An: Hello! So, you can expect some more emotional ups and downs in this chapter as well as a plot twist I am very curious to hear your thoughts about. This is another lengthy chapter, but I'm sure you have come to expect that from me, since I can't seem to help myself! Haha. All big plot stuff in this chapter however, I promise! I want to thank everyone for reading, reviewing and following this story! You guys keep me going! Be sure to leave a review if you get the chance and leave me with your thoughts. Now, on with the chapter!
Big thank you to MerkinViolet for looking over this chapter for me! I greatly appreciate it!
Disclaimer: I don't own the Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, all that credit goes to all the amazing creators at Bethesda Softworks. All original characters such as Elvi, Darius, Evander, Keaira and Ylva belong to me. As does the original story.
"I'm your rock n' roll Joan of arc
The queen of broken hearts
I'm here to save the world, but who will save super girl?
What if I'm weak and I need you tonight?
I hate it... I hate it when you see me cry"
-Hate it when you see me cry, Halestorm
Elvi knew Harkon was approaching but she couldn't bring herself to care. She didn't know why she believed that he would give her some space after the grand entrance she had made but she had hoped he would take the hint and just leave her alone. As she marched through the empty corridors without a clue where she was going, Elvi remained invisible. How she wished that her power could be so much deeper than it was tonight. She wished that she could just disappear from the world as well as sight. It was just too much. It felt like there was a literal storm raging in her mind. It brought agony to both her temples and her eyes. She couldn't think past the pain or the ever-shifting images that assaulted her mind. Her vision began to blur, so much so that it appeared as though the very walls she passed were melting into a colorless sludge around her. And this storm was something neither man nor beast could conquer. Any time Elvi tried to shift her thoughts, they would revert back to her own darkness despite all her struggles. It was as if a heavy wind had spun her around and forced her to face the terrors in her mind. She couldn't continue to ignore them; they were no longer quiet. Her consuming fears demanded her attention and they caused all of Elvi's inner strength to fade away. Her pride, her love, her determination—all of it was useless to her now.
Each step seemed to bring forth a different memory. First it would be filled with light. A painless sunshine was beating down on her as she battled a dragon to protect another defenseless village. She could practically feel the warmth on her flesh from the vivid memory. The next step caused the image of herself ripping apart a bandit in her werewolf form to flash to the front of her mind. With each second that passed, Elvi was visited with the contradicting memories that was her life. What irony. A villain wearing a hero's mask for so long. She didn't even realize she had worn a mask at all. How naïve that daring hero in her memory was. To think that she could be anything other than the beast that tugged at her mind and controlled her flesh. Only in these moments was the monster inside also quiet. A burning curiosity remained in Elvi's mind and it was her only priority—finding an answer to this increasingly deep question. One she had dismissed for far too long. Who was she?
As she continued to walk down whatever twists and turns the castle's corridors led her, Elvi began to chuckle from under her breath. The vision around her remained a warped version of reality. She couldn't identify anything tangible if she tried to. The continuous thoughts, rage, and memories continued in their wicked fury and the pain grew in her head the harder she tried to fight past it. Was this what it felt like to break? To not be capable of rational thought while being stuck in one's mind? Their bodies moving and reacting as they pleased? Did her sanity at last leave her too in this unforgiving world? Did it turn its back on her as so many others had?
The few framed paintings on this gray stone wall became something else entirely through Elvi's distorted vision. The mundane art that displayed ordinary subjects—a landscape or flowers in a vase—were replaced with still images from her past. She snapped her head towards the wall but continued about her speedy pace. These paintings showed contradicting images as well. They showed her triumphs in both the light and in darkness. She halted once she saw the final three. They were out of sequence, but held a deep meaning to her. The first was a painting of her attacking Alduin as he attempted to destroy her with his fiery breath. The flames took up the entire left and right side of the painting but the image of her leaping at him with her swords drawn remained uncorrupted. The proud determination was captured perfectly on her face. She remembered that feeling. The feeling of glorious victory, knowing that because of her the world would continue to turn. It wouldn't be sent into chaos because of all her effort and sacrifice. How amazing, that she felt so together, so confident, so certain after that battle—only to be thrown into an endless spiral after that victory. The one next to it depicted Elvi as she was now: an immortal terror with blood splashed chaotically across her face. A small path that led to her was littered with the bodies of the dead. A cold, lifeless expression was on her face. It seemed current, but Elvi couldn't place when that moment in her life had occurred. The last painting gained her attention the most out of the three, however, and she fixated on it the longest. The storm raged even further out of control at the very sight. The third painting showed her and Kodlak standing side by side. Elvi was so much younger in the painting than she was today, and Kodlak was alive and well. He was smiling at her and she was looking up at him in admiration.
So young… so certain that she had the world figured out. What she wouldn't give to have Kodlak with her now. To have her father take her by the hand and lead her down the path she was meant to travel. With him she could be free from thought, from this crushing weight. He would know what to say. He always knew what to say. Kodlak kept her together. Not condemning the beast within her, but restricting it from corrupting her entirely. Father, I need you now,she whispered in her chaotic mind—but that's all it could ever be. A whisper. A puff of smoke that would evaporate in her hands if she tried to grasp it. He couldn't hear her, therefore he could never answer her. How out of place that loving picture looked while hung next to one of a demon. A nightmare. And despite how much pride she may have felt for her new race, she sincerely didn't want Kodlak to look at her. To be next to the painting that perfectly captured how she was today.
During her descent into madness, Elvi yanked the painting of Kodlak from the wall and slung it onto the opposite one. She destroyed it, just as she had destroyed everything. She destroyed everything from her past while successfully damning her future in the process. The closest thing Elvi could hang onto or call a family she would have to murder. And there was no family after her. She was damned, doomed. Destined to forever walk this world as the villain she was built to conquer. Her values were shot, all of them. To hold her Companions in the highest regard while holding Harkon at the same level… that alone was madness. How she wanted to no longer care, wanted to let them die without batting an eye, but she just couldn't. She knew she was a vampire and she knew she was a monster. So in these moments, wasn't all of that supposed to go away? Wasn't the compassion supposed to fade? Wasn't all this damn love supposed to vanish? Why did it remain? Why was she being tormented? She made her choice. It was supposed to be easier now!
Once the frame of the painting shattered and the wood that held it together splintered apart, Elvi continued her mindless pace through the castle. If she ran fast enough would all the thoughts stop? Would she leave them behind? Could anything make it stop?
Harkon turned the corner down that very corridor after hearing the sound of the painting crashing against the wall. At last he saw Elvi—just before she vanished again. When his boot found the shattered golden frame on the floor he raised an eyebrow. The ripped remainder of the portrait was of a distant relative of his from the time he was still mortal and such trivial relations had mattered. He didn't know why Elvi would choose to abolish that particular portrait unless she was simply suffering under a fit of rage and wanted to destroy anything in her path. He could sympathize with that feeling, though he had no clue why his beloved was so distraught. His eyes found the enchanted Nordic gauntlet next. Its entirety was surrounded by a rosy glow. Seeing this should have brought him some relief, but instead a panic started to overtake him. If she was so willing to chase after this bit of armor why would she leave it forgotten in some corridor in a part of the castle his kin rarely visited? With so many questions unanswered, he decided that it was of the upmost importance to find Elvi and now. He no longer allowed himself to walk at a human's speed. He rushed after the overwhelming emotions that seemed to exude from Elvi in hopes that he could find her before she succumbed to them.
When Elvi found herself at a pause, the brisk night air told her that she was standing on the balcony of the castle. Yet she saw no stars, or even the black ocean underneath her. She saw only her own misery. Darkness. Night never seemed as bleak as it did this night. It was as though her true darkness was encompassing the world around her. She leaned on the railing and her eyes travelled downward. A pit seemed to be forming under her sight. A pit of destruction, one that could carry her away, if she chose. How easy it would be. How poetic… to fall…
"Elvi." Harkon repeated for the hundredth time in less than an hour's time frame. He noticeably relaxed at her presence but was still a little frustrated that she had yet to acknowledge him. In his normal, commanding voice he added, "Why did you not answer me when I called for you?"
"I knew you would want to speak with me and I wish to be alone," Elvi answered honestly. It was really all she was capable of, to form that vague explanation. Though he would persist. He always did.
"You wish to be alone?" Harkon asked gently. Elvi had to give the vampire lord his dues. His voice alone seemed to help the fragments that were her mind knit back together. If she had to pick her favorite feature of Harkon's, it had to be his voice. The lord was far from at ease now, however. It was a simple request, one that he would have granted were her emotions not so powerful. Something was wrong and he had to mend it. No other options lay before him.
