They just keep walking, when the ambulance takes a turn towards Hotten. They just keep going. Nobody says anything, but they all head down into the village. It feels better than turning around and going back into that silent house where Lisa looms so large in every single detail. There will be time for looking and touching and reminiscing, but right now, being out in the open air seems to be the thing they all need.
In an unspoken agreement, they all head round to the back of the pub to the beer garden. It doesn't seem like only a couple of hours ago there was a conga line snaking around it. Now there's a funeral procession. People fall onto benches or climb onto stools. Charity settles Belle at a table and Debbie sits next to her, an arm around her shoulder.
"I'll...uh…" Her voice is rough, unused. "I'll bring out some drinks, eh? Raise a glass to-" Her throat catches. She should be saying 'to the bride and groom'. That's what today was supposed to be. "To Lisa."
She gets a few nods, but mostly people are lost in their own thoughts, and she can't blame them. She heads inside, her stomach sinking as she realises that the wedding decorations will still be up. Her pace increases, hoping she can get most of it tidied away before anyone decides to follow her through. When she gets into the bar, it's completely tidy. All the glasses and crockery and gone, along with the decorations.
"Hey."
Her head whips around to the far end of the pub. Vanessa and Noah are putting something into a box. She moves out from behind the bar as they make their way towards her and they meet in the middle, Vanessa's arms going around her waist, and Noah's around both of them. She closes her eyes and drinks in the comfort for as long as she can, squeezing Vanessa's hip to let her know she's going to let go. She sniffs, looking between them.
"Did you do all this?"
"Bob and Matty did most of it," Vanessa says. "We weren't sure...we didn't want-"
Charity nods and smiles. "Thank you. That's saved me a job."
Noah shifts his feet. "Did you...did you see her?"
She reaches for his hand, holding it tightly and draping her free arm over Vanessa's shoulders. "No, babe. The people had come to...to take her away by the time we got there."
He nods. "Is Belle okay?"
Squeezing his hand, she presses her lips together, hot tears threatening to spill over. Vanessa sniffs beside her. "No. But she will be. In time."
"I...I don't know what to say to her." He looks at her with plaintive eyes. Her little boy, seeking guidance from her about what to do. And she has no idea herself. "I mean, I know you're supposed to say 'I'm sorry' and that. But...but it's her mum, innit?"
Charity nods, swallowing down the lump in her throat, knowing he's imagining himself in Belle's place. "Yeah, babe. It is. And there's...there's nothing you can say that'll change what's happened, so it doesn't matter what you say."
This doesn't have the desired effect; his face falls and he looks like he's going to start crying.
"I think what your mum means-" Vanessa thankfully interjects, before Charity can make things any worse. "-is that as long as you give Belle a hug and show her you're there for her, that's all that matters, yeah? There's no magic words that'll make it better, but having people around her, that's what's important right now."
Charity blows out a slow breath, squeezing Vanessa's shoulder in thanks. "Yeah, exactly." She nods through to the back. "She's out in the beer garden if you want to get it over with. So's Uncle Zak."
"Right." He sighs and she thinks he's going to leave, but instead he stumbles forward and throws his arms around her neck. Vanessa slips out from under her arm to let her hold her boy properly. He's sniffing by her ear and she shushes him, rocking him back and forth like she used to when he was little and he'd skinned his knees. He lets go of her just as abruptly, rubbing at his eyes. His next words are rushed and mumbled, but she hears them as clear as day. "I love you, mum."
Her tears do come back in earnest now and she covers her mouth, nodding. "I love you too, babe. I love the bones of you."
He nods and this time he does leave, probably going to wash his face before heading outside. Vanessa's hands land on her hips, her thumbs stroking her through her blouse as she sniffles and hiccups. She looks down into clear blue eyes and shakes her head. "Oh, Ness. She's gone. She's really gone."
She all but collapses into Vanessa's arms, knowing she'll be held up. "I know, I know." Vanessa embrace is solid and strong, a hand slides up under her jacket to rub her back. A kiss is pressed against her cheek. "But she went out on her own terms, didn't she?" Charity lifts her head to meet Vanessa's eyes, surprised to find them bright with tears, even though she's smiling. "She had a blinder of a day. She wrestled a few pigs, she married the love of her life and she played the fiddle at her own wedding reception." Vanessa bumps her forehead against Charity's. "Now, if that's not a fitting send-off, I don't know what is."
