Justin glared at Brian and hissed, "I haven't see you in two months, TWO MONTHS, and now, now, you spring this on me? What? Did you SUDDENLY start missing me after all this time?"
Brian flinched slightly at the sheer intensity of anger in his words and facial expression, but he held Justin's eyes. He said simply, "No. Not suddenly."
Justin's eyes widened. "How can that be true? I mean, God, Brian, you had an orgy as recently as last night by the looks of it." Now his voice also contained disgust.
Brian nodded, but did not look away.
"You're saying you missed me even while fucking countless nameless faceless tricks?"
"Yes."
"But, you're disgusted by me? Ashamed of me?" Justin's voice now contained pain, in addition to anger and disgust. He turned bright red.
"I didn't say that." Brian still held Justin's eyes.
Now confusion had entered the mix. "But, you said that when Dylan …"
Brian interjected flatly, "Yes, in that moment, I felt ashamed."
Justin threw his hands up. He walked into the living room and flopped down in the chair. He was frantic and near tears. "I don't understand." He carded his fingers through his hair.
Brian wished he had tossed that chair when he had had the chance. He was back to hating it. However, rather than sitting on the couch, like last time, he walked over to the chair and kneeled beside it.
Brian lifted Justin's chin with a finger, so that their eyes met, and then he asked softly, "What does Joe think about all this?"
Justin's entire body tensed up. "What do you mean?"
His voice still soft, but empty of all but seeming curiosity, he elaborated, "Is he encouraging you to diet? To exercise?"
Justin shrugged and looked up, away from Brian's intent gaze. "No … not exactly. I mean, he likes the results."
Brian rolled his lips into his mouth and nodded slowly. Then he reached over and started pulling Justin's shirt up and off.
"Brian! Stop, what are you doing?" Justin failed to prevent the shirt from coming off but he did manage to cover his belly with both his arms before Brian saw it.
"Just indulge me for a minute."
Justin just stared at Brian for a long minute. He looked a little scared, but he eventually moved his arms apart and sat back. His body was still rigid though, and he closed his eyes. Then he started (gasped) when Brian unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans. Despite the discomfort this 'indulgence' was causing him, his dick responded to the proximity of Brian's hands and mouth, responded to the mere possibility that Brian would soon be lavishing on it attention.
Justin cried out (mostly in surprise – he had his eyes closed) when Brian leaned down and started tracing his tongue around Justin's belly button. Then, despite being angry and hurt and uncomfortable and scared, he started giggling and opened his eyes. Brian looked up at Justin, his eyes expressing something soft and warm, something Justin was too afraid to try to name, and then turned back to Justin's belly, placing open-mouthed kisses all over his midsection. Justin laughed and shook his head. "Brian what are you doing?"
"I'm trying to show you something. Something I thought you knew from the first time we fucked onward."
Justin chuckled. "What? That you have a belly button fetish?"
"No. That I thought, that I think, every inch of you is hot."
Justin scoffed. "No …"
Brian nodded. "I'll admit, I wanted you in spite of your weight in the beginning. I focused on all the other parts. Your lips …"
Justin laughed and mimicked Brian, "…made for sucking cock."
Brian smirked. "Yes, and your sexy purring voice, your ass, your nipple ring …"
Justin encouraged Brian to continue. "But …"
"Then after we saw Joe at the diner and went to your place … "
Justin said flatly, "We fucked."
"Yes. I asked you to ride me, facing me, no clothes, no blanket."
Justin swallowed hard.
"And then we took a shower and I soaped you up everywhere, touched you everywhere. That not only did NOT deflate my erection but also inspired me to suck your dick and then fuck you. The point is …"
Justin looked at Brian nervously, expectantly.
"The fucking point is I stopped being disgusted by it, I stopped ignoring it. I stopped being attracted to you in spite of it. I was just attracted to you. All of you."
