A Note from Nessa'fur:

Ah-ha! Fanfiction will let me download documents again! I finished this chapter last night, but this time its not my fault it wasn't available sooner ;) I have to admit, I can't believe we have gotten to this point in the story--I haven't quite wrapped my mind around the fact that we are riding toward the part in the tale that brought me back to Tortall and Thalyia in the first place. Writing this story has truly been an awakening experience for me, as an author. I cannot express how grateful I am that you guys are with me in this, completion of the story I began years ago. I love fanfiction, for it is instant gratification writing. You guys (girls? readers? awesome people?) make that possible. My thanks to you:

~Nessa'fur

Chapter Fifty-four: Confessions

Ana inhaled a deep breath, letting it out slowly to savor the crisp, clear air of the spring night. The sounds of the crickets chirruping and insects whirring combined with the evening calls of birds, weaving a melody for the pounding tympani of hoof beats. Firedance's stride was long and elastic, each step sure as the waxing moon lit the path into subtle brilliance.

She felt a smile hovering about her mouth as she rode, filled with a satisfaction that she had long forgotten. She was content, at that moment, just to revel in the sweet evening breeze and the feeling of the world flying past her as she rode with Firedance.

The jittery restlessness that had plagued her had retreated for the moment, allowing her to revel in the bliss of self-satisfaction. Not even the knowledge that they were late in rejoining the army could dim her glory in the fact that they had accomplished something, something good…something useful.

Their venture had been trickier than they'd anticipated, made complicated by the discovery that two children had been kidnapped by the spidrens just that evening. That had drastically altered their strategy from destruction to salvation, and they'd had to exercise extra caution in their attack, so as to not harm the two boys and one girl that had been taken. They had been lucky, though, for the spidrens had only tied them up in sticky webbing and sedating them with their tricky poisons. (Lucas had explained, in an undertone to her, that spidrens liked their prey still alive, and that a mother will capture prey to bring back to her hatchlings. He talked about them as casually as if he were explaining how a mother bird brought worms to her fledglings, but she could not forget that those were human beings she was feeding to her offspring.) They had also been lucky in that the den had housed only a nesting mother and her mate, not an entire colony. Karma had related a few tales on their way, about the massive colonies of spidrens that lived in the woods beyond her home fife, and the raids that she and her brothers had witnessed in their childhood. Karma's stories had prepared her for what they would find, and how they would best approach the den.

Ana remembered her own experience with spidrens and tried not to grimace at the association the mere mention of the creatures recalled. Yet, when it had come to it, Ana found herself unimpressed by the brutal efficiency with which they had dispatched the spidrens. The pair had been vastly outnumbered, in both arms and wits, and they quickly fell beneath Lucas's blade and the arrows of the Own. They shot most of the little ones—as big as Ana's head and viscously fast—as they swarmed out of the den to feed off of their parents' corpses, drawn by the scent of spilled blood.

She could not help but feel like an executioner as she dragged the female—still snarling, even in death—to the mass grave they had dug, but she put aside the thought that this was a mother they had murdered and let go of her emotions.

They are a menace, she reminded herself, and did not fail to do her part in this duty.

They'd found the children in the back of the cave behind the waterfall, bound, bruised, and unconscious, but otherwise unharmed. They'd been delayed only because villagers of River Falls had insisted on thanking them, and Lucas had caved beneath their persistent gratitude. (Lucas, for all his pride, was a sucker for a good meal). He'd allowed the villagers—women, children, the elderly, and invalid who had stayed behind to tend the fields and the businesses as their men rode to battle—to host them in the little tavern that lay in the center of own. The food had been excellent and the mood merry, but Ana could see in the women's eyes a solemn acceptance and grim determination. They were a hardy people, the Tortallians, a people who endured, who survived and coped no matter the circumstances.

It made a blush rise to her cheeks when she also recognized the hope that lit the villagers' eyes when they met her curious gaze. She could see in their faces that they believed in her, these people whom she had never met before, but who recognized her nonetheless. She was the Champion-come-again, and she had returned as promised to defend them.

At first, the children had been shy with her, their eyes wide with wonder as she spoke to them. But then Nari, the seven-year-old who they had rescued from the spidrens had approached her half-way through the dinner. "Mama says I am to thank you, Lady," she said, threading her small hand into Ana's. Her big, blue eyes peered shyly up at her through thick lashes. "You saved us from the monsters."