Charity laughs; a wet, shuddering sound. "That sounds about right."
"And I know it feels too soon." Vanessa swallows. "But it would always feel too soon, wouldn't it? A week, or a month, or a year from now. It'd still feel too soon."
The truth of that statement hits Charity in the chest, and she nods, pulling Vanessa close again, burying her nose in her neck. Vanessa's arms tighten around her again. "I know it's horrible and everyone's devastated, but you'll all always have today to remember. Lisa was at the heart of today, just like she was at the heart of your family. That's the way she'd want to be remembered. Not fading away over months and months."
Charity sighs into Vanessa's neck and lifts her head. "How is it you always know what to say to make things better? D'you practice on the animals?"
Vanessa smiles and shakes her head. "I get a lot less cheek off the animals, I can tell you." She squeezes Charity's waist. "Are you okay?"
Inhaling through her nose, Charity considers the question. "No. Not right now. But I will be." She leans in and brushes her lips over Vanessa's, rubbing their noses together afterwards. "Because I've got you, and the kids, and all them lot out there." She smiles, though she can feel her lips tremble. "And that's what's important, innit? Spending time with the people you love. If being around Lisa's taught me anything, it's that."
Vanessa returns her smile and nods. "I think Lisa'd be well pleased with that being her legacy."
"I thought you were getting dr-...Oh. Sorry."
They both turn to see Debbie behind the bar, averting her eyes. With a final squeeze, Charity pulls away from Vanessa, wiping at her eyes. She doesn't miss Vanessa doing the same.
"You're alright, babe. I was just coming." They head round behind the bar and Charity sighs, eyeing the glasses. "What d'you reckon? Everyone's usual?"
Debbie thinks for a moment and shakes her head. "No. Champagne. It's Lisa's wedding day, and we should be toasting to her."
"Yeah?" Charity looks between Debbie and Vanessa. "You don't think that's...disrespectful?"
"No. We're celebrating her life. And anyway, d'you think Lisa'd give a toss what we were drinking to her with?" Debbie shakes her head and opens the fridge, pulling out a couple of bottles of the good stuff, setting one of them on the bar and unwrapping the cork of the other. "C'mon, mum, get some glasses out. Ness, get that other one going. "
Charity watches them for a moment before moving to Debbie's side and kissing her cheek. "I love you," she whispers.
Briefly she thinks Debbie might roll her eyes, but she doesn't. She smiles. "I love you too."
The cork on Vanessa's bottle pops, making them all jump and laugh at the interrupted soppy moment. They work quickly to get the fizz poured into glasses and onto a couple of trays. They pour some orange juice for Chas and the kids. Charity adds Zak's tankard at the last second, filling it halfway with champagne. They head out the back, Debbie getting the doors and Charity and Vanessa carrying the drinks. Before they get outside, Charity takes a deep steadying breath, determined not to cry again.
"Right, you lot," she speaks over the gentle hum of conversation that's started up since she left them. "Everybody get a glass in their hand."
People shuffle forward to retrieve glasses. She nods as Moira, holding Cain's hand as they come up to get theirs. Noah takes Zak's over to him. When Belle approaches, Vanessa intercepts her with a hug before she can take a glass and Charity can hear their hushed conversation.
"Oh, darlin'. I'm so sorry."
Belle nods against Vanessa's shoulder. "I know. Thanks." They separate and Vanessa rubs Belle's arms, smiling up at her.
"I've never seen your mum look as happy as she did today. She was radiant."
Belle's smile seems to take her by surprise; like she'd forgotten she could, that she was allowed to. "She really was, wasn't she?"
Vanessa nods. "Luminous, she was. Lit up the whole room."
"Yeah." Belle smiles as she takes the glass Charity offers her. "She did."
Charity shakes her head with a soft smile, handing off the final glass to Vanessa. "There you go again, saying the right thing."
"Quiet, you." Vanessa says, a blush colouring her cheeks, but she wraps an arm around Charity's waist, leaning her head on her shoulder.
"Okay, everybody got a glass?" Charity looks around to make sure and nods. She breathes in and back out again. "Right. I'm not one for speeches. It's been quite a day, and we're all sad, but it wouldn't be right to let it pass without raising a glass to our Lis." She swallows and clears her throat. "The heart and soul of our family. Brave, loving and mouthy as anything." She catches Belle's eye and lifts her glass.
"To our Lisa. A hell of a woman."
