A/N- I've been busy, alright?! I have this and that to do, all of which relate to fanfiction, damn it! For instance, I'm trying to rewrite parts of this fanfiction because everyone knows some parts of it sucks. I'm trying to write a Varia story (another OC. Don't kill me! More onto that later). I'm writing FFVII crap and Reborn crap w/o an OC and a bunch of crap and I 'm trying to change my writing style and I just can't keep track of everything anymore! (get's shot).
On a brighter note, I found out that the Hitman Reborn anime had finally reached the part with the Varia again and at first I was really disappointed with Fran's voice. But after a while it grew on me and I think Fran's even more adorable than before now and is it me or is Bel's voice better than I ever remembered? And Squalo! He's too hot, damn it. I wanna hug him! Or at least cut his hair.
On a not so bright note, Marmon's still dead (and apparently wears lipstick in his grown up version), Xanxus hasn't shown up yet, Spanner's voice is icky and Kyouya doesn't get enough screentime, damn it. Show your pretty face, Vampire man! Everyone's waiting!
Chapter 49
Mori stared at her rifle. It looked alright, not broken at all. Very pretty and sleek and high tech with more buttons than needed because the only button that a firearm needs is one (the trigger) and this one's got at least six or seven. She couldn't get it to work.
So that was why, 4 days into the week, Superbi Squalo woke up and found a creepy thirteen year old girl sitting on him aiming a malfunctioning rifle at him with possible intentions of murder and homicide. Beside her, Fran was standing and looking rather happy.
So Squalo stared. Then he kicked her off of him with a trademark VOI and that was that.
Actually, that WASN'T that because Mori could be very persistent when she wanted to be and unfortunately, right now she wanted to be. So when Squalo went back to sleep, he woke up again to find the little beast still sitting on him and staring at him expectantly like he was fucking Santa Claus giving her a teddy bear or something. Still had the rifle too.
"Show me how to use this." The abomination said plainly, holding up her rifle. "I don't know how the use it."
Now there were many things that Squalo, Varia's very own and one of a kind Sword Emperor (that's not a compliment) with the pretty hair could do. He could skewer her and face not just possible, but definite reprecussions from a certain murderous Cloud Guardian with the spiky hair and spiky tonfas and spiky pretty much everything. He could give her a teddy bear and hope to god that her childish needs would be satisfied enough for her to leave him the fuck alone. Or he could actually be nice for once. You know, listen to her problems. Help her out a bit. Be nice and accept her eagar thanks once her brainless brain gets things enough to satisfy his bastard of a boss.
Or he could just kick her out.
Okay, so that wasn't the most successful of plans. "Let's go to Plan B, Fran." Mori told her froggy companion after piling a bunch of Gokudera's stolen and lit dynamite in front of Squalo's door.
So that was why, 4 days into the week, Belphagor opened his room door and found a creepy thirteen year old girl standing in front of him aiming a malfunctioning rifle at him with possible intentions of murder and homicide. Beside her, Fran was standing and looking REALLY happy.
So Bel stared. Then he slammed the door shut with a blunt comment of "Ew, it's a girl and a frog." And that was that.
Actually, that WASN'T that because again, Mori could be very persistent when she wanted to be and unfortunately, right now she wanted to be. So Bel opened the door again and found the little beast standing in front of him and staring at him expectantly like he was fucking Santa Clause giving her a Barbie doll or something. Still had the rifle too.
"Show me how to use this." The abomination said plainly, holding up her rifle. "I don't know how the use it."
Now there were many things that Belphagor, Varia's very own #1 genius with the creepy grin and really good dentist, could do. He could skewer her and face not just possible, but definite reprecussions from a certain murderous Cloud Guardian with the spiky hair and spiky tonfas and spiky pretty much everything. He could give her a Barbie doll and hope to god that her childish needs would be satisfied enough for her to leave him the fuck alone. Or he could actually be nice for once. You know, listen to her problems. Help her out a bit. Be nice and accept her eagar thanks once her brainless brain gets things enough to satisfy his bastard of a boss.
Or he could just kick her out.
Okay, so that failed too. "Let's go to Plan C." Mori said, dragging her froggy companion along after pouring and drying cement on Bel's room entrance.
So this process continued for a while all the way to Lussaria, who tried to nail her with his knee, and Levi, who tried to nail her with an umbrella, and Neo, who tried to nail her with a hug. And by then Mori was just getting unhappy.
