Disclaimer: I, Strange and Intoxicating -rsa-, do not own, think I own, or will ever own Final Fantasy VII or its Compilations. I write this because it's fun and I have no life—the end.
Chapter Forty Nine: The Trail
There was nothing he could say. The room stayed silent, his name still lingering in the air. How could the fisherman be right? Reno? Not Zack's Reno... right? But how many men named Reno Sinclair worked right under Tseng? There wasn't any other person it could have been. He should have know, the ex-SOLDIER thought bitterly, that the red-head was a liar.
"Did you know Sinclair?" Paul questioned. There was a look of understanding on his weathered face, which had withstood too many wars of the heart.
Zack didn't know how to answer. Would he tell the truth? 'Yes, and I let him fuck me and I fucked him for over a year.' didn't sound right on the ebony-haired man's lips. Or, he could be basic, with a mumbled 'A long time ago," or perhaps even pretend not to know... but it seemed too hard, too painful to pretend like he didn't know.
"Yeah," he conceded, "I knew him. Never saw him with Jamie though. Haven't seen him in a long time, either. A long, long time."
No one dared to correct him, even with the blatant lies. Barret stared off at him for a brief moment, his mouth open a few inches. There were words on his tongue, but Zack couldn't hear them. They weren't out in the air, and for a moment Zack hoped that they wouldn't. He hoped that Barret would understand that at this moment, in the haunting store, surrounded by the scent of fish carcasses and burning candle wicks. There was no way he could say anything about Reno.
The bastard.
"Why did you lie to that man?" Red asked, looking out of his one good eye. It sparkled with intelligence, and for the first time since Zack had known the red-furred beast, confusion. He didn't seem to understand what was going on. "Zackary, why did you not tell that man that we have seen Reno? It is his flesh."
Zack snorted and looked around the empty inn room. The others were gone. He didn't care where they were, for once. Red, however, hadn't gone out wherever the others had left to; he needed peace, tranquility, silence. Neither of those three things could he get when Yuffie was around.
Red smacked him with his tail.
"Ouch." Zack rubbed his head. "Don't know why you're bothering me, Red. Why didn't you go off with the others and leave me alone? I think I need to be alone, anyway."
"What you want means little to me, Zackary."
"Quit using my name so much. It's annoying. And I kinda figured. Don't know what I did to make everyone all angry today. It was just a little lie."
Red sneered, something truly horrifying. The razor sharp teeth in his mouth jutted out a little, and he slapped his tail once again against Zack's head.
The raven-haired man didn't bother moving; it wasn't hitting him hard enough to be painful. Just annoying. "Look," Zack said as Red closed his mouth, the enemies inside fading from sight, though their presence still lingered, "I just needed to, okay? The room was getting too hot—"
"The room was colder than Icicle Inn, Zackary. He had two ice materia's in the vents of the store."
Shit, figured that one wouldn't work all too much. "And we would have been stuck in there, me explaining that I knew Reno. It's not that big of a deal—"
"If you had seen your face, then you would understand my concern."
Concern? What's there to be concerned about?
Red nodded. "Yes, you were concerned. I must, however applaud you, if I had hands. For someone who wears his heart on his sleeve, you managed to confuse both your comrades as well as that man. Granted, those who did notice your concern are more adapt to human emotions. Barret and Yuffie, however, are not."
"Well, don't you just love them," Zack replied scathingly. "They're smart."
"It has nothing to do with smarts, but with observation skills. Theirs do not parry with my own."
Well, someone's got a big head.
"Deservingly so, Zackary Fair. I have lived a long time, seen many things. Not as long as my grandfather, but enough time to see when someone is lying for their one benefit. Now, I do not care for or about your sexual advances toward the same sex."
Zack felt his eyes open wide, his body subconsciously seizing up. "W—what are you talking about? Me? Sex with who? I thought I was dating Aeris."
"But," Red continued, "lying is rather childish. I would dare say that I loathe liars; do you understand? Now, I know that you had a sexual relationship with the red-haired Turk and wish to hide it, but why hide that you knew him? The most you could have said was that you had seen Sinclair a few days ago. Said that he was after us—I believe that man would have given you refuge, or perhaps even protection from the village. They do not seem fond of Shinra or their ways, which could have been an advantage to us."
"I hadn't thought of that."
Red agreed. "It is quite obvious that you were oblivious to that knowledge, Zackary, but it doesn't matter in the end. You lost us an opportunity, and lied in the same breath. I understand why you would not want Cloud to know, but he will be most suspicious of you and your mouth. I would be sure to expect questions on the category, and soon."