Ana grinned at the child, patting the bench next to her. Nari squeezed her little body into the space between her and Karma, wiggling until she was comfortable. "I took too big a piece of this delicious apple pie," Ana said, conspiratorially. "I don't think I can finish it all…would you like some, Nari?" The little girl nodded shyly, smiling from under her lashes. Ana pushed her plate over in front of her, and Karma provided a clean fork and napkin, snatching them from the empty place next to her.

Nari looked over at Ana, her eyes solemn, "Will you tell us a story about your adventures, Lady Ana?" she asked, tilting her head in an adorable manner. Ana realized that Nari wasn't the only one looking at her so, for there was now a small crowd of tiny faces staring up at her, their eyes imploring.

Ana blushed and stammered, "Karma is a much better story-teller." She waved a hand at her, "You should ask her to tell the tale of the Lioness and the Dragon."

A young boy with freckles shook his head, "We want to hear about you, Champion Ana."

Another boy, older, with hair like straw piped in, "Yeah! Tell us the story of how you won the Knighthood trials."

Rumor travels quickly, Ana thought. She felt her blush deepen as she realized that the audience had expanded beyond the children, and that most of the adults were listening in as well. She turned to Karma, sending her a silent plea.

Karma smiled a slow smile, and then said, "I can tell you the story of Ana, the Champion-come-again, and how she became a lady-knight, for I was there to see it happen."

The room had gone silent, as every one's attention focused on Karma. Ana felt a rush of gratitude for her friend, even as she flushed with embarrassment over the subject matter. "I saw her," Karma continued, "As she fought, and trialed and tested. I witnessed her swords flashing as she dueled and her silent meditation as she waited to enter the Chamber of the Ordeal."

Karma paused, looking around at the expectant faces. "I was there." She said.

"I too, was there," Came Lucas's steady, story-telling voice. "I was there when she first laid hands upon a sword, when she first sparred, and when she faced the King in the Final Duel. I witnessed her training and her triumph…I too, was there."

And so Ana had sat, listening to Karma and Lucas spin the tale, listening as her friends described what she had done from their perspectives, their observations, their witness. Lucas spoke of her experiments with sword-work and her efficient strategy during the Trials. Karma told of the Archery Trial, and of what it had been like to fight the Champion-come-again in a duel (Ana had no memory of fighting Karma, but she didn't doubt it had happened, for Karma described her style so precisely that her tale was impossible to disbelieve). It was a moving experience, for Ana was pleased and embarrassed to hear the pride in Lucas's voice as he narrated her feats, and the reverent edge to Karma's voice as she described the way Ana's hand had shot forward to snatch away Will's mask, even as he disarmed her.

After such an evening, it was impossible not to revel just a little bit in her own accomplishments.

Ana grinned fiercely, savoring the moment, the feeling of being alive. It was a heady brew, the sweet air, the symphony of creatures great and small, the exhilaration of movement and the jolt of muscles moving.

She turned to where Karma rode beside her, and caught her friend's eye. They shared a silent agreement, though their lips did not move. Their horses slowed to a calmer walk, for they could see the light from the army's fires, and they would soon have to stop for the sentries.

Illieno came to meet them before they even hit the outer perimeter, resolving into a seemingly-riderless horse over the top of the nearest hill.

Ana smiled as she recognized Eclipse's bay glint in the light of the moon, and turned to Karma. "You know what?" She said, impulsively, "I would very much like to introduce Illieno to my brother."

Karma raised a dark eyebrow at her. "What prompted that random factoid?" she questioned, her voice amused.

Ana shrugged, watching as Eclipse disappeared again out of sight, dropping into a valley. "I just think that they would get along, that's all."

"Is this the same brother that came searching for you?" Karma asked, as they trotted forward.

Ana grinned at her, "You're a sharp one," she noted.

She and Karma had outrun Lucas and the dozen King's Own, but Ana thought she could hear the distant thunder that was their approach. She felt them all converging on a single spot and reigned Firedance in, suddenly a little dizzy.

The world shifted vertiginously and she saw herself, sitting calmly upon Firedance's back with Karma and Whisper a dark shadow behind her. She could see the long, white snake of the road, and the horse that ran toward her in one direction even as she saw Lucas and the Own converging from the other side.

In the distance, she could see the fires of the army of Tortall like little stars in the night, and a bigger star, like the sun, shining from the far side.

