"Good afternoon, Sally."
The young receptionist visibly jumped as she heard the low smoky voice, feeling the blood rush to her face as she blushed prettily at her latest visitor.
He stood before her, the fine Italian tailoring and the ever-present sunglasses in his hands, standing to the side across the room. If her studies had taught her one thing it was that Horatio Caine was a creature of habit.
"Good afternoon, sir," she replied as she slowly regained her faculties and her ability to string a coherent sentence together, shuffling the papers in front of her as she pretended to look busy.
She avoided looking into his piercing blue eyes as he made his way towards her. "My friends call me Horatio…..how about we start with that?"
He gave her such a reassuring smile that she felt instinctively that she could trust him, that his pleasant and polite demeanour was part of who he really was and not just some cheap act to get what he wanted.
She'd seen plenty of those men before, in her experience handsome men were often arrogant and superficial, more caught up in their own self-importance and image than to care about the women in their life. Most of the men that she dated in her younger years were pleasing to the eye but were also some of the vilest human beings that she had ever met.
It seemed to be a character flaw of hers to get caught up with all the wrong men, men who only wanted to have a quick fumble or a one night stand, men who would sleep with any woman if it got them what they wanted. They would flash a brilliant smile, and time and again she would fall for their transparent charm, fooling herself that this time it would be different.
Her experience of the opposite sex, apart from her foster father and Dr Pearce, had taught her than men could not be trusted, that a flash of a smile and a few reassuring words here and there would be all they needed for her to fall for their charms hook, line, and sinker.
It had served to make her wary of men in general, having never really found a man that she could trust and rely on not to let her down or disappoint her. As she looked into his clear blue eyes she could sense that his kindness and generosity were not an act but part of who he really was. Did this man have any idea the calming affect he had on those around him?
"Are you ok, Sally?" he asked with concern in his voice, aware that she had not uttered a word in the last few moments.
"Yes…err…Dr Pearce will be with you shortly," she stammered as she realised she had been caught staring at him again.
Control yourself, she mentally chided. This man was old enough to be her father and more than that, it seemed inappropriate to have a crush on a client no matter how handsome they might be.
Any further blushes were spared when the doctor made a timely entrance into the waiting area and greeted his client. "Horatio, good to see you. Would you like to come through?"
She felt herself blush again as he gave her a small smile and a nod of the head before following the therapist into his office.
"Take a seat," Jeff instructed as he made himself comfortable behind his desk. "How have things been since I saw you last?" he asked as he opened up the file in front of him and picked up a pen. He couldn't fail to see the frown that crossed his client's face.
"Complicated," Horatio responded as he finally sat down after a few moments of pacing and hovering.
"That sounds interesting; do you want to tell me about it?"
"It's long and...complicated."
"Well, we've got time," Jeff countered as he sensed the other man's reluctance to talk openly. "How about I start you off with a question?" he suggested.
Horatio regarded the doctor warily, already knowing that Jeff was able to match wits and call his bluff on several occasions, did he really want to go toe to toe with this man right now?
He watched as Jeff sauntered over to the corner of the room and prepared refreshments, handing him a black coffee wordlessly.
He was a curious man if nothing else, the scientist and detective in him couldn't resist being intrigued as to what the therapist might ask him. "I'm listening."
"How's your sex life?"
The hot black liquid spurted from his mouth in a torrent as the question took him by surprise. For a man who was normally so calm and controlled, the action, and subsequent coughing fit made him look foolish in comparison as he took Jeff's proffered napkin and cleaned himself, all the while shooting fierce glares at the doctor.
"I don't feel comfortable discussing that," Horatio muttered after regaining his composure.
"Come on, Horatio. I think we're both a little long in the tooth to be getting coy about talking about sex. You don't have to go into details about it…..I don't need to know the ins and outs."
He cocked an eyebrow at Jeff's unfortunate turn of phrase. "What do you want to know?"
"Have you had any issues with getting an erection?"
He felt his cheeks flame with embarrassment as Jeff continued to look at him, no hint of a smile or smirk gracing the other man's features. "No, I haven't," he replied after taking a deep breath or two.
"So you and Calleigh have slept together?"
He squirmed uncomfortably in his seat, completely ill at ease with the topic of conversation. He twiddled the sunglasses in his hands as he tried to formulate a response that would enable him to wriggle his way out of the matter at hand. The silence in the room stretched until he finally gave in, unable to find a way to avoid talking about it.
"Yes, we have."
"When?"
He let out an exasperated sigh. "What does that have to do with anything?" The doctor continued to look at him until he felt compelled to answer the question. "The night before last."
"So you did take on board what we discussed then?" Jeff asked him, a small smile crossing his aged features. "Well done, Horatio."
The words were meant to be encouraging but only served to make him feel as if he were being given a pat on the head, like a child being rewarded for good behaviour. Suddenly the feelings of bitterness began to creep back into his mind, how this man dare patronise him!