"Why wouldn't I want to tell Cloud?" the ex-SOLDIER asked, grabbing at his head in confusion. "How 'bout 'why I wouldn't want to tell Aeris, because I was dating her', or 'why I wouldn't tell Yuffie, because she's already attempting to sneak aphrodisiacs into my soup and then lock me in a room with Cloud', or even 'why I wouldn't tell Barret, because he thinks that Shinra SOLDIERs are already more fucked up and need to be killed on spot'? Why not them, and only Cloud?"
The room felt like it was spinning around in circles, again and again, the ceiling and the pinprick of black just looping over and over again. Everything was happening again. Zack had screwed something up for his comrades again. He forgot how much he had loved Reno again. Or how much he loved Aeris again.
And again he was falling into a black abyss, with Red's voice ringing like a wedding march or a funeral dirge.
"You wouldn't want him to know because you're in love with him. Even I, half blind, can see it."
Zack didn't speak. Even fifteen minutes later, Red sitting on the carpet staring off into the shady area where a small mouse would stick its head out of the hole in the wall, Zack couldn't properly form words about anything.
"It would be best if you swallowed," the beast chided, flicking his tongue over his nose to wet it. It shimmered and the liquid just seemed to be sucked in, disappearing. He did it again, and Zack just stared and swallowed. "Do you want to know why I said that, don't you?"
"Shock value?" he answered without pausing. Why was his mouth feeling so dry.
"Not exactly. You must learn how to see what is before your eyes. Who you want to care for, and who will care for you."
The words made sense, sure, but the violet-eyed man just rolled his eyes into the back of his head. "Look," Zack laid his head against the pillow, trying to erase Red's words, "you and I haven't been through what Aeris and I, or Cloud and myself have been through. Now," Zack shook his head, "I know you've been through a lot of unpleasant shit, like me and Cloud."
"I do not care to share that with you at this time."
"Understood, but I want to say something." Even with his eyes shut Zack could feel the beast's piercing gaze. "Clou. and I went through too much for us ever to be together. I don't get why everyone is always talking about me and him ending up together—Aeris did it, too. And look at how that went—she left me, by the way." Zack heard a grunt of knowledge. "Guess that doesn't surprise you,"
Red spoke with conviction. "No, it does not. She is a Cetra, speaks with the Planet, hears the Planet, lives by the rule of the Planet. The Planet does not see the two of you together, but apart."
Huh? Zack sat up and opened his eyes, narrowing them at Red. "Why would you say that, Red? I mean, the Planet of all things can't dictate anyone's lives—"
"Yes, it can, has, and will continue to do so. Aeris is one with the Planet, and I go with her."
"How are you one with the Planet? Did you eat dirt as a puppy? Get it lodged in your brain and now you think that every time you hear the crunching in your teeth..." Zack hadn't even noticed that he had stood up.
Red looked at him blankly. "I hear the Planet because I am the son of her. My home resides in the deepest canyon, where I can hear the wind blow and the Planet scream; I am no fool, and neither are you." He had risen from his place on the floor, Zack noticed as he sat down, grabbing his knees. "We do not see the Planet in the same way—I see her as a breathing, beautiful flower, while you see her as a ball of dirt with an atmosphere."
There was no way of stating that red's comments were false—it was the truth. Zack had no connection to the planet, no structure around a birth right. He was just one of her inhabitants. He worshipped her as a child, like any Gongagan did... but she was still just the planet. What made it real was what happened on its top soil.
"But you are more than that, Zackary. You were meant to do things no other human could possibly do. I see it in your eyes, in your stance. Minerva has invested a great deal into you, and your life. She has invested much into you and Cloud. Your souls." He made a movement with his tail, seeming to swipe at the mouse, which had abandoned its post and traveled forward.
"Why are you telling me this? Did Aeris tell you that I needed to have more than one person telling me that Cloud's my shining star, or whatever crap you're trying to feed me?"
"No," Red said slowly,. "I tell you this because I believe that you are compromising your situation. By ignoring facts, you are making your life, as well as those around you, much more difficult. I will leave once I am home, but it would be a fair deal for me to trade some wisdom with you."
"Compromising the situation? How did I 'compromise' the situation? For all that's Holy—"
Red spoke through Zack's words, "You are compromising the situation because you are the leader. You have people mindlessly tracking after you, and leaving gapes in your defense because you can not face reality."
The next morning Zack woke up alone, on the floor. When Cloud had crawled into bed next to him the night before, Zack had pushed himself to the furthest crevice of the bad. What if Aeris and Red were right? He couldn't and wouldn't be able to sleep next to the twenty-one year old, who still had the face of child, a beautiful and perfectly sculpted angel. Zack had never been that great with waiting—what if his subconscious mind decided that it was tired of waiting for sex—five years of waiting. What if he did something while Cloud was sleeping? He wouldn't be able to live with himself.
