A/N: Based on the new episode and the promo for the upcoming one.
Fear
She stares at the potion in her hand, at how the color seems to shine a little brighter every time she turns it between her fingers, and it seems so simple. It's not like she has any other choice, she can't risk hurting anyone she loves ever again – can't take the look in their eyes as if she's some kind of monster that might hurt them. She used to think she'd never be capable of such things, but now she's no longer sure and it hurts to close her eyes, because all she sees is the look in her mother's eyes as her father fell to the ground.
("There's always a choice, Emma. They could've kept you. They could've figured out something else. They could've tried." The snow queen's voice rings inside Emma's head and she's helpless to do anything but listen).
Someone rushes into the station, soon followed by another pair of footsteps, and Emma doesn't have to look up to know who it is. She thinks it might be an illusion of what she wants most in the world – for people to love her for who she is – but she knows it can't be, not when she is what she is. She's afraid to meet their eyes – afraid of the horror she might see and the way her heart will break when she does – so she keeps them on the bottle.
("You can't love somebody you don't understand." Her mind repeats the same words over and over again until she's unsure of what love really is and if she's ever had it.)
"Emma," her father says, a plea in his voice. "You're stronger than she is."
She shakes her head, the lump in her throat filling her eyes with tears. "I'm not." She removes the cork, watches the blue liquid from above. "This is for the best. I – I don't want to hurt anyone."
"And you won't," Killian says then and she hears him take another step closer to her. Her heart skips a beat and she feels her magic tingling on the tips of her fingers.
"No!" She backs away from them both until she hits the wall. "Please stay away, I don't want to hurt you."
She lifts the bottle to her lips.
"Don't do this." His voice carries something else this time, something more than a plea or pity, and so her eyes instinctively goes to his, steadied for whatever fear she might find there – only to frown as soon as her gaze is fixed upon his. He doesn't seem scared. In fact, his eyes has a warmth in them that makes her falter on her conviction that she has to get rid of her magic in order not to hurt anyone.
She lowers the vial, but keeps it in a hard grip by her side even though her hand shakes. "It – it's what you all want. So you don't have to be afraid of me anymore."
"We're not. I'm not." Killian speaks as if he's never been more sure of anything in his entire life and she doesn't know what to do.
David takes another step forward just as Killian had done. "Emma, I promise that we're not afraid of you. No one is." As slow as she can manage, she lets herself meet her father's eyes as well, and sees nothing but the same warmth Killian has in his. Could it be –
"Swan, drinking that potion is not the answer," Killian says and she looks back at him.
"Why not? It would make it all easier."
"Your magic is part of you, love. It would be like losing a hand."
She laughs – can't help herself. Leave it to the 300 year old pirate to be able to make her laugh when she's at her worst. "Is that supposed to be funny?"
He smiles. "Only if you think so." He takes a few more hesitant steps forward until he's standing just a few feet away. He lets his hook curl around her wrist, as if he's afraid she'll run again. "Don't let her win. Prove to her that it's possible to have magic and a family at the same time, Swan."
"Are you included in family, then?" It comes out barely an audible whisper, even though she meant for it to be a quick comeback, but she can tell he has heard it by the small raise of his eyebrows.
"I can be included in whatever you want, love."
She looks down at her hands – doesn't miss the exchange between Killian and her father after his words – and sees they don't glow any longer, like they had the day before. She takes a deep breath, still not certain it wouldn't be better to just drink the potion and get rid of her magic once and for all, but still stretches out her arm so that her father can grab the vial, which he does quickly and without any further questions.
Her legs shake as if she's been drained from all of her energy and she's just about to sink down to the floor when Killian takes the last step towards her and curls his arms around her body, and lets her lean against him.
Something loosens up inside of her, and when she takes a deep breath, her head against his shoulder, it feels like she's coming up from air, having been only seconds away from drowning.
(Her father destroys the vial with the contents still inside and gives her a hug that tells her so much more than any words could.
With him and Killian there she remembers that she does have love in her life and that it doesn't come with the price of giving up part of who you are.)