"Elvi, what happened in Solitude?" was a start. It was the only knowledge he had to go on since she had been away from him for the better part of three hours. To further his concern, his lady began to chuckle. A low and manic chuckle. One unlike any he had ever heard her utter. Harkon took a few steps closer to her despite the venom she quickly threw in his direction.
"What happened, indeed?" was her only response. All her love, fear, and devotion for him was vacant as her tongue moved freely. Why conceal anything now? It was just the same old story with them. They would never be at peace. It was neither of their natures to be at peace with anything. That included each other. Before Harkon could question her further, Elvi spun around, allowing him to at last be graced with the sight of her. His brows quivered for a moment when he distinctly saw pain cracking across her face. Elvi leaned back on the railing with her arms propped against them. With her height, the railing held up a majority of her weight, which was a slight comfort at the moment, though Harkon moved closer to her once he saw this. Though this part of the castle was centuries old, he knew it could still support her, yet instinct caused him to rush towards her. He even prepared himself to dive after her if she did manage to lose her place and fall from the balcony's incredible height.
"Want to know what happened?" she pressed, as if he hadn't asked in the first place. Her eyes reflected something that truly frightened the ancient vampire. There was an unhinged quality there and all Harkon cared about once he saw his beloved's eyes was finding out why.
"A past client made good on his promise and I was given the armor I described to you. During my time in Solitude, a villager saw my red eyes, pale skin, and knew what I was. I was attacked. During the brawl, you know what I discovered? That my company and I weren't the only vampires that graced Solitude. Two vampires I have never seen before were ambushed by the guard and destroyed. Vampires that resembled the Volkihar. But that couldn't be, right? Because were that so, it would mean that you had to be the one that sent them there. Wouldn't it?" She narrowed her eyes at him. She wanted him to lie. To attempt to talk his way out of it, but he merely stood still, gazing at her. His expression had yet to falter. Seeing this drove Elvi even further into insanity. His award-winning composure had become so very tiresome. One could only enjoy conversing with a stone for so long.
"You sent your whimpering servants after me to spy on my activities in Solitude—don't deny it!" she shouted, wanting desperately for him to move, frown, or speak, but he remained statuesque in his position. Elvi felt her arms shaking as she gripped onto the railing even tighter. She wasn't going to put up with whatever elegant falsehood he was preparing in that brilliant mind of his. She had proof, there was no side-stepping this issue anymore.
"I had no intention of denying it. Of course I never intended for you to discover them, but it wouldn't be the first time the herd has foiled my plans. They were expendable, and therefore their worth in battle proved useless tonight. I had to be sure that you were telling me the truth, dearest, and this was my only means of ensuring that." Each sentence left his lips like a calm breeze, as if he had nothing to feel guilty for. His eyes traveled to the city in the distance and he noted that it was unusually bright for this time of night. Something had to have stirred the humans up, that much was plain to see. Elvi rolled her eyes. She couldn't think properly enough to explain exactly why he should feel guilty for his actions, and again, she just wanted to be alone.
"Well, I am so sorry that you have lost the truth with them, since my lips are apparently incapable of speaking it. Keaira accompanied me the entire journey and she witnessed both of the vampires' demise as plainly as I did, if you still require another source. And I have the enchanted armor I told you I was meant to receive, but I'm sure you will find another reason to distrust me, you always do." She reached out to hand the gauntlet to him, but when she noted her empty hand, Elvi could only stare at it in confusion. She had it just a moment ago…
All of Harkon's guarded exterior dropped when he saw the lost look in Elvi's eyes. She even went so far as to search for the gauntlet she had dropped some time ago. This was dangerous ground he was traipsing upon. If her anger towards him was causing this level of lunacy, then he could very well damage the situation rather than soothe it, but he couldn't leave her in this state. He just couldn't.
"I saw the armor," he stated simply as he took careful steps closer to Elvi, who was still turning her head from side to side in search of the missing gauntlet. "If Keaira went with you I have no reason to question you further. In my experience the vampiress has yet to indulge in falsehood. My worry stemmed from you leaving on your own, anyhow. Had I known Keaira assisted you, I would have never sent them after you."
"Do you believe that will provide me solace, Harkon? You stand before me, claiming that I have your trust, yet every single thing you do shows me otherwise. Or were you lying when you said that you would attempt to be more trusting of me?"
"Attempt, dearest. Know that the effort is not lacking, but you cannot deny that the circumstances in which you left me was out of the ordinary. After tonight I was prepared to take you at your word after consulting my servants. I had to be certain, Elvi. You must understand that my trust isn't something easily gained. I have warned you of this several times in the past. I have seen the armor and after speaking with Keaira I will have the insurance I need. Then we can start anew, which is something we both truly need," Harkon said firmly, but the panic that lurked in his heart hadn't lessened. He wanted her to understand, he needed her to understand. This was a trait Harkon had harbored even in his mortal life. It wasn't something that would easily falter, even in the presence of the single greatest love of his life. A notion Elvi quickly fired back on.
"So, you openly announce your love for me, yet your trust doesn't come with it? What else can I do, Harkon? How can I move on from my past mistakes, the ones I have already apologized for, if I cannot prove my intentions now?"
This really was something that needed to be addressed but that storm kept taking Elvi's mind elsewhere. It was truly maddening. When Harkon kept up his damn silent act, Elvi turned her back on him once more. Her eyes lingered on the buzzing town in the distance. All searching for the monster that had escaped justice. Should she have just stayed? Allowed them to take their justified revenge and stop this ravenous beast before she continued to harm the world? She didn't know anymore. She couldn't think about anything other than the fact that she was an absolute joke. Elvi, the vampire lord with compassion for the mortal herd—all while carrying a true hatred for mankind. How could that possibly make sense, even to the keenest of minds? Harkon kept his eyes on Elvi as his brain went into overdrive in order to rationalize her strange behavior. They could revisit this topic later. He had to find the true root of the problem if any progression was to be made. He noted that she continued to stare at the capital city in the distance, so he asked her in a calm but demanding tone:
"Elvi, what else happened in Solitude?"
His assumption combined with the depth of his voice sent a chill throughout Elvi's body. How he always seemed to know without knowing. Most would think it to be a gift, but for Elvi it was a bloody annoyance. As was the avoidance of her question, one that he had continuously left unanswered. Now he wanted her to answer him? No, she wasn't going to speak it. She wasn't going to re-live it, to feel the sting of reality once more in her delicate mind. She just wanted to be alone. Somewhere these damn threatening tears could fall in peace. She was angry at Harkon. He sure as hell wasn't going to see her cry. No one was. Never again. If she had to lock herself away in some unknown crypt somewhere in Skyrim to ensure it, that's what she would do.
"Just leave me be," Elvi said softly. Her voice so quiet, were it not for Harkon's supernatural hearing, he would have missed it.
"Elvi, don't shut me out because you're angry with me. Tell me what happened, why you're acting so distraught. It is utter torment for me to see you this way without even an inkling as to why. I don't know what it is you are going through, but you don't have to do it on your own. Let me bear some of that weight," Harkon said as smoothly as he could. When he stood directly behind her and placed a comforting hand on Elvi's shoulder, she jerked away from him as if his touch had burned her. She even scrambled to the other side of the balcony to escape him. Slowly, Harkon curled his fingers into a fist, then let his arm fall back to its resting place at his side. It wasn't in anger, no, but in pain—a pain he had never experienced before. Seeing Elvi jerk away from him was like a fresh stab to his chest with a dull knife. He wanted her to go to him when she had a problem, not avoid him and shun his signs of affection. Elvi was too frustrated to look back and see the look on Harkon's face, one that she would have been happy to miss anyway. It was hard to stay angry at him when his face clearly showed his sorrow. That was the problem with Harkon—he hovered. He just had to know everything that was going on in her life and it was pointless. It wasn't as though he could fix the problem, so why bother him with it?
"Leave. Me. Alone," Elvi said in frustration. The storm continued to rage on, and every time she so much as blinked she saw the little boy's frightened face. The image burned in her mind and she was certain it would replace the haunting memory of Astrid's eyes in her darkest nightmares. More so, she knew it wouldn't be long before she broke. That she would become a broken, whimpering mess on the floor, and she wasn't about to let Harkon see her that way. Not again.
"No," Harkon replied with simplicity, but the certainty in his commanding voice told Elvi that he wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. She quickly looked over her shoulder and saw Harkon standing firmly in place with his arms crossed impatiently across his chest. Elvi rolled her eyes once more and considered physically moving him, but when she recalled how the man stood as a mountain did, she dismissed it. She just wanted some privacy. That wasn't too much to ask for, was it? As soon as she revealed the truth to him, she would look like an idiot. He'd probably even chastise her and it definitely wasn't what she needed right now.