But I'm not interested in Cloud. People are out of their fucking minds; he and I are the closest of friends. I would give my life for him without a second thought. Why would I want to do something to destroy that?
So, when Cloud was in his deepest sleep, far on the other side of the bed, Zack rolled off, blankets still wrapped around the blonde in the bed. It wasn't comfortable, but comfort mattered less than what could happen. He could do anything, especially if Red cast Berserk on him, which the red-furred beast had threatened. Zack slept on the floor, arms underneath his head and his back against the bedframe.
"What in Holy are you doing on the floor?" Cloud asked, groggily wiping the sleep from his eyes.
Zack looked up, yawned and picked at his own eyes for a moment, ridding of the hard specks from his eyes. "Oh, just sleeping."
"Why did you sleep down there? Did I push you off, or something?" Cloud leaned over the bed and reached out his hand, waiting for Zack to take it. "Did I kick you?"
"Free will, buddy," Zack said as he waved Cloud's hand away. "Don't worry about me. The others got up a little while ago, I think." To check, Zack looked below the other beds for shoes. None were present, and there was no tail waving below Barret's. "Stomped off loud enough to wake the living dead."
"So they were able to wake you up?" Cloud rolled out of bed on the other side, picking at his nail. "Doesn't matter, anyway."
The ex-SOLDIER scoffed. "Like it doesn't, Chocobo-head. Ahh," stretching out his muscles, the ebony-haired man curved his back and used his feet to push himself off of the ground. He popped into the air, his back doing the same. "That felt really nice."
Cloud cocked his head. "That's good for you," he replied, his voice monotonous. "But you look as though a chocobo stepped on you, kicked you into the river around here, and then dried you off by flying you a thousand miles per hour into Midgar... repeatedly."
"Wow, you must love me a whole lot if you think so many details." Putting his arms behind his head, the man contentedly rubbed at his head with one hand, the other scratching at his neck.
For a moment time seemed to come to a standstill as loud leaned up and pushed around Zack's hair. His scalp felt on fire, like someone was holding a match to his hair. He could even smell the hair burning.
"What's that for?" he asked as he shrugged himself out of the blonde's reach. It made him uncomfortable.
"I like how your hair used to be. Before, when you were happier. It looks sad now, like you're older than you really are."
"I'm twenty-three—" Zack began, but was silenced.
"You look eighteen; try and act eighteen again, and maybe Aeris would understand you a little better." He crossed his arms.
"What are you talking about? What about Aeris?"
Cloud worried his lip. "She said that the two of you weren't getting along real well," the blonde huffed and recrossed his arms, "after your fight. She even said that there wasn't a way that you two were going to get back together. I don't see why not," Cloud said, his eyes darting around. "Did you do anything that would deserve something like a complete dumping? She didn't say what you did, but that it was over. Bam. Done with."
"I don't think all of me wants to be back with her, honestly. I'm not sure why she would do it; she gave me a reason, but it didn't make any sense."
"Oh."
"And she doesn't even want me, anymore," Zack added, bitterly.
Zack felt that the conversation was dead, like the flowers in the church in the slums were bound to be. No one was watering them, and their delicate petals would fall apart and die on the wooden floor. There wasn't a hand of kindness pruning away the dead leaves and buds, so new and more beautiful ones could take their place. It was just a dead, cold and lonely conversation.
"I, uh..." Cloud took a few steps back, stumbling on Zack's boots. They clonked hard against the ground, hard.
"Don't be like that, Cloud."
"But I thought you loved her? The dress, in the closet—she loved you, too."
Something was building up in his chest—he could feel it beating and pulsing and hurting, why it hurt Zack couldn't say, but it burned more than his scalp. "Well, Cloud, sometimes love isn't all that's needed. It's not a magical cure to anything. It just hurts. Remeber that it was you who told me to get over it."
"Pessimist. I figured you were fighting and that you needed to be smacked back into shape."
Zack looked down at his feet, shoulders slouched forward. There was nothing in his eyes. It didn't matter what anyone else said, either. They didn't understand, no matter how brilliant they were. Red, who had probably soaked up the knowledge of a thousand books and drank tea that was blessed by the Planet and ate cookies with his grandfather that Minerva herself made didn't know a damn thing about his feelings. Zack knew that no one, nothing, could control anything about his life—it was his to live out. No one could control it. No one had the power to.
"Do you think that there's a god looking down on us, playing with us? Making us more like ventriloquism dummy dolls? Like the ones that we saw that day in Junon, before everything went to shit and back?" Zack looked up, into Cloud's blue eyes. They really were bright, like stars exploding.
