March 5/Saturday/7:30 am

I was halfway down the stairs this morning when something—someone—tripped bodily over me.

"Ow, what the hell?!"
"Motherfu—!"
"Law?!"
"May-ya."

I pulled out my phone and turned on the light. One Trafalgar Law blinked in the brightness before picking himself off of me and settling on the step below.

"The hell are you doing in my home?"

"The hell are you doing sitting in the middle of the staircase?"

"Obviously, I'm going down them."

"I was going to wake you up for coffee."

"Oh."

We sat there awkwardly for a few passing seconds.

"How's the leg?" he finally asked.

"Skanda's fine."

"Skanda?"

"Formally known as Hufa Weituo Zuntian Pusa."

I had to laugh at the perplexed look on his face, made even more dramatic by my phone's terrible lighting and pulled my crutches down to me from where they rested on a higher step.

"If you carry me down the stairs, you'll get your coffee a lot faster."

"If you don't throw yourself off second stories, you'll have a greater chance of not breaking your leg."

"Are you still bitter about this whole thing?"

"No," he said, bitterly, but picks me up anyway.

I suppressed a giggle at the grumpy doctor and his odd way of showing he cares and settled for petting his furry hat.

"Thank you for taking care of me," I told him brightly.

"Whatever."

That was at three o'clock this morning, and now I sit at the counter, enjoying my twenty-first cup of tea of the day. A few people have stepped in this morning, including Laki, whom I haven't seen in a while, and her younger cousin, Aisa. I had a good time catching up with Laki, although her cousin was a bit of a brat, but hey, kids will be kids so I can forgive it sometimes.

Anyway, I'm hoping that today will be nice and quiet so that I can get back into the swing of things and get on with life.


12:15 am

"Huh."

I glance around at the people on either side of me. I glance at the heavy chains around my wrists weighted down by large, paw-like anchors. And I glance at the Tengu-looking character in front of me with hair styled into the stupidest up-do I've ever seen.

"Sooo…why am I here?"

"To lure out your leader!" Tengu-san (that's my name for him) laughs, "The Strawhat gang has risen to infamy these past two years, and I thought it was high time that the Foxy gang issued a formal challenge. But! There's no point explaining now, when I'll just have to repeat myself when your boss gets here."

"…What are you talking about, Tengu-san?"

"Tengu-san?! That's not my name! I am the great Foxy, where in the world are you getting Tengu-san from?!"

"Nose."

"Nose?"

"Nose. You have a Tengu Nose."

Tengu-san seems to physically get hit in the face with a wave of depression and the people surrounding him (all wearing odd mask-hat combinations that look like they were created in Tengu-san's hair's image) rush to comfort him. Wait, those mask-hat things look vaguely familiar.

"Ah! She insulted Boss!"
"She probably didn't mean it as an insult! You have a lovely nose, sir!"
"Yes, a very big one!"
"Shut up, you moron, you just made him more upset!"

'Ah whatever, I'm too crabby right now to remember where I've seen these people before,' I think as I glance around again in a sort of detached way.

So, you're probably wondering what is going on.

Well, so am I, but the condensed version is this: I was minding my own business, playing Sudoku and drinking my tea at the café when all of a sudden these schmucks in mask-hats kicked down the door (which I'll need to have Franky fix…I mentally give a long and drawn out groan) and some stuff happened and then I was in chains and I don't know, now I'm here with these loonies.

Why can't I just run my café? I've already been gone long enough what with my hospital visit, and then Ace, Luffy, and mine's adventure, and then when Izo pulled me away. But nooo, apparently everyone wants to get in the way of me and my café and can't leave me alone to do my thing.

I'm so wrapped up in my surly thoughts that I hardly notice the wall exploding and people stepping through the newly-made hole.

"May! Are you alright?!"

"No, no, I'm just fine, don't mind me over here. I'll just sit pretty while my café collects dust and I lose all my customers and then am forced out of the city to grow mushrooms in the forest," I huff, then actually look up at the people who called out to me and see that it's my friends, "…Well, took you long enough."

"See? Told you she's fine," Luffy tells them, pointing at me.

"Geez! At least act like you've been kidnapped!" Zoro yells, "We were worried sick when we saw the note on your door—which is broken, I don't know if you knew that—"

"I knew that. Thank these assholes for that," I jerk a thumb at Tengu-san.
"Wah! She called Boss an asshole and now he's sad!"

"—And then we get here and find that you're just sulking like it's no big deal!"

"I'm not sulking," I answer moodily, crossing my arms and clearly sulking.

"Wahaha! So, you've made your appearance, Mugiwara!" Tengu-san steps up, having gotten over his latest bout of depression.

"She's totally sulking," my friends all confirm as one.