"Fine," Elvi mumbled as she concluded that the only way to get him away from her was to spill her guts all over the place as she always did. Without so much as looking at him, she retold the events in Solitude, excluding the details that could possibly get her into trouble. She told him that she was discovered after she saved a little boy from certain death, the crowd's reaction, everything. A small sense of relief washed over her simply from getting the incident off her chest, but she just wanted him to leave now. No follow-up questions like, Well, Elvi, why does that bother you so much? You know the herd's reaction towards our kind, blah, blah, blah! Because. It mattered to her because she deluded herself into thinking that her sometimes-good intentions would be enough for a child to still look at her without fear. That she had a chance to help and nurture again. Maybe to one person maybe she could still be a hero. She could still be good… and she wasn't rotten to the core. Just as everyone always told her she was. There was a brief silence after her explanation before Harkon spoke to her.
"Elvi." It was a whisper, but he knew the Dragonborn heard him. Still she kept her back to him and refused to acknowledge him. "Elvi, look at me. I wish to see your face when speaking to you."
"What can you say?" Elvi asked as she finally turned around to face the vampire lord. The expression on her face caused Harkon's heart to freeze in his chest. His blood always felt like an icy river that flowed in his veins, yet they froze over solid when his request was granted. Even in his darkest nightmares he never thought he would see the look of anger mixed with so much pain clearly painted across Elvi's face as it was currently. With a sharp and shaky breath, Elvi continued,
"What words can you provide that could possibly give me any comfort? Can you tell me that I'm not the monster that children fear?! That the very image of me won't haunt their nightmares?! That I am not one of the evil creatures all parents warn their children about at night? I am the very monster I've devoted my entire life to destroying!" By the time she finished her sentence the villagers' words echoed loudly in her head along with the countless others' before them. She physically placed her hands over her ears in attempt to quiet the truth from reaching her, but to no avail. When she blinked and looked up, she saw Harkon standing only a few inches from her. Somehow he had managed to take both of her hands and pull them to her sides without her detecting his movements. He kept his hands on her wrists in case she attempted to struggle away from him, but Elvi could barely register that he had a hold of her at all.
"Dearest, listen to me. That boy, from this day forward, will remember you as the woman that saved his life. Not as the villain you paint yourself as. It's easy for children to become frightened when the people around them are uneasy. Only he and you know what really occurred tonight. Children are very observant beings and they are grateful in ways that their seniors could never be. Give the boy credit, Elvi. He knew what you were before anyone else around him. That's enough to show you that he isn't as easily swayed as the adults around him."
"What would you know?" Elvi hissed as she jerked her hands from Harkon's grasp. "You didn't see the look on the boy's face when the crowd began their jeering! You may revel in mortals trembling before you but that doesn't mean that I always do." Without anywhere to place her anger, she directed it solely upon Harkon. He had continuously deceived her, after all. He deserved it.
"Children, you mean," Harkon corrected in Harkon-fashion. Direct and to the point, his emotions continuing to be hidden from his voice as well as expression. "Say what this is really about, dearest. When you imagined taking your vengeance out on the world you didn't fathom innocent children suffering in the same way. Your nature drives you to protect just strongly as it does to destroy, and children are the only beings worth saving in your eyes since you have seen the true face of mankind."
As accurate as that statement may have been… it still drove Elvi wild. His perception of her seemed to always be profound while he was still a puzzle to her. But how could he reallyknow? He was just assuming—it wasn't as though he could still read her mind. Not that he could sort out anything coherent in the catastrophe that was her mind currently. So there he stood, all noble and proud as if he had her all figured out, when in reality he was just guessing. Something about this pushed Elvi over the edge and before she knew it, her fist was planted firmly in his chest as she delivered the mightiest blow she could muster in the moment. He grunted at the sudden pain and the surprise of it caused him to take a step backwards, which was precisely what Elvi wanted, but the assault didn't end there. She repeatedly punched at Harkon's armored chest as she shouted,
"How dare you! You don't know a damn thing about me! You think just because you have seen a few glimpses of my past it's the same as living it! You have no idea what I have sacrificed over the years, the pain I have felt, the burden it is just to awake in the morning, knowing that the world views you differently! I'm not allowed to make mistakes, I'm not supposed to have desires of my own! I shouldn't have listened to you, I should have just remained Tamriel's protector! At least everything made sense then! I don't know what to do anymore!"
All while her tirade continued, her punches became less and less powerful. By the end, it was as though she was weakly knocking on a door versus taking out her inner torment on the vampire lord. Harkon never stopped her. After that first surprised step backwards he remained perfectly still and allowed even the strongest of Elvi's strikes to hit him at full force. This didn't console Elvi in the slightest since now she had that dreaded guilt gripping at her. Harkon had yet to retaliate. He should be hitting her back, stopping her blows, threatening her… something. Not just taking the brunt of her aggression when he was only trying to comfort her. When he remained still and her last mindless assault met its target, the tears fell. With one quick breath, Elvi began to sob uncontrollably, and with all her weight pressed against Harkon, she slowly began to slide down him and onto the floor. Harkon caught her before she could fall, but instead of pulling her up he bent his knees and comfortably positioned her on the balcony's ground. He was unsure if she could hold herself up any longer, so he decided to cradle her while in a kneeling stance instead.
When Elvi heard the melody of Harkon's heartbeat enter her ears, she sobbed even harder, mourning the fact that her own heart remained lifeless. It was as dead as her convictions. She looked up at Harkon and didn't know what to say. If she should apologize or not. But how she damned every tear that left her eyes while in his presence. What he did next was something Elvi had never encountered before. He brought his hand to her face and began to wipe away every tear that left her eyes with his thumb. The look of concentration on his face was so intense, it was as though his only goal in life was to catch every tear before it fell. Almost as though he thought it his duty to do so. You wouldn't have guessed that Elvi had just blatantly attacked him from the way Harkon acted now. Elvi sniffed and opened her mouth to speak but all that came out was a pained groan. Her thoughts were still running a mile a minute and she didn't know what she could possibly say or do anymore. She gripped at her chest and forced herself to continue, hoping the words that left her made some form of sense.
"There is a heavy rock where my heart should be," she explained. "It does not beat, it only taunts me with its unrelenting compassion. The only reminder that it's there at all is the pain it brings me."
"Please don't ever compare your heart in such a way again, dearest," Harkon whispered in her ear. "Yours is the truest I have ever seen in all my years in this realm, and even the purest of hearts needs a rest from time to time."
"Then why do I still feel? Why do I still care…?"
"Because, my love, you're not a monster." Harkon pushed Elvi's hair away from her face and she briefly wondered how dreadful she must have looked with her hair a mess and her face stained with tears.
"A part of you may want to be, but I sincerely doubt you could reach the capacity it takes to become one. You're 'evil,' if you want a worldly definition, but there is a distinct difference between being evil and being a monster. I'm more of monster than you will ever be, dearest." A small smile played on his lips for a second at his last statement. It was odd to say while gently holding and caressing someone. Though she wasn't about to admit it, Elvi was happy that he was holding her. Slowly but surely that blissful feeling from him fought all her inner turmoil, but it was a battle she doubted their bond could win. Elvi was fairly certain that she had finally slipped into insanity and there was no going back after that.
"Unfortunately, you can't dismiss your compassion just as you can't any other emotion. But I would never ask you to. I admit it can be a hindrance sometimes, but you just wouldn't be my Elvi without it. I lack that trait. I care nothing for the inhabitants of this world and regard only a few of my own kin as worthy enough for my very attention. You are my compassion, dearest. You don't have to fight it. Embrace it as you did your own darkness. Society seems to think that creatures with desires leaning towards the darker side of nature are strictly evil, wretched beings, but that's simply not that case. Only narrow-minded fools see the world in black and white."
Elvi considered everything Harkon had to say, but the feeling in the pit of her stomach hadn't let up. The reality of everything had hit her harder than it ever had before and she couldn't live in blissful denial anymore. How she wanted to be mindless for once. Mindless was good… mindless was bliss. She looked down at her hand, which was currently resting atop Harkon's, and when she saw her ring of blood magic next to the one he always wore, she felt that confusion spiral again. How long were they going to keep pretending that they were right for each other? Them being together in such an intimate way made no logical sense. Nature alone suggested that one should have destroyed the other by now. That, and after her fit, shouldn't he have at least scolded her? Not continue to hold her and willingly wipe away her horrible signs of weakness?
"Why do you comfort me?" Elvi whispered aloud.