Cloud nodded and shoved his hands into the sleeves of his sleeping shirt. "I remember. They were beautiful—not weird or creepy like the ones that they sold in Nibelheim. I remember you wanted to buy me one with glass eyes."
"Creepy little fucker."
"But," Cloud said, "I don't think that anything is controlling either of us. We're independent. And I don't think anything would willfully give you such a tacky personality."
"You make me blush, snookums." Normally, Zack would have wrapped his arms around the boy and attempted to give him a kiss, just for the fun of it, but instead he cracked a smile.
Cloud, if he had taken notice, didn't say anything on it.
Two hours later the group was back on the move.
"I don't think we should have stopped for so long," Tifa stated as she hitched the backpack up higher.
Zack pushed a few of the strands of hair out of his face, which had been bothering him since morning. For some reason he hadn't pushed it back the way it had been, but let it hang down in his face, like when he was younger. Cloud had made a good point—even if Zack wasn't in love with him. The trip was making the non-serious guy far too serious for his own liking.
"Well, needed to sleep, eat, shit and get more work. Aeris has six new materia that we need to level up and send over to Corel. The lady said that we were bound to go through the mountains and we could stop in some rusty-ass shack and give some guy a bunch of shit." Zack pointed to the extra knapsack strewn across his back, which was supplies and porn, if the ex-SOLDIER knew anything about isolationist packages.
Barret, who had been walking in front of Zack, stopped short in the middle of the densely shrouded area. Zack hadn't been able to stop in time, and had crashed into the man. No great shock came when neither fell.
"What the fuck? Barret, you okay? 'Cause if you are, I think I'm going to have to do some very un-nice things to you."
"Where you say we headin'? Not Corel, Nort' Corel? We ain't goin' there." The black man seemed adament, shaking his head faster than the words were coming out. "Zack, I dealt wit' you bein' a fuckin' no goo', sorry sunovabitch, but I ain't, I re-fuckin'-fuse ta go there."
Tifa laid an arm on the man's shoulder, and Zack took a step back. All he could see was the larger man's back, which was rippling like water in a pond, where an elephant nearby was jumping. Tifa's hand shook.
The rest of the party noticed, and had stopped. Yuffie even sent way a dirty look to Barret, which when ignored was sent to Zack.
"Why isn't the old guy moving? We gotta go-go-go! Hurry it up, ya old farts! Slow pokes!" The girl jumped over another tree branch that hung low, Zack noticing that she had attempted to kick it toward where Red's face was. It snapped back and nearly hit the black-haired rambunctious girl. "Aw!" she yelled when no one followed.
But the attention wasn't on her, for the first time in a long time.
"What's wrong, Barret?" Aeris came up from behind Zack, where she and Cloud had been lingering. She put her right hand on the burly man's shoulder, kneading it. In the other was a Heal materia. The spell was ready on her lips.
"We can't go there. I can't deal wit' 'em. Lookin' at me an' not undastandin'." Barret didn't say anything else, but attempted to turn back around, to head toward Rio.
"Whoa, Buddy. We can't go back there," Zack said, holding his hands up. "It's probably infested with Shinra scum, you know, those guys that you really hate? Well, in your condition I wouldn't want them near you. Now," Zack sent a look to Red, who sniffed at the ground and nudged a log with the tip of his nose, "Red's sniffin' at that dirt and he's a good tracker. What are you smelling?"
"Human," the beast casually replied.
"They ain't no fuckin' human bein's! Muthafuckin', cocksuckin' little shits, alluvem! I shoulda rung that white boy, prissy-assed fucka back two months 'go." The man continued his rant, legs already heading away from where Rio was with Tifa still patting him on the shoulder.
Zack cocked his head to the side. "Aeris?"
It was the first time since they had broken up that they talked. It wasn't as weird as Zack imagined it would have been. There wasn't any pain, either.
"What is it, Zack?" The two continued to watch Tifa and Barret walk forward.
"You didn't hit him with a Healing spell. What did you hit him with?"
Aeris giggled, somewhat forced. "A confusion spell. It should wear off in a few hours if we leave him be, but Tifa thought it would work better than a calming spell. Those can be easily altered."
"Manipulation is the way to go, eh?" Zack shoved his hands into his pockets and stepped over a branch. Cloud, who was a few feet away, held the next branch for the two, before turning back away.
Aeris smiled, only half-covering her lips. "You did something new with your hair."
"No, just something old. Very old."
Yay! Chapter is done! This one took a little while because I just couldn't get it to freaking work with me. It didn't want to love me. I thought that it was a bit rushed, but I had a friend read it, and she said that it wasn't rushed to her, so if you think it's rushed, you can blame her. But love her anyway.
Please Review!