"I don't need your praise," he growled as he shot Jeff a ferocious glare.
It took the doctor a few moments to understand how his client could have misconstrued his comments; he worked quickly to rectify the situation. "I'm sorry, that came out wrong. What I meant was that it was a huge step forwards for you, for the first time in a very long time you chose happiness for yourself, you opened yourself up to Calleigh. That's a big thing."
"You make me sound like some kind of heartless monster," he countered feebly, feeling the anger drain away slowly once more, was he going soft in his old age?
Jeff bent his head as he tried to make eye contact with his evasive client. "You opened up and talked about your past with me, you let Calleigh in emotionally, these are all good things, Horatio. You should take encouragement with how far you've come already."
The two of them sat in silence once more as Horatio fiddled with his sunglasses, avoiding looking the therapist in the eyes, knowing that the man could clearly read him by body language and facial expressions alone.
"So how has it felt letting Calleigh in…..showing her the real you?"
Horatio once again pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration before speaking. "We'd had a bit of a disagreement beforehand, she gave me an ultimatum…either open up or there'd be no future for us."
"I'm sure she wasn't quite that blunt about it. So do you feel like you were forced into it?"
Horatio let out a frustrated sigh. "No, perhaps it gave me the kick up the backside that I needed to stop being such a coward."
"You were afraid of opening yourself up to someone else?" the question held no hint of condescension or accusation. "Were you afraid of what she'd see if you did?"
The Lieutenant nodded his head sadly. "Yes."
"Her reaction wasn't what you were expecting?"
Horatio raised his head this time to look at the therapist; the desperate need to understand why Calleigh hadn't recoiled away from him was overwhelming. "She just accepted me for what I was…..what I looked like. She could have her pick of any of the men she wanted, why did she choose me?"
"Maybe it's because she loves you?"
"What have I got to offer her?"
"Well, I'm sure Calleigh has her reasons. Besides, you're a handsome man, you shouldn't sell yourself short. I'm sure you've got a great deal to offer her. Look, you've spent so long pushing people away that you're frightened that if you let people get too close that they're going to leave you again."
"Perhaps," he agreed reluctantly.
"Calleigh's stuck with you this long, I'm fairly sure she's not going to be giving up on you any time soon."
Horatio nodded his head slightly but remained silent, now it was Jeff's turn to feel the need to fill the gap in the conversation.
"Things have been going well between you and Calleigh then?"
After three sessions, Jeff was confident that he knew when his client was holding something back from him. More often than not it was the stubborn Lieutenant's refusal to make eye contact or the unconscious way he gripped the glasses in his hands tighter that gave him away.
"For a while," Horatio responded quietly.
"What happened?"
Horatio let out a deep sigh, closing his eyes briefly as his mind wandered back to the argument he'd had with Calleigh the morning after they'd made love. "Calleigh…..uh…she did something reckless, something that I didn't agree with. She risked her career to protect me."
"And you got pissed at her?" Again, Jeff's voice held no hint of accusation as he sought to clarify what the other man was trying to tell him.
Horatio's head shot up at the question. "Of course I did, she had no right to put her own career on the line for me. She betrayed my trust….she lied to me!"
The anger was clear in Horatio's voice as he found his heart rate and breathing increase in time with his fury at Calleigh's infuriatingly thoughtless actions.
"You're not angry that she kept it from you, you're angry because she did something to protect you. You spend so long being everyone else's protector and your past has taught you that you've got no one to rely on but yourself. I think it came as a shock to you that someone would risk everything they have to help you."
"But it's not right, she's worked hard to get where she has. I'm not worth throwing it all away over," Horatio responded quietly, the fight draining from his voice as he spoke.
"This leads us back to one of your biggest issues, your lack of self-worth. I know it's not easy, but you need to realise that there are people around you that care about you and want to help you, they don't necessarily want anything in return either."
Horatio remained quiet for a number of moments, digesting Jeff's words. "Forgive me, Jeff, but that's never really been my experience in life."
"Then you need a new set of experiences, Horatio," the older man replied brightly as he scribbled something down in the file before regarding his client again. "Are you and Calleigh ok now?"
"There were other issues that day," the Lieutenant replied evasively.
"Wow, you sure don't like to do things by halves do you?"
Jeff received a glare for his troubles in response. "Tell me what else happened that day."
Again, there was a pause before Horatio took a deep breath and began explaining. "I'd gone back to my house after the shift; I wanted to collect a few things before heading back to Calleigh's. My ex-wife turned up on my doorstep whilst I was there."
"Laura? Your ex from New York?"
Horatio nodded his head in response before letting it drop again. "I had no idea she was even in Miami, her visit took me by surprise."
"I should think so," Jeff mused as he made a note. "What was her reaction to coming face to face with you after so long?"