Fran waved. "You could ask me, Mori san."
"Really? Do you know what to do with it?!"
"No, but I felt left out." Fran said sadly. Awwww…the poor thing!
Mori threw a watermelon pie at him. Then she threw a watermelon at him. Fran wanted to cry.
And by the way, she refused to take any blame for the fact that Neo was trying to file divorce papers with the toilet in Xanxus' bathroom. Alright? Sheesh. The fucktard deserved it. Except now Xanxus couldn't use his bathroom. And yes, he was pissed.
"So how do I use this thing…" Mori turned her rifle around and around. Flipped it inside out, took it apart, stuffed with peanut butter and strawberry jellied gum, drew on in with black permanent marker that didn't really show up on the black surface but who gives a shit… "How the hell should I know how this thing works…mm…Xanxus you asshole…I'm gonna have to go home and be useless and then I'll have to fight Kyouya and if I lose really really really badly then Kyouya won't let me go attack with them and then Kyouya's gonna die and then I'm gonna die because the Millifore's gonna invade the stupid hideout and that stupid Bakaryan or whatever his name is with the creepy smile is gonna rip me apart and…waaaahhhhh!!!!!! I wanna go eat Millifore people! Why can't I eat people I wanna EAT PEOPLE!! WAAAHHHH!"
And that was when her rifle went and blew the ceiling off.
And subsequently created a crack that continued through the entire mansion. Somewhere on the other side of the place, a large piece of concrete fell on Squalo's head.
Somewhere else, a bunch of concrete fell into the stew Lussaria was making. He poured everything unwittingly into a bowl and fed it to his cat. Who the hell feeds stew to his cat anyways?
"I DID IT, XANXUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Mori yelled, jumping onto Xanxus and latching onto him like some kind of a leech.
Xanxus, who had been asleep seconds ago, blinked, rubbed his eyes, and realized belatedly that he was being hugged by a little girl. He glared and Mori happily proceeded to display her awsesomeness of a rifle by blowing up his room.
Needless to say, it was hard to tell who was more pissed about this. The now fully awake Xanxus or the Mori who had accidentally misaimed and blew a part of her arm off.
"…"
"Ouch…pretend you didn't see that."
Xanxus pretended he didn't see that. But he beat her up anyways. Just for fun.
"I see now!" Mori happily held her oversized rifle. "It runs on the Dying Will flame! I'm so freaking smart! You know how I figured it out? Huh? I bet you can't guess, can you, huh? Hey, answer!!!"
The Varia's evil boss glared, and deadpanned "You thought sentimental bullshit about how you can't protect your boyfriend bitch and trashy playmates if you don't figure it out so in a fit of frustration and panic your will flared and consequentially produced a shot that obliterated the ceiling."
"I THOUGHT SENTIMENTAL BULLSHIT ABOUT HOW I CAN'T PROTECT MY BITCHY BOYFRIEND AND TRASHY-wait…" Mori paused, contemplated Xanxus' words, and tried to hit him with her rifle. "How did you know that?!!!"
"That's what always happens in TV soap operas."
Mori blinked. "You watch soap operas?"
"……….." Xanxus kicked her. "Fuck off, Trash."
So, being the totally devoted teacher he is, Xanxus thus found himself 4 o'clock in the morning training a little girl with many deadly things at her disposal. He yawned, cause he always yawns no matter how tired or not tired he is. He was seated almost contently in a big fluffy armchair while Mori franticalyl waved her big rifle around. "Come on, teach me something, Xanxus! You haven't taught me ANYTHING since I came here!"
He opened an eye lazily, glanced at her lazily, yawned lazily, did everything lazily because obviously he wasn't interested in this shit. Hm…he should give her something to do, huh…"Attack me."
"Done." Mori set off her rifle.
She could have at least hesitated for a moment about the request.
So Xanxus was blasted into oblivion.
Ok, maybe not. But when the smoke cleared and all became well again, Xanxus was still sitting there, not bloody or hurt at all, but with soot and dirt dumped on him and with his clothes rather torn and worse for the wear and with an expression that clearing stated that Mori was dead in so many different ways she didn't even have enough fingers to count them. Or toes, bitch.
