Iryo-nin Kasa (医療忍傘)
Chapter Forty-Nine: Team Karasu Antics
True to his word, Kurei sensei got us a B-ranked mission escorting a nobleman and his daughter to a birthday party… Yes, I know how stupid that sounds. We're chaperoning a brat to a birthday party. Normally, I'd be bitching about the intricacies of noble folk and the backstabbing drama that goes with the political struggle for power. However, today it's different story.
"Itachi-san, can you tell me more about Konoha?" said our ten-year-old charge with a dreamy voice. "It must be such an adventure being a ninja."
"I apologize, Lady Mitsuko, but information regarding to the hidden villages are confidential and restricted," replied Itachi as he walked alongside the horse carriage.
"Aw…" pouted the girl as she rested her elbows at the window of the carriage and cupped her hands under her chin. "Then could you tell me what you do for fun? Hobbies? Likes and dislikes?"
I found it hard to keep myself from laughing my ass off as I listened to the conversation behind me. Before we set off on the mission, we've decided on a rotational schedule with one of us at the front, one in the back and one walking alongside the carriage for optimal coverage. I got the front position first due to the fact the boys have better eyes that's more suited for later in the day and nightfall. The way the order was set up, I would be guarding the carriage by the end of the day while the two took the front and back.
Though, I had a sinking suspicion that the order was done purposely this way to take my "health issues" into consideration. Not sure if either of the boys have caught on to my jinchuriki status, considering they were in the middle of the exam when I last had a tail outbreak, but even so, I'm going to hold off on sharing that bit of information. It's not like it's pertinent for them to know anyway.
Anyway, back to our mission. If you haven't already noticed, our charge was smitten with Itachi, doing whatever she could to draw him into a conversation. Itachi, while calm and collected, sounded quite miserable to those who was familiar with his speech patterns. To an outsider, they probably wouldn't notice it at all. To me and Shisui on the other hand, I'm quite sure the older Uchiha was doing his best not to laugh just as I was.
Am I enjoying this mission so far?
You bet I am! I'm counting down the hours to when Mitsuko decides to switch over to calling him Itachi-sama instead. The mortified look on Itachi's face was going to be sweet. I totally wish I had a camera to capture the moment.
"This is surprising," commented Kurei, who walked alongside me at my pace. "I would think you'd be the one that'd complain the most out of this mission."
"Who me?" I chirped brightly as I glanced up to my sensei. "I don't know about you sensei, but I'm having a blast."
"Is it because Itachi's suffering?" drawled Kurei, an amused grin tugging at the corner of his lips.
"Why would you think so poorly of me, sensei? I would never wish for the suffering of a fellow teammate." I said with a pout, but from the look on Kurei's face, he could tell I was grinning like a Cheshire cat inside.
"Just remember not to over indulge. The mission takes priority," lectured Kurei.
"Of course, I would never think to do otherwise." I replied with a bright grin.
"Cheeky brat," said Kurei as he tapped my head with his knuckles, but it was half-hearted at best. I could see a hint of fondness in his eyes as he slowed his pace to check on the others.
The morning was uneventful aside from Itachi's obvious discomfort around our fan-girl charge. There were barely any signs of bandits or possible assassinations. If I didn't have front guard duty, I might've fallen asleep on my feet at how dull it was. At least I thought I would until it was time for our rotation, where I took the rear, Itachi took the front and Shisui ended up walking alongside the carriage.
"By any chance, are you related to Itachi-san?" asked the girl eagerly.
"Ah, yes, we're from the same clan," replied Shisui in good spirits.
"Eh, then that means you know lots about Itachi-san right?" asked the girl giddily, her small hands clasping onto the opening of the carriage.
"Depends, what do you want to know?" asked Shisui with a disarming smile.
"Um… well…" mumbled the girl in a fluster as she tried to keep the blush invading her face at bay. "Do you know if Itachi-san has anyone he likes?"
"Hmm…Someone he likes?" hummed Shisui thoughtfully, tapping his chin as he glanced back at me.
Shisui… why are you looking at me like that? As if reading my mind, a sly grin crossed his lips and my eyes narrowed. What are you planning? The sly grin turned into a deceptively inviting grin. No… Are you doing what I think you're going to do?
"Well, I don't know about like…" started Shisui, his eyes never leaving mine as I gave him a death glare.
Oh, don't you dare.
"But?" asked the girl anxiously as he turned back to her once more.
You better not do it you ass!
"But there is someone that he cares greatly for," continued Shisui, drawing out the moment cheerily.
Are you serious? You're really going to do this?
"Someone?" the girl's eyes widened, looking as if her heart was about to crumble. "Who?"
