DancingintheRayne - (: Will do. Thanks so much for reading and reviewing this story. It honestly means so much to me and to my story; I really do appreciate it (:
MadameDegrassi-girl - You'll have to wait and read to see if Clare gets the chance to explain or if Eli blocks her out (: Thank you so so much for reading and reviewing. It means so much to me and to the story. I really do appreciate it (:
DareToDream94 - Haha Awwwh :( No worries, just read (: Hahah. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing my story. It really does mean a lot to me and to my story (:
HelloWorldItsMJ - Thank you so much for reading and reviewing my story. It means so much to me and I really do appreciate it (:
EClare4Ever393 - Awwh, I'm glad you like it (: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing my story. I really do honestly appreciate it. (:
clareandeliforever2015 - Will do (: Thanks for reading and reviewing. It means a lot to me and to the story. (:
eclarelover4life - (: Thank you for reading and reviewing my story. I really do appreciate it; and it means a lot to the story and to me. (:
dada - Haha awwh, (: Thank you so much for reviewing and reading my story. It honestly means so much to me. (:
supercutie101367 - Haha, Awwh (: I'm glad you liked it. (: It means a lot to me. Also; thank you so much for reading and reviewing. It means a lot to me and to the story. I really appreciate it. (:
No-Name - Haha, noo! Munro's mine :P And I'm pretty sure this is marleyismyhoney, but your name didn't show up for the reviewer-name :O lmao. And I know; I heard Eli's name and I got so freaking excited; and then I looked up the lyrics and it was a complete let down :( Haha. Lmao, it's okay. I don't mind grammar errors. (: I'm glad you liked it, and I'm sorry your fingers are numb :/ Lol. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing my story. It means so much to me. (:
clareandeliforever - Don't worry. Just trust me (: Thanks for reading and reviewing. I really appreciate it.
zeldaskeeper - Hahaha. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing my story. It honestly means so much to me and to my story. I really appreciate it (:
peacelovedegrassi - Haha; Just keep reading and you'll find out what happens (: Thanks so much for reading and reviewing my story. I really do appreciate it and it means so much to me. (:
No-Name - Awwh :( Thank you for reading and reviewing my story. I really do appreciate it. (:
Elinfatuated - Hahah; nahh, Munro is most definitely mine. (: Thank you for reading and reviewing my story. I really appreciate it and it means a lot to me and to my story. (:
mcflyXlove - No worries; here's a new chapter (: Thanks for reading and reviewing my story. I really do appreciate it. (:
EliandClare414 - I can not believe that Fitz is coming back! I'm so nervous for what's going to happen between Fitz, Clare, and Eli. And for the whole Alli thing, I'm so confused! Haha. Like, I honestly have no idea on what's going to happen with her. I'm so excited for the new episodes, and I don't even think I can wait! (: What do you think? And; thank you so much for reading and reviewing my story. It means a lot to me and to the story (:
GrizzlyBearLoveesYou - Haha, Awwh I'm glad you liked it. (: Thanks so much for reading and reviewing my story. It honestly means so much to me and I really do appreciate it. (:
-SOOO, I was listening to Blink182 while I wrote this chapter, and there
are certain songs of theirs that tend to get me all emotional, so my writing
in this chapter, is mostly based on how Eli and Clare are feeling about the
whole situation. I hope you enjoy (:
Chapter Fifty One
"Part Two: Come Back To Me, Eli"
I approached my house, and walked inside. My eyes focused on the stairs, as I stomped up them - clenching my fists at my sides. My face was most-likely purple, considering how angry and numb I was feeling. Every thing was blurry, it was like I was losing my mind. My temper had a mind of it's own, in this situation. I felt like I wasn't good enough for Clare. Clare had proven to me, that I was never and will never be good enough for her.
I threw myself on top of my uncomfortable bed, as I let out a deep breath. I reached over to my Ipod player and clicked 'Play'. Instantly, As Tall As Lions blasted through my room. I usually got lost in my music - my thoughts feeling insignificant and all my hatred fading away..
But this time, I still felt hate and anger and frustration. I still felt like punching a hole in the wall and breaking every single little thing in my room. Suddenly, I stood from my bed; the song "Maybe I'm Just Tired" by As Tall As Lions playing. I approached my desk, and looked down at it. I scanned all the pictures until I spotted one that was of Clare and me.
I rolled my eyes in disgust, as I held it in my hands. I gripped it, with all the strength I can. My hands began to shake. I could feel a tear.. one simple tear, rolling down my red cheeks. I didn't want to cry. I refused to cry. With all my power, and strength - with all my hatred, and frustration - I took the picture and whipped it across the room.