"Not good," Horatio replied succinctly as he screwed his face into a grimace.
"Was she angry, upset, perhaps a little shocked that you were still alive after all these years?"
"That would be one way of putting it, Jeff."
"What happened?"
"You mean after she'd finished hitting me and screaming at me?" Jeff rolled his eyes at the other man's sarcastic reply before motioning for him to continue. "She…..she wanted to see what they'd done to me."
"The Malucci's?"
Horatio nodded his head. "I couldn't stop her, Jeff. Even after everything I've been through…..everything I put her through. I couldn't deny her anything." His voice was quiet, barely above a whisper as he closed his eyes at some long-forgotten memory that forced its way to the surface.
Flashback. New York 1991:
Six months after their wedding, the two lovers found themselves falling into an easy routine, spending their days working and their nights enjoying themselves and each other's company. Their home life was good; his career was another matter entirely.
The strain of carrying his partner was beginning to get too much for him, there were days when Andy wouldn't even show at all for his shift and several times he'd been forced to make up some elaborate lie on the fly to protect his wayward partner from the suspicions of the Precinct's Lieutenant.
The days that Andy did show up were usually a bust; he'd be so hung-over or lethargic that he'd be little or no use at all. He'd tried talking to the older man a number of times, he'd usually been greeted with a smart remark or a scathing put down for his troubles, told to mind his own before being threatened with the business end of his partner's boot.
Today had been one of those days that Andy had shown up but had made a complete ass of himself, and by extension, him. The pair of them had been raked across the coals for an error so simple that a school boy wouldn't have made it. Fancy wasn't interested in hearing whose fault it was as he raised his normally quiet and controlled voice, giving both detectives a piece of his mind.
He cursed himself for ever leaving Andy in charge of the chain of custody for the evidence that they'd found at the crime scene today. As usual, the older man had decided necking half a bottle of booze was more important than filling in the evidence log, carelessly leaving the bloodied knife they had found on the passenger seat of his car, an error that didn't go unnoticed by an ADA making their way into the Precinct building for another case.
There was no way that the evidence would stand up in court and so any fingerprints or valuable evidence that they lifted from the item would be excluded from any subsequent trial. There had rarely been a time when he'd felt more humiliated than he had today as he and Andy stalked back out into the squad room with their tails firmly wedged between their legs with all of the other detectives looking at them, smirking or muttering under their breath.
The end of the shift couldn't come soon enough for him; he grabbed his suit jacket and left the squad room without a second glance at Andy, still furious at him for his earlier cock-up.
He'd got back to the apartment that he shared with his wife at a little after six that evening, dismayed to find a message on the answering machine from her, telling him that she would be at least an hour late getting home tonight. After a crappy day at work he was faced with the realisation that it was also his turn to cook. There were times when he cursed being so willing to please his wife, why couldn't he be more misogynistic like his colleagues at work?
Because Mom didn't raise you that way, he told himself as he shuffled into the small kitchen area and began removing pots and pans, wracking his brains for what he'd be able to create with from the contents of the fridge and cupboards.
He'd left their dinner in a pan on the stove to simmer as he waited for her to come home, lying back on the couch he told himself that he would close his eyes only for a few moments.
He was woken by the pleasurable sensation of a pair of womanly hands running their way up and down his chest as he smirked, keeping his eyes closed and enjoying the physical contact between them. "You're late," he teased as he cocked an eye open to look at her.
"What's for dinner?" she asked him playfully as he sat up and pulled her closer.
"Just something I threw together," he shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly at her.
She rewarded him with a deep kiss as her hands ran through his short red hair. "Good boy."
A full stomach and two bottles of beer later, he was beginning to feel the hassles of the day catch up with him. He watched from his lying position on the couch as his eyes followed her actions as she cleared the dishes away, hypnotised by the graceful way she moved around their apartment. The longer he watched her, the more mesmerised he became by her actions until he felt his eyes grow heavy, his last vision was that of his beautiful wife as she bent over seductively as she pottered about in the kitchen.
"So….how about we enjoy desert in the bedroom?"
She sauntered out into the living area after receiving no reply to her amorous question, frowning when she found her husband fast asleep on the sofa, his tie loosened and the two top buttons of his shirt undone, allowing a small tuft of chest hair to poke through. He looked slightly boyish when he slept, she thought as she smoothed back a lock of hair that had fallen across his forehead and was rewarded with a cheeky grin.
"I thought you were tired," she asked him coyly as she felt his hands reach out for her.
"I'm never that tired," he replied as he grabbed her and pulled her close, his hands working to divest her of her clothes as soon as possible.
Present day. Miami:
"So you and Laura had a passionate relationship?" Jeff asked as he tried to regain Horatio's focus on him and not some distant memory from the past.
"I loved her, she was my wife," the other man replied as if that would explain everything.
"Do you still love her?"