"I challenge you to a fight!" continues the long-nosed-but-not-Usopp man, "As you see, I have taken hostage one of your gang—"

"I just want to bake and serve coffee, is that too much to ask?!" I passionately cry to my friends.

"Why do you think we're here to get you?!" shouts Luffy right back at me.

"Hey! Stop ignoring me!" Tengu-san yells in outrage, "Aren't you listening?! I challenge you, and you won't be getting your friend back until you agree to it!"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever!" Luffy finally answers him, fixing him with a cold glare, "We accept your stupid challenge. We're going to crush you anyway for laying a finger on May."

"Then it's settled! The Foxy vs. Mugiwara Davy Back Challenge starts now!"


1:00 pm

"No! I don't want to be part of your group!" Chopper cries.

Apparently, the Davy Back Challenge is held between two groups, with the losing side giving up a member of the winner's choice. They've really gone overboard with this event, having a stage, an announcer, concession stands, and even little souvenirs to buy.

Unfortunately, we've just lost the first round, which was a mini-go-kart race that Nami, Usopp, and Robin participated in and lost to the Foxy gang, led by a lady named…Mercedes? Uh, no, maybe it was Maserati? They totally cheated though, so my friends and I are pretty ticked right now; Nami is practically boiling next to me, having suffered the loss first hand.

Agh, anyway, it has come time for them to select their member, and they chose: Chopper.

The poor kid is sobbing and clinging onto Zoro while some of Foxy's gang try to pry him off.

"Chopper! Stop crying!" Zoro orders him sharply, "Do you have so little faith in us that we won't be able to get you back?"

Chopper sniffs, tearfully looking up (actually, he looks down because he's taller than Zoro) at the green-haired man and then with an almighty (and quite disgusting) snort to clear his nose, he straightens up and gains a determined (albeit watery) look.

"No! I believe in you guys!"

"Excellent, excellent! Now, moving on," laughs Tengu-san as Chopper is pulled away and shoved into one of the stupid mask-hats, "Up next: Baseball! There shall be nine players on each team and we will flip a coin to see who bats first!"

One of the Foxy's pulls out a 50 Beri coin.

"Heads or tails?"

"Tails!" Luffy decides.

The man peeks under his hand and quickly slaps his hand down over it.

"Heads! The Foxy gang is up to bat first!"

"Oh yeah? Let me see," demands Nami.

"Are you doubting me? It's heads, I'm seriously telling the truth," he brushes her off rudely and very suspiciously.

"Show me the coin, you cheating bastard, or do you want me to rip your eyes out so you can get a good look at the inside of your a—?!"

"Nami, drop it for now," I tell her, clamping my hand over her mouth.

"Yeah, we'll kick their asses even if they cheat," Luffy says confidentially, "Now that we know how they play, we won't be surprised a second time. And we'll definitely get Chopper back."

"Luffyyyyyyy!" the teen cries, overwhelmed by Luffy's declaration; he has to be held back by…uh, Jaguar, maybe that's her name.

"Splendid!" Tengu-san says, "Now, it's a house rule that the pitcher is chosen by the opposite team. The one who pitches will be that one!"

"What kind of house rule is that?" I ask, turning back to him from trying to contain Nami's rage and notice that a lot of people are looking my direction.

And Tengu-san is pointing right at me.

"…What."


2:05 pm

"Timeout!"

I hobble my way back to our team's dugout from the pitcher's plate as we gather for the timeout Nami called. This game is not going well: the Foxy's already have nine home runs and it's all my fault. As if it wasn't bad enough that I'm crippled, I make a terrible pitcher and the Foxy's have been hitting nearly every ball I throw.

Even our cool matching uniforms can't help.

Luffy inhales deeply and puts his hands on my shoulders, looking me square in the eye.

"May."

"Yes."

"You suck."

"Ah."

"Like, you really, really suck."

"I know," I deflate with a heavy sigh, "I'm sorry everyone, I'm killing the team here. We're going to lose this whole thing because of me and then we can't be friends anymore and-!"

"No! We're not going to lose!" Luffy cuts me off, a determined glint in his eyes, "We just have to find some way to make you not suck."

"But how?" Sanji asks, "I'm sorry, May-chan, but your hand-eye coordination is even worse than Zoro's sense of direction—" "Oi." "—when you're not throwing phonebooks, and they're easily hitting them with how slow you're pitching."

I don't try to defend myself, because I know it's true. But, Luffy seems to be thinking of something, the gears in his head turning.

"Phonebooks," he says, a spark slowly igniting in his eyes, "That's it! You just have to throw phonebooks, May! This'll solve everything!"

"But Luffy, it's called baseball for a reason. You can't go substituting the baseball for a phonebook all of a sudden," Zoro points out, but the teen isn't listening.

He's off bounding to the basket where the balls are stored, pulling a permanent marker out of nowhere and before any of the Foxy gang notice what my papoose is doing and come running over, yelling at him to get out of there, he's running back to us, grinning triumphantly.

