Disclaimer 1: If only they were mine, alas, they belong to Mr Wolf.

Disclaimer 2: I'm doing my best with the medical stuff, please don't take my interpretation as best or only way to treat NHL. While I'm trying to make it as close as I can, some of it is done for the sake of the story. Also, there may be misinformation but that is intentional and will be revealed throughout the story. I've Googled all medical information and consulted reputatable sites, so, having said all that... here it is...

Dedicated to my beautiful state of Victoria, devastated by the horror of February 7th, the souls lost and the tragic destruction.

A HUGE thank you to those who have reviewed each and every chapter, it really keeps me going. The end is clearly in sight and I am so grateful you have stuck with me.

We've now reached the 1500 review mark which is fabulous... although there are many people out there reading, alerting and favouriting that I haven't heard from ... perhaps this will be the chapter they review...

After a few days of reading and talking things through, Olivia felt a lot better and while still apprehensive about the actual birth, she was in a better state of mind to deal with the whole thing. They had gone to check out things at Mt Sinai, and Connie had arranged for a midwife friend of hers to spend an afternoon with Olivia and Elliot and run an intensive prenatal class for them.

Monday dawned and Elliot was up and dressed while Olivia lay in bed and watched his every move.

"It would have been easier if you had just agreed to come into work today," he said, propping himself on her side of the bed.

"No," she said, shaking her head. "I think you need to go in on your own. I don't think I could cope with all the well-wishes you are going to get," she said, her eyes already teary. "But I will come and take you out for lunch, if you want?"

"That will be perfect," he said, leaning down and kissing her.

And it would have been perfect, had she turned up. Instead, just as she was heading out the doorbell rang and to her utmost surprise or horror, she wasn't sure which one, Kathy stood there.

"Can I come in?" she asked when Olivia made no move to let her in.

"Ah, sure," she said, stepping back. "Elliot's gone to work," she added.

"I know. Maureen mentioned it, that's why I came," she said, looking around the living room. "You have a beautiful home."

"Thank you," Olivia replied, and smiled. "What can I do for you?" she asked, done with waiting.

"I was hoping we could talk?" Kathy said, and Olivia gestured towards the sofa.

"About what?" she asked, sitting in the armchair.

"Olivia, I really want to apologise, for everything," she said sincerely. "While there are reasons for what I did it doesn't excuse it and I am sorry for the pain and suffering I put you and Elliot through."

When Olivia hadn't turned up by one, Elliot was concerned. When he phoned her six times, three on the landline, three on her cell and got no answer with any of them he was worried sick that something was seriously wrong. Leaving work early, he headed home hoping there would be a reasonable explanation for her being MIA. Relieved to find her car in the garage, Elliot finally allowed himself to breathe. Entering the house he called out her name but received no reply. He noted the two empty mugs and plate of cookies on the coffee table and wondered who had visited in his absence.

Heading up the stairs, Elliot was both concerned and relieved to find her asleep in bed. Kicking off his shoes, he slid into bed beside her and slipped his arm around her, drawing her closer.

"Hmmm," she moaned as her hand moved to his chest.

"Livvy, baby, you awake?" he asked, brushing her hair back.

"Mmmm," she replied, and Elliot kissed her forehead, smiling at her sleepy expression.

"Livia," he called a little louder. "Olivia?"

"Yeah, honey, what do you need?" she asked, trying to open her eyes.

"Need you to talk to me, baby," he said, raising her face.

"'bout what?" she said, adjusting herself in his arms and sighing happily.

"What did you do today?" he asked, wanting her to tell her own story.

"Had a visitor," she replied sleepily, rubbing her eyes. "It was Kathy."

"Kathy?" he said, nearly choking on the word. "Kathy came here?"

"Yeah, she came to apologise," Olivia said, reaching up to caress his face. "Said she was really sorry and she did it because she was jealous. Said she'd learnt her lesson and it came at a hell of a cost – losing the kids. Thanked me for taking good care of them, and you. Congratulated us on the marriage, baby, home. It was alright in the end but left me with one hell of a headache. I kept trying to figure out if she had a hidden agenda – you know, I don't really trust her."