I glowered, discreetly shooting out a number of chakra threads to loop around Shisui's legs before sharply yanking them back. Unfortunately, before the threads could catch, Shisui made a skip and continued walking as if nothing happened.
"Well, it's not my place to say who it is," continued Shisui with good cheer. "But I'll tell you, she's someone very close to him."
"Hmm…" the girl in the carriage frowned before she decided to glance back towards me.
I hastily turned my glower neutral and looked off as if I wasn't paying attention to their conversation at all. However, in doing so, I spotted Itachi discreetly glancing back and glaring daggers at Shisui. Our eyes met briefly as we had a brief moment of mutual understanding. If either of us ended up killing Shisui in this mission, the other would gladly assist in hiding the corpse.
When it came from for my turn to walk alongside the carriage guarding her brattiness, Lady Mitsuko, killing Shisui was becoming more and more inviting.
"Switch with Itachi-san," demanded the girl.
"I'm afraid I can't do that Lady Mitsuko, that's against our protocols if we are to keep you and your father safe for this journey." I replied evenly.
"Itachi-san could keep us safe standing here just as well as up there," retorted the girl.
"I'm quite sure Itachi is quite capable in doing so, but you have to understand my lady, that it would be unseemly for him to stay by your side at all times. People might—"
"Might what?" snapped the girl. "Who dares to slander me?"
"No one would dare. My lady is a prime example of a fine lady." I continued with a civil tone. "Rather they would think Itachi would be uncouth and—"
"Itachi-san would never!" grounded out the girl.
"I'm glad you think so highly of Itachi." I said pleasantly. "I'm sure he feels just the same if you tell him tomorrow morning when it's his turn to guard you once more."
"Itachi, Itachi, Itachi," muttered the girl in annoyance. "Aren't you being too familiar with him using his name with no honorifics?"
"Am I?" I asked, feigning ignorance. "I apologize if I seem boorish with such familiarity, but Itachi prefers to be more personable with his comrades. I'm sure if you got to know him, he would like for you to call him by name without such honorifics."
"Really?" the girl flushed red.
"Of course." I chirped, lying through my teeth. "I'm sure he'd love to hear you say his name so endearingly."
"Kyaaaa," gushed the girl as she cupped her face in excitement.
I'm not about to start adding san to Itachi's name because of a jealous self-entitled bratling. If she likes Itachi that much, it's her problem, but I'm not about to get roped into her random bursts of temper tantrums because Shisui decided to be an ass.
In front of me, I see the older Uchiha hide his amusement in a soft fit of coughs as his shoulders shook. If I still had all my old memories, I still would've never thought he'd have this side to him that utterly enjoys the misery of others. Even as I tried to appease Itachi's bratty fan girl, I felt my patience wearing thin. While Hizashi's training have done wonders for me to maintain a pleasant demeanor in the face of danger and overall unpleasantness, it does nothing to quell whatever's hidden beneath it.
"I'm going to murder him in his sleep." I muttered darkly under my breath as we all stopped to set up camp for the evening.
"Wait until after the mission," said Itachi as he set up a small campfire.
"Don't tell me you're siding with him." I hissed discreetly as I retrieved ration bars from my travel storage scroll.
"I never said that," droned Itachi as the fire lit up in a small blaze. "It's just easier to hide the body with less witnesses around."
"Pft." I covered my mouth in a giggle as my shoulders shook with mirth. "Of course, how could I've doubted you?"
"I saw a nice patch of land about half a mile back, the dirt looks quite loose, it wouldn't take much to dig deep," commented Itachi.
"Ah, I know the spot." I agreed. "There's a good deal of foliage too, won't be hard to cover up the upturned earth after we're done."
"Geez, you two are seriously planning my murder right in front of me?" said Shisui with a pout as he finished setting up the tarp, a tent would've hindered our movement if we were to be attack. "It was just a joke."
"Murder? Who said anything about a murder?" retorted Itachi in a droll as he placed away his flint and clapped his hands clean. "You're just clumsy and ran into your own kunai… repeatedly."
"With your back." I added with a cheerful chirp.
"That's just cold," sulked Shisui.
"Would you like to sit closer to the fire to warm up?" I asked sweetly.
"…Why do I get the feeling you're going to shove me into the flames if I said yes?" said Shisui nervously.
"It's just your imagination sweetie." I said, cupping the side of my face in a harmless demeanor. "Why would I ever think to shove you into the fiery pits and watch your flesh burn off layer by layer?"
"…Kasa-chan, your inner sadist is showing," muttered Shisui, taking a hesitant step away from me.
"Ohohoho," I covered my mouth in a dainty mock laugh.
"Geh…" Shisui grimaced.