"Because you're upset and I can't stand the sight. It hurts me beyond words to see you sad, dearest. I believe I have expressed this to you before." He spoke as if he was reading a passage from a book. Like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Gods, how she wanted to hate him. To return to the way she was in the beginning. Yet how in Oblivion could she when he said things like that?
"We make no sense. We should hate each other… you know that, don't you?" Elvi rolled her eyes upwards to look into his so she could judge his reaction.
"Should we?" was all he said in response. Another small smile shone on his face. She loved it when he did that. Carefully he pulled her back to her feet. Once she was firmly before him, Elvi noticed all their physical differences as well—mainly how small she looked in comparison to the ancient vampire lord. It didn't help her feel any less weak. Elvi wasn't even sure if she could take comfort in Harkon's strength anymore. Maybe she should fear it again, knowing that at any moment that ungodly power could turn on her, as it probably should. Not long ago Elvi felt safe around Harkon, knowing that no creature, not even herself, could match his strength. Now… now that fact was disturbing. It made her tense and in instinct her hands lingered closer to her dragonbone swords than they ever had in his presence. Elvi couldn't describe her current feeling, but it definitely wasn't safe.
Slowly Harkon walked towards the balcony, the wind causing his cape to casually wave behind him. With a deep sigh, Harkon asked her something she hadn't quite prepared for. The seriousness in his tone was a vast change from his previous question. So much so that Elvi could feel the tension building between the two.
"Do you mean to destroy me, Elvi?"
She could only blink. Where in Oblivion did that come from? Elvi had more cause to worry about such things than he did. Though she supposed it fit the current topic. How dreadfully wrong they were for each other despite how they felt. Still, she was far too annoyed to take it seriously. He was just being paranoid, or maybe he was finding a reason to end their union for himself. Fine… it was the only rational thing to do, after all.
"I'm not even going to dignify that with a response, Harkon. I think if I wanted to destroy you, I would have made it clear by now."
The real surprise came when he immediately retorted, "Then why didn't you tell me about your shout? The one that can clear the skies and allows you control of them, just as my power provides me. Were you to use it, my power would be ineffective, correct?"
He kept his back to her, which Elvi was thankful for because her jaw-dropped expression had to be a little humiliating. How did he… how could he know about that? In truth, Elvi had considered what he was implying. That if it absolutely came down to it and their paths did in fact lead them to the destruction of the other, she could use it against him. It would grant her a small window of advantage and possibly keep her alive. Though she never planned to use it against him unless he attacked her first. Like if her fears came to life and Harkon realized that he didn't need her anymore so he decided to get rid of her personally. She had to have a backup plan. She didn't know of the lord's intentions. He would say the sweetest things to her and, gods, how she wanted to believe him, but how could she if he refused to trust her? That meant that his own chaotic mind could be planning any number of things against her in retaliation to the defiance that would never come. So really… did either of them trust each other?
"While you were away, Evander shared another vision with me. It was the image of you using that shout. At first I believed it to be a vision from the past, but after some extra thought, it's evident to me that it takes place in the future. I have no idea why you used it in the vision I saw, but I saw your ability nonetheless. I can't help but wonder if you kept it from me for a purpose."
He wasn't strictly wrong. Elvi never planned on revealing that ability to him for a variety of reasons, but if she could guess, Harkon was taking it to the greatest negative outcome possible. Could he think everything between them was an act? And was it? Did everything really boil down to the bond between them, and they were both too caught up in it to realize? Now that it was still weak, was this going to be the moment they both saw what a horrible choice they were? Well, at least she had prepared for it. They had to follow their brains now, not their hearts. No matter how painful that road would end up being…
"I didn't mention it because I didn't find it of importance," Elvi said with a sigh. Now that she was facing this inevitable break, she couldn't handle the added emotions it brought. Though if he dismissed her, she could leave with some grace. It was better this way, rather than leaving the other bloody and bruised or, most likely, in a casket.
"The only time I would need to use that shout against you was if you were using your power against me. I hoped that moment would never come."
Silence, and to Elvi's surprise, a bit of snowfall. Light, fluffy flakes were now cascading to the ground at a very calm speed. It brought Elvi a small bit of peace at the sight. She wondered if the snow was made purposefully by Harkon or if Skyrim's beautiful snowfall finally reached the castle on its own. The snowflakes brushed against her skin and left her with a cooling sensation. Strangely enough, out of everything that had occurred, the melting ice crystals on her flesh soothed her the most.
"I believe you," Harkon said simply. He walked back towards her but kept an arm's length of space between them. Elvi's look of disbelief was merited, but it still disturbed him a little. It was so foreign for him to open himself up to anyone. Lowering the defenses he had expertly built over the course of three thousand years was rather difficult… but for her, he'd try.
"I know I have a tendency of assuming the worst of you, dearest, and I apologize for that. If you say you kept that information from me without any ill intentions, then I believe you. The seer came to me with concern for my wellbeing and it was obvious that he saw you as a threat. Out of all the visions the man has seen in his time he found it prudent to show me that particular one, so yes, I was extremely concerned at first. I have never met a creature with a power that could render my own useless. Then I remembered that the creature that wielded such an ability was you. That's why I decided to ask you about it instead of jumping to conclusions."
"And yet you were still willing to believe a thief before ever speaking to me? Evander is the one who has your trust while I am without it. How is that supposed to make me feel? After everything we have been through together, why let a vision from a man you believed to be dead for thousands of years cause you to think that I would ever try to destroy you?" Though she still couldn't think clearly, and that feeling of dread had yet to leave her, it felt good for her to get that out. It was an outrage that Harkon would even begin to believe someone like Evander. That slippery bastard was going to exchange words with her very soon if Harkon still wanted her around. As far as Elvi was concerned, he had broken their agreement, and he would pay dearly for that.
"Because I'm a fool," Harkon answered without missing a beat. Elvi's expression softened at his words. Not only because she was surprised to hear Harkon admit that he was wrong, but because of the earnest tone his voice took. With a sigh, he looked away from Elvi as he continued.
"I'm a very guarded creature, dearest. Even with my cold exterior I have still managed to lose the things that I value most. One of the few lessons my father taught me before his passing was this: 'If it seems too good to be true, then it is.' He was a worthless, naïve man, but that bit of advice has unfortunately chimed true throughout my lifetime. Yes, I was afraid there was more to your departure than what you led me to believe, but I mean it when I say it was going to be the last time I didn't take you for your word. And if I'm honest… I suppose a greater part of me feared that another person I loved would leave me without saying goodbye."
He straightened up and his eyes found hers. An unwanted memory returned to Harkon's mind but he ignored it. He had to focus on the here and now, which was the beautiful vampire before him. He was the one who had soiled everything. Because of his fear of losing her, that fear could very well come to life. He was doing everything within his power to do right by her, but old habits die hard. If she chose to leave him, he couldn't hold it against her. In the long run, perhaps it would be easier on the tired warrior. Only he hoped that she wouldn't. He couldn't go back to being the man he was before knowing her. It just wasn't possible. Elvi was at a complete loss. Now she began to understand him a little better. Valerica had been a spiteful little bitch their entire marriage and ran off with his Elder Scrolls as well as daughter, all without him having a clue of her plans. Serana had ditched him so many times now Elvi had lost count, and she wasn't certain how Harkon and his brother had parted, but from what she understood, Haldis' death was unexpected. Not to mention all the centuries he was on his own. Nothing but his plotting court as his company. So every move Harkon made was in defense of some form of mutiny, since the few times he let his guard down, the absolute worst happened.
Elvi tore her eyes away from him and balled up her fist. This was just too hard. She didn't want to be away from him, but it would be so much simpler if she was. They were built to destroy each other. As he said, she was the only being in the world that had the power to stop him. That had to mean something, right?! Like fate was telling her to kill him. So why did she love him as fiercely as she did? He loved her, too—or so he said. Everything was so foggy in Elvi's world now. She didn't know what her role was to him, and it was about time she found out. With the chaos spiraling out of control in her mind, Elvi felt her rage escalating as well. She had already crossed that line, why not push it further? Maybe then he could feel the anger she was experiencing at long last.
"What do you want from me?" Elvi hissed in her fury. She couldn't take a word he said seriously knowing there had to be something else underneath. Something that tied him to her that wasn't this facade of love. For how could two creatures such as they really love anything or anyone when they thrived in murder, lies, and chaos.
Elvi's voice broke when she shouted in exasperation, "Tell me!"
It was as loud and furious as one of her Shouts. She poured out all her fury, her doubt, her fears, everything into those words. This was it. She would know exactly what she meant to him if she had to force it out of him. Was she his warrior, a trophy, or something else entirely? Harkon remained quiet, but moved to gently caress Elvi's cheek before taking in a deep breath and answering his beloved's request.