He presents the ball to me, displaying his modification.

On the front, written in scribbled, barely legible Kanji: 電話帳.

Phonebook.

"It's a phonebook, May," he tells me with a wide, confident smile, "You can throw this."

He places the ball in my hand and wraps my fingers around it. I stare at it before meeting his eager gaze with a grin creeping up my face to match his.

It's such a stupid idea, that it might just work.

"Alright, timeout is over, back to your places!"

Brook carries me over to the pitcher's mound before running to take his position. I grip the phonebook-ball tightly and lock my gaze onto the umpire behind the person up to bat while the crowd (comprised of the Foxy gang) cheers.

"Come on, Hamburg!"
"Get another home run!
"

I take a deep breath and wind up as best I can with Skanda on my leg.

"Home run, home run!"
"We're sure to win if that woman keeps pitching!"

An unseen force zooms past the batter and slams into the umpire's glove so hard, it tears through it, then through the net, and finally, buries itself into the wall. The stunned umpire stares down stupidly at the slightly smoking hole in his glove and silence fills the stadium.

And then, my friends are cheering.

"Wooo! That's our May!"
"Superrrrr!"
"THAT'S RIGHT, YOU ASSHATS! GET FUCKED!"
"Oh my god, Nami, calm down."

I grin at my friends' enthusiasm as the ball is tossed back to me. I make quick work of it.

"What?!"
"How did that happen?!"
"That weak-looking girl was able to make our best batter strike out?!"
"She's kinda cute though!"

"Grr, it makes no difference!" Foxy says, trying to reign in his underlings' panic, "We still won't let them win. You! You'll be the first to go around the bases."

He's pointing at me again.

"What? Since we do you get to decide that?" Franky asks him angrily, "And she clearly can't run, how do you expect this to be fair?!"

"House rules."

"You're house rules are shi—!"

"Calm down, calm down. May can do it," Robin pats his arm and when she looks over to me, she has a confident smile, "However, the ball would need to be hit far enough away that she has time to get around."

She points to Zoro with a wink and I grin, realizing what she's saying.

"Yeah, May, go show 'em how it's done!" encourages Luffy.

"Zoro," I wave him over, "Come here."

"Huh," he replies ever-so-eloquently.

"Just c'mere. And bring your bat. Do you think you can knock a ball out of the park?"

He glances sharply at me, smirking when he catches onto what I'm saying.

"Who do you think I am?"

We give each other a high-five and step up to the plate.

"Wait, why are you both here, you can't be here—," the umpire starts, but I cut him off.

"I am ready!" I announce loudly and assume position.

The pitcher nods and winds up. I clutch my bat tighter in anticipation.

Right before the ball makes it to me, I duck out of the way as Zoro leaps in front of me and with an deafening CRACK!, hits the baseball so hard the bat splinters and the ball is sent flying, far, far beyond where anyone can catch it.

"Yes!" I whoop and pick up my crutches to begin my limp around the bases; there's no hurry with how far away Zoro hit the ball.

"Hey, what is this?!"
"That's cheating!"

"Like you're ones to talk!" Sanji yells at them.

"It's not cheating!" I call cheerfully as I take first base, my friends whistling and hollering as I slowly make my way, "You only said that I'm the first to run the bases, you didn't say that I have to be the one to bat."

"Ah, she's right!"
"Darn it!"

"Grr, fine! We won't be fooled again!" Tengu-san says, then points to Nami, "You! The next weakest-looking one! You will bat and run the bases next. There, try to find a loophole in that!"

"Oh no~!" Nami wails in despair, "But, I'm not strong at all, there's no way I could do this."


3:00 pm

"Oh no! They completely destroyed us at baseball!"
"Who knew those frail-looking women were so strong?!
"They're super sexy too~!"
"Well, maybe not that brown-haired chick, she looks a bit boring."
"And conservative."
"Yeah, yeah, that cardigan is so ugly and shapeless."
"I kinda prefer that green guy, he's hot."
"Yeah~!"

"Anyway, we're moving on to the last and final challenge!" announces Tengu-san to move on quickly from their humiliating defeat.

"Last and final mean the same thing," Luffy points out with all the subtlety of a stick of dynamite, "Is he stupid or something?"

"Maybe he meant to say third rather than last," Robin suggests.

"Doesn't that still make him stupid?"
"Yes."
"Ah, Robin said it, so it must be true."

"Will you people listen to me?!" Foxy rages, stamping his foot, "I've had it up to here with you looking down on me. Well, with this final challenge, we will see who is best!"

"Now wait a minute!" interrupts Sanji, "We haven't picked someone from your group to join us."

"Ack! I was hoping they would forget! Very well, select the person you want."