Before the situation could escalate any further, Itachi let out a quiet cough as if to remind us that we were still on a mission. Shisui and I both shared a brief glance before we returned to our duties, acting as if nothing happened in the first place. I had the first guard shift for the evening and was followed by Itachi and then Shisui. Kurei sensei, true to his word, kept out of our business and acted nothing more than an observer during the mission.
At the time it seemed rather insignificant, but none of us realized that it would become an odd ritual for Team Karasu. Like Team Four, we bickered and argued, constantly trying to get on each other's nerves as if it was a contest to see who snap first. However, unlike my previous team, Kurei sensei never stepped in to stop us or tell us when to stop.
Instead, Itachi seemed to have taken up the role as our keeper. Regardless how heated our bickering became, he would never fail to stop us before it escalates and in turn we cease all arguments and return to the mission as if it never happened. I had no clue what compelled us to follow Itachi's lead without a question, but… it just seemed natural.
"Ten, nine," counted down Itachi behind me the next day during my rotation at the front.
"Hmm?" hummed Mitsuko in confusion as to why my teammate started a count down.
Without turning my head, I darted my eyes towards my left in the 10 o'clock position and drifted my attention around the foliage. There was someone hiding in wait. I brushed a loose strand of hair behind my ear. In that same movement, I flicked my wrist, whipping a seal card between my fingers.
"Three, two…" I casually let the card fall from my fingertips before it shot towards the foliage with the help of my chakra threads. "One."
POOF! CRASH!
"GAAH!" an inhuman scream screeched from our hidden assailant.
"Eh? What was that?" shouted Mitsuko fearfully.
"Must be the crows." I commented light-heartedly. "They do have odd cries, don't they?"
"…Crows?" said the girl in confusion. "What kind of crows make that sort of noise?"
"One that had a cow land on them." I answered brightly.
"…Cow?" confusion plagued the girl even further. "Itachi-san, has your teammate lost her mind?"
"Just for the moment," said Itachi as he shot me a glare that pretty much told me that I was meant to be discreet.
…Whoops?
His glare didn't lessen.
Uh… Continue to act insane?
"Prin-cess, princess! Princess, love you, love you, I love you." I started singing a ridiculously upbeat song as I continued walking forward pretending nothing happened. "Prin-cess, princess! Princess, twinkle, twinkle. As long as I have you and all my friends. I am in-vin-ci-ble."
I'm quite sure by the end of the mission, a number of people on this trip questioned the soundness of my sanity. It didn't help that we had quite a number of assailants trying to attack our clients. The three of us took turns in taking out whoever that came to attack, but compared to Itachi and Shisui's take downs, mine were a bit noticeable… particularly due to the screams.
As you all already know, I'm not meant to be a direct combat fighter and since dance seals took quite some space to perform, I was left with my seal cards and senbons as my only form of combat… So… pretty much I alternate between dropping cows on people and blowing up a variety of gasses and poisons in my arsenal. It ranged from the harmless sleeping gas to the debilitating fear toxin… though, they all end up screaming anyway.
"I must say, that little redhead kunoichi of yours is quite a terror," said nobleman Masahiro in amusement in his own study at the end of the mission.
"I apologize if she offended your lordship in any manner," said Kurei.
"No, no! Not at all," chuckled the portly man. "I'm just amazed that Konoha had such talented young kunoichi like her. "
"…I see," noted Kurei.
"Ah! Don't misunderstand me, the boys did wonderfully as well," said the man with a wave of his hand. "But that kunoichi of yours seemed to send the message across much better. She made every single one of them scream."
"Pft," snorted Shisui as he covered his mouth and turned away with his shoulders shaking.
"…Say a word and you'll be screaming next." I muttered under my breath, vein throbbing at the side of my temple.
"Itachi-san! Are you sure you don't want a job at our home?" gushed Mitsuko as she did her best to stay in her seat and not jump up and latch onto Itachi's arm. "I'm sure my father would gladly pay for you to become our bodyguard for full time."
"I appreciate the offer, but due to family reasons, I'm afraid I cannot accept, Lady Mitsuko," said Itachi civilly.
"Eh?" whined the girl with a dejected pout. "What sort of family reason?"
"He's engaged," chirped Shisui. Itachi shot him a glare at the girl turned to the older Uchiha in shock.
"To who?" Mitsuko nearly screeched before snapping her attention towards me. "To—"
"Nope." I said sharply, hastily shooting a single hand up to stop her in her tracks. "Not even close. I like my men older and with a sense of humor. If Itachi was pit against a wall for standup comedy, the wall would win."
"…What?" said the girl in confusion. "Standup comedy?"
"Just ignore her, she's having her bouts of insanity," said Itachi, eye twitching as he resisted the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose. I could see his fingers twitching as his fought to keep his hand down.
"Then you and she are really…" trailed off the girl.