"I want your forgiveness. To believe me when I say that I will never mistrust you again. I want you to continue to see a man when everyone around you sees a beast. I want you to live every second of your life with a happiness only the realms of the Divines could compare to. I want you to see the beautiful, strong, confident woman that takes my breath away each and every time I look at you. I want an eternity with the blessing of seeing you each and every day." His eyes found hers and they held her still. Slowly... ever so slowly, the storm began to pass.
"And above all... I want you to stop hating yourself."
If Elvi wasn't so close to him, she would have thought that the sorrow in his voice was an act to entice her, but she could feel its sincerity. A light shined in her eyes at the realization. Therein lay the answer. The reason behind everything Elvi ever did or said. They had touched on the subject before, but now, in these clarifying moments, she began to see. Harkon gently cupped the side of her face and urged her to look at him.
"Can't you see it, my beautiful wildfire? That's why you struggle the way you do. That's why everything is so much harder than it has to be. Anytime you make a choice you are ready to damn yourself for it. Whether it be in the light or darkness, you condemn yourself at every turn. Playing both sides of yourself against each other. All this time I have known you I have tried to determine why, but I sincerely can't understand why you absolutely loathe yourself. Is it because you were feared as a hero? Because your father left you? Whatever the reason, please let it go and see how truly amazing you are. You are who you are meant to be, dearest. No one in the world is like you and that is an outstanding feat."
Elvi closed her eyes and took in a slow, calming breath in hopes that she wouldn't cry again. It was a number of things, reasons she had never voiced and never would. During her mother's drunken rants she would often tell Elvi that it had to be her fault that her father had never returned home. Maybe a part of her believed it. Combine that with the countless elders that warned her that her darker instincts would lead her to destruction as well as prevent her from ever seeing Sovngarde and, well… Elvi had never truly thought too highly of herself. What it really was was knowing that when she needed to succeed the most, she failed. She wasn't there to protect Kodlak when he needed her. What good was all this strength if she continuously let her loved ones down? And she was always letting someone down. When times got tough all eyes turned to her only when she didn't have all the answers. She had let Skjor battle the Silverhand on his own against her better judgment and it led to his death. One assassin had almost killed her all those years ago and had left her mark on her forever. She had chosen to spare Parthanaxx, which made the Blades cut ties with her. Now she had chosen to stay with the man she loved, which could very well lead to the end of her true family. It seemed like every time she turned around she was failing or making the wrong decision. All of Elvi's arrogance in battle was a safety maneuver so she wouldn't fall apart. Almost as if she was tricking herself and those around her so no one could see the major kink in Elvi's guarded exterior. She could forgive Harkon for everything he had done to her, but she could never forgive herself for her past mistakes. She just couldn't.
"Tell me what you want, dearest. What will make this self-torment end? I promise you, if it's within my power I will see it done," Harkon said, for once not caring how desperate he may have sounded. If hers were the only ears that heard it then it didn't matter. He would give her anything, everything. All she needed to do was ask and he wanted her to know that. To start believing it. Carefully, Elvi thought about it. Really thought about it. What would need to occur in order for her to come out without a broken heart?
"My family, the Companions, they will try to stop you. I know they will. I don't want to see any of them hurt or dead because of this, yet I know I can't prevent them from rising against you. When you do take reign over the mortals of this world, I don't want any children to suffer or to be killed. Of any race. They should be given a chance at life," Elvi mumbled.
"I can't promise you that your family will have a good life, Elvi, but I can promise you that my men will know not to kill any of the Companions. We may be forced to imprison those that can't be swayed, but if it hurts you this much I will give my best effort in ensuring that they live. As far as the children are concerned, of course their lives can be spared. I don't know what you envision the world as under my rule, but I don't wish to destroy every mortal in my path. In order to be a king, you need subjects, not slaves. Our kind, of course, will be the dominant race, but if I wished to reign over vampires alone, I would have by now. Mortals hold a higher place than nourishment in my eyes. Granted, they don't hold too much purpose for me, but they won't live in horrible conditions nor will any children suffer. All I ask you is to believe in my vision and trust that I will see it through."
Elvi began to feel more like herself once Harkon was finished speaking. She supposed that was the greatest outcome she could hope for. It wasn't ideal, but nothing really was. At least she would have followed through with her promise to try and spare her family. Plus, a great deal of the weight was removed from her chest knowing that the few innocents left in this world wouldn't be met with death way before their time. Though a question still remained. She didn't know where she stood with Harkon anymore. After all that she had said… after what he had done, was there any saving them?
"Dearest, how long have you bottled up these fears? We've had numerous moments in solitude, why haven't you come to me with these problems before now?" Fair question. One that Elvi was unsure how to answer.
"Because… this prophecy, your ruling over Tamriel, that's your dream. It's what you want more than anything. I want you to have everything you want, I want to support you where no one else did. I feel as though… if I got what I wanted from the arrangement that it might take away from your overall goal. So I remained silent because if it came down to my desires or yours, I would rather see you get everything you want instead of me. It's what I do. I make sure the people I love are happy and safe. It's about the only good thing left in me."
As Elvi finished she let out a shaking sigh. Her knees were weak. She was now so exhausted mentally it was starting to affect her physically as well. She was thankful that the madness that had threatened to take over was dissipating; she just hated that all her energy seemed to go with it. Harkon's frown was a little sobering. There was something about the look of sorrow on his face that seemed so different than the few others he had shown her that night.
"Elvi."
As quiet as the grave was his voice, and Elvi had the sneaking suspicion that she was in trouble again, but she wasn't sure why. Her words were sincere. Harkon sighed and closed the gap between the two of them. His palm now rested on her cheek while his fingers entangled in her golden hair. It was a tender gesture, but the way in which he had grabbed her showed his desperation. As if he needed to get something across to her. Something of the absolute importance. After all the twists and turns this conversation had taken, Elvi truly had no idea what to expect.
"You don't have to sacrifice to prove your love to anyone. You can have your happiness, too." After a few short seconds of silence, Harkon felt the black, dead heart in his chest rip apart at the narrow-eyed look on Elvi's face. She didn't speak; she didn't move. She only looked up at him with a fresh and honest look of bewilderment on her face. As if she had no idea what he was talking about. It was something her once heroic mind couldn't process. Then and there Harkon was overwhelmed with yet another emotion he hadn't experienced in countless centuries. Guilt. Elvi was the best thing that had ever happened to him. He wanted only for her to say the same about himself yet what did he do? Let his past cloud his judgment and ruin their future. How could he continue to mistrust her when this fallen angel before him had yet to indulge in a single selfish act? The few that could be construed as such, Elvi gave herself relentless guilt for them. For once Harkon could see and admit that this one…this was his fault. Suddenly he pulled Elvi to him in a tight embrace. His arms wrapped possessively around her as he whispered,
"Forgive me." He tightened his hold on her so much, Elvi could count his escalated heartbeat because of their closeness. She could feel it vibrate through her own lifeless body. He repeated his two-word plea a handful of times before Elvi nodded slowly. She was flabbergasted. She never imagined Harkon acting this way, even if he was in the wrong. That, and well… how could she stay too mad at him when she had in fact deceived him? At least that was behind them. He would trust her now and she would do everything in her power to both justify and honor that trust. Anything that was between her and Vilkas was over. All she wanted was to keep her family safe. Something he had offered to aid her in. The rest of the world could burn for all she cared. Her conditions would be met, after all, so if anything she was more determined. As much as she previously condemned her dark nature, it somehow roared at this acknowledgement. There was no longer anything holding it back. The good left in Elvi was satisfied for now, so the inner darkness no longer had a chain to bind it. Which in itself seemed to clear the fog in her mind. It should have been comforting, but now Elvi was realizing everything she had just said and did. It seemed she had her own apologies to make, but she would remain quiet for now.
Harkon held onto her a bit longer as he gathered himself. He felt almost humbled. It hurt to see his beloved so unaccustomed to getting something she wanted without first having to lose something in order to gain it. Or was it that she truly felt as though she wasn't showing her love unless she was taking on all the hardships so the other wouldn't have to? Either way, it helped Harkon realize what a real prize he had. The blessing, the privilege it was to have Elvi in his life at all. To the ancient, forever-commanding king, it was something he would never quite get used to, thinking he was the fortunate one, but for her he would remember. He pulled away from her while his hand returned to its previous place on her face.
