Lord Drake Misadventures 55
By: Vyce Dryke 2009.

On the Daemon World Draconis...

The Dragon's haste and her fleet have landed, with the enslaved Space Marine vessels in tow. The Dragon's Haste sits outside the Main Fortress, the rest of them still in belief that their master plan to remove the taint of Black Draconis from their names is still going on. Something that Lord Drake didn't bother to correct, as it seemed each and every one of them thought that things were going as well.

Drake: Isn't this beautiful?
Vyce: Isn't what beautiful?
Drake: A long line of Space Marines, off to their doom for death, conversion, brainwashing, or more gruesome deaths.
Tlanextic: Some of the new growths on these are disturbing..
Drake: Well, out Apothecaries were secretly tampering with the gene-seed, the Tech Priests of Mars were sent dummy gene-seed to throw them off or they would have noticed.
Vyce: So.. Technically the Inquisition has fair reason to destroy your chapter.
Drake: Well, depends, other Chapters have done the same, but it was all to improve our combat abilities. As you can see, some of them has taken the same path our Chaos Marines have.. Wings, sharper claws, dense plates of protective exoskeletons, I suppose we weren't far off from what they were doing...
Tlanextic: Genetic manipulation, funny what happens to Chapters created after the Emperor and left to their own designs...

Vyce snorts.

Vyce: So where's Icil?
Drake: She's talking with the Black Dragons Command Structure imprison deep in the fortress. Why?
Vyce: Been trying to keep tabs on her, she's been acting strangely ever since the Black Dragons showed up to surrender.
Tlanextic: Relax. She's been on our side for ages, I thought she was a friend of yours?
Vyce: That was before I went to Chaos.
Drake: What were you before?
Vyce: That's not important.
Drake: Come now. It's been 55 episodes, lets get some more character history going.
Tlanextic: Especially since he's doing it too.
Vyce: Meh, it's NOT important. I have other business elsewhere.

Vyce growls and leaps down from the tower, landing on the ground and stalking into the fortress.

Drake: What's with him?
Tlanextic: I'm not sure.. Touchy subject?
Drake: Maybe he was a loyalist once.
Tlanextic: Him? I doubt it.

Elsewhere, in the fortress dungeons.

Dragonspit: And do something with this thing!
Dreadnought: But that's not all, if you call now you'll get one. Two. Three. THREE extra gifts for the little children. Great for your Chaos aunt and uncle, and perfect for the whole family.
Rhuemwight: Does this thing ever shut up?
Dragonspit: Wasn't there a way to turn it off.
Techpriest Roy: And piss off the Void Dragon? I think not.
Dragonspit: I thought your kind was all about the Machine Spirits and the Omnissah and all that.
Roy: Yeah. The Void Dragon. I hear he missed his alarm clock on Mars.
Dragonspit: Too much snooze button?
Roy: Something like that, especially since the Tech Priests of Mars is trying to keep him sleeping and using him as an energy source for STCs.
Dragonspit: So again, how do we turn him off?

Eldrad appears, Itsu in tow.

Eldrad: Ah-HAH! I finally found you!
Dreadnought: What?
Dragonspit: How'd you get in here?
Eldrad: It's a Eldar thing.
Itsu: Actually we snuck in last week and built a Webway gate in the basement.
Eldrad: Itsu! Silence! Your supposed to be my bodyguard, not here to embarrass me.
Itsu: Actually, my contract states I am free to do as I wish as long as your protected.
Eldrad: But isn't i-

The Chaos Dragon bounds from nowhere, in full feral non-anthro form, towering over all the others and crashes into Eldrad, pinning down.

Vyce: Ahh.. Eldrad.. I've actually been expecting you.
Eldrad: This wasn't about me stealing one of your ex-boyfriends was it?
Vyce: ... What?
Eldrad: It isn't?
Vyce: I didn't know.. Wait.. huh.. What.. Who?

Itsu swings his massive sword and it collides into Vyce, causing him to roar and whip around, batting Itsu aside as if it were a paper doll, coiling his tail around Eldrad.

Vyce: Anyway, I need you specifically out of my way.
Eldrad: Out of your way? Why?
Vyce: Not telling, but it's very important the official retconner and his pet needs to.. disappear...

Vyce cackles, and the view fades to black, and then refocuses on Lord Drake cackling while Ezra watches in horror as his Space Marines are detained under gunpoint. Some of them run, other try to fight, others are forced down. The lucky ones die in the process. While the others are forced for mind-rotting...