Justin was confused again. He wanted SO MUCH for what Brian was saying to be true, but he just couldn't process the idea that Brian desired every part of him, even his somewhat smaller but still too-large belly. He sputtered, "But … when Dylan …"
Brian sighed. "I may have seen the light, but other people haven't. And I'm fucking vain." There was so much more Brian couldn't say. Not now. Not in the bright light of day and with Justin looking at him. He was smiling and using a voice that expressed a sentiment most often expressed by Molly – "duh!" – trying to get Justin to smile, trying to avoid any deeper questioning on this topic, trying to forget Jack's piercing gaze, his hate-filled slurs (pussy and faggot), the searing of skin, and a blinding pain he thought would be the end of him.
In a tiny, almost childlike voice, Justin asked, "Then where would that leave us?" Then in a bolder voice, one with an edge to it, almost of anger, he declared, "I don't want to be your dirty little secret. No I WON'T be your dirty little secret."
Brian replied flatly, "I'm not asking you to be."
Justin laughed but it wasn't a happy laugh. He was scared and nervous. Brian couldn't possibly mean what he seemed to. "Then what?"
Brian took a deep breath and began "I'm asking you …"
Justin interjected, "To change?" This was the only possibility he could realistically imagine.
Frustrated now and nervous himself, he snapped, "NO! I liked you the way you were. Exactly the way you were."
"Then …"
Brian let out another deep sigh. "I just need you to be patient. To give me a chance to stop being a scared little faggot. We both need to do that."
"What?" Justin furrowed his brow.
"You think I fucked up, and I did. But so did you."
Justin turned red. "What did I do?"
Brian's voice had an edge to it now. Justin wasn't sure whether it was annoyance, anger, or both. "We both buy into that bullshit! I get embarrassed choosing a fatty and you feel ashamed being one because we feed into the idea that to be attractive you need to have the lowest possible percentage of body fat … that you have to have well-defined abs. But before we expect other people to not care, WE have to stop caring."
Justin started getting visuals. He giggled. "So, are you going to start eating carbs after 7 pm and going to the gym less often?"
Brian held up a hand as if to tell Justin to slow his roll. "Look, I'm NOT saying I'm now universally attracted to cellulose, but as part of an entire package I am attracted to yours. Me, there is no entire package. I have a great body. No plump lips or round ass to speak of. No million-watt smile. I do have a sexy drawl, but zero personality or tact. I need these abs to make me attractive at all."
Justin touched Brian then, running his hand gently over Brian's cheek. Then he said huskily, "I wouldn't say that."
Suddenly, Justin dropped his hand and stood, pushing past Brian. Brian stood and turned to face Justin, who was now pacing. "So … you're asking me to be your boyfriend?"
Brian made an "mmmm no, well maybe" face, squinting a little, tilting his head, and looking to the side. "In … a non-defined, non-conventional way … yes. I mean, we can negotiate terms later. Right now, I'm just looking for consensus on the general idea."
Justin laughed. "I'll need you to actually say the words."
Brian asked carefully, "If I do, what will your answer be?"
Justin shrugged and smiled enigmatically. "I don't know. You'll have to ask and see."
Brian sighed. "Fine. Justin Taylor will you be my boyfriend?"
"No." Justin's face, eyes, and voice were emotionless.
Brian actually gaped a little. His face grew hot.
Justin waited exactly thirty seconds and then burst into a trillion-watt smile. Then he purred, "Just fucking with you. Yes, Brian Kinney, I will be your boyfriend."
Brian muttered, "Twat," but he was smiling, too.
Justin jumped then (he actually jumped). Then he started hitting himself in the forehead. "Fuck! I just left Joe at the restaurant. I was so worried about Molly. I have to call him. Oh my God! I have to call him! What do I say?" His voice held panic.
Brian chuckled. "You could always go with Molly's suggestion."
Justin grinned. "I am NOT telling him to suck it."
"Eh. To each his own. Could I tell you that?" He unbuttoned his jeans suggestively. His eyes danced.
"Brian!"