The picture frame smashed against the wall.. The glass shattering and flying in various directions The picture slowly floating towards the ground. I ran my fingers through my hair, and my teeth were pushed against each other. I could feel all of me going numb - no thoughts in my head, no intentions on what to do next. All I did, was picked up another picture that was of me and Clare.
I looked at it, and let out a sarcastic laugh. - "All lies." I stated, before whipping it at the wall. The glass, doing the same as before, breaking in to tiny pieces. The music was loud enough to block out all the glass-breaking noises. The music was loud enough to block out all of the small screams I kept letting out.. The music was loud enough to cover up my cell phone ringing - Phone calls from Clare, that I didn't intend on returning.
After breaking a few more picture frames, that held pictures of Clare and me - I took a seat, on my bed, and grabbed my phone from the nightstand. I flipped it open to take notice to five new text-messages, and six missed calls. I went through the missed calls - five from Clare, one from Adam. I then opened up all the text messages.
All from Clare.
"Eli. I need you. Please, just talk to me." - "I would do anything to go back in time and change every little thing I've ever done. I know I hurt you, but I need you to forgive me." - "You're the most important thing in my life, Eli. Please." - "I'll do whatever it takes to get you back." - "I know.. You'll probably never reply to these messages or return my phone calls; but please, just know that every thing we had wasn't a lie. I'll never stop loving you."
Those five text messages seemed like nothing to me. I didn't smirk at any thing she had said. I didn't feel any relief, or feeling of sympathy for being so mad. I didn't want to forgive her. I wasn't going to forgive her. Clare had made a mistake, one that effected both of us, clearly. Sure, Clare was in pain and had great regret for what she had done. But she committed the crime, and she was going to have to pay for it.
I had no intentions on forgiving Clare or "getting her back" for that matter. I felt like just ignoring her was good enough. Shutting her out of my life seemed like a good enough punishment. This was going to be an incredibly difficult task - but it was necessary. I didn't plan on allowing Clare to walk all over me and make me look like a fool.
I calmed myself down - I attempted to let go of all the anger. I impatiently sat there, waiting for Clare to call again. Although, I had no plans of picking up the phone; I still wanted her to call.. I still wanted to know that she regretted what she had done.
-Clare's POV-
"Eli pick up.." I murmured under my breath, as I stood there - in my bedroom, isolated from the world. My cell phone was pressed against my ear, as I awaited for his answer. I needed him to pick up the phone.. I needed to hear his voice.. I needed him to forgive me.
"Hey it's Eli. I can't answer the phone right now.. So don't call back." His answer machine stated. I couldn't help but smile.. But the smile soon faded, once I realized that I'd never get to hear one of his rude jokes or statements again.
I feel like kicking myself. I had broken the most perfect thing in my life - the only perfect thing in my life. My families a mess - my dad ignores me and acts as if I don't exist; my mother is never sober and always treats me like I'm four; and now I lost Eli. Eli held my life together. When every thing was falling apart and I felt alone - Eli was there. I couldn't help but hate myself for what I have done.
I had isolated myself from happiness and the world. I had rejected love. I had thrown away some thing so.. perfect, and amazing just for one kiss. I didn't even want to kiss KC, but Eli would never believe that. Although, I understand where he's coming from.. If Eli had kissed his ex-girlfriend, then I would be in disgust. I would never want to see his face again.. I suppose he feels the same towards me.
I have honestly lost all respect for myself. I had never been so low.. I had never made such a terrible decision. I might as well run away to some where far far away, and never come back - I'm sure Eli, my parents, and every one at Degrassi would much rather have me gone. It doesn't matter though, my actions don't make a difference..
When I was with Eli; I felt important - I felt like I actually made a difference. I felt real and alive for once in my life. Just being with Eli; changed the way I looked at myself, for the better. I felt like I wasn't the brilliant geek that every one ignored anymore, I felt like I was the perfect person. Eli made me feel perfect. I could never imagine any one else making me feel the way Eli did.
I could never replace Eli. I don't think I could ever love another person. What KC and I had was nothing compared to what me and Eli had. I ruined it though. In the split second that I allowed KC to push his lips against mine.. I pushed Eli away. I will regret that one kiss, until the day Eli forgives me.. -If that day ever comes.
I grabbed my coat, and put on my shoes. I grabbed my phone, and stuck it in to my pocket. I then walked down stairs and out the door; with out even saying a word. It was raining, extremely hard and fast. The raindrops felt like knifes, as I walked down the sidewalk. I didn't even put my hood up, I wanted to be soaking wet. I didn't care if my hair was messy and wet - I didn't care if my make up looked like I did it with my eyes closed, while I was under water - I just didn't care.
