding my hands properly in my lap as I looked on forward. This time she could be the one to talk first.
"About you're your decision to withdraw from the academy," Masuyo-sensei began after a few seconds, leaning back in her chair with arms crossed. "I can't say I'm surprised. Some of the teachers had a bet going for how long you'd last."
Touching tidbits of information like that just make me feel so good about myself.
"But you've worked much harder at than expected." She continued on, unaware of my thoughts. "Harder than many of the other students in fact, many who just coast on doing a passable job."
"Thanks…?"
"But if this sudden decision to quit is because of embarrassment or shame…" She stopped, letting her words trail off as she watched for my reaction. I squirmed in my seat, dodging her look. "Then don't do it." She stated with finality, making my eyes immediately snap back to her.
That wasn't why I was doing this, not really. But I had always gotten the impression that she'd be happy with the people who couldn't take it gone. Then she'd be left dealing with only the students who wanted to be there, willing to endure her teaching style for their goals.
She sat with such confidence, leaning back in her chair with a look that oozed assurance. I wanted some of whatever she had, what made her so strongly believe in the things she said. "I may have not of had you for a student for very long, but I think I've pegged the type of fighter you are."
"I'm not exactly good at it…" I felt the need to point out, though from my win loss record in class it should have been obvious enough.
"That's not what matters here." Masuyo-sensei countered. "When things take a turn for the worst and there doesn't seem to be any path but failure, you don't quite give in, even knowing that chances of success is low. Though that's not always the case. I've seen you quit many sparing matches before they even start."
I ducked my head in a bit of shame and frustration. But they were all just kids, I couldn't seriously attack them. And it was a big blow to your pride to know easily you were going to lose to someone nearly a decade younger than you before you even started. You went in with a well-founded assumption that you were done for.
"But that resilience if something you're capable of. I've seen it. The first time I sparred against you, among other events. And I think the world needs more of that. If you can harness it, I think you'll go far, in whatever you choose to do."
A bit of heat rushed to my face. "You really think so?"
"I do. I've seen it for myself in action."
I don't think I'd ever gotten such a compliment in my life. It wasn't something shallow, like about what you were wearing, or even some sort of skill you were good at. It ran deeper. Something intrinsic to who you are.
Masuyo-sensei continued, getting to what I considered the crux of the matter. "About the wedding."
I froze, stomach lurching.
"Am I angry? Disappointed? Very."
A jolt shot through my body, ice running through my veins.
"But at you?" She paused, taking stock of my expression. "No. There were a lot of people and happenstance to blame for that mess, but I'm not going to put that all on the shoulders of some dumb kid that thought she was doing good. I spoke to some people afterwards about the things you said."
I crumpled inwardly, a bit of weight lifted off of my chest.
Masuyo adjusted her posture, scowling as she clenched and unclenched her hands.
"In this case the real blame is on my sister, who knew about it the entire time. I think her job scaring Genin at the Chunin exams has gone to her head. Working in T&I couldn't have helped either, around Ibiki all day. I couldn't stand that place for more than a year."
You know, one of these days I'd like to learn how she actually got into teaching.
"Not to mention she loves to screw with my more romantic side." Sensei tacked on, more muttering it to herself than anything.
Her face tightened at the thought, fists clenching.
"And another thing!" she added, slamming a hand down on her desk. "I'm the one who footed most of the costs for the wedding! Mara couldn't afford the bills so I covered her portion as well! If I'm not reimbursed by Tsunade in the next day or so she can kiss her sake goodbye!
Er- Not to be self-centered, but wasn't this supposed to be about me?
"And the catering we got was a waste! For the quality received the costs should have been much less! Not to mention the Genin we hired to clean up the venue did a shoddy job, treating it as an excuse to muck around with wall walking techniques! When I see their sensei next-" She looked just about ready to murder someone. Preferably not me.
"About me quitting," I cut in, clearing my throat, stopping her in her tracks. "It's not about the wedding, not really. I'm planning on going out of the village on a trip and I realized I'm kind of wasting my time here." At Masuyo-sensei's narrowed eyes I added a rushed, "But of course you're a great teacher and everything! The best! I've greatly enjoyed my time here."
The fact that her expression didn't change leads me to believe she didn't buy it.
I rubbed my eyes, the exhaustion from the last few days catching up to me. "I made some friends and they're willing to teach me. I sort of have more important things to do now. Like… finding myself."
The cheesiness of that last sentence was not lost on either of us.
"Finding yourself." She repeated, clearly unimpressed.
I gave her a sheepish smile. "Uh… yeah. I was hoping you could answer some of the questions I had on top of what we've already discussed."
"Like what? "Sensei asked, raising an eyebrow.
