DISCLAIMER: I do not own the characters or happenings of middle earth. They belong to J. R. R. Tolkien and sometimes Peter Jackson's stuff might fall in too. I only own my OC. Please, feel free to leave any comments and questions. Follow the story in which ever way you would like, but make your thoughts known. Thank you!
~~~~~~~~~Shishi~~~~~~~~~
CHAPTER 44
It's warm. Not overly warm where you want to stick your foot out from under the covers or when the spot you are laying in is just seconds from becoming sticky with sweat. Nor is it the warm where your neck is burning up but your shoulders are chilly. No, it's the perfect kind of warm. That Monday morning comfortable bed feeling when you wake up from a really good dream ahead of your alarm and successfully fall back into it. When your bed is so perfect that you lay there and roll around in the sheets, understanding why people marry inanimate objects.
"Yeeees..."
Hissing into the perfection, I snuggle deeper into the warmth of my bedroll and sigh contently. I know I'll have to get up eventually but with the night I've had, I have every intention of enjoying this for as long as I can. I've almost succeeded in falling back asleep when a low rumble from beneath my head stops me in the middle of a pleasurably delirious moan. Immediately I know what is happening but I can't move because of the embarrassment of having snuggled, hissed, and moaned on who I know can only be Thorin freaking Oakenshield. 'Moaned. MOANED.' Feeling my horror, the dwarf-made-pillow strokes my back lightly; chuckling lowly the whole time. When I can can trust myself not to run away screaming, I slowly peel my face off the surface of his solid chest... How can stone be so hot? Forcing myself to lift my eyes from his pecs that show even through all those layers, I examine the source of the laughter. I turn my eyes into slits upon connecting retinas with the grinning monarch.
"You appeared to be very comfortable." he grins widely, showing a mouth full of perfect teeth. He doesn't even have a dentist and his teeth are better than mine. And they are perfect. Evenly spaced, bright, and just perfect all around. I blame the forest when my attention is dragged down to appreciate the fullness of his mouth. It's the forest that makes him look so... i don't know... 'Come and get me' I guess. It has to be the forest. Or the time of day. Either one. I suddenly become reaware of the stroking hands of the king just as he speaks again "Enjoying yourself?"
"Y-y-yeah well... Sorry. Er... Thanks." I quickly roll away from him and get into a sitting position; making sure there is no spit on my face. I'm not a drooler but this would be a heck of a time to start. I must have clung to our fearless leader last night after my moth incident and he was just too much of a gentleman to throw me off. Or perhaps he was just enough of a male to keep me close. Either way, I don't need to force my attentions on the guy. Wiping the sleep from my eyes, I try to think of something witty to say "You make a semi-decent pillow. You should put that on your resume."
"What is a 'resume'?"
"Mmmm, a list of accomplishments and skills. You can give it to potential employers."
"Can they not simply ask you?"
"If they don't like your resume, they don't need to bother."
He nods his understanding and gets up quickly to offer me his hand before going to begin waking the rest of the company. Deciding I haven't got anything better to do, I join in. Grabbing my phone and powering it on, I marvel at the little battery life left and start snapping pictures of each member, ignoring Thorin's confused expression when I take one of him... And later of his butt while he isn't looking. 'I'm such a creep but baby got back.'
Some ways away Dori is sleeping with one arm wrapped around Ori and a hand gripping one of Nori's hair points. Our looks content enough but the thief's face pinches into a frown every time his brother tugs too hard. Snapping a quick one, I gently shake the eldest awake and move on. As expected, Balin and Dwalin sleep side by side in a plain fashion. Still, Dwalin has one hand on his weapon while the other is placed gently over his brother's chest. 'Awwwwwwwwww.' I watch Thorin call to the pair from a distance at their feet, knowing not to touch either. Bilbo made that mistake last week and was almost sliced in half by both of them. After watching them start to wake, I move to the last sleeping dwarves on my watch.