"YOU HAVE TO CONTROL YOUR FUCKING FLAME, YOU PIECE OF DECOMPOSED SHIT! DO YOU WANT TO FUCKING BLOW YOUR ALLIES INTO HELL JUST BECAUSE YOU CAN'T CONTROL YOUR STUPID ATTACKS?!!!!!! IF THAT'S THE CASE THEN YOU'RE EVEN MORE OF A LIABILITY THAN A HELP TO ANY FUCKING ONE! IF YOU CAN'T EVEN DO THAT, YOU CAN GO CRAWL IN A HOLE AND GET FUCKED BY A ROCK!"
"Fucked by a…ew…I'm not gonna do that. Holes are dirty you know. All filled with worms and mud and-"
"GO DIE!"
"-I don't even like rocks. Besides, aren't you supposed to teach me stuff? All you do is tell me what to do and anyone with half a brain could do that and you're acting even stupider than you look and I didn't even know that was possible."
Xanxus frowned. He admitted, she had a point. Maybe he should teach her something.
So that was why a Mr. Leviathan was walking past his boss' room, overheard strange conversations, and came to the disturbing conclusion that his boss liked raping little girls.
Why…because the conversation kind of went along the lines of…
"Owowowowowow….! OW! Yo…you're bending my arm in a weird position! OUCH! Be nicer, you bastard!"
"Well fuck you, you piece of trash. And quite stiffening up! Little twit, you don't realize that that'll make things even harder. Quite gripping like a leech already."
"It's not my fault you're putting me in a weird position. What would you know? I bet you can't even AIM well."
"Oh really? You want me to shoot a few bullets up your-"
"Meep! Stay away from the gun! I'm calling the police…oh wait…"
"Fucking moron."
"Ow!!! How the hell am I supposed to do ANYTHING in this position! I bet this isn't how YOU do things! Denying it, huh!? I'll ask SQUALO! He should know everything! FWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!"
"Well how do you want to do it, stupid twerp? On your knees?!"
"LIKE I CAN DO ANYTHING LIKE THAT, YOU-"
At that precise moment, Bel and Squalo were passing by, spotted their hysterical umbrella wielding colleague, and kicked open the door to find their boss and the little evil thing with the weird Mukuro relation trying to kill each other with every available method possible.
"I KNEW IT! YOU WERE INFLUENCING FRAN! ALL YOUR PREACHING ABOUT POSES AND POSES AND POSES AND WHO GIVES HALF A SHIT ABOUT HOW YOUR POSITIONING YOURSELF WHEN YOU'RE SHOOTING SOMEONE'S BRAINS OUT?!!"
"YOU WANTED A FUCKING LESSON, DIDN'T YOU? I FINALLY GIVE YOU ONE AND ALL YOU CAN DO IS WHINE LIKE THE TRASH YOU ARE AND COMPLAIN ABOUT RECEIVING THINGS YOU DON'T EVEN DESERVE! I'LL FUCKING RIP YOU APART AND STUFF YOUR GUTS THROUGH YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!"
"YOU'RE JUST PISSED CAUSE I KNOW YOU LIKE SQUALO!"
"…..what…"
Of course, then Squalo just had to join the conversation. Just because a little girl implied that the boss he had so reverantly followed for almost twenty years had possible feelings of homosexuality for him and that could be enough freak out anyone in the world. "WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH YOUR LOGIC?! I SWEAR I'LL KIL-"
"ADMIT IT, BITCH! DENIAL GETS YOU NOWHERE!" Mori sang, hopping out of both men's reaches. "IT'S OBVIOUS THAT SQUALO WANTS TO HAVE YOUR KIDS!"
"THAT'S THE SICKEST THING I'VE EVER FUCKING HEARD!"
"Really? Well, in any case. I have made plushies! Attached by hand. If you want them…" Mori held up Xanxus and Squalo plushies. There was a Fran and Bel one too.
Well, obviously that did it. And Bel was kinda pissed too because those plushies made it completely like he was perving on the stupid frog man and that was just creepy. Fran idly stood in front of the massive fight before sneaking off with the Bel plushie. He always liked voodoo dolls anyways. Levi was still foaming at the mouth and Lussaria was trying to restore peace on bases that he'll have to clean the who damn place when everything was done and through with. Neo was still arguing on the phone about the divorce papers.
Casualty results:
Xanxus- unharmed. Unless you count tripping over his chair when he tried to stand up in a victory pose.
Squalo- The tip of his hair was slightly singed. A few cuts and bruises here and there. Nothing major
Levi- Mentally traumatized for quite a long time
Fran- He lost his hat in the ordeal. So you could say he benefited from this.
