A/N: If you haven't seen on Facebook the twins are here! All are doing well and can't wait to see pictures. So here's the next chapter, hope you enjoy and please leave a review. NC
Chapter 55
The four hunters sat around the kitchen table with bowls of oatmeal, fruit, plate of toast and cups of coffee and one Sprite in front of them. Sam looked at his brother and over to his father as he spooned oatmeal into his mouth. He watched Dean stir his oatmeal before spooning a bite into his mouth and trying to swallow it. Bobby and John watched the boys eat knowing they both needed the nutrients, especially Dean.
"Anyone want seconds?" Bobby asked trying to disrupt the silence and tension in the room.
Three sets of eyes turned toward him, none responding to the question.
"Well he made enough for ten people, didn't want it to go to waste." Bobby shrugged dismissing their looks.
"I'll take some more." Sam spoke up getting up to get the pot from the stove. He spooned some more of the sticky goo into his bowl and added fruit to the top before stirring slightly and eating it.
Dean watched his brother and looked down at his own bowl. He had been able to eat about half of it and a piece of toast before feeling that was enough. His stomach was still unsettled and he didn't want to chance getting sick. He pushed his bowl away and put the last bite of toast into his mouth, chewing it slowly before sipping his Sprite. So far things were staying down and for that he was relieved. His throat was still sore but it was getting easier to swallow now.
Bobby and John finished their food and deposited their bowls in the sink adding water so they could be cleaned easier. Bobby poured both of them another cup of coffee before sitting back down at the table.
"Dean, feel like stepping outside for a moment?" John asked him getting a wary look from Sam. "Maybe we can talk in private for a moment?"
"I guess." he said not looking at Sam or Bobby as he pushed himself up and started to follow John out the back door.
"Want me to come?" Sam asked softly not sure he wanted him to go alone.
"I'm fine; we'll just be on the deck." Dean assured him. "You can see us from the window."
"Ok." Sam pouted knowing Dean needed to do this, but still not liking him doing it alone.
"He'll be ok Sam, you know Dean needs this." Bobby told Sam recognizing that look on his face. That boy could pout with the best of them and most of the time it worked with Dean, but not this time.
spn
John set up two chairs on the deck in the sun for them. He made sure to leave ample space between them to make Dean feel more comfortable.
"You need a jacket or blanket?" John asked as Dean took a seat. There was still a nip in the morning air and he knew Dean didn't need to get sick. "I'll grab a blanket." he said not waiting for Dean to answer. John opened the door to find Sam about to come out with a blanket in his hand.
"He may need this." Sam said holding it out to him giving him a cautious look.
"Thanks." John nodded, accepting the blanket and turning back to Dean. "Here, stand up for a second." he said shaking out the blanket to drape around Dean's shoulders. "That better?"
"Yeah." Dean mumbled welcoming the warmth as he pulled it tight to his chilled body.
John sat down beside him and gazed out across the yard at the rising sun. A gentle fog rolled around through the trees like lost souls searching for a final resting place. Lone birds called out from the trees, letting their voices echo among the branches. The morning was peaceful and the sounds of nature waking up seemed to make both feel a little more at ease.
"I thought you'd feel more comfortable if I talked to you alone about..." John paused for moment. "...what he did to you."
Dean stiffened under the blanket and swallowed hard as the oatmeal in his stomach suddenly seemed to turn into a rock and sat heavy there. He knew where this conversation was going and trembled slightly not wanting to think about it.
"Dean, I don't know how much you remember with the drugs he pumped into you." John continued talking quietly to him sensing his discomfort and not expecting him to talk. "I wanted you to know I stopped him before he could...He didn't do it Dean, I stopped him."
Dean shot his fearful gaze at John as he blinked back the tears in his eyes when the memory of what he had gone through invaded his mind. He could feel the weight of the man on him and the thoughts went hazy as he tried to pull it into focus but couldn't. He just remembered pain and screaming until he couldn't scream anymore.
"It didn't happen and I covered you before Sam came in, but he knew and I told him the same thing when he asked. I wanted to ease your mind about that at least. No need for you to worry any more about it."
Dean looked away out into the yard and used a hand to wipe across his face to remove the wetness from it, clearing his throat as it tightened up.
"I don't know who he was or why he targeted you, but he won't hurt anyone ever again. I made sure of it."
Father and son sat on the deck, neither saying anything as they both reined in their emotions. John was the first to speak, clearing his throat he spoke to Dean.
"You ready to go inside and continue this; I'm sure your brother is anxious and wants to make sure you're ok." John said glancing toward the window to see Sam standing at the sink watching them intently. "You don't need to get a chill either and get sick."
"Yeah, I guess." Dean croaked and coughed trying to loosen his tight throat. "Guess I should thank you for helping." he got out not looking at John as he said it.
"I don't need any thanks, you're my son, of course I would help you and protect you any way I could." John told him helping him stand so they could go inside. Dean pulled away from him, but not madly, he just stepped out of his reach.
spn
Sam watched out the window as he washed the dishes trying to make sure Dean was ok. He didn't like not being out there with him, but he got the feeling that what John was telling him was for Dean's ears only. He could guess what it was and knew it would of made Dean very uncomfortable to talk about it in front of everyone.