"Oh my gosh." I giggle aloud
Bofur is sprawled under his brother's bulk, much like I'd been back at Beorn's house. I'd be worried if he wasn't muttering about some very... unsavory things. Snapping the photo, I wake the two with a nudge of my foot before turning around and finding Bifur staring straight into my camera. Nearly dropping the device in surprise, I have enough sense to lower the phone and power down before greeting the dwarf. I can always get more photos later.
"Morning."
"Yes. It is." he points to the phone as I slip it into my bag "Is that the 'panty' that I am suppose to be chasing?"
"What?" I go to twirl my ring but remember I gave it to Bilbo. I reach up and fiddle with my bead instead "Ah, no."
"Where is it then?"
"... They. Panties are a single pair." his brow creases and I sigh at the direction we are going in. Scratching my head and glancing around, I find everyone is still half asleep. Thorin is even having a bit of trouble waking up the precious princes. Meh. Whats the worst that could happen "A pair of panties, like pants -er... trousers, but the term is panty chaser."
"I see. Where are THEY then?" he crosses his arms over his chest, seeming very interested in starting his perceived task "I would like to begin chasing them."
"You only need to ask if you need aid, my lady. Surely their are more qualified to offer their assisstance." Much to my dismay, Thorin joins in to the madness. Having decided to simply drag his nephews out of bed by their braids, he leads the clamoring duo to us in a flurry of squawked protests "Are these panties you lost something important to you?"
"Well... I... They are important but not-"
"Then you shall have them." to my horror, Thorin calls the company for an all out panty raid "Lady Thia has lost her panties. We will commence a search for them before moving out."
"Don't ya worry yer pretty lil head about it, lassie." Bofur claps me on the shoulder as I stand in frozen horror. My gaze shifts to him and my nervous smile must have showed some cracks because he rushingly assures me that everything will be alright "Don't worry. We'll find yer panties fer ya!"
"You don't even know what they are..." I whine, only to be ignored "Guuuuys..."
"She needs no help from the lot of you." Bifur announces, halting the group and standing proud "I am the only official panty chaser here. Your assistance is unneeded."
"Oh gosh. You guys. Guys?" The group remains distant to my pleadings as they simply exchange nervous glances with each other over how to proceed "Are you listening to me? This is really getting-"
"I... I want to be an official panty chaser too!" Kill demands loudly, dancing around my shoulders and I'm sure he's still half asleep "Yes. I DEFINITELY want to chase panties!"
"I don't know... you're more like a panty dropper where I come from." I mumble under my breath, pressing a hand on his forehead to stop his orbit of me. Huffing audibly, I speak to be heard "Come on, guys. This is hardly necessary. Let's just move out."
"How does one become a panty chaser?" Dori questions inquisitively and Ori takes out his book looking much too excited "Is there a special ceremony?"
"As I have asked you all to search for the panties, I would assume we are all now panty chasers." Thorn answers in boredom, allowing the group to resume their search "Quickly, now."
"Yay!" Kill cheers, clearly stuck in some happy dream state that I wish I could join
Instead, I throw my hands into the air and give up; walking over and plopping down next to Bilbo. The dead grass crinkles beneath me but I ignore it grumpily. The hobbit looks at me from the corner of his eye and a small smile starts to tug at his mouth.
"You know..."
"Hm?"
"In the Shire... 'panties' are another word for bloomers." he speaks lowly so only I can hear "Can you imagine?"
"Yeah? Imagine that little coincidence... It's like that where I come from too." I reply with a smirk of my own "Look at us bonding."
"You do realize that you have 13 dwarves taking leave of an honorable quest to look for your underthings that I am almost sure you have not lost." he states, without even the lilt of a question in sight "That is some power you have."
"Ohhh no, don't blame this on me." I lift my hands in mock surrender "You saw! I tried to stop them. They did this all on their own."
The two of us are silent for a moment before we erupt into choked giggles. They crawl over our skin like tiny joyful spiders, an odd foreshadowing event, and throw us into their cobwebs of mirth. Bilbo's face turns so red I think he may pass out; all the while the dwarves continue their mini side quest. It gets so bad that Ori cups his hands over his mouth and starts calling out for the article of clothing while Fili makes light kissing noises to beckon a cat. I just about die inhaling a stick while I roll on the floor in a fit.