"Just teammates," concluded Itachi.
"For now anyway," chirped Shisui before I moved to step on his foot and Itachi discreetly pressed a kunai against his back.
Continue and die, was our mutual message to the older boy.
"What do you mean for now?" asked Mitsuko. "Are you saying they're actually—"
"Ah…haha…" laughed Shisui sheepishly. "I-I meant to say they're only teammates for now. Our team placement isn't permanent after all."
"Oh…" said the girl. "Then—"
"Team Karasu, it's time to go," interrupted Kurei as he and Masahiro finished their conversation.
"Sorry to cut this short Lady Mitsuko," continue Shisui with a smooth slid away from both Itachi and myself and moved to Kurei's other side. "You've heard our commander. It's time for us to part ways, my fair lady! Until we meet next time."
"But…" protested Mitsuko.
"It was a pleasure serving you, my lordship and my lady." I said, giving the girl and her father a bow.
"Such a polite girl," laughed the nobleman. "I'll keep in mind to request you the next time I require a bodyguard."
"What? But father!" protested the girl.
"Have a safe trip home, Konoha shinobi," said the man with a laugh as he waved for a servant to escort us out.
"Well… that was fun," said Shisui cheerily.
"Hey Itachi." I spoke up as we walked away from our client's home.
"Hm?" the other responded with a grunt.
"The mission is done now right?" I asked.
"Yes," replied the other.
"Where was that spot we found earlier again?" I asked.
"Oi, oi, oi!" shouted Shisui as he backed away from us.
"I believe it's about five kilometers from here," replied Itachi.
"Oh come on! It was the end of the mission!" whined Shisui. "She wasn't going to bug either of you!"
"Say Itachi, how far do you think we have to go before there's no witnesses around?" I asked.
"Ten… maybe fifteen minutes," answered Itachi.
"Kurei sensei!" Shisui turned to our stoic jounin for help instead. "You're my witness right? You're not going to let them kill me right?"
"Sensei," said Itachi firmly. "I would like to report that Shisui's actions could have been detrimental to our mission. I request approval to enact punishment."
"I concur!" I agreed. "And request to assist with his request."
"Hmm…" Kurei pondered, grasping his chin thoughtfully.
"Kurei sensei!" protested Shisui as he clung to the older man's arm. "You can't really be thinking of letting them do it right? We're a team! They can't do that to teammates! Right? RIGHT?"
Kurei gave a sigh and glanced away. "I think I'm going to take a tea break."
"I heard the sencha around here is pretty good sensei." I chirped. "Do take your time and enjoy yourself. We'll keep ourselves busy."
"Kurei sensei!" cried Shisui, but his pleads were cut short as he dodged a flying kunai. "Itachi, old buddy, we could talk this through."
"I'm not much one for conversation," commented Itachi before he darted after the older boy.
"HEEEEEEEEEEEHHH!" screamed Shisui as he ran off ahead.
"…You do know you're going to have to heal him afterwards," commented Kurei.
"It'll be good practice to keep my skills sharp. The two of them rarely gets hurt during missions anyway." I chirped.
"I'll be waiting at the tea shop along the route back to Konoha. Don't take too long," said Kurei.
"Of course, please excuse me sir." I said with a polite bow before darting off after Itachi. "Shisui honey! I've cooked up something just for you!"
"No!" screamed Shisui who was quite a bit ahead with Itachi hot on his tail.
"I promise it'll only scar you for the rest of your life!" I said cheerily as I pulled out my cards.
"How is that supposed to make me want to try it any more than I do now?" screeched Shisui before directing his attention to Itachi. Apparently, the other said something to him, but I couldn't hear it from the distance. "Itachi, I don't care if you think I'm being loud! You two are trying to kill me!"
I found myself giggling as Shisui attempted to flee from our attacks. Even though the mission was a total pain in the ass and Shisui did whatever he could to make us miserable, working with my new team ended up being more enjoyable than I thought.
…Though, Shisui still needs to be punished for riling up an Itachi fan-girl and making us bear through that for the entirety of the mission. After all, my pettiness demands retribution! I cackled insanely as I charged. Prepare yourself Shisui Uchiha and face the wrath of Team Karasu's Crimson Terror!
Author's Notes: Before any of you ask…Yes, this chapter was short… and yes, this is a filler. xD I wanted to write this chapter for a while now and man, there are more fun chapters just waiting to be written. We'll see if I feel like returning to the plot next chapter, but this was a fun break for me.
For everyone who guess Katekyo Hitman Reborn, congrats! I cracked up laughing at some of the comments you guys had. I'm going through another anime binge again, so… yeah, try to guess where the song Kasa sung came from! Until next time, I'll see you guys in the next chapter!
