I understand as it was Christmas and new year most of you aren't looking at your computer, but only three reviews for the last chapter? :( I was so looking forward to reading what you all thought.
Chapter 54 – Just keep breathing.
Makatza's internal body clock began to beep. She moaned, the bed wasn't quite as comfy as her own but it was damn close. She shook her head and pulled the cover over her eyes; but it kept beeping, it wasn't taking no as an answer. Sighing she reluctantly opened her eyes, last night memories washed away the remnants of her dreams and smiling she stretched out her hand to touch Fenris, who had disappeared. She frowned and patted the area where he should have been sleeping. I swear I left an elf in my bed last night. Please don't let all the stuff that happened be a figment of my already deranged mind. Waiting for the blurriness to clear she rubbed her eyes and propped herself up on her elbow. There was evidence that he had slept in the same bed. Except he wasn't in it. Quickly she looked around the room. Her heart calmed down and began to beat at a reasonable rate when she saw him sleeping in the armchair. The quilt and her clothing smelt of him, inhaling the Tevinter spices she grinned, despite the lingering fear of having to meet Meredith and all the nobles her day was starting on a good note. She decided to let him sleep instead of waking him; not that it was a bad thing last time her hormones pointed out to her. She silently slid out of the bed and padded around the bed with the deceptive skill that only a dancer holds. Making sure she turned the key as quietly as possible she opened the balcony door and shimmied outside.
She gasped; it was freezing! Wishing she had dragged the blanket out with her she made herself comfortable on the tiled floor. She was wide awake now, cold air would do that to you. It must only be about eight, the normal time she would have to get up to got to university. Pulling her knees up to her chin she tugged the dress over to pool by her feet. Like true Kirkwall style they didn't hold safety in much regard, the balcony walls consisting of a metal pole in each corner and a beam of wood hammered on top. It meant that even sitting down her view of the harbour was unhindered, but it did also mean that she could fall. So she was currently sitting with her back pressed against the other door, as close as possible, and nothing was going to make her look down over the side. She breathed in deeply closing her eyes, the only good thing her magic had ever given her; wolf senses. The rosy tinge of freshly baked bread swirled in the air currents from the left, the deep blue and marbled bright white that carried from the sea. Who would bother seeing things when smell let you embrace colours as well. A kaleidoscope of rainbows floated past, some of them she couldn't give a name to, if only she could capture it as a photo. A painting even. She had sat there for some time before feeling the door next to her open and the billow of warmth that followed.
'Good morning,' Fenris said looking down at her.
'I could say the same thing,' she replied not opening her eyes, it was interesting to see what happened when he arrived, all other smells seemed to dwindle and fade, his deep green flecked with red. It reminded her of a precious gem called bloodstone, not the nicest of names but she found the gem quite pretty. She slowly opened her eyes smiling. He swept his hair out of his eyes and turned on his foot returning back into the room, she leant around the door to see him pull the blanket from where he had folded it and return with it.
'You will become ill,' he said draping it over her shoulders, he closed the door and sat next to her. He hadn't put his shirt back on, Makatza felt herself stare for a moment before dragging her eye-line forcibly toward the harbour. A breeze brought goose pimples along her arms. She looked over at him.
'You can't be warm.'
'I assure you I am fine,' he replied smiling.
She raised a brow. 'Never the less, I don't want you to fall ill either.' She took the blanket that sat on her shoulders and against his protests wrapped it around him, he looked like he was going to say something but Makatza had already moved, she pushed his legs apart and sat in between them leaning against his chest. She then tugged the quilt around them both. 'There now we're both happy,' she muttered. Oh my fucking god! He is like a bloody furnace! No wonder he doesn't wear any layers. The man could melt snow. It's gonna be hell come summer.
'Indeed,' he rumbled kissing the top of her head, he slowly wrapped his arms around her waist under her own arms, as if he expected her to protest. She rolled her eyes and didn't say anything. 'Did you sleep well?' He asked.
Makatza had closed her eyes again and was watching the colours dance, 'yeah although when I woke up my bed warmer had disappeared.' She said laughing. 'How did you sleep?'
'For the most part soundlessly, but after a few hours my markings grew unbearable.'