"Do they know that they are not a living thing?" Bilbo asks around chuckles
"They don't even know what they look like." we simultaneously quiet down and straighten up with the arrival of the king "G'morning Thorin."
"Master Baggins. Lady Thia." he greets us stiffly before looking slightly crestfallen. I actually have to catch myself from reaching out to smooth the creases of disappointment from his face. Stupid cursed forest "We have been unable to locate your panties and we need to begin moving..."
"Oh that's... Thorin, I was trying to tell you before that-"
"Rest assured that when Erebor is restored I will send the top panty chasers to find your missing ones."
"THEY AREN'T MISSING." Bifur stresses from across the clearing, looking close to tearing out his hair "They simply need to be chased. By ME."
"Then I will send the best panty chasers to chase your panties."
"Please dont do that." I plead while Bilbo clears his throat of a laugh
"I apologize." I think he is beginning to understand but nope "I will chase your panties myself!"
"You have enough on your plate." I try to dissuade both him and the warmth tickling my belly "You already promised to remove my shackles, lets leave it at that."
"You have expressed the importance of your panties; even going so far as to dub Bifur an official 'Panty chaser' at some time while your guardian was distracted." the way he says Bifur's name is a little strange but he plows on so fast I barely catch it "I can not allow him to chase your panties alone. Not when you are my... ahem..."
He clears his throat all of a sudden and Bilbo joins in. The entire company then falls into a collective coughing fit and I'm sure that I heard someone cough out 'coward.' Watching the group wide eyed and unsure of what to do, I wait for them all to calm down from their mass hysteria. When the coughing finally starts to subside, I climb to my feet just quick enough to have a hunk of bread shoved into my mouth.
"Mmmffgh!"
Glaring at my 'guardian,' I chew the chunk quickly to clear my mouth. That down, I inhale sharply to reprimand him only to go slack jawed when Thorin bends to one knee before me. 'Oh dear Father in heaven! Again with the knee bending.' He reaches out and grasps my hand in his larger one and gazes up at me expectantly.
"Lady Thia. You have given so much to the company, allow me to give something in return." he hums out with so much bass, you'd think he was an instrument "Please. Allow me, to be your panty chaser."
Not to be undone, Bifur joins the king before me and soon I have a gaggle of dwarves at my feet with a dying laughing hobbit in the background. Giving up for the second time today, my shoulders slump and I roll with it. I place a hand on each of their shoulders while Bilbo silently holds onto a tree catching his breath.
"From here on out, I dub each of you as an official panty chaser." I bite my lip to keep from burst into a fit of giggles and hope that no one ever tells them what is really going on "May you find your destined pair without too many errors."
"I shall chase your panties until I have caught them." the king promises with so much conviction, that I kind of want to believe him
"...You are welcome to try." I hold my serious face for a moment longer before it cracks into a smile "Now lets go. Don't we have a kingdom to reclaim or something like that?"
So this was a total crazy chapter. It honestly wasn't supposed to be so... this. The panty scene was suppose to be MAYBE 3 or 4 lines of dialog but...yeah. I hope you liked it though and look at all them reviews! Guest, Amy, Julie, Yasminafeir1, JularaVon, dearreader, and Sunnysides apparently want another chapter, so here you go!
REVIEWS!
I saw so many questions in last chapter's reviews so I thought to address them. I hope this clears up some things: Bifur is meant to be a creep, its not just the forest. He has developed an obsession with Thia and is taking her obliviousness to him as a sure sign that they belong together. Also, Thorin is a bit arrogant but thats to be expected when you think about it. He has a mountain of gold waiting for him and his god just threw him his soulmate to help him when barely anyone else would. As far as he is concerned, the wedding is just a formality that they'll get out the way ASAP. Don't worry, he'll get set straight soon. As for Thorin's transgressions, they are 1)losing Thia's ring. 2)Kinda of hitting her on Corrock 3)Threatening her 4)Trying to break out of their contract 5)Being an overall butthead. I update every couple of days unless I can't, so the next chapter will be out Monday probably.