"Dearest, before we go any further, I need you to trust me when I ask you not to give up on your dreams. I swore to you I would help you in any way I could and I need you to be patient. I know you have many questions as well as concerns but trust me when I say that I am doing everything I can for you. Everything will be made clear soon, I promise. Just remember to stay patient with me." Elvi was too weary to put up much more of a fight. She accepted that he was withholding something from her and had been for a while, but she could accept that for now. So much kept building around them, she might very well forget he was keeping something from her soon enough. And dreams? Psh, her dreams were forfeit. They always had been. She knew he meant their discussion about the safety of Tamriel's children as well as the Companions, she just wished he would have phrased it differently. She had her fill of talk about family and goals she could never reach.
"I trust you. Whatever it is you have planned, if it is for my sake, thank you. I don't think either of us are quite accustomed to someone looking out for our well-being," Elvi admitted, and she was more than relieved to see Harkon's smile. Hopefully they would be pulling away from this awful, dark topic and she could soak up more of those smiles and loving gestures.
"I think that is an accurate assumption."
"Sorry I hit you a couple of times," Elvi said sheepishly, her cheeks blushing that delightful pink color Harkon adored so much.
With a shrug of his shoulders Harkon responded, "I would rather you take your aggressions out on my body instead of a wall or something else that could injure you with enough force. Do try to limit those kinds of reactions for me, though, dearest. I have a nasty temper myself."
"Why didn't you stop me? Or at least attack me in return…"
"I promised you that I would never hurt you again." And the simplicity in his words told Elvi how much he meant it. Only he took it a step farther by adding, "I may fail you in this aspect in more ways than I could ever intend, but physically is something I can guarantee you will never experience again."
Elvi smiled her bright, true smile as she refrained from laughter. Gods, they still made no sense, but she didn't care anymore. It didn't matter so much what they used to be or what they should be. It was who they were now. When his hand dropped from her shoulder to her hand, Elvi was a little glad that his touch was as cold as the snow that continued to fall upon them, for she knew that to him her skin was warm. He had always compared her to fire, from her spirit to her touch, while he always reminded her of ice. It just added to their oddity. Or did it? Were they supposed to be so different? Was that what drew them to one another? The real beauty behind their love? Two opposite halves combined together to make one perfect whole. She was young, he was seasoned; he was ruthless, she was kind. Two beings who should want nothing more than to destroy the other, who were too busy being enchanted, intrigued and inspired by the other to remember why they should be enemies. And the looming danger of the other's power seemed to fit the arrangement in a way only they could appreciate. As sweet as drunken kisses and compelling as the flame was to the unknowing moth.
"You can command the skies… yet you still devote yourself to winning my heart," Elvi stated somewhere in-between her longing stares and now-gentle caresses. Her hand had begun to involuntarily trace up and down his arm, in hopes her warmth might reach him. Her statement was light, but honest. She knew better than most what kind of greatness she was in the presence of.
"Always." Harkon dug deep down to match his words with his forbidden emotions. He knew himself well, and after he had repeatedly shown his 'weakness' to Elvi this night, he would distance himself a bit. Hopefully that ritual would fade in time since he enjoyed being a little vulnerable around her. It was refreshing, knowing he didn't always have to be the lord or master. He could be as everyone else, if not only around her.
"I will always devote myself to keeping your heart as well as cherishing it, Elvi Erissen. Because I do not love you in the way young fools love one another. I love you in the way steel loves the blacksmith's forge, a seed loves soil, and poets love a blank sheet of parchment. Though all those things can exist independently, when they meet each other they become something beautiful, strong, and timeless. It's not that they need each other, no—it's that they bring forth the other's real potential. Turning the ordinary into extraordinary. With your love, I have become something more than what I am, something greater. Something only you could shape me into, and for that, dearest, I am eternally grateful."
She was speechless. There was nothing she could add to the moment to make it any more beautiful. She knew that took a lot for Harkon to say and it may very well be the last time she heard it, due to his nature. Once was enough. Let anyone speculate on the sincerity of their relationship. How their relationship was viewed didn't matter so long as they remained happy. Luckily, Harkon cured the silence by wrapping his arm around her waist and leading her back into the castle. Elvi glanced behind her shoulder to adore the snowy night sky one last time before entering. She still wasn't sure if he was controlling the snow fall or not, but it had yet to lighten up all the while they were out there.
As they walked the familiar path towards their chambers, Elvi mumbled, "Forgive me my weakness, Harkon. I wish to never let you see me in such a way again."
"So long as you forgive me mine, dearest." As they drew closer to Harkon's room, he quickly added, "Also, so there are no more surprises, I'll tell you beforehand that for the next few nights our chambers will be under a bit of construction. I wish to make an addition, to give us more room for the future. Most likely we will abandon this castle once the prophecy is completed, but I'm one that prefers to be prepared, in case you decide you're happier here. Though, we can discuss it more after some rest. I'd say we both earned it."
Well, that was strange. His chambers were by far was the largest Elvi had seen in the castle and it wasn't as though she took up a lot of space. Nor did she have a lot of belongings. Ah, that must've been it. He probably ordered one of his men to bring her a load of clothes or something else ridiculous. Serana always said that Harkon was one to offer gifts in place of an apology. Ugh. She really needed to beat it into his head that she didn't much care for material things, but being a king most his known life, she could see how he might be used to throwing his wealth around.
"I'm happy wherever you are," Elvi said simply. When they reached his chamber door, she paused and smiled up at him. "Look at us, going to bed before dawn, making renovations. When did we become so domesticated?" Her playful smile began to mend the shattered pieces of Harkon's stone heart from their previous conversation. She was good about that.
"Does this bother you, dearest? I thought being a bit more like ordinary couples might soothe you."
"It doesn't bother me, as long as we keep having sex." Elvi's eyes widened and she almost clasped her hand over her mouth in horror. Okay, perhaps that filter had yet to restore itself in Elvi's mind. She had no idea why she blurted that out, aside from the fact that it had been the first thing that ran through her mind. Of course, being that 'old married couple' was a future goal, but she had heard talk from several workers and soldiers that the intimate part of their marriage had run dry only a few years after taking their vows. Elvi didn't necessarily want that, and Harkon was an older man no matter how you looked at it. Maybe he just wasn't the insatiable deviant she was around him. Harkon chuckled in amusement, then sighed in complete contentment.
"Gods, I love you." He sounded almost enthralled. As if he was only sixteen years old again and was met with his boyhood crush. She loved seeing him like this. The worry stripped away from his face, the anger. Just a small, honest smile with a light in his eyes that was even stronger than their usual unnatural glow.
"Sorry, that was probably inappropriate."
"Not at all. Lust is such a lovely spice that keeps love intriguing. As I've told you, dearest, I will always desire you."
"Well, I didn't want to put too much pressure on you. You're not a young man anymore, after all." She even stuck out that tempting pink tongue out from her ruby lips in jest. Harkon smirked. If only she knew what that innocent gesture alone did to him, she wouldn't be so doubtful.
"I do believe you will pay most dearly for that later," Harkon announced, and Elvi sincerely hoped that 'later' wasn't too far away. As she turned the knob to the chamber door she looked over to Harkon, who had yet to move or acknowledge her actions. He probably had his own business that he needed to tend to, but she wished he didn't. She'd rather spend more pleasant time with him, even if it was only in slumber. She had an important agenda in mind for when she awoke, as well. Evander. He was not only a thief, but it appeared he was willing to lie, cheat, and stab whomever he needed to in the back in order to get what he wanted. So it seemed she had to enforce her order upon him a little more forcibly. Besides, she all but knew the bastard was lying through his fangs about all his endeavors. She would force him to speak them again, but this time in front of Keaira. Maybe then he would not only lose Harkon's trust, but his very life as well. Though, it was a little less satisfying knowing that the thief saw his own death already. In many possible ways. Alas, it would have to do, if it meant the end of him.
Rather shyly, Elvi asked, "You are coming with me, aren't you?" It seemed like such a generic question, but the way in which she said it seemed to be so much more. As if it held countless possible meanings.
Harkon picked up on this and answered her without missing a beat. "Yes, of course."
At that, the two vampire lords continued their solace away from the prying eyes of their kin around them. When Elvi awoke, she planned on continuing her relentless support of him and finally finding a way to the last scroll. Only this time she had no regrets or worries holding her back. No more sentiment or doubt. This was who she was. Who she would forever be. Anyone that couldn't accept her as such was no longer worth her time or energy. There was no longer a ravaging beast or creature lurking in Elvi's heart—they were one and the same. It was time she started doing things her way. It no longer mattered if it was good or evil. It was just the way Elvi was always meant to be. For the first time in a long time, when Elvi laid her head down to sleep, she looked forward to tomorrow. The small slice of peace her chaotic soul yearned for was at last granted.