We all share a knowing grin and Luffy steps up, already set on who to pick.

"Chopper!" he bellows, "Get back over here!"

"Luffyyyyyyy!" Chopper sprints to our side and promptly crashes into my dumpling in a giant bear hug, "Thank you for not giving up on me!"

"Of course," he puffs, "Now, take that dumb thing off your head, it looks tacky."

"And now!" the announcer says, gaining everyone's attention, "For the challenge you've all been waiting for: a one-on-one between the leaders, Foxy the Silver Fox and Strawhat Luffy!"

"Yohoho, kick his butt, Luffy-san!" Brook cheers.
"You better not lose!" that's Zoro.
"If you lose, I'll kill you," annnnd, that's Sanji.

"Hey, do you have any coffee?" I ask one of the vendors; I could use a good cup after all that excitement, and since it doesn't look like I need to do anything for the last part, now seems like a good time to get it.

"May, May!" Chopper calls, running up to me, all smiles for being back with us, "They have some pretty good lemonade here, you should try it!"

However, before he reaches me, he trips and the juice in his hands goes flying…straight at me and covers me head to toe.

"Ewww, I'm all sticky now!"

"I'm so sorry!"

"Kyahaha, what an ungraceful display!" the woman…uhm, BMW I think is her name, laughs, having seen the whole debacle, "I suppose the kind Porche, everyone's loved idol, is feeling gracious enough to lend you a change of clothes."

"Ah, I knew it sounded like some kind of car."
"What?
"What? I mean, nothing! That's awfully nice of you. Thanks."


3:45 pm

"And now that both of our contestants are ready, we can begin!" the announcer says as Luffy and Tengu-san step into the ring, "The rules are simple: everything is allowed and you lose if you are down for more than ten seconds or are kicked out of the ring!"

I step up to join the crowd eagerly standing around to watch, wearing a baggy red jumpsuit courtesy of Porche, the sleeves tied around the waist and a bikini that barely fits, a new cup of coffee in hand.

What? The coffee they were serving was terrible, so I took it upon myself to make a good batch.

"Oyabin! When you defeat that kid, you should choose May-chan as the prize!"
"Who knew she was hiding such a hot body under that unflattering sweater!"
"And her coffee is to die for!"
"But mostly May-chan's super sexy!"

"Shut up, you pigs, you don't have the right to call her May-chan!" Nami seethes at them.

"Yeah, yeah, what Nami-san said!" Sanji backs her up.

"Don't worry!" Foxy says, posing (un)impressively for his underlings, "I'll take care of this in thirty seconds!"

The bell rings.

"Fight!"

The crowd cheers and then dies down slowly in confusion.

Foxy is on the ground, out cold, and Luffy is already stripping off the boxing gloves he was given.

"Are we done here? I already missed breakfast and lunch from May, and I want to leave."

"He beat Boss in one punch?!"
"He didn't even get a chance to use any of his tricks!"
"Oyabin, please get up!"

"Haha, that's ten seconds!" Franky cheers.

"T-The victors are the Strawhats!" the announcer states in awe.

"Thank god, can we please get out of here?" I ask as Nami wraps Robin and me in a tight hug, celebrating our win, only to have Franky lift all of us up.

"Wait!" Porche cries, "You need to choose someone to join you."

"I'm not interested in gaining friends this way," Luffy says simply, sticking his tongue out in distaste as he tosses Foxy out of the ring, for good measure, "We aren't taking anyone."

"Wait!" this time, the cry comes from Tengu-san, who woke up when he hit the ground, "I might have lost the fight, but I'll be keeping one of your members!"

"Dude, you lost, just give it up already," Usopp tells him.

"No! You see," he jabs a finger in my direction, "Those! Those clothes that that woman is wearing! Those are official Foxy merchandise, and therefore belong to us! You didn't pay for them, so they are therefore still my property and therefore you are as well as long as your wearing them."

"What the-That doesn't make any sense!" Nami says, "We're leaving."

"Thieves! I'll call the police! Until she takes off those clothes, she's ours."

"Oh, they're stuck in a pickle!"
"No way a conservative girl like that would strip in front of all these people."
"So, she's stuck with us—
Huh?!"

I throw the stupid jumpsuit in Tengu-san's stupid face and get ready to take off the bikini Porche gave me.

"So, I just have to give you back the clothes? Whatever, I'm done with this and I want to get back to the café. Let's go."

"May! Don't just start stripping!"

Zoro, Nami, Chopper, and Usopp yell at me indignantly and Zoro throws his jacket at me to cover up so I can slip out of the bikini.

"Couldn't've said it better. Let's get out of here, May!" Luffy laughs and hops down from the ring, picks me up and together with my friends, walks away from the Foxy gang.

"Well, that was stupid."

"I think we learned a valuable lesson in the power of friendship."

"No, it was just stupid."