Defiler: It's a small world after all... It's a small world after all..
Ezra: I don't see how you can stand watching.
Drake: I'm far too gone to be affected.. *twitches*
Ezra: Ah-hah!
Drake: Shush you. It's so terrifying it takes a Slaaneshi to not be fully affected.
Defiler: I love you.. you love me...
Drake: It could be worse.
Ezra: How?
Drake: Corrack and Arafalas.

As if on cue, screaming.

Ezra: No... No.. this is too much...
Drake: Slowly I break your mind... You know.. I never figure something out.. Did you ever prove the Inquisition did it?
Ezra: Actually. I kinda forgot about that.
Drake: What!? Our Chapter dwindling to nothing and you don't bother to think maybe it's their fault for sending us off to crazy missions? I think they made it rather obvious when they memoed a mission called "Operation Little Bighorn" and "Operation Alamo"? Or even "Operation Hydrophobia"?
Ezra: I remember that mission, that one was fun..
Drake: Fun? Fun!? We almost DROWNED.
Ezra: Come on, we were fighting those submarine looking things.
Drake: GRAH! I HATED THEM! They.. they desecrated my armor with Low Fat muffins!
Failther: Uhh.. Aren't Muffins already low fat?
Drake: Um. Fun size M&Ms?
Failther: THE HORROR! I remember, I was allergic to M&Ms!
Ezra: Failther, we were underwater with Power Armor, I don't think that'd be a problem.
Failther: They were seeking me.. Seeking me... Graaaaah....

Failther suddenly snaps and spazzes, twitching and sucking on his thumb, rocking on the floor.

Drake: Hm. They don't make Space Marines like they used to. Oh well, convert him and unbreak his mind.
Ezra: how does the whole conversion thing work?
Drake: Well, you see, we break their minds with the sheer horror of horrors, and then we just.. repaint the armor.
Ezra: What!?

A few cultists scamper in, and add red trim to Failther's armor and then drag him away. Another Black Dragons Marine stares at his new paint job in horror.

Space Marine: Noo.. No... NOOO!!!
Ezra: How the hell does that work?

Lord Drake shrugs, Icil enters the room, looking amused.

Icil: My Lord?
Drake: Icil, finally, someone I can trust. Take the three of them to the prepared room, so they can watch every moment while I get to go back and enjoy my Milkshake.

Icil nods and snaps her fingers, Chaos Space Marines walk into view the take away the three commanders of the Black Dragons.

Drake: Everything is going well.. Excellent..
Rhuemwight: My Lord, we have a transmission from the Inquisition.
Drake: how the hell did they call us?
Rhuemwight: Uhm. Corrack wrote on a wall somewhere in Imeprial Territory saying "For a good time, call Lord Drake at..."
Drake: That fool. He's gone too far. What do they want?
Rhuemwight: Well...

++++From the Ordos Heretiocus+++++
Lord-Inquisitor Fairwyth

Dear Heretics, (For I am far too important to name you, and your far too unimportant to talk to or name in the first place.)

I am Fairwyth, I believe you may have remembered me from a previous episode. However, if you don't, shame on you and read more.

While I am far too important to deal with trivial matters like yourself. It has come to my attention that we can finally eradicate your heretical chapter once and for all. As I'm sure you remember we tried so hard to stretch your usefulness once and for all.

We've also been hunting down the Emperor, so if you see him drop me a line and we can figure things out over lunch or tea or something.

xoxoxo
Fairwyth.

PS: I'm not really sure how to use this thing, one of my friends told me I should sign with xoxoxo and for some reason he's giggling from behind my shoulders. I must have broke protocol.
PSS: Oh look, now he's laughing harder, I believe I might be doing something wrong with this fancy new communication thingy.
PSSS: I figured out why he's laughing, and since have convicted him of "Heresy by laughing at an Inquisitor." I mounted his contraption on the wall for all to see, as I'm very important.
PSSSS: I hope you'll enjoy my present that'll be on cue in three.. two.. one..
+++++++++++++++BEHOLD! CORN!+++++++++++++++++++

Drake: Present?

The Fortress rocks and explodes, the sound of cheering Space Marines can be heard, and a battle cry sounding from Captain Ezra.

Ezra: DEATH WAKES!
Black Dragons: WAR CALLS!
Icil: DEATH WAKES!
Black Dragons: WAR CALLS!

Lord Drake stares out his new 'window' in the side of the fortress, blinking.

Drake: Oh bloody hell.