(xxx)
The castle was abnormally quiet after the lady of the castle's unusual entrance, as well as the lord's lengthy disappearance. The grand and ancient structure harbored so many nocturnal beings, one would think the halls would be filled with mindless banter or steel meeting steel in practiced combat. However, every vampire there knew not to test Harkon's patience. He was known to trim the hedge of any troublemakers without a second thought if someone was fool enough to grate his nerves. With the Volkihar unsure of his mood after Elvi's actions, they decided it was best to keep to themselves. The only sound heard in the castle was the soft shuffling of house shoes on the stone floor. Without direct orders from his master, Dexion often wandered from room to room without purpose. He had no purpose. Not when he couldn't assist his lord currently, and how he wished he could! In truth, he was rather fortunate. When he had read the last Elder Scroll for the Dawnguard, he did so in a hurry, without the proper preparations. Because of that blunder he could have been rendered blind, but miraculously his sight remained. He knew he had his lord to thank for this. Due to his bite, his body was preserved perfectly, which must have stopped the side effects of reading the scroll before it came. Hazily, in his subconscious memories, he recalled reading the various effects an ancient vampire's bite and blood could provide for lowly, mortal creatures, but he never truly knew the extent of it until now. Harkon's power knew no bounds. He was worthy of the moth priest's devotion.
Dexion bit at the apple he was graciously given by his overseers as he turned the corner down a lonely hall. He was getting close to the area he used to be held captive in, and when he lacked direction, he returned there on instinct. The sweet taste of the apple's juices graced his tongue while a small bit ran down to his chin, catching on his beard. Day would break soon, so most of his hosts were either asleep or preparing to be so. It was probably best that he did the same after he savored the small sample of food he was given. When his eyes found the chains that were linked to the wall, Dexion knew he was home. He finished devouring the apple before neatly placing its core in a wastebasket that was kept within his willing prison. Just as he was about to sit down between the chains, he felt himself being pulled backwards with a great and inhuman force. The next sensation he felt was a partially gloved hand clasping over his mouth. His attacker's grip over his mouth was so strong that not even a squeak of his agony was heard, though he attempted to scream or cry for help. Farther back he was pulled, into the darkness, as the attacker quickly used their free hand to snap his neck with minimum effort to ensure that the moth priest met his end, and quickly.
With careful steps, Dexion's cooling corpse was drug deeper and deeper into the castle's abandoned halls until it reached its destination: the far less frequented and barely known balcony that oversaw the courtyard. There, the unseen killer dropped the corpse before taking in a rejuvenating breath of the fresh, crisp air. Casually, Evander removed his cowl so he could inhale the blessed night air more freely. The castle seemed so much stuffier now than it had in his memories, and rarely could he sneak away to enjoy the fresh Skyrim air without causing attention to be drawn. The drooling imbeciles at Harkon's command kept an all-seeing eye on him except in times of the upmost importance, which were these scarce hours before dawn. Which, of course, were opportune moments for him to strike. It was as though his kin were afraid of a bit of pain, which was a sensation Evander was all but numb to this day and age. The sun was not now, nor was it ever, a threat to him. He would endure whatever he had to in order to get the job done. He always did. Though Serana had always told him that he was a 'workaholic with a thrill addiction.' Which, by all means, was entirely true. With a small smile at the memory of his beloved, his eyes found his latest victim. He admired his own work when he saw the look of pure horror on the moth priest's face. He tsked as if chastising the dead before speaking to no one who could hear him.
"It's such a wretched shame that you passed from this world before you could read the final scroll to Harkon, dear Dexion. You very well could have revealed the location of Auriel's bow to him if you were given the chance." With his humored grin growing, Evander added, "An even greater tragedy that all your brethren had to fall before you. So many men devoted to such a noble practice, yet none of your kind seemed to know any proper combat skills, or the appropriate time to turn their backs. I believe the real art of reading an Elder Scroll has now faded from this world. Such a shame."
Evander closed his eyes as he allowed the memory of disposing of each and every moth priest in Tamriel to flood his mind. It took years, and precise calculation, but he had accomplished it with relative ease. How they all bled such various shades of red and black. How they screamed, and fought against him. Most were elderly men. It was like snatching teddy bears from infants' cradles. Now, there was still a safe way to read a scroll, a practice of which only Moth Priests knew, but that little secret died with Dexion as well. Sure, there were a few books written on the practice, but no one could do so without going mad. Evander knew there was no stopping the missing scroll from reaching Harkon's hands—that future was locked and determined. Yet, without a way to read it, the scroll was as useful to Harkon as a glorified doorstop. A nice, shiny, rare relic, true, but not exactly what the vampire lord was after. Which was so very…very satisfying. He'd have to use all his composure to keep himself from cracking at the sight of Harkon's face at the realization that the moth priest was gone. He mourned the fact that he couldn't flaunt his efforts in front of the depraved vampire just yet. He would know soon enough. Harkon would see that, despite his lifetime's work and all that calculated planning, one man still thwarted him. Which was a very important lesson for the ancient beast to learn. Evander abruptly shot his eyes open and sighed a deep, weary sigh. He hated it when his musings were interrupted.
"You're early," he stated politely, not even bothering to tilt his head in the direction of the second living being standing on the balcony. Well, living was a bit of a stretch depending on how you looked at it.
"Yet you saw me coming, didn't you?" the voice asked in a thick Nordic drawl. A small bit of humor hummed in his overbearing voice. How one could sound so primitive yet conceited was truly an accomplishment. Evander's only response was to simply look at the man with a small smile curling on his lips. Which was more than enough confirmation.
"If this is how you treat your guests, I'm not certain if I should be in a hurry to join you and the other Volkihar or not," the foreign vampire added, regarding the dead moth priest propped next to the thief's feet. "What happened to him?"
"He was a hindrance to my plans," Evander explained casually, his voice just as soft and courteous as ever. He noticed a small amount of his last meal's blood had gotten on his bare, slender fingers after he had tormented the cattle before feeding on him, so Evander promptly brought his hand to his lips and began to slowly lick the blood away. "May I ask why you're here so soon, Maximilian? You risk being discovered without your protective clan at your back, and Harkon never needs a reason to be suspicious of newcomers."
The vampire cleared his throat and let out a shaky breath. He knew very little of the hooded vampire save the role he was meant to play in his schemes. One that risked his position of power within his own clan as well as his very life. Yet the reward was worth it if he could trust the thief's words that he would follow through with his promises.
"I had to be certain. I had to speak with you," the vampire known as Maximilian continued earnestly. He was one of the three sons born of Alrik and his wife Embla. The man had known only wealth and royalty all his immortal life, and it was very important to him that he held on to the little power he had.
Evander chuckled lightly before finishing the rest of the cocky prince's words for him. "You wanted to be sure I could fulfil my promises?"
"Yes. I'm risking a lot for you, Evander. It had better be worth it."
"Calm yourself. I am very much a treacherous creature, but I have no reason to hinder your chance at vengeance for the imagined slights you have against the dual-wielder. Take your pound of flesh. You will have many, many opportunities once everyone is settled."
"Imagined slights?!" Maximilian repeated. His voice rose to a much higher volume than Evander cared for, so he calmly placed his blood-coated index finger to his lips to indicate that the fop needed to keep his voice down. Maximilian took the hint, but his words remained venomous.
"The man slept with my fiancé the very night we were to wed!" His solid red eyes glowed as brightly as the flaming red hair that hovered just above his shoulders. It was rare that he left it loose instead of tied back so he could keep a posh, clean image, but he hadn't the time to fix it properly. Once he received word from his father that he and his clan were meant to meet at castle Volkihar, he rushed away from the tavern he normally frequented to beat his family here. He had to speak with Evander before they arrived.
Evander refrained from another chuckle as he attempted to calm his associate. "Easy now, my prince. That wedding was arranged and only meant to further you and your clan's power. It is not as though you ever felt love for the fair maiden."
"Love has nothing to do with it," Maximilian hissed. "He took something that was mine, and I will have his head for it."
"And you will have it," Evander said encouragingly. He didn't have the time to waste any longer on the privileged vampire, and Evander's legendary patience was wearing thin.
"How can I believe that your promises of vengeance can actually be delivered to me? That this isn't another one of your elaborate cons to make me out to be a fool? Everyone of importance in my race will fill these very halls in but a few heartbeats. I am risking my very livelihood on your word," Maximilian persisted, his nerves obviously getting the better of him.
Evander couldn't blame him. Harkon did cast a rather large shadow and most vampires, from their creation, learn at some point or another not to cross Harkon. Yet crossing Harkon was something Evander truly enjoyed doing. He excelled at it, if he didn't say so himself.
"Trust me." He even flashed Maximilian the most charming of smiles at his disposal. Evander didn't care for the younger vampire's response to his graciousness. Not. One. Bit.