I'd wanted to read my official file for a long time now. But it wasn't like I was capable of staging some sort of Mission: Impossible style break in, or even just picking a lock. And there was the whole reading thing…
"…Everything?" I replied sheepishly, starting to mindlessly tap my foot on the floor. "No one besides this one guy did much to fill me in on important details after waking up from the coma."
She gave me a look, taking a second to look me over and gage how seriously she was going to take what I was about to say. "Give me a moment." Sensei stated, getting up from her chair and walking over to the filing cabinets at the back. "I need to check something." She started going through drawers until she found what she was looking for, dumping the file on top of her desk.
Sitting down, she thumbed through the pages, stopping on one very wordy form. "What do you mean by 'everything' exactly?"
I flinched, but at least I had thought things through before coming in here. I had to consult the book of clichés, but it was all that I could think of as a plausible explanation.
"I think the coma gave me a bit of memory loss." I replied, trying to sound as authentic as possible.
"How long have you been out of your last coma?" Sensei asked, skepticism rising.
Last? What was she talking about?
"About three months." I answered slowly, hoping that would be a good enough answer.
"What sort of memory loss are we talking about here?"
That was an excellent question. Because I had no idea what she knew, or thought she knew about me. And somehow I needed to get her to tell me.
"After waking up a lot of things were blurry," I started out slowly, hoping by some miracle she'd buy my story. "But I was aware of my past medical issues and the village I was from." Her mentioning other comas, that first part had to be true. And with the amount that I mentioned the 'village' I was from, something about that must have been added to my file for a cover story.
Masuyo-sensei was switching between looking at the file and me as I talked. I tried to take some deep breaths to calm my racing heart.
I continued on, forcing myself to meet her eyes. "I started to realize a few key things were missing, but when no one showed up for me at the hospital and that seemed normal to my doctors and nurses, I just decided to go with it. I guess I must have passed the most basic cognitive tests well enough and they let me go free."
I wasn't even making up much here. And that could only help me.
"They must have just assumed I knew the routine, being hospitalized so much." I added. "I was given short run down that I would be living here now under supervision, along with a monthly allowance and that's about it."
"And you didn't start questioning these things until now." It wasn't a question.
I shrugged, wishing my hands weren't starting to shake. "As irrational as it may seem, there's something nice about letting yourself forget things for a while. It's almost like a chance to be free, to start doing whatever you want without the hard parts of your life weighing you down. You just don't want to know; in case the reality only leads to disappointment. I realized I can't keep doing that anymore."
I started to pick at the hem of my shorts, thoughts drifting off. A lack of consequences. It was almost intoxicating really. Doing whatever you want. But then of course there's the aftermath…
Masuyo-sensei cleared her throat, causing my eyes to dart back over to her. Her expression had softened dramatically; I could see it in her eyes. They had lost the harsh stare.
"It says in your medical records that you were very ill in the early years of your life, often comatose. The people of your village begged a passing consultant for help. If I remember correctly Iruka was very concerned about your lack of learning during developmental years and subsequent comas causing damage."
Wait, did he imply I have brain damage? Does Iruka think I have brain damage? Does everybody think I have brain damage?
She looked back up at me, expression grim. "Apparently you've spent most of your life either in the hospital here or the village that you are originally from, a secluded place with many strange traditions and customs. There's a note here saying to take any strange behavior, comments, outbursts, and ideology in stride. You're living here permanently now do to the recent comatose state you landed in. And then something about a mauling that's more recent. …Does this say the forest of death?"
Meanwhile I just sat there, soaking this new information like a sponge. Things were starting to make some sense, like I was filling in the missing pieces of a puzzle after only having the corners to work with so long. But of course I still had questions.
"Why was I accepted into academy in the first place if I have such bad health?"
Sensei folded her arms in front of her, shoulders relaxing. "I was told you were being given special admittance by The Hokage herself, an ANBU covertly monitoring you and your condition so that you would feel you have some privacy. I saw it as a charity case considering your age. Experiencing the childhood you never had or some pointless sentiment like that. Though I preferred to treat you like you weren't completely incompetent. Whatever treatment you've received has done its job."
Well. But I guess they were at least trying to treat me like the other students. But they had zero faith I'd make it into something. I suppose they weren't wrong…
"So why come to me?" Masuyo Sensei asked next, almost gently.
Why her? I sat there stiff for a moment, trying to come up with something to say.
She knew Tsunade, so that was a helpful connection. She had access to the files I needed to read so it was necessary I talked to someone who had them. It was all very logical. But in some weird sort of way-
"I trust you." I blurted out, taking a moment to realize what I had just said. I think Masuyo-sensei was a bit surprised as well, the balance she had leaning back in her chair suddenly disrupted with a loud creak. "You say what you mean and don't sugar coat things. Most people I talk to dance around the issues or have loyalties preventing them from saying meaningful at all. I think you'd give it to me straight. I really appreciate that."