And then the rider-less horse pulled up in front of them, and Illieno appeared from nowhere.

Ana snapped back into her body, trembling from the recoil of being back inside herself. The world spun around her in dizzy vortexes, and nausea writhed in her stomach.

"Ana! Are you okay?" Ana heard Karma's concerned voice, and then she felt a strong arms on her own, holding her up. "Mirthros, Ana, say something," said Illieno.

Ana opened her eyes, watching as the world settled back into steadiness. Illieno was peering at her from her left side, even as Karma frowned from her right. They each had a hand on her, holding her upright on Firedance's back.

She could hear the sound of hooves getting louder in the distance.

"I'm fine, guys." She said, trying to sound convincing. "I just got a little dizzy for a moment."

"I'll say," Illieno said dryly. "I thought you were going to pass out for a second there. You were white as a ghost."

"You can let go of me now," Ana prompted them, and felt their grips retreat.

"I haven't Seen you falling of Firedance in the near future," Karma said, with the tiniest of smiles, "Perhaps you'll make it."

"Ha. Ha. Ha." Ana said, grinning at her, "Such great friends I have, I can tell you really care about me."

"Where have you guys been?" Illieno suddenly said, "Do you have any idea how much I've missed you in the past few hours? Will is driving me absolutely loony with his manic pacing. I needed my girls."

Ana laughed at Illieno's petulant tone. "We've been having lots of fun without you," Ana said cheekily, "Heroic rescues, triumphant feasts…it's been a grand old time, but now its back to the grind."

"We missed you too, Illieno," Karma said. For a moment they all just grinned at each other, then Lucas and the Own were upon them.

"Ho!" Lucas called, "It's the Troublesome Three, united again."

Ana burst into giggles, even as Karma and Illieno laughed on either side of her. "As much as I love reunions," Illieno began, "I'm afraid this one will have to remove to a different location, for I'm under strict orders to bring y'all to Will's tent a.s.a.p."

He leaned in toward Ana, "That means as soon as possible."

She shoved him away, "I know, stupid," she said, making a face at him.

"Let us away," Karma said, gesturing grandly, "The future awaits."

Ana rolled her eyes, but turned Firedance's head in the direction Illieno indicated, leading the way as they rode to Will's summons.

She felt her good mood evaporating, eaten away at the edges by a niggling anxiety. Then she felt a rush of pride, and straightened her spine as she thought, I have no reason to dread going before Will. I am the Champion of Tortall and I have proven myself worthy of the title in my deeds today. I will not cower before him, nor allow him to maneuver me like a chess piece. I know my place and I shall have it, as is my due.

The ride was too short, for it gave her little time to prepare herself, to think of what to say to him.

She only knew that she had reached the end of her rope, and could no longer endure his fumbling attempts to placate and distract her. She wanted to know what was going on, so that she could make informed decisions about her place in the coming battle.

She wanted to know what it was that made him distant, that made him look away from her eyes.

All too soon, it seemed, she was ducking through the flap of the giant tent before the largest bonfire of all, her heart racing as she strode up to the place where he stood behind square table that graced the center of the tent. His palms were flat against the grainy wood as he leaned forward from his place in the middle of the far edge. The bulging tendons on his arms and the rigid, straight line of his spine gave away his impatience, though his face remained that infuriating neutral. She paused a few feet from the table, absurdly glad that it stood—a wooden barrier—between them.

She felt suddenly exposed as she knelt; suddenly naked, and a shiver ran down her spine as she realized that she was alone in the tent with him.

Her friends had abandoned her, at the very moment when she needed them to disappear. She wondered if that had been Illieno's doing, or Karma's…or perhaps, Ana thought, Will ordered it be so. It didn't really matter whose idea it had been, but the thought that Will had engineered it to be so nevertheless ignited the resentment that she had been holding at bay. Is there no moment in my life that he does not plan? She thought. Have I no free will, but the will that Will deigns to grant me?

She repeated the thought again, as she rose from her bow and looked him in the eye. He looked steadily back at her, his face inscrutable as he stared at her. She set her features and waited, refusing to give in to the impatient urge to cross her arms and tap her toe.

The silence stretched on between them, as they stood facing each other across the length of the table.

Finally Ana could bear it no longer.

"Have I done something wrong, your Majesty?" Ana asked, trying to keep the edge out of her tone.