"And did she?" he asked, surprised by the turn of events. "Have a hidden agenda?"

"Don't think so," Olivia said with a yawn. "Think she was genuine."

"How's your headache?" he asked, rubbing her temple.

"Still there, think my blood pressure's up again," she replied, sighing again. "But the doctor will check it Friday when we're there."

"Have you eaten lunch?" he asked, kissing her head.

"No, when Kathy left I came up...oh god, Elliot, lunch...I was supposed to meet you," she apologised sitting up. "And I didn't phone. You must have been so worried. I'm so sorry." Leaning forwards, she held his face in both hands and kissed him. "I'll get you something now."

"No, no," he said quickly, pulling her back to him. "I'll get you something. You rest."

"No," she protested, "It's the least I can do."

"How about we go get something together and then we can come back here and nap together?" he asked and received a huge grin in response.

For Olivia, the following days were like being on a huge hormonal and emotional rollercoaster. There were moments when she just wanted to laugh, but more when she just wanted to cry. She was uncomfortable, huge, hungry, and stressed. While Elliot tried his best, it often seemed to make things worse, or at least result in floods of tears. Olivia hated who she was as a hormonal mess, it wasn't like her, wasn't who she was but she had no choice as her body and brain seemed to conspire against her.

Coming home one night after going bowling with Dickie, Lizzie stopped Elliot at the stairs.

"Don't be surprised if she's crying again, dad," she warned.

"What was it tonight?" he asked, taking a deep breath.

"That toilet paper ad, you know, the one with the little boy and puppy? She started crying and couldn't stop – so Maureen put her to bed," she explained quietly.

"Where's Mo now?" he asked, looking around the room.

"She's at the apartment tonight, has an early start in the morning but said to call if you need her," Lizzie said, before moving back to the sofa.

Olivia wasn't crying when Elliot entered the bedroom but the pile of used Kleenex on the floor next to the bed was a giveaway that she had been. Realising she was asleep; he pulled up the armchair next to her side of the bed and watched her. For a long time he watched as she inhaled in shallow even breaths, just as her breathing pattern was lulling him into his own slumber, it changed.

"James," she muttered, becoming restless. "James, don't do that."

Elliot was wide awake.

"Please, James," she continued, rolling over. "I love you, James."

"Olivia!" Elliot called, needing to know just who James was.

"Mmm, El," she said, rolling back. "Hi, baby."

"Who's James?" he asked, caressing her face.

"James who?" she replied, her brow furrowed.

"You were talking to James in your sleep," he explained. "Who is he?"

For a few moments Olivia pondered his question.

"I have no idea, Elliot," she said. "I don't know any James'. Do you?" He shook his head and she sighed. "Must have been a dream."

A dream was fine, but Elliot didn't like the idea of his wife calling out anyone else's name even if it was in her sleep. The first time was bad enough but when she did it later that same night, it was much worse.

"James, I love you so much," she said, and Elliot sat up. "You are so gorgeous, James."

Now, he was irritated. "Don't do that, James, you know I don't like it." She began to move restlessly. "You know I love you more than anything, James."

"Olivia," he growled, shaking her arm. "Who the hell is James? Olivia?"

"Hmmm, our son, El," she murmured, trying to sink deeper into the pillow.

"Who?" he repeated, not understanding.

"James, our son, what's wrong with you, Elliot?" she repeated, nowhere near awake.

"James is our son," he echoed. "As in our baby?" he questioned as he rubbed her belly.

"Course," she said, settling into him. "Who'd'ya think..." was all she managed before she fell asleep once more.

.

Knowing that Olivia would be awake again soon for a bathroom trip, Elliot forced himself to stay awake. He wanted to know about James. Half an hour later Olivia awoke and, grumbling, got up from the bed and waddled into the bathroom. When she returned Elliot was sitting up in bed.

"Sorry, babe, did I wake you?" she asked, climbing in on his side of the bed.

"No, well, not right now, but you did earlier," he said, shifting over to give her some space.

"Why? What'd I do?" she asked, settling into his arms.

"You were talking to James," he said and smiled as her hand moved up under his beater.

"James who?" she asked. "I told you I don't know any James'."