'Fenris,' she turned to look at him, 'I'm sorry I didn't know.' Guilt thrashed inside, she had just made a joke of his pain. 'Do you want me to move?'
'No. Also don't be, in time they will adjust. It may be something that you will have to bear with me, they are perfectly fine now, apart from the usual stuff,' he said burying his head in her hair. Makatza smiled knowing that he used that word to bring a smile to her face. It worked. It sounded so strange when he spoke it, Makatza couldn't help but grin.
'Ok, prolonged contact bad, otherwise it's ok. Got it.' She said making notes, 'oh is it my hair? I know that can irritate skin, do you want me to tie it up completely or cut it or-'
'Katza, enough, your hair does not irritate them, do not worry, it is something that only time and perseverance can adjust, thank you though, but again please do not worry, I will let you know if there's anything you can do.' He said chuckling. She nodded, turning back around, her fingers found his hand and she held him tightly. He leant his head on her shoulder and a peace washed over them.
'As nice as this is, my backside is going numb,' she said after a while. They had simply sat there looking at the harbour, well Fenris looked, Makatza had her eyes closed most of the time. It was soothing hearing the sounds of the city, the birds circling over head. 'And I'm starving,' she added feeling her stomach growl. Fenris chuckled as she shimmied around to stand, he got up before her and helped her upright. Wrapping the quilt tighter around her shoulders she wandered into the room. Fenris was locking the door when someone knocked on the door.
'Just a minute,' Makatza said as Fenris looked for his shirt, 'who's there?' She asked to buy him some time.
'Your brother!' Garrett replied, she looked over at Fenris who was still looking and he nodded, she crossed the room and opened the door. He stumbled in, Garrett was one who looked like a model when he woke up, actually looked like death. He groaned as he hugged her with an arm. 'Morning,' he said rubbing his head. He looked at Fenris who had found his shirt and was buttoning it up, and Makatza who was cocooned in the blanket, not being able to find any signs of hanky, or even any panky he began to talk. 'Mother sent us a message, she hopes that her two errant children are not too hungover to attend today preparations and that we're to return home as soon as possible. Also the hairdresser will be there about ten, so you have got to get moving.'
'What time is it?' Makatza asked groaning.
'About quarter to nine, also how did you sleep?' He smirked, obviously his head didn't hurt enough for him not to make jokes. She rolled her eyes.
'I slept fine, Fenris on the other hand insisted sleeping in the armchair.' She said bending the truth, just a little.
'Damn,' Garrett replied, 'and here I thought you two would finally-'
'Even think about ending that sentence and I'll break a finger,' Makatza threatened as she bent one of his fingers back. He yelped as she made her point and pouted.
'Why is my sister so mean?' He asked dramatically looking at the ceiling, 'I was just joking, Varric will be disappointed though. Now we had better get moving, I want to see Anders before I go home but knowing hairdressers you better get there before ten.' He kissed her lightly and after winking at Fenris shut the door as he left. Makatza sighed rubbing her brow. As timings went that wasn't as bad as last time but she was finding it difficult to even begin to tell Garrett what was happening between Fenris and herself. Guiltily her mind drifted to the day that she spent with Sebastian, it still made her heart flutter, but she had told him not to choose between the Chantry and Starkhaven because of her influence. Still that was a conversation she wasn't looking forward to. These thoughts raced through her mind as she folded the blanket up and placed it on the end of the bed.
'Regretting your decision?' Fenris asked from across the room.
'What?' She replied shocked, was it that obvious what she was thinking about? 'No! No, no, no, I just, it's hard trying to even begin that type of conversation, I just don't know how they would react. I don't want there to be any bad feelings.' She shrugged. Deep down she didn't regret her choice one iota, but on the surface she was being cowardly.
'It is about Sebastian,' he replied looking at her carefully.