It was a three minute walk, before I stood there; in front of the Goldsworthy home. If he wasn't going to return my phone calls or texts, then I was going to force him to talk to me. I walked up the stairs and to his front door, I pounded my fist against the door. Begging for some one - any one to answer.
Suddenly, the door opened to reveal Eli. The minute he saw that it was me, he rolled his eyes and began to shut the door. I quickly threw my hands out in front of me and pushed them against the door - pushing the door back open.
"Clare. Leave." He demanded. Although his words slowly broke my heart - I forced myself to ignore them.
"Talk to me; Please." I begged.
"No. We talked enough, it's done." He responded. His words felt like a bullet, but once again; I ignored them. The best way to get him back was to just keep on begging and let him say all that he needed to say. Even if his words were going to tear me apart; I didn't care. I just knew he needed to say them.
"Eli. It'll never be done." I replied. "Just come outside, for two minutes. Please." He seemed to be holding a debate, in his head, whether or not it was a good idea. Although, if I were him - I would never speak to me again. But Eli and I have established that we're complete opposites.. Meaning that; there's a possible chance that he will do the opposite of what I would do.
He sighed, as he stepped outside; in to the pouring rain. He shut the front door, and he began walking towards the sidewalk. I grew confused, as I followed him.
"Where are you going?" I asked,
"I'd rather argue on the sidewalk, rather then in front of my front door where my parents will be listening in on every single word you or I say." He explained.
He stopped walking once we were standing on the sidewalk - as did I. We then stood there, face to face. Not knowing the words that would soon be coming out of his mouth. I was afraid - I expected the worst, and I had prepared myself for the piercing words that he would soon unleash on my guilty conscience. I didn't mind though, I deserved all that was coming to me.
"Why?" He asked.
"Hmm?" I mumbled, confused to what he was exactly talking about.
"Why would you do that?" He restated his question, he seemed calm. Like he actually wanted to talk and not argue.
I let out a deep breath, as I stared at my shoes. I didn't even have a good answer.. that's what scared me the most. "I don't know Eli." I paused, "I don't know why I would stoop so low for such a scumbag like KC. It was the biggest mistake I've made in the longest time, and I just want you to realize that."
"Was it worth it?" He asked.
The only question that I knew the answer to. "No." I quickly answered. "Not the littlest bit... The kiss wasn't worth it, he's not worth it."
"Good." Eli simply answered - sending me in to a confusion, to why he would consider my answer 'good'.
"Huh?" I began "Why is that good?" Eli shrugged, acting as if his answer or our conversation was nothing but an annoyance to him. It was as if he didn't want to explain anything to me - he didn't even want to talk to me. I got the feeling that me being here just pissed him off. But he hasn't told me to leave, so I don't plan on going any time soon.
"Because Clare-" He paused, hesitating to continue. "I don't feel bad for you. I actually feel happy for you." He told me, in a sarcastic tone. I gave him a confused look - giving him the idea to continue -"I'm happy that you finally admitted that you used me and that KC is who you like. I don't care, Clare. You played me, and I'm not going to take you back, I'm not going to hug you and tell you every thing's going to be okay, and I'm not going to pity you. You made a mistake. You chose a scumbag over a guy who would die for you. You chose your own path.. Live with it."
With those words, Eli walked away. I had the urge to run after him, and grab on to his arm. I wanted to turn him around and have our lips collide in to one anothers. But I just stood there; in shock, in pain. I had hurt Eli. I knew that from the very start that I kissed KC. But I guess I never really accepted it.
I stood there, in the pouring rain, crying. I didn't move from Eli's sidewalk for about fifteen minutes. I just stood there, crying the hardest I have in the longest time. I felt the rain dripping down my face, while it soaked my once dry clothes. I was shivering and shaking. I stared at Eli's front door; praying to God that he would come walking out of it.
I prayed to God that he would run out to me and hold me in his arms. I prayed that he would take me back and forget all the idiotic choices I've made. I prayed and prayed and prayed.. but it never happened.
-ELI'S POV-
I went in my room and played Blink182 songs. I blasted the song "Down", while I stared out my bedroom window. I watched Clare stand there, on my sidewalk - crying, by herself. It made me sick to my stomach to watch her all depressed and alone. But all of this was her fault. I did nothing wrong. All I did was called her out for hurting me.
My bedroom window was opened, giving Clare the opportunity to hear the Blink182 music that was obnoxiously blasting. I just wanted Clare to know that I was hurt.. I didn't want to talk to her or have her try to make me take her back. I just wanted her to see how messed up I was right now.
Suddenly, Clare began walking away - going in the direction towards her house. I couldn't help but frown, as she disappeared in the distance. She may have broken my heart and ruined every thing I thought was perfect.. But she was still that beautifully perfect girl I once knew.