"Sam, I think that bowl's clean." Bobby told him watching as he washed the same bowl for five minutes.
"What?" Sam asked his trance broken as he stared down at the soapy water. "Oh, yeah sorry."
"Yer brother'll be ok Sam. Don't fret so."
"I can't help it; I don't want him hurt any more than he has already been."
"I know you worry 'bout him Sam, he's yer brother, but he's also strong and tough don't forget that. Do you think John would try and hurt him?"
"Honestly, no." Sam sighed letting out a deep breath. "He does seem sincere about everything I've talked to him about."
Sam looked up from washing the dishes as John and Dean came back inside. He could tell Dean had been crying again and was still upset but he didn't say anything. He grabbed a cloth and dried his hands waiting to see what was going to happen.
"Why don't we go in the other room where it'll be more comfortable?" John asked them knowing this might take a while.
"Sounds good to me." Bobby agreed getting up.
"Dee, want some water?" Sam asked going to his brother's side.
"Sure." he whispered his voice raw and raspy.
spn
Sam and Dean sat down on the small couch while Bobby and John chose an overstuffed chair on either side on them. They moved the chairs where they were facing the brothers and everyone settled down to talk.
"I tried to rehearse in my mind what I would say to you two if I did find you and now...Now that you're sitting here in front of me, I can't remember a single thing." John chuckled nervously. "So, go ahead, ask your questions and I'll answer as honestly as I can."
Dean pursed his lips and stared off at nothing before answering him.
"Why did you leave us?" he finally asked looking up at him, staring boldly into his eyes.
"Because I was a stupid fool and the only thing I could think about was finding who killed your Mom. It took me over and pushed me down a narrow path of obsession I couldn't break free from. I couldn't think past finding that sonovabitch and ending him. Nothing else mattered to me and it completely consumed me." John said staring down at his clasped hands. "What I couldn't see was what it was doing to you. You were only a child who had to grow up too fast and take on adult responsibilities. I never meant to put you in that situation, truly I didn't. I know some of what happened to you and I blame no one but myself. If I could of gotten back to you I would of, but things happened that prevented me from doing just that."
"Did you know what happened to us?" Sam asked next.
"No, not until I found that social worker and she told me some of it and I..." he trailed off not wanting to bring up those memories for Dean.
"So you know about the foster family I was put with." Dean said quietly. "That's where I got the scars on my back."
John didn't, couldn't say anything to that as he hung his head in shame. He had seen the scars back at the abandoned house and knew that scene would never leave him.
"Do you know 'bout the last family I was with?" Dean asked deciding to jerk the bandage off and get it all out.
"I...Er-r...Read a newspaper article."
"Don't guess it told what he did to me and all the other boys." Dean said in a dull voice, his face going blank and his eyes glazing and going out of focus. "It was so wrong and I couldn't let him continue taking advantage of innocent kids. I had to stop him from hurting anyone else."
John saw the major change in Dean and fought back the tears from hearing how lifeless Dean's voice sounded. That bastard had stolen his innocence and changed Dean forever. That was something Dean would never be able to get back and it made John's heart ache to think about it. He clenched his jaw and drew his lips into a thin line wishing he could of taken the bastard out instead of Dean.
spn
Sam put a hand on Dean's arm letting him know he was there for support. He spoke softly in his mind to Dean hoping he could pick it up. Dean cast his eyes to his brother letting him know he heard him. Dean looked back down at his clenched hands and slowly uncurled his fingers.
"I couldn't trust anyone after that, so I ran. Did you know I was only ten when I..." Dean tried to continue as he pulled in short breaths to control his pounding heart.
"Dean, whatever you did back then, you were not given any other choices, you can't feel guilty about it. It wasn't your fault in any way. You were taken advantage of and betrayed by someone who was supposed to protect and take care of you."
"I learned to live on the streets, how to disappear among the masses; I taught myself how to survive 'cause there was no one else I could depend on." Dean stated stopping and sipping some water and collecting his thoughts.
"What happened to you for all those years?" Sam asked eyeing their father closely to see if he would tell them the truth or try to lie about it. He wanted to trust him, but he just didn't know him. Sam wanted to be sure there were no hidden agendas that could hurt him or his brother.
John sighed and sat back in his chair trying to decide the best way to tell them what had happened to him. He wanted to be honest, but he didn't want to sound like he was trying to get their pity or feel sorry for him. He just wanted a chance to get to know them and maybe, just maybe, be allowed back in their lives.
"Let's start with there are still gaps in my memory from the accident, so if I seem vague on some things it's not that I don't want to tell you; it's just that I don't know. Not everything was recoverable so there may be questions I can't answer and for that I'm sorry." John started as both sons glanced at each other wondering what accident he was talking about. "Guess I should start at the beginning, after your mother was killed I went looking for answers. I know what I saw that night and it wasn't an electric fire. There was someone standing in that room among the flames. Something unnatural, evil...Some of those I found from Missouri, she opened my eyes to what was out there and I started doing my own research and trying to find any leads that would take me to the one who killed her..." John started looking from one son to the other and casting a quick glance at Bobby who nodded slightly to continue. Taking that as a good sign John continued relaying his story