"Well, you were talking to him in your sleep and, when I asked, you said he was our son," he explained and she looked up at him curiously.

"Our son?" she echoed, shaking her head.

"Yes, and you were saying how much you loved him, and that he was gorgeous," he explained, playing with her hair.

"James? It's not a name I would have picked," she said, shaking her head once more. "But...I do like it," she said with a smile. "James! What about you? What do you think?"

"I think it's a good strong name," he replied. "I like it."

Snuggling down into bed, Olivia used her husband's body as her pillow, and sighed contentedly; they were going to have a son called James. But James what?
"Babe," she called, nudging him. "Can we give James your name too?"

"Didn't we just agree on James?" he asked, looking down at her.

"I mean James Elliot," she said and smiled. "It sounds so...I don't know, sounds perfect."

"James Elliot," Elliot repeated. It sounded good, it sounded strong, it sounded...familiar. "Hang on, isn't that the name of that actor you like?"

"Huh? Who? Oh, him," she said as a slow smile crossed her face, not pleasing Elliot in the least. "No, his name is David James Elliott, totally different," she said.

"Aha," he replied not all that convinced. "You're still smiling about him."

"Well, dress whites and gold wings," she said with a grin. "That man knew how to fill out a uniform."

"Bloody sailors!" he muttered disparagingly in a manner only marines understood.

"Well, I like James Elliot as a name," she said, reaching up and kissing his cheek. "But if you don't then we can pick something else..." Her eyes widened and lust filled her eyes, and it wasn't missed by Elliot. "There's this guy called Christopher Mel..."

"James Elliot it is."

.

With the name issue sorted, not that they told anyone else, wanting to keep something to themselves, Elliot fell asleep with his wife in his arms and wondered what the next day would bring. There seemed to be one thing after another at the moment.

Much to his relief, nothing happened. He went to work, Olivia came in for lunch, she went shopping, all was fine. Things changed the following day when Don had allowed him to go out on a call with Munch just to interview a witness.

Dickie called the precinct and Fin picked up Elliot's desk phone when it kept ringing.

"Hi Fin, is dad there?" he asked, when Fin had answered.

"Sorry, Dickie, he's just stepped out," he replied. "Somethin' up?"

"Yeah, it's mom again," he said and Fin frowned.

"Your mother, what's her problem?" he asked abruptly.

"I think it's just the pregnancy but dad said if she was upset or anything to give him a call and he'd decide whether he needed to come home or to just call her," Dickie explained and Fin grinned.

"Ah, that mom," he said. "Your dad did mention you were calling Livvy 'mom' these days."

"Oh, yeah, sorry, should have told you that," he said. "Anyway, I tried dad's cell and it went to voice so I called this number."

"What's up with Liv?" he asked. "Maybe I can help."

"Well, I don't know, Fin," Dickie said. "She was fine when we got in from school. We've got assignments to do for Social Studies and the topic is Family. Lizzie said she'd do the Stabler family, as something for Junior and I thought that maybe I could do the Benson side too – you know, so he has both sides."

Fin cringed. "And, ah, you told this to Liv?" he asked.

"Yeah, Lizzie did and mom kinda freaked out. Kept saying something about families or having no family or something. We couldn't quite work it out but 'no' was a definite word she kept using," he said, the depth of his concern evident in his voice.

"Where is she now?" he asked, beckoning Don from his office.

"She ran upstairs – she's either in her room or the nursery," Dickie replied. "So you think dad just needs to ring or..."

"No, son, definitely needs to come home for this one," he replied, knowing that Elliot's children were unaware of Olivia's origins.

"Can Don get him to come home, soon? I mean I can hear her crying from here," he said looking up the stairs.

"He'll work on it. Meanwhile, I'm on my way," he said.

"Thanks, Fin."

Fin had been up in the nursery for forty seven minutes before Elliot arrived home. He hadn't succeeded in doing anything but stopping her from crying and he only did that by sitting on the floor next to her and holding her tightly. His attempts at conversation had failed, his attempt to talk to himself was thwarted when she started crying again, and so, in the end, he held her and kissed her head and crossed his fingers that Elliot would come home soon.

