Loved - Hands

(Trigger warning: attempted self-harm)

Crown Princess Elsa of Arendelle had her arms around her belly as she rushed into her room and locked the door behind her. She began to breathe a bit easier. She pulled off her gloves and glared at her hands.

"What are you doing? Trying to get me killed? The tutor's tea froze!"

Wisps of snow curled up from her hands.

"I know there is a storm coming but that is no excuse."

She could see from her fourth story window the dark clouds coming closer. She could feel it inside, feeding the storm that swirled inside her heart.

The princess stood up straight and began to whisper her mantra, "Get it together. Control it. Conceal it, don't feel it."

Elsa imagined a calm place in the center of her storm, like the eye of a hurricane that she had read about. A place of relative safety in the midst of all her worries and fears. Eventually, the snow coming from her hands faded.

With an expressionless face Elsa opened her eyes and looked around. A bead of sweat slid down her temple, it was so hot in her room. She hadn't noticed it before. Looking at the fireplace there was a roaring fire, and it really was roaring, she could feel the draft coming under the door and swirling around her legs, into the fire and up the chimney.

Danica must have built up the fire, Elsa knew that the maid worried about her considering Elsa's history of "sickliness." It was as good an excuse as any, but Elsa was uncomfortable about lying to people who were trying to help her.

And it didn't really help as they had been discussing justice systems from around the world. Some cultures would even cut the hands off thieves. That was awful, mainly because it didn't seem to make a difference. For such a terrible punishment, it didn't really stop thief.

The was a loud bang from the fireplace as one of the logs split apart. A flurry of sparks flew up the chimney as the logs shifted and tumbled toward the edge of the hearth. Elsa rushed over, but the poker was not in it's familiar place. She spotted it. The poker had fallen over and the tip was deep in the flames. Without thinking about it she reached for it, so she could shove the firewood deeper into the fireplace so it wasn't in danger of falling out.

She yelped as she dropped the hot metal poker. Ice involuntarily covered her hand and Elsa watched as the red spots quickly faded and she felt better, like the eye in her storm had gotten bigger.

Elsa bit her lip, then pulling on one glove she removed the poker from the fire. The head of the poker was glowing a dark red and she could feel the heat on her face. There was something so fascinating about that glow and the heat. She didn't like heat, she much preferred the comforting cool of winter then the brutal heat of summer, but this was different. There was something seductive about the waves of heat rising from the glowing poker.

Elsa knew that it would hurt a lot if she touched the glowing poker, but there had been some kind of gain in the pain, that she didn't understand though she wanted to.

She brought her other bare hand up to feel the heat. Sweat sprung up on her hand and arm trying to cool herself off, but her powers weren't doing anything.

She could feel the blood in her hand trying to carry the heat away. All it would take would be a slight drop from her other hand and she would catch the glowing probe in her hand. It would hurt, it would burn, but maybe it would stop her powers, even for a little while and everyone would be safe around her, especially Anna.

A frantic knocking hit her locked door, frost blasted up the poker's length and quenched the dull glow.

"Elsa! Elsa! It's snowing! You wanna build a snowman? Do ya? Do ya? Ya know ya do! It'll be great. Come on Elsa, let's go build a snowman. Come on, please. You make the best snowmen ever."

Elsa caught her breathe as her heart raced, then straightened. She didn't need to look up to know that the snow was coming down. Putting the poker carefully in it's proper place she went to the door and said in the most loving way she knew how, "Go away, Anna."

There was a pause, "Okay, bye."

Elsa leaned her head against the door and whispered, "I'm sorry."

She turned and looked at the fireplace. She cringed and then decided to never think about heat ever again.


Author's Note: With all the anxiety and incredible expectations everyone has for her and everything that Elsa is trying to deal with. It wouldn't be impossible that Elsa would be tempted by self-harm. It would also make more sense for her to use heat then anything else. I didn't want her to actually do it, so of course her sister saves her again. Also there had to be a reason for Olaf to now know about heat, Elsa needed to stop thinking about it.