Lussaria- Unharmed: non particpant. Though he might have broken his back from all the cleaning he had to do
Belphagor- Food poisoning. He tried to eat the Fran plushie.
Neo- Unharmed. Still mentally incapacitated
Mori- KIA'd in the most painfully nasty way possible. She broke at least 400 of her bones and I don't think she even HAS 400 bones. (Mori: Does anyone know where my leg went? Fran: I found it…here. I'll toss it. Mori: Thank you…hey! Gimme that, Bel! Bel: Shishishishi)
The mansion- …uh…what mansion….? Ahaha…ha…oh shit…
Mori refused point blank to take responsibility in the reconstruction of the Varia HQ mansion. So Fran and Bel stalked off for roughly five minutes and dragged another mansion back. Simple, clean solution. Well…not clean….I mean, there was still a few corpses inside, but who's giving a shit?
So the rest of the days at Varia passed by in bliss and peace and quiet, mainly cause Mori was confined to a bed for most of that time and the rest was spent being used as target practice by Xanxus, who was still a bit miffed about the whole thing. Sure, there was a little training and all. But Mori already got what she came for and now it was a bit harder to pick on her because she could actually USE the stupid rifle now and nobody wanted to have his head blown off by a midget, okay? Aside from the whole "I'm gonna DIE" thing, there was also a matter of pride and dignity and image, which hardly came with that kind of a demise.
And the day came! She had to leave! And nobody was exactly displeased about it besides Mori.
"So mean! You know I'll possibly die and never see you again and the only thing you can do is try not to look happy?!!" Mori wailed.
"Actually, I'm not bothering with that." True. Xanxus looked positively delighted for his standard, which mean in normal people standard…somewhat but not noticeably amused. His subordinated behind him had less subtle expressions. Bel's grin was wider than ever and Squalo actually looked happy. Lussaria brought confetti and Levi had brought a pink umbrella.
Fran looked downcast actually. His frog hat looked sad too. "And I finally found someone who appreciated poses too." He said dejectedly. Awww….the poor, poor thing.
"It's alright, Fran! I won't forget you EVER!" Mori offered. Of course she couldn't. Who could forget a guy wearing an oversized frog hat that easily? But let's not tell him that.
Fran sniffed a bit. "Thanks. You can be my best pose friend!"
"Really?! I'm touched! Wa…waahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!" Mori began crying and Fran began crying and everything was just getting remarkably sentimental when Xanxus in fit of disgust threw her into a car and told the driver to lock it until they reached the airport and that was simply that.
….actually, that wasn't that. There was still a lot of commotion and yelling and destruction and I think Xanxus got kissed on the face or something and although it was Mori who tried to do it (more out of spite than affection) there was a high probability that it wasn't her. But we don't want to go into detail about that.
So in the end, Fran got to go with Mori to the airport and by then they were tired of crying, so thus departed with the most mutual amount of civilness that either had seen in a long tme
Varia Mansion and Neo's toilet fetish aside, Mori also refused to take responsibility for the pilot on the airplane who came out of the flight afraid that Barney was going to eat his wife's kidneys. He had just misinterpreted things. That's all. For the record, she only mentioned kidney beans. Sheesh.
A while later, Xanxus received a postcard that said "Thanks" in the shittiest handwriting ever, along with a piece of candy for Fran.
So Mori stepped out of the airport's terminal point, spotted a twenty five year old Kyouya, and was much pleased.
He smiled creepily, pleased himself in more ways than what was good for her wellbeing. "Are you ready for your test?"
Mori smiled back brightly. "Not. At. ALL!"
Kyouya kicked her in the head. "I really want to bite you dead."
"Kiss?"
"Fuck off."
The good old days, anyone?
Mori just always gets into misunderstandings, it seems. She can't avoid it.
AND IT'S DONE! After how long? Fwahahahaha! And guess what? Among other things, I WILL be writing a Varia story! Cause they're just so damn lovable and I once I do I can die happy! No, I will never abandon this stupid story no matter what (unless I die, but that's another thing entirely) so don't worry. Now, who should I make it with? Fwahahaha! I'm leaning towards Squalo cause Bel and Xanxus have been done already anyways and Fran doesn't come in until later and I do want to cover the ring arc.
Reviews and opinions and all that crap are wholeheartedly welcome!