Using Munch as the go-between, Elliot had been informed of the happenings at home and Munch drove him straight there.

"Nursery," was all Dickie had to say when Elliot opened the front door.

Easing the nursery door open, he was relieved his wife wasn't the hysterical mess he'd been anticipating. Sitting on the floor on the other side of her, Fin winked at him before easing Olivia into her husband's arms.

"Livvy, just so you know," Fin whispered before kissing her head. "You've got all the family you need."

After a few moments alone, Olivia threaded her arm around Elliot's waist.

"You know what it was?" she whispered and felt him shake his head. "The twins are doing family studies and Dickie wants to do the Benson side," she continued, and Elliot nodded, he knew that much. "And it hit me that this baby is a Benson. He's going to inherit things from me ... things from ... from them..." she hissed. "And ... and ..."

"Okay, okay," he interrupted, not wanting Olivia to become too distressed. "This baby is also a Stabler and as such will inherit things from both of us – the good and bad."

"Poor kid," Olivia said with a pout, trying to fight her tears. "I guess I wasn't quite ready to think about my own conception – I mean, this one..." she said, tenderly rubbing her belly, "was conceived in love and is wanted and is already so loved and it's far removed from my own beginnings."

"But you are so loved and wanted now," he reminded her, kissing her head.

"Yeah, I know," she said, sighing deeply. "But what's this kid going to think of me... what are the other kids going to think of me, when they know the truth?"

"They are going to love you just as much as they already do and will think you are the bravest, most incredible person they have ever met – just like I do," he said gently, kissing her nose.

"I love you so much, El," she said, holding him tightly.

"And I love you too, babe," he said as he caressed her face.

"Thank you for putting up with me," she whispered, and shifted in his arms.

"Well, it's the least I can do. After all, you've put up with me for a decade and I know I was much harder to deal with than you are," he said, with a soft laugh.

"True," she said. "But I don't like me like this."

"Well, I love you like this – I love you anyway you are," he reassured her.

"Are we okay?" she asked hesitantly.

"We're more than okay," he replied, kissing her head.

"Can you tell the kids?" she asked quietly. "Don't think I can ... don't think I can even be there."

"I'll take care of it, babe," he replied, standing up and pulling her up to him.

.

The following night, after organising for Casey to take his wife out to dinner, and calling Kathleen to come home for the evening, Elliot sat his children around the kitchen table and told them Olivia's story. He tried to do it with as much honesty as he could. He told them of her being a product of rape, and how that had affected her whole life. He told them of her mother's alcoholism and the abusive upbringing and how that made her both stronger and vulnerable all at once. He told them of her mother's death and how it left a lifetime of pain unresolved. While he tried to keep the emotion to a minimum and go with the facts, the knowledge he was imparting was overwhelming for them all and as he looked around the table they were all in tears.

"Guess that explains it," Dickie said, wiping his face and moving to the sink to get some water.

"Explains what, son?" he asked, following him across the room.

"Why Liv-mom was always saying it was alright to love and hate mom-mom at the same time," he said, and Elliot nodded.

"Yeah," he agreed.

"And how despite everything mom had done to Liv, that she was always supportive of us speaking to mom or going to see her," he continued.

"Guess she didn't want us to have the same sense of regret she has," Lizzie offered, coming over to her dad and brother.

"What can we do for Olivia?" Maureen asked as she and Kathleen came over to the others and leant against the counter.

"Just love her," Elliot said as Kathleen wrapped her arms around him.

"Well, that's easy," she said, resting her head on her father's shoulder. "But what else?"

"I don't know," he replied. "I think the biggest thing is understanding – with the pregnancy hormones her emotions are all over the place and she's got so much stuff going on in her head and her body she just doesn't know how to deal with it all."

"And she's had all the stuff with you too," Dickie said. "Not to mention my stuff, and what mom added to it."

"Yeah," said Maureen. "She's been through a hell of a lot – all her life. No wonder..."

"No wonder what?" Elliot asked when her voice trailed.

"Doesn't matter," she said, shaking her head.

"Yes it does, 'no wonder' what?" he prompted as the others all looked at their eldest sister.