"Hmph, as though the word of a thief holds meaning."
Before Maximilian could turn his back on Evander, the thief expertly forced him against the small balcony's railing while one of his hands clasped against his mouth and the other held a glass dagger to his throat. Now he was truly stuck. Once false move and he would either go tumbling off of the balcony or dig his throat deeper into Evander's blade. However, that wasn't what kept the Stilbolt vampire still. It was the look in Evander's eyes. A madness the likes of which Maximilian had never seen before ignited like wildfire in those eyes, and he feared a muffled squeak would be all it took for those flames to engulf him. Evander's voice cracked from his usual soft breeze to something of pure malice, yet inexplicably every word he spoke came out in a whisper.
"My word holds more meaning than anything your dull mind could possibly comprehend, you dimwitted louse!" For the first time in centuries, Evander bared his fangs to a fellow vampire to help exert his dominance. How dare he?! The so-called prince was only important in his own twisted fantasies, and if Evander had a mind to end his life, his beloved father would scarcely notice. He had two other sons of far greater worth, and with the addition of Keaira, Evander doubted that Alrik would mourn him for long. If Evander didn't need his talents to follow through with phase two of his flawless plan, he would have happily added another corpse to this forgotten place in the castle. But he did need him. It was the only way he could guarantee that all his plans came to fruition. That was why he had approached him shortly before arriving at the castle. And he knew just how to entice him. Vengeance was a currency that would never run dry. Still, he would joyously remind the fop of his place.
"I'm more than a thief. I am a being that has been blessed by the dark all-father in ways no others before or after me could compare! My vision is that of a god and you boast about your title of prince in a clan that hasn't held order since its awakening in darkness! A high-class term for a low-class miscreant such as yourself! You fear Harkon's rage when what you should fear is my intellect. Harkon sired his greatest enemy the moment he allowed me to live, and he will learn that lesson in the end!"
It took Evander a moment before he realized that the hand that held the dagger against Maximilian's throat was shaking. He looked at his own arm in a scolding way before sighing. He had even greater composure than Harkon, but he was growing tired of being ostracized due to the fact he was a thief. Alas, it was common. The smirk on his face showed that he was in control again as he twirled his dagger back into its place in his jacket. He brought his index finger back to his lips then let out a hissing 'shhh' sound before removing his hand from the prince's mouth.
Maximilian straightened himself up and properly brushed away the wrinkles in his coat. Well… that was unexpected.
"I meant no offense," he stated calmly, to smooth things over between the two. "In my experience, trusting someone on merely their honor leads to an early grave. Forgive my caution. I have delved in arrangements such as these before, so I am no stranger to dark dealings. Yet if all goes as planned for the Volkihar, I could very well be committing treason. Were you to ask me to go against any other man besides Harkon, I would have never questioned you."
"Well, it is my destiny to see that Harkon's plans don't come to life. Rest assured, no harm will come to you. By the time it is discovered, it will be too late for any repercussions."
"You think yourself above a prophecy? It is foretold that a 'dread lord' will rein in Tamriel in an eternal night. If there is anyone in existence fitting of that title, it is Harkon."
"Prophecies only foretell a single future. My sight is by far superior. Waste no more time on your belief in nonsense such as prophecies. Believe in the book of me," Evander advised.
Maximilian narrowed his eyes when he noticed the thief clenching at something underneath all his leathered armor. From his sight, he saw that it was a necklace of some sort, but the pendant was engulfed in Evander's hand for him to know exactly what it was. Strange. He would have never pegged Evander as a religious man.
"Very well. Then I shall ask you this: how will I know when to enact my vengeance? Better yet, how will I know that I will not follow him to the afterlife for this crime?"
"I will come to you when he is at his most vulnerable. He doesn't know it yet, but he will soon receive a blow he will not recover from. You will successfully lead him away from the castle and there you can secure your kill. After you perform the task I have for you." Evander emphasized his point and often spoke with his hands when excited. He had to say, this was one of his most brilliant plans. It was refreshing since his latest one seemed to have gone south. The reason he shared that vision of Elvi using her shout was to bestow a bit of fear in Harkon. The vampire lord couldn't handle fear and the Harkon he knew would eliminate the threat without another thought. Yet, somehow, Elvi's hidden strength brought them closer instead of forcing them apart. Very, very frustrating. It was as if Harkon went against his nature just to mock Evander. Nevertheless, this was good news, in a way. It meant his overall goal was still very attainable, as were his own desires. The better ending of Elvi and Harkon. The one that would be the most satisfying to Evander was still within his grasp. Delightful.
"Lead him away from the castle? That is your plan? I could have done so a hundred times on my own! It's just… well, it is speculated that the dual-wielder could have a fair bit of skill. One that could possibly triumph over my own. You realize he can teleport, right?" Maximilian asked as confidently as he could, and Evander smirked. No, dear prince. If in one-on-one combat, Darius would destroy you. He wouldn't even need to call upon his power. Though for the sake of his ego, Evander kept his mouth shut. Darius was an obstacle for him as well, so in this sense he was killing two birds with one stone. Darius out of the picture, in all honesty, would make things too easy for him. But, Evander was a winner and he would do what he needed to, even if it was without the struggle he craved.
"Trust me, it will work. You only need to strike him but one time and he will fall. Any evidence of the crime will be swept away and he will simply… disappear. I'll explain further once the job is done. Now go. You still have time to meet your kin on the road and arrive with them. Your beloved sister awaits patiently for your return."
Maximilian sneered and it made his noble face and sharp features look absolutely insulted. He was handsome, another gift he had squandered during his lifetime, but how he looked so very disturbing when he made such faces. Evander knew the man had scarcely lifted a finger to do anything on his own, which added to that arrogant air around him. Yet Evander couldn't fault Alrik for this. Out of all the members of his race, Evander thought Alrik to be the only decent one. He was a good man, an even better father. He loved his children and had broken his back in his mortal life to ensure they had everything they could ever want or need. That was just who he was. One out of three children becoming rotten wasn't too bad.
"Do not call that wretched little thing my sister! I don't know why father wastes his time on her. She's nothing more than a broken relic. A ghost from his past. Her worth ended when the men who used her for their carnal desires died. For what other use could any woman possess aside from pleasing men? Let alone a lifeless doll such as she. I would see her dead aside the oaf Darius, if I had it my way," Maximilian spat in disgust.
"It would save me a fair bit of trouble," Evander admitted with a sigh. Keaira was his greatest obstacle. She could see past anything he said if he wasn't too careful. It would be too obvious if she died. He had to go a different route. Evander did his best to ignore Maximilian's sexist comments, but it was difficult when his sweet Serana was so far away from him. It made him grip onto the chain that held his and Serana's wedding bands even tighter. He forced himself to remember that Maximilian was only an associate that he could cut his ties with the moment everything was the way he wanted.
"Go now," Evander said firmly. They were done. Evander remembered the dead moth priest at his feet and added, "Take him as well. Leave him somewhere in the wilderness so it will appear as though he regained control and wandered off on his own. Have your clan stumble upon him and inform Harkon of what they found."
Maximilian begrudgingly obliged simply because the sun would be up soon and he wasn't in the mood to argue. Especially if the thief had another wild mood swing because of it. Once Evander watched Maximilian jump carefully off the balcony with the moth priest slung over his shoulder, then climb past and sneak across the courtyard to return to the mainland, Evander sighed again. He held out his right hand, which now harbored the emerald ring that Maximilian always wore in admiration. A fine cut—perfect for a prince, after all. A wicked smile played on his young face. Old habits got the better of him, it seemed. The fop didn't even notice, but then again, no one ever did. His skills as a thief would very much come in handy soon.
Now, now, Harkon. What are you to do without the moth priest you carelessly let roam free? What will you do when you find there are no others to take his place? Once phase two was complete, he would be ruined. All that careful planning, down the drain.
"Your move, father," he whispered into the night as he tossed the freshly stolen ring off the side of the balcony with little regard, and reentered the stuffy, blood-scented castle.
An: Seems Harkon and Elvi are still going strong despite everything that has tried to rip them apart. What did you think about their reunion after the horrors? The Moth Preist is dead and so is any other being that may know how to read an elder scroll, so has Evander already successfully stopped Harkon's attempts? What would that mean for the dark couple? What about the vampire that showed himself to Evander, what possible talent could he possess that the thief feels he cannot do without? Or more importantly, will he get his chance at vengeance? So, I sincerely hoped you enjoyed the chapter and I anxiously await your thoughts. We're still at the castle in the next chapter and we'll see how things unfold from there. Thank you again to everyone reading, reviewing and following this story. It's all for you.