Sensei carefully sat back regularly in her seat, covering the lower part of her face with one hand while straightening out my file with the other.
"I'm not sure a student has ever told me that before." She said slowly, clearing her voice a few times for good measure. "Mostly the opposite in fact. Well… I'm glad to hear that. Iruka will be overjoyed I impacted a student's life like he's always going on about."
"So then, can I ask you a few things that are more specific?" I asked tentatively, leaning forwards in my chair.
Sensei nodded slowly, tapping down on top of the folder. "If it's in here, I can let you know. Outside of that, no promises."
I gave her a genuine smile, finally relaxing a bit by leaning back in my seat. "Then… could you let me know what it says under family? I think I'm alone while I'm here, but I wanted to make sure there weren't any relatives nearby I forgot about. That would be an awkward reunion."
Maybe now I could finally find out if Mako had any family, or at least if they were alive or dead.
She flipped through the pages pretty quickly, eyes scanning the sheet rapidly until she got to what she was looking for. "It says here," She said, lifting up the page for me to see. "You're a ward of the state, previously under the care of the elders of your village. Nothing other than that."
I slumped back, the disappointment rolling off me in waves. It course it couldn't just be that easy. I'd need to talk to someone who really knew who I was if I going to get any straight answers. So Tsunade. Basically all roads led back to her. If only I could find people with the same last name-
"Wait!" I practically shouted with a rush of excitement, nearly jumping out of my seat. "On My first day, you made a comment about my last name. You know someone with it!"
That's when she completely clammed up.
"That's not something in the file." She replied, her tone even.
I stared back at her, meeting her gaze head on.
"But you know something."
"And like I said, it's not in the file."
So what exactly had this other Kato done to be stricken from history?
"Please." I said, standing up from my chair, my heart starting to race. "This is my family we're talking about here. I have a right to know about their existence."
We had another staring contest between us, but this time I wasn't letting up no matter what. I was so close. All I needed was for her to speak.
Masuyo-sensei let out a short curse, breaking eye contact as she turned to stared out the room's sole window.
"I should never have made any comment." She ran a hand through her long hair. "It's just not a name you hear much anymore. Most people wouldn't even know it."
"But you do." I stated, taking a few steps closer to her desk. "Why can't you just tell me?"
She released a small breath, motioning for me to return to my seat. I hesitated, half sure I was about to be shut down. She waved me back again, this time I did, begrudgingly.
Once I was situated again, she answered with carefully chosen words. "It's not really my place say. I don't think I was supposed to know about them in the first place. If it wasn't for the alcohol involved I doubt I would have found out at all."
So her answer wasn't really an answer at all. So much for straight answers.
"I'd be digging up information if I could." I pleaded. "Could you at least tell me who I should talk to? Or make some sort of exception? I'm a bit short on time right now."
Masuyo-sensei, tapped her fingers against the desk, staring at me as she thought it over. "I suppose I could do that much…" she replied slowly. "Like you said, it is your family. And you came to me for this."
I leaned far forward, hands tightly gripped around each other.
"Tsunade. Talk to Tsunade. Whatever connection you have, you can find it out from her."
And… Typical.
"Anything else you could tell me?" I asked, gritting my teeth. "Maybe a name? A profession? Can I at least have that much?"
Masuyo-sensei looked back at me, at my obvious frustration. She didn't say anything.
"Please."
She closed the file, looking over at the picture on her desk. It was the entire extended family, the two sisters and the children of the third that was long deceased.
"You've looked out for my nephew while you've been in my class. He doesn't have very many friends besides his books so I appreciate what you've done. I don't take those sorts of things lightly."
I nodded back, not exactly sure where she was going with this.
"You're a good kid. I think I can at least trust you with this much."
"Then?"
"The other Kato was a ninja who died in battle, name now written on the memorial stone. His name was Kato Dan."
AN: So I need to stop saying that I'll update soon. Life tends to get in the way.
But anyway, I have a very important announcement about this story. No, I'm not dropping it or anything like that. I've actually decided to spend NaNoWriMo this year to finish it once and for all. It will definitely take me a while to go back and edit afterwards, but want to have the story officially completed before the year's out. I'm seriously dedicated to doing it, so it's not just empty words.
I never meant for it to take me this long to finish. It was only supposed to be 15 chapters, solely written for the humor and subverting some common SI story tropes. (AKA the reason for illogical things and lack character development.) There was actually going to be time travel at some point. ^^; It's really strange for you to grow up but your character to stay the same age after three years. I've learned quite a lot since then, especially about writing. I feel like I can't move on with my writing until I see my first story through to completion. I want to rewrite this story one day, but for now I'm happy to just finish it.
Thank you for reading, following, faving and reviewing! I'll probably see you again in December. :)