'I, uh, yes.' She admitted, not wanting to lie. 'I just, we're, we're really close, I just think that maybe he thought that we might, I just, I... Oh god this is hard. I mean I understand why you get um, jealous when I'm with him, I do act differently to him then the others, I just, god damn it! Why is this so hard to explain!?' Cursing at her inadequate vocabulary. 'I'm sorry I know I'm not making much sense.' She said her shoulders drooping. I don't even know what I'm trying to explain for fucks sake. I can't exactly say, well I had a crush on him, and you by the way, but you didn't seem interested so I was going to like, go with him? God that sounds bad, but then you happened, and now I feel guilty for kinda leading him on, and now I'm too much of a chicken to tell him; or you for that matter, her mind rambled mercilessly.
'I think I know what you are trying to say. I am not the most projective person when it comes to what I feel, I cannot begrudge you when you begin to care for another.' Fenris said quietly, it stung to even think about her falling for someone else, but their relationship was rocky to begin with and it was only recently that they had found an understanding and forgiveness about the early days. Whereas Sebastian hadn't made snap judgements and simply treated her with kindness. He sighed and forced his body to move across the room closing the gap between them. 'I care for you Makatza,' he said slowly, 'but I understand if-'
'Oh no!' She held up a finger, 'no, no, no. You do not get out of this that easily. There was nothing solid between Sebastian and I, just like there was nothing going on between us, but now there is. That was my choice, well our choice, now I've never done this before, from what I've gathered neither have you, but I will just have to tell Sebastian what's happening and swallow my cowardice, I've done nothing wrong. He won't be happy but tough. It will pass.' She breathed in heavily. She couldn't believe that he was even thinking about stepping aside. She was in this for the long run.
Fenris sighed with relief and cupped her face, 'Katza, my Katza,' he said gently. Stroking her cheek with his thumb he pressed his forehead against hers, 'my Katza,' he repeated. Makatza titled her head and kissed him, he slid his hands through her hair and deepened the kiss, his need for her breaking through. She was intoxicating, the thought of having her slip past his fingers made him desperate for her touch. She was his and he wasn't going to let her go. She wound her arms around his waist and pulled him closer, stumbling backwards she hit the wall, she gasped as he broke their kiss.
'Are you hu-' he began before Makatza threw herself at him. He wasn't the only one that needed reassurance. She caught his lip between her teeth and suckled causing him to groan in pleasure, she braced herself on his shoulders and with a little jump wrapped her legs around his hips. He held her tightly against the wall his rough hands gripping the soft skin of her thighs. The lyrium in his hands sent tingles that earthed themselves in her core. Moaning she looked into his eyes before the tidal wave of desire crashed down around them. Weaving her fingers in his hair she pulled him to her and met his lips with her own, the taste of him swam on her tongue, she closed her eyes and embraced the moment, it was like nothing they had shared before, through his kiss he showed her the passion and affection he couldn't say. He crushed her lips under his, too hard as if he expected this to be their last, his hands wound up her hips gripping them tightly, Makatza sighed deeply as his fingertips pressed hard, she would likely bruise but at the moment she didn't give a damn. All she wanted was this man, she opened her mouth allowing his tongue to dance with hers, their breath became hot and heavy. His scent swamped her senses. Slowly their need and desire for each other became sated. He began to nuzzle her neck whispering in Arcanum. She didn't press him for what he said and simply enjoyed the moment. Slowly she untwisted her legs from his hips and lowered herself onto the floor. He pressed his forehead against hers, his hands still lingering on her hips, breathing contentedly, peacefully. They stood holding each other for a while.
'Katza?' A voice outside. 'Come on sweetpea, you're gonna be late!'
'Of course..' Makatza whispered bitterly. There's always someone at the fucking door. At least we weren't interrupted this time.
'It was bound to happen,' Fenris replied, 'it is probably for the best, you have to get going.'
'I don't want to,' she sulked. Fenris chuckled and inclined her head upwards placing a soft kiss on her lips.
'I do not want you to either, but we will see each other tonight will we not?'
She nodded and after kissing him one last time she walked toward the door without looking at him, she opened it, 'sorry, sorry! I lost track of time.' She said to Isabela. Fenris smiled to himself, she had a knack of sounding so apologetic, you couldn't be angry at her no matter how you tried. He could see her barriers slam down as the door opened, she held herself straighter, more braced whenever she was around others. It was then he realised just how much she trusted him.