"Excuse me?" Will asked, his voice rather hoarse. Was he sweating? Ana frowned at him, wondering what he'd been doing before she barged in on him.

"Have I done some thing wrong?" She repeated, "Have I failed somehow in my duty, or deviated from your wishes as my King and sovereign?"

She gave in to the need to cross her arms, but kept her posture straight and firm.

For a second, Ana caught the started surprise in his eyes, then he frowned at her, his blue eyes worried as he lifted a hand and ran his fingers through his hair. Now that she looked, she could see that his black locks were already tousled, standing out from his head in wild curls.

"I do not know how you can have come to such a conclusion," he said quietly, "but I must assure you that you have risen above every expectation I might ever have had of you, Ana."

She glared at him, suddenly angry…though she could not quite name the cause.

"Then why?" Ana asked, "Why do you keep me in the dark? You name me Champion then ignore me—plotting and planning with everyone but me." She shook her head, wishing she could keep the petulance from her voice. "Can't you bring yourself to trust me, Will?"

Will's mouth dropped open, but no words emerged. He seemed to struggle for a moment, then he said, very quietly. "I have always trusted you."

The anger snapped and drained away, replaced by another emotion, which swamped her senses with its power.

"You don't have to do everything yourself, you know," Ana said. She meant the words to come out quietly, gently, but the expression got all twisted on the way to her lips, and the words snapped resentfully off her tongue. And then they continued, sharp barbs which she did not direct, but which were infused with the anger that filled her. "You may be King, but that does not mean it is right that you use people the way you do. Who are you to maneuver us all in some grand game of chess that is above the comprehension of the lowly pawns? I've known Gods who give out more information about their strategy."

Will's jaw tightened as she spoke, and his brow creased into a dark frown. "I have only just decided my strategy," he said tersely, "I have already called a meeting of all of my advisors, so I may inform all of you of my plans." He paused then, looking at her from under hooded eyes. "We were waiting only for your return to get started."

Ana felt that other emotion rise again in her chest, calming her. "That isn't what I meant," she said, quietly.

Will lifted his chin, looking her in the eye. For a moment his gaze searched hers, then he said, carefully, "What did you mean, Ana?"

What did she mean?

She couldn't remember.

There had been something, right?

The seconds ticked by and Ana stood frozen, willing the words to come to her lips.

"Will—"

"Ana—"

They'd both spoken at the same time, and now they both drew back, hesitating. She looked at him and saw every detail of him in that moment, the way the lamplight cast dark shadows upon his strong features, the smooth lines of his body as he stood,, tall and firm, the blue fire of his eyes, which burned into hers with their intensity. She was caught, pinioned, by the power in that gaze, unable to summon the will to look away from those eyes.

The quiet clearing of a throat seemed loud in the silence, and Ana jumped, whirling around.

An extremely chagrinned Illieno stood with a beet red Lucas, as they took in the atmosphere. "I thought I should inform you that the generals are all assembled," he muttered, looking back and forth between them.

"But if you need a couple minutes to get ready we can come back," Illieno said, grinning at them.

Ana felt the blood rush to her face, but she managed to keep her voice smooth as she said, "We shouldn't keep them waiting."

Illieno snickered, and she glared at him, even as she heard Will say from behind her, "Send them in, Lucas, I am ready."

Was it her just her imagination, or did his words have a ring of prophecy, of finality? She turned back to look at him and found him looking at her. She straightened her spine and took her place next to him, at his right side, but she could not bring her eyes up to meet his, suddenly afraid that he would see the terror reflected in her eyes.

For with each step the tension between them rose, permeating the air with electric force that grew in exponential force to their proximity. She felt the return of the dizziness by the time she stood next to him, the blurring of her senses that had disoriented her so earlier.

But she planted her feet, planted herself in this world, in the solid, planed wood of the table-top, and took deep breaths, willing herself to patience as they waited for the story to unfold. She felt Will standing next to her, and felt steadied by his firm stance.

She wondered if he could feel tension that rent the atmosphere, or if she was the only one who felt crushed as the tent filled with people, but she was not to know, for he spoke no word and made no movements toward her.

Ana found herself wishing that she had the courage to ask Will if he would hold her hand, and she bit her lip, blushing as she stared down at the table top. She traced senseless patterns into the wood of the table, sending her mind away as she waited.

~ ~:~ ~