Sorry for the lack of updates last week. School has been so crazy and I just haven't had time. Thank you, everyone, for reading and reviewing! Also, thanks to those who read my other story. I'll update it once I'm finished with Chapter 53 of this story.
Fourth year begins in the next chapter. There will be more fights, more angst, and two particularly significant events that I'm excited to write about. One, all of you know about, the other will be somewhat of a surprise.
MoonHead- Thanks for the review! I'm so glad that you like my version of Severus. In some ways, I do relate to him. I understand how he was blinded by his own ambition and made mistakes because of it. Mostly, I just like analyzing characters. I especially like analyzing the flawed ones. When I'm writing, my main goal is to explain why the character made certain mistakes and to have readers understand that character's perspective. I really like doing the flawed characters because it's more of a challenge to make sense of it.
A- Thanks for the review! I can't believe I forgot that song existed, but it seems like the perfect Sev/Lily song now that I think about it. I'm still adding to my playlist every day. I took it off my profile because I felt like everyone had seen it, but the real playlist is on my phone, and has almost two hundred songs. It helps me get into the writing mood so I'm definitely keeping it.
PureAwesomeness13- Thanks for the review! It's funny that you asked that because I have a note to put it in one of the chapters after the Mudblood scene. It will either be in the "save your breath" scene that directly follows it or another one that's a little after it. I wanted to use the flashbacks that JKR provided, but I also wanted to use a confrontation of my own, so there will be another big confrontation after the "save your breath" one.
Jacqueline- Thanks for the review! About the language, Severus is a thirteen year old boy. He's not going to use the same formal vocabulary that he does when he's an adult. In flashbacks, he says " loads," "definitely," and "d'you," which seem pretty casual to me.
Chapter Fifty-Two- The Future
1974
Severus could remember his first time in Diagon Alley as if it were yesterday. Everything had been bright and cheery with bustling stores and laughing witches and wizards. Owls had hooted cheerfully above the sound of friends reuniting with old friends. The cobbled streets had been so crowded that they had been nearly impossible to navigate through. It had been so magical that the atmosphere itself seemed to glitter.
But now, everything had changed.
It may have been early August, but there was not a trace of sunlight. The clouds above were thick and heavy and seemed to hang even lower than usual. A strange fog oozed through the air, nearly opaque, creating an unnerving sensation of entrapment. The stores no longer bustled; about half or so were boarded up. There was a decent amount of witches and wizards on the misty streets, but they were no longer laughing. Groups were huddled together, darting suspicions glances at those who had once been their friends. What had once glittered seemed to be haunted by fear.
"What happened, Sev?" Lily whispered, not tearing her green eyes away from the scene. She was clutching her arms nervously, her look of horror unmistakable.
"He happened, Lily," Severus said shortly, moving closer to her as he eyed a scraggly wizard with cool mistrust. The wizard caught his gaze and looked down, hastening his pace as he brushed by. "You-Know-Who."
"But he didn't come here," Lily protested, her nose wrinkling. "Someone would have told us."
"He didn't have to," Severus said. "They ran anyway. They're scared."
He wondered if he should have felt the terror that Lily wore so visibily, that all of them seem to wear, but he did not. Instead, he felt more intrigued than ever by Voldemort. Just the mere thought of him had sent hundreds scurrying away. Severus wondered how it would feel to be that powerful.
"I'm glad that Dad couldn't come with us. I wouldn't want him to see…this. I suppose we should start then." Lily paused uncertainly, obviously not wanting to dwell on their surroundings. She unfolded her list of school supplies with pale, trembling hands, looking nervously around. Severus was secretly pleased when she took a step closer to him, so close that her hair tickled his cheek. "Should we go to Flourish and Blotts first?"
"Fine by me," Severus agreed, sorry to have an excuse to move. He shoved his hands into the pockets of the oversized coat that had once belonged to Tobias. By now, he was nearly immune to the musty scent of stale alcohol and cigarettes that had lingered over the years. Looking over his shoulder to ensure that Lily was still by his side, he led the way.
During their previous visits to Diagon Alley, Lily hadn't been able to stop chattering for more than a few mere seconds. This time, she was oddly silent, the fear evident in her bright green eyes. While she may have been terrified, she refused to duck her head down like so many of the other passing witches and wizards. Her head remained firmly high, as if she refused to give into her fears, something that Severus couldn't help but admire.
At Flourish and Blotts, Severus's eyes were immediately drawn to a grisly looking book on a rather dusty shelf. Before inspecting the book more closely, he glanced warily at Lily. She was scanning the cover of The Charm of Charms. She caught his gaze and misread it. "Demetra Vane suggested it to me. She's in Charms Club."
"Charms Club?" Severus scoffed.
"It sounds like fun," Lily said, frowning slightly at him. "I was thinking about joining."
Severus scowled. Lily was one of the most talented witches he knew and she wanted to waste her skills on Charms? There were so many other subjects, so many other useful subjects.
