Ctrl-A-Delete, a Glee fiction
I do not own Glee. Reviews are always welcome!
Dear Blaine,
Never have I seen anyone so excited by jelly. I mean, it was the squeezable kind and all, but it tastes just like the stuff in a jar. I went to that twenty four hour store we went to before. That creepy girl was there. I thought she worked afternoons, but apparently somebody had called in sick. There I was at seven in the morning, in my pajamas as you had requested, buying jelly and a carton of milk. Luckily I had thought far enough in advance to change into a pair of sneakers rather than my slippers. The snow would have soaked right through them. It had been snowing all morning. It's actually what woke me up, when a giant heap of snow fell off the branch of a tree. You're lucky Mother Nature is on your side.
She recognized me. I was the only person in the store besides her. So she came out from behind the counter and followed me.
CG: Where's your boyfriend? Did he realize he's deeply in love with me and dump you?
Me: He's babysitting. I'm going to see him as soon as I buy some jelly and milk for lunch.
CG: So he's a peanut butter and jelly guy? Classic. I like it.
Me: I could tell you he wanted powdered donuts and mustard for lunch and you'd like him. You just think he's hot.
CG: Don't you? Every time I see him it's so ungh.
I think that's how you spell what she said. I think, if I'm not mistaken she was trying to make a sound of passion, but it sounded like the kind of discomfort you'd have trying to push an elephant from one side of the zoo to the other. Not very attractive. Even if I were straight.
I told her that yes, while you are unmistakably gorgeous to me, there are other reasons that I love you. In fact, I explained for so long in front of the milk display that I started to feel the chill of the refrigeration unit.
She studied me as she checked out my items. It was as if she was doing some sort of assessment, like what does he have that I don't. I could've been polite and explained that for one, I had more y chromosome than her. For another I had you. But I think she was more interested in taking in my appearance. The blue silken pajamas, the askew hair I had forgotten to brush. It was quite unnerving until I remember exactly who was studying me.
I dug into my coat pocket, handed over the money and told her to have a nice day. If she already hates me for dating you I'm not going to provoke her further.
To think, when you asked if I had much trouble getting the jelly and milk I told you it was nothing.
Nothing you'd need to worry about anyway.
Ctrl-A-Delete
Dear Blaine,
I feel empty without Mr. Bear sitting with me. I had gotten used to him being around. I had even gotten used to covering his little black eyes while I got dressed. And now he's on his way to the hospital with you. I bet you buckled him into the seat beside you, on top of a phone book as a booster seat. And then still, he probably couldn't see out the window, so you had to explain everything happening outside the window. Karlie would have called shotgun next to your dad and would think that you were talking to her. She wouldn't see your gaze directed at the little bear sitting next to you. You'd play along, too tired from all that we did today to argue. Your dad would be happy that the two of you were getting along.
You better let me know the minute she comes home so I can see her baby. If he looks anything like his family he'll be a handsome guy. He'll have a face that breaks hearts. Which is somehow a compliment. Mothers always tell other mothers their kid has a face that's going to break hearts and then thank each other. You'd think that breaking someone's heart would be a horrible thing. Been there, done that. Though I'm sure with people that have less attractive faces can break hearts too. Perhaps attractive people just break more hearts.
We should make a new love child and keep him this time. Wait, we should make it a her and then she could be Mr. Bear's girlfriend. They could go on play dates and we'd have to supervise, which would ultimately lead us to see Mr. Bear again. And then they could get married. Unless because we made Mr. Bear that makes him her brother, despite him being adopted by your cousin. Then it'd be brother and sister dating and I'm pretty sure that's not normal.
Somehow this email turned into a conversation about bear incest.
I really should stop typing now.
Ctrl-A-Delete
Dear Blaine,
I took the picture I colored at your house, the unicorn and elf that you said reminded you of me (the elf, not the unicorn. Or at least I hope it was the elf that reminded you of me) and stuck it on the fridge. When you enter the kitchen the first thing you see is the purple unicorn. That, and Karlie's scrawl that labeled the unicorn Blaine. Ultimately that means Kurt the elf is riding Blaine the unicorn. Kurt riding Blaine. Because there's no sexual undertones in that at all.
There are days that I really wonder why she knows so much.
Carole said that I did a great job coloring inside the lines. Part of me thinks that the lines were the last thing on her mind. She was more concerned about how Karlie labeled it. She had turned back when she was leaving my room and asked about it. I tried to explain how your cousin isn't the average little girl and likes to drive you up the wall. She said that maybe next time she doesn't have to work she'll babysit and we can go do something. I'm not hoping for a miracle, but maybe she can instill some child wonder back into Karlie. Her play dates with Marius have been wearing her down a bit. If we're lucky we can make it happen by the end of the year. It is only February after all.
Finn just came in. He had the picture from the fridge.
Finn: You have a unicorn named Blaine?
Me: Yes Finn. And we go into the Enchanted Forest of Laffy Taffy after you've fallen asleep.
Finn: There's an Enchanted Forest of Laffy Taffy?
Me: If I say yes will you go away?
Finn: If you give me a map to it.
I need to figure out how far that store is from here. Then I'll lead him into the candy aisle and he can deal with creepy girl. I know she likes you and your shortness. He is pretty tall.
Who knows, maybe she likes guys with unaverage heights.
Ctrl-A-Delete
Dear Blaine,
He's so cute! Granted the picture isn't the best of qualities, being a cell phone picture, but wow. He has a lot of hair. I hope when it grows more it'll be curly like Karlie's. Not that I'd run my hands through it like your's (I have a fascination with getting my hands lost in curls) but he'd be so adorable. And those eyes are so green.
Was everyone in your family such a cute baby? I think it's time we pull out the photo albums.
I probably should be going to sleep now, seeing as tomorrow we do have school. Instead, I'm sitting here in the same pajamas I wore all day, staring at a picture of a baby that doesn't belong to me. You're going to be tired a Warblers practice tomorrow. We don't need two of us half asleep. Wes will hit us over the head with the gavel. I can either go to bed now and be wide awake for practice or stare some more. We can skip practice to go visit your aunt. Of course then Wes really will hit us over the head with the gavel and assume that we were just making out in the janitor's closet. I assure you, I do not want to make out with you when you smell like dirty mop bucket.
Or Pine-Sol. I'm not really sure what a janitor's closet smells like.
Okay, I'm going to try and wrap this email up. I fell asleep for a few minutes and need to give into my urges while screaming your name in the privacy of the bathroom. Hopefully Finn won't hear me, like how he hears every time we make out or act all coupley.
Kurt
Send.
Dear Blaine,
I woke up after a nice little nap to find my laptop still open. I was writing you an email and I dozed off. Apparently Finn decided to finish my email for me. Please ignore everything after "I fell asleep for a few minutes."
Trying not to yawn,
Backspace
Hope my dreams are sweet as you,
Backspace
Deepest apologies,
Kurt
(P.S. I don't really have anything more to say, but I always post script you. So I guess I'll just say I love you.)