'What the hell were you doing?' Isabela handed Makatza her now dry boots. She slipped them on leaning against the wall.
'I just lost track of time Izzy,' she repeated, 'I was looking at the sea,' she explained. 'My mind was elsewhere,' completely true. She buckled her boot and turned to Fenris, aware that Isabela was behind her she just waved, 'see you tonight Fenris,' she said quite calmly.
'Good bye Makatza,' he replied dipping his head. Makatza closed the door, blowing a kiss before the door shut, Isabela had already charged off down the corridor. She lent against the door breathing in quickly and set off to find Isabela, she caught up in the bar, Varric stood with a smirk on his face holding a bag filled with her clothing, she slung it over her shoulder with a thankful smile and linked her arm through the Pirate's.
'You seem happy this morning,' Makatza said knowingly as they walked onto the street. Luckily the wind had died down and her boots covered most of her legs but there was enough of a chill in the air for them to have a quick pace. They passed various stall markets ignoring the seller's attempts to entice them closer and buy things. 'Have a good night?'
'Your brother is very talented what can I say?' She replied a wistful look on her face, 'even when he's pissed. Although I did hear some depressing news this morning.' They took High town's steps two at a time, Makatza could feel the goosebumps rise on her arms, the sooner she got home the better. She looked at Isabela who was subjecting her to a scrutinizing glare.
'What?' She asked laughter entered her voice.
'Hawke said that Fenris slept on the bloody armchair!' She scolded. Makatza began to giggle. They received a few strange looks but they ignored them. Makatza squeezed her friend's arm.
'So? I did offer the bed,' she revealed causing Isabela to draw a shocked breath; 'oh come on Isabela! Did you really think that if we slept in the same bed I would jump him? I mean come on! This is me we're talking about, Izzy, I will take a few more leaves out of your book, but not today.' She smiled in the weak winter sun. Isabela was silent for a moment but she soon spoke up.
'So you've taken a few leaves out my book eh?' She asked. Damn did I say that? Fuck. She picks up on everything.
'A few, not big ones! Just y'know being a bit more forward that sort of thing.' She shrugged. Isabela smirked. Soon they were outside the Hawke estate. Not a moment to quickly either. She was worried about Isabela's probing questions, she knew that the Pirate was assuming things and while she would tell them all, she wanted a little time first. Like how and who she should tell popped into her head, probably not before a ball where all the young lords would be looking and talking to her, especially not now that Fenris was going. Well maybe she could tell Isabela, if she promised to keep it quiet for at least one night. Get the ball out the way and then reveal all. She opened the door, before announcing she was home she dragged Isabela to one side.
'Look Izzy, promise me you won't say anything to anyone ok?' She whispered.
'What? Oh Maker is it-'
'Shh, listen promise me Izzy, I need you to keep this quiet just for tonight.' She interrupted, she could hear Bubble and Leandra moving around upstairs.
'Uh sure.' Isabela replied.
'Promise me Izzy!'
'I promise, I promise!'
'Not even Varric or Garrett can know!' Makatza pleaded.
'All right I get it! I promise! Now tell me what's going on.' She almost bounced up and down she was so excited.
'Right, well like I said don't tell anyone, but Fenris and I kissed...' She said shyly.
'No fucking w-!' Makatza clamped her hand over Isabela's mouth.
'For fucks sake Izzy! How is that keeping it quiet!' She whispered. Isabela grinned underneath her hand, slowly she let her go. Her heart was thumping quickly and she had begun to blush. She couldn't help but love the girly reaction that Isabela was only too happy to give her.
'When? How? Tell me everything! I couldn't be more jealous at this moment.' She babbled.
'Yesterday, before you all arrived in Varric's quarters, we were tickling each other and then, well y'know. Kissed.' She shrugged shyly. Isabela's mouth hung open.
'He's ticklish?'
'Izzy! That's all you can say?'
'I'm sorry! I just, it's not something I expected okay. Wait before we arrived you were.. I know there was something going on! I fucking knew it! Wait so what happened last night?' She raised a brow and crossed her arms.