"Charms are just as useful as any other subject. Maybe even more useful," Lily continued as if she had read his mind. "And Flitwick said that I would be really good for the club."
"I don't doubt that," Severus said quickly, disliking the defensive note in her voice. "You're the top of our class. But Charms Club is a lot of extra work. They meet twice a week."
"I'm sure I can handle it," Lily said with such certainty that Severus knew there was no point in arguing. Even though he was far from happy with her decision, he was relieved to see her face soften, a sure sign that her prickliness on the subject had melted away. As he searched his mind for a way to talk some sense into her, Lily's arm grazed his as she reached above, causing all rational thoughts to evaporate. Automatically, he drew in his breath.
"We need that book for Divination," Lily explained, her green eyes narrowing at the shelf as she stretched as far as she could to no avail.
Annoyed with himself, Severus sobered, willing himself to stay in control. It had been the slightest form of contact possible, but his arm still felt electrified from her touch. He didn't fully understand why Lily affected him the way she did. She had always had an effect on him, ever since the first day he had saw her. It was an effect that had been slowly building up throughout the years, bewildering and somehow, invigorating. But Severus did know that he couldn't lose all his senses over something as foolish as a simple arm graze. Grimacing to himself, he tried to push all thoughts from his mind, his usual serious expression flitting into place.
But he couldn't stay solemn for long. Severus watched in growing amusement as Lily stood tiptoe, her fingers frantically clawing for the textbook. Determined as usual, she leapt for the book, the idea of asking for help plainly never entering her mind. Severus waited patiently for a minute or two, but his lips were quivering when he finally extended a hand and effortlessly retrieved two copies. Wordlessly, he offered one to Lily.
Lily made a face at him, but she accepted the book. "Show-off."
"Midget."
"I'm not that short!" Lily said with such indignation, Severus barely held back a laugh. Her cheeks were still pink from jumping up and down and her curls were somewhat wild. Even so, her eyes seemed brighter and more captivating than ever. "You're just ridiculously tall. You're practically a giant. A brooding giant."
"A brooding giant," Severus mused, glancing up at the next shelf where their Herbology textbook was. It was a shelf higher than the Divination one had been. Suddenly, his black eyes were alight with a certain sparkle, a sparkle that could only come from being in Lily's presence. "I wonder how you'll get the rest of your books."
"A brilliant brooding giant," Lily said quickly, following his gaze with a wince. "A very nice, brilliant, brooding giant."
Severus paused and then shrugged, his lips forming a faint crooked grin. "I suppose it's better than 'freak'," he said, handing Lily the Herbology volume.
Lily shook her head vehemently. "No, 'freak' is a compliment. Would you rather be perfect? According to Petunia, Vernon Dursley is perfect."
Severus stared at her. "I prefer freak."
"We're both freaks," Lily said with a slight smile.
There was that smile again, the smile that never failed to make the constant load on his shoulders lighten immediately. Suddenly, the gray and fear that threatened to suffocate the wizarding world seemed to fade away. Diagon Alley seemed to shine once more. In those glorious few minutes, everything was perfect.
It wasn't until they had left Flourish and Blotts that reality sunk in once again, sharp and blinding. Severus then remembered that the real world was something far different from the one he shared with Lily. Reality was cold. It was painful. It was real. Life wasn't perfect. Far from it.
But with Lily, it was so easy to forget.
1974
It was quiet.
Too quiet.
"Sev," Lily said suddenly, purposely jostling her swing into his. Severus had been staring blankly ahead, with the same little frown that meant he had been lost in deep thought. "What do you want to be after Hogwarts?"
Severus dug his feet into the ground to keep his swing from swaying. When he stopped, he looked at Lily strangely for a moment. "I told you. I want to be someone."
"And I told you, you already are," Lily said, not at all satisfied with his answer. "Anyway, I was hoping for something a little more specific."
"I don't know," Severus said. "I haven't thought about it much."
"That doesn't sound like you," Lily's forehead furrowed, having the unwelcome sensation that he was lying. It seemed as if he was looking at her without actually seeing her, which was the same feeling Lily had whenever he was hiding something. It was a feeling that she didn't like at all.
"Well, I haven't!" Severus said hotly. He seemed to realize his reaction and took a deep breath. "Sorry, I didn't mean it like that. The future just seems more complicated than I thought it would be."
There was something behind his words, something that Lily didn't understand. But she didn't dwell on it. She didn't want to. "I think you'll save the world," she said staunchly.
Severus laughed, but it was humorless. When his eyes met hers, the feeling was gone, and that was enough for Lily.
"You could!" Lily said, warming up to the concept, especially now that her uneasiness had vanished. What had begun as one of her fanciful ideas, courtesy of a wild imagination, now began to take shape in the back of her mind. Severus may have been a great deal grouchier than the traditional heroes she had read about, but she could still picture it. He was endlessly loyal and her very best friend. In her mind, there was no one better. "You could be the one to end the war. You could really make a difference."
"I'm not going to end the war, Lily."
"You don't know that. You could. You're different."
