"I-I..." I choked on my words as my heart furiously beat a tattoo against my ribcage. "I don't know - I have to go," I stuttered out before rushing past him. I passed by Remus, who had to have noticed the distressed and frightened look on my face. But he didn't even say a word as I raced up the staircase, stumbling over each stair.

What was I thinking? I asked myself over and over, throwing open the door to the dormitory. I took advantage of the empty room and started hitting my head on the nearest wall; it helped the pain in my heart to feel less severe.

Why was I such a coward? Why couldn't I just tell him? Why couldn't I show some of that Gryffindor courage I was supposed to possess?

I didn't deserve to be in Gryffindor, I realized as I fell down on my bed. Smothering myself into my pillow, my mind continued to swirl with those depressing statements.

Could the sorting hat have made a mistake? I thought back to what the hat had said to me in first year. My memory was fuzzy but I could remember parts of the speech. Something about 'friends' and 'truth and honesty'. But that sounded like I should have been sorted into Hufflepuff. What had it said when it decided to put me into Gryffindor?

I couldn't even remember.

It probably did make a mistake. It had definitely meant to say Hufflepuff.

I was such a coward. I should have just told him. But if I would have told Sirius, what would he have said?

'Oh, that's great, Ivy. But you're Remus's girl.' or 'Well, you're just a shy unremarkable girl. I don't even like you like that.'

I shut my eyes and began hitting myself with the pillow. I might have been a coward but maybe telling Sirius a lie was the better choice.

If I would have told him the truth, the feud between me and Remus would get worse. Sirius would be involved and he would try to get in the way and it would be awful.

My thoughts were becoming rants. I stopped hitting myself with the pillow and rolled over to stare at my sheets.

Sirius would want a real answer soon. I groaned out loud at the thought and leaned over the edge of my bed to stare at the floor.

My journal was lying there, innocently waiting for me to pick it up. I rolled off of my bed and landed clumsily on the floor. Tangled in my covers, I opened the journal to the last page – what I had wrote while Sirius was asleep.

She's not special in any way. I don't like her like that. She just intrigues me. And I think I intrigue her. It's strange. She has my attention and I don't even think she knows.

I had decided that Anne would have Sebastian's attention, but in a different way than she wanted.

Just like me and Sirius.

And it was always going to be like that. It was always going to be two different relationships and we were never going to see eye to eye. We were never going to look at each other in the same way.

And then my anger toward Remus turned briefly to Sirius. If he wouldn't have suggested writing from Sebastian's view, then I wouldn't have noticed this depressing fact. And I wouldn't have noticed it after Remus broke our friendship.

And I wouldn't feel as awful as I did at the moment.

It was settled. I was never going to leave this dormitory. It was Friday – I was allowed to hide in my dormitory for at least two days without leaving.

I had been worried that Eleanor was going to become a recluse when, in actuality, the warning should have been for me.


So, she didn't tell him. It's Ivy...did you really think she was?

I'm thinking of having a Q & A. If you have any questions you want me to answer, just put them in your review. (Why am I doing this? Because it's summer and I have nothing else to do!)

Oh, and anyone hear about HBP? They're basically cutting out the Remus/Tonks plot. I really hate the movies...

Anyway, you're all awesome. Thought I'd remind you.