'I told the truth, I offered the bed, which he slept in for a few hours before moving onto the chair, we didn't do anything.' She said defensively. She heard Bubble totter down the stairs to find out what the commotion was, they didn't have much time. 'Listen please don't say anything, I'm going to tell everyone tomorrow after all this ball, Meredith shit is sorted, just please keep it quiet till then. Pleeasse?'
'I promised didn't I? But you are so giving me all the details later,' hugging her best friend goodbye, Makatza promised to come down to the Hanged Man first thing in the morning. Letting her out she turned around to see Bubble looking at her.
'Morning Mistress,' he woofed happily. She rubbed behind his ear, 'pups are sleeping at the moment, on your bed.'
'Wotcha Bubble, thanks for looking after them,' she barked back, 'mother upstairs?' He nodded and she crossed the lounge. She breathed in heavily before making her way up the stairs. Dropping her bag on the landing she opened her bedroom door. Leandra smiled as she entered.
'Darling! There you are, this is Elaine, she will be doing your hair, Ewan dropped off the dress earlier, my that man loves to gossip, I spoke to Lady Sharline yesterday and you're the talk of the town. Apparently he's been telling all the lords and ladies about you. Most of them are eager to see you tonight' she clapped her hands in delight.
Oh fucking great, one of the only people to see me naked and he spreads it around the city. She summoned the politeness needed to smile at Elaine; an older woman with a short, blonde bob. She was quite petite but looked kind. Leandra hushed her into the room and steered her into a chair. 'Did you drink a lot last night?' She asked, Makatza was grateful for her foresight in that decision.
'No mother a few glasses that's all, and a relatively early night.' Makatza sighed as Elaine began to undo her braid. Leandra sat opposite her watching.
'That storm kept me up all night, rattling the windows, it's one of the worst I have seen in years, seems to have brushed over though.' She rubbed her eyes. 'Also Garrett tells me that Fenris will be joining us this evening.'
'Is that alright? It's only for protection.' Makatza winced, she didn't know how much Garrett had told her. Elaine gently twisted her head to the side and she began to brush in short strokes. Leandra analysed her for a moment before replying.
'He said that Carta had attacked you, although I understand that you are not to blame, and your friend Varric is trying to find out why.' Elaine paused for a second when Leandra had said about the Carta, but she continued with professional grace. Makatza nodded slightly.
'We don't know why they attacked, but Garrett insisted that we both have protection, and Fenris is.. experienced as a bodyguard.' She said carefully, trying not to think about his life where he was a slave and his only purpose in life was to be a guard. 'He won't be bringing any weapons, and Varric is sorting some clothing for him I believe.' She closed her eyes and braced herself as Elaine tackled a particularly large knot.
'I have always liked Fenris, remind me to thank him, it can't be easy for the poor man. Still I have sent Garrett to get some last minute bits, I can't believe he got that drunk the night before an event! Typical of the boy. This is the first time I've managed to get him to join me and he's not even single. The girls will be disappointed, so will their mothers and well. Is his relationship with Isabela going well?' Leandra asked smiling. Makatza grinned, she forgot that Leandra tended to ramble. Elaine bustled around taking things off a small tray, waiting for her to pass so that she could see Leandra again.
'Yeah, they seem happy enough,' Makatza confirmed.
'Well I might have grandchildren sooner than I thought, maybe even a wedding.' Leandra replied pleased. Makatza giggled.
'Don't let Isabela or Garrett hear you say that, they might die if shock.' Makatza laughed.
Leandra joined in, even Elaine had a smile, 'well what about you darling? Are you planning to marry and have children?'
Makatza blushed like a furnace, she would love to get married and have children, it was basically one of the only things she really wanted out of life. But seeing as she was with Fenris caused a bit of a black spot, marriage? Probably, if it worked out; early days yet. Children? Far, far, far, far too early to even be talking about it, let alone contemplating it. She cleared her throat. 'I would like to,' she replied honestly. 'But it will be hard I think.' Leandra nodded understanding her underlying message, mages weren't allowed to marry, and were definitely not allowed to have children.
'Well there will be quite a few young men there tonight, we must make you look as beautiful as possible.'
That's it for that chapter, I'll be updating later on maybe sunday. Please drop a review, I'm trying really hard to make them longer than usual. xx