"What do you mean by that?" Severus asked, his eyes narrowed, clearly uncertain whether to take her words as a compliment or not.
"You're a Slytherin and you're best friends with a Muggle-born," Lily said impatiently, astonished that he didn't see it. It seemed so obvious to her. "You're brave. You don't care what the other Slytherins think."
Severus was beginning to look immensely uncomfortable. But Lily plowed ahead, hurried and unstoppable.
"You don't. Not really. If you did, you wouldn't want to be friends with me."
"Well, we know that wouldn't ever happen," Severus said scornfully. "But it's not just about bravery. Any idiot can be brave."
"You're more than just brave," Lily rolled her eyes. "Bravery isn't such a bad thing, Sev, just because it's a Gryffindor trait. You're ambitious too. Better?"
"Much better," Severus shifted in his swing, looking increasingly awkward at the praise. He seemed to realize the sooner that he went along with her plans, the better. That suited Lily just fine. "I'll accept brave too. Without the idiocy."
"Good!" Lily beamed at him, pleased that she wouldn't have to push him into the river later. "Which is why you're going to save the world."
"Fine," Severus said reluctantly with a sigh. "I'm going to save the world. What are you going to do?"
"I don't know," Lily shrugged, realizing that she had put much more thought into Severus's destiny than into her own. She studied the playground for inspiration, even more ideas flashing through her mind at lightning speed. There were so many possibilities, most likely hundreds more that she didn't even know of. In some ways, the wizarding world was still a mystery to her. All she did know was that she wanted to do something that mattered. "Maybe become a Healer. Or an Auror. If the war is still going on, I know that I'll want to help. I want to do something important… Something worthwhile."
"I know you will," Severus said, studying her with even more intensity than usual, his black eyes focused on her and her alone. But Lily was too engrossed in the ideas that were bubbling rapidly in her mind, already beginning to boil over.
"We could work together," Lily said excitedly. "Remember when we were younger? We said we would. And that we would have our own house."
Without warning, Lily's cheeks felt hot. They had been only nine then. It had been a fantasy, childish and innocent. It had only been five years, but the words held a different meaning now. When she saw Severus's face grow ashen, she mentally kicked herself. She hadn't meant for it to sound like that. "Not that we would be married or anything," Lily added hastily. "We could have two houses. Right next to each other. We could be next door neighbors!"
She said the last part with too much cheer. Severus didn't meet her eyes and Lily was sure that she had scared him. Hoping to distract him, Lily began to twist around in her swing, causing the chains to interlace noisily.
"What are you doing?" Severus asked finally, watching her.
Lily didn't stop moving until her swing was fully wound. When she stopped, she said nothing and offered Severus a mysterious smile and nothing more. Finally, she let go, and began to spin wildly about, colliding into a baffled Severus more than once. When her swing had at last come to a stop, she looked his way, unable to abstain from giggling at his expression. "It's fun. Try it, Sev."
"No."
"Why not?"
"Because we're not children anymore."
Lily frowned at him. "You sound like Petunia."
"That's disturbing."
"We're fourteen. Not forty. I don't care what people think. When I'm forty, I'm going to still jump off swings," Lily said determinedly. "What's the point of living if you can't even have fun?"
"You sound like Potter."
"That's even more disturbing," Lily shuddered. "Will you try it already? Before I start messing up my hair and talking about Quidditch."
Severus looked alarmed. Immediately, he began twisting his swing around just as she had done before. Lily did the same, peeking from the corner of her eye to make sure that Severus was actually following through.
"Now!" Lily announced triumphantly. She heard Severus mutter beneath his breath, but simultaneously, they began spiraling around. The world swirled around Lily, the shimmer of blue sky above, the shiny glint of metal from the playground, the fresh sheen of the grass around them… It paused every so often when their swings crashed into each other, brief but painful.
"I feel sick," Severus moaned when it was over.
"Let's jump off now," Lily suggested brightly, unaffected by his familiar grumbles. "Then we can practice Potions."
Severus mumbled something inaudible but he obeyed. He and Lily began swinging high in the air, in perfect harmony. As Lily leaned as far back as she could, she relished the sensation of the wind whipping through her hair. There was something freeing about it, something that Lily had always loved, that had remained unchanged over the years. Bryony had forbidden her to jump off long ago. Young Lily had predictably resisted, insisting that it was like flying. She had claimed that it was magic, and that magic would never hurt her.
She had been laughing when she had said those words. It had felt magical, but she hadn't dared believe in magic then. She had considered the concept more than once, but it had been her secret then, a frail fantasy that would crumble the second she took it seriously. The idea had excited and terrified her all at once. But she hadn't dared believe. Not until Severus.
At the highest point, Lily leapt off the swing, fully trusting the magic that swept her through the air. She could feel her heart pounding in exhilaration, the same exhilaration that never seemed to falter even though she had jumped off countless times before. Once her feet had firmly landed on the ground, she was more convinced than ever.
When she grew up, she wouldn't be too old for anything. There would never be a dull moment. Not only for her, but for Severus too.
