AN:/Sorry about the delay! I've been a bit distracted lately, with both work stuff and a big, exciting family happening. My baby brother is now a married man!
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Sex.
Sex with Bella.
Edward still remembered, with startling clarity, their first time together. Try as he might to put it all behind him, that was the one area where his mind wouldn't t let him forget.
He should be a sleep, yet there he was lying sleepless in his bed, remembering.
In retrospect, he knew he'd made a mistake that night. It shouldn't have happened the way it happened. It wasn't too much of a surprise that things between them had changed eventually. It was just that it all happened a bit too fast for it to be a normal, healthy reaction. Warning bells should have gone off there, but they didn't…. not until much later.
There had definitely been a big check in the box next to physical attraction from the get go, but neither one of them had any interest in acknowledge this attraction - hence the initial clashing of egos and mutual antagonism between them. It wasn't personal, they were both just loners by nature.
He supposed, their lives were kind of similar in some ways - they both had to fend for themselves and every single decision they made, evolved around one singular purpose: to get through High School as quickly and smoothly as possible.
What complicated it all were those annoying sparks of attraction that would leap about whenever the two of them got within touching distance of each other, sparks that just wouldn't go away.
Hint to self; the idea that you can get someone out of your system by sleeping with them is a crock of shit.
Horny teenager as he was, it didn't occur to Edward until much later, that all sex, even the casual kind, came with unintended emotional consequences.
That's what happen when you sleeps with someone for the wrong reasons, you moron!
That being said though, he didn't necessary regret sleeping with her; the physical aspect of it had been good… Actually, with a bit of time and practice the sex had been phenomenal. So, to say he regretted it all together would be a lie. It was the WHY and the HOW it had all come about that bothered him.
For starters the fact that Bella had been pushing the subject of sex only hours after Edward had gone all the way out to La Push to rescue her from Jake Black, should have made him go 'Hold up! What's going on here?'
As much as Bella had tried to downplay the whole thing, there was no denying that she'd been pretty shook up following her little spat with Black. So much so, that she couldn't stand the thought of spending the rest of the afternoon slash evening on her own. Every action has a reaction and not all of them are good, healthy, logical ones.
Edward remembered driving her around for what felt like hours that afternoon, waiting for her to decide where she wanted to go or what she wanted to do… Heck, he'd even offered to drop her off down at the police station.
She had not liked that suggestion one single bit. The conversation had gone something like this:
"No. I do not want to go there!"
"Why not? If the Chief asks why you're there, just say you heard strange noises outside the house or something..."
"That would only raise a shit ton of questions. As far as he's concerned, I'm supposed to be spending the evening with Jake and his dad."
"So…? Plans changes all the time. Simply tell him something came up and you left their house earlier than planned."
"Sure, but he knows I hate visiting him at work, so the minute he sees me there, he'll know something's off."
"Well, something is off. That's the honest truth. You already know what I think…. You should talk to him, before Jake or his dad gets a chance to tell their vers-…."
"Fucking stop that," she snapped. "This is not going to turn into one of those he-said-she-said situations. I'm not going to tell my dad what happened, because NOTHING happened, so just shut up about it already! You weren't even there, so you're not entitled to an opinion."
"Fine, just tell me where to drop you off and you'll be rid of me and my opinions for good."
She'd flipped him a finger. Then, after a brief internal deliberation, she went on asking, "The diner is open all night on Saturdays, right?"
"Don't be ridiculous," he snorted in response. "I'm not dropping you off at the diner. That's right next doors to Volterra, where all the drunkards end up on the weekends."
"I'm not planning on spending the night there. I only need a place to wait until I hear back from Angie."
"And what if you don't hear back from her? The Webers could be on a pilgrimage to Rome for all you know," Edward sighed, putting the car in motion again.
He didn't drop her off at the diner. Instead he circled the outer edges of Forks for another 45 minutes, hoping Bella would come to her senses. She didn't, of course.
Exhausting all other options, he eventually brought her home with him, because… what else was he supposed to do?
So that's how they ended up sitting in their usual 'hang out' spot - on the narrow staircase on the outside of the north facing wall of the garage, above which Edward had his bedroom.
The only difference from the norm was, perhaps, that the cigarette they were passing back and forth between them was a 'regular' one. Because, unlike Bella's father, Carlisle actually had an evening off for once and was due to pull up on the drive way any minute.
The thing was, his father would most certainly expect to see Edward present at dinner. He wouldn't insist on it or anything, but with Carlisle and Edward being the only two members of the family home this particular weekend, Edward had a sinking suspicion his father was planning some stupid father-son bonding shit.
Now, this was a bit of a dilemma, because where would Swan wait while Edward had dinner with daddy-o? Not in Edward's room, that's for sure. Of course, he could invite her to tag along for dinner. He was sure his father wouldn't mind… but that would be one awkward meal for sure! Having a girl over, even just a friend, would warrant questions and pique curiosity, especially seeing as the girl in question had a suspiciously looking hand injury, complete with wrecked knuckles and swelling…
Maybe he could sneak her into the Alice's room, or maybe-…
"Hey Cullen, are you even listening to me?" Bella suddenly snapped.
"Yeah, of course I am. You were saying your New Years was un-fuckin-eventful-…"
"And that was an understatement. Can't believe I'm actually eager for school to start agaiiiin ," she sighed, seemingly dragging the last word out as if hissing it out through her teeth.
"Are you sure you aren't cold, Swan?" he asked for what was probably the third time in fifteen minutes. He'd already offered her his own jacket, so they could sit out there and talk a little while longer. "Because, it sure sounds like you're cold."
"Nah, I was cold before, but right now I'm good," she insisted.
He was almost 100% sure she was lying. Even if there was no wind where they sat, it was fucking freezing and getting colder by the minute.
"What is it with you girls and clothes?" Edward grumbled, handing over the cigarette to her. "You always wear the most impractical outfits…"
"Yeah well, when I picked out my clothes this morning, I wasn't planning on participating in any outdoorsy activities… Speaking of planning and outdoorsy temperatures, is tonight was gonna be the night I'd get to see the inside of the super swanky, hipster pad, that is your bedroom?"
"You'd like that wouldn't you," Edward responded with a shake of his head. "Honestly, if you're expecting something swanky, you'll be disappointed. It's just four walls and a bed… the basics…"
"What?! You mean no sexy hot tub, no beer cooler, no LED Mood Lights? Aww, just when I figure that I've got you pegged, you go and surprise me."
"It's clean and tidy… and it's private. That's good enough for me," he shrugged.
"Seriously Edward, I know you're iffy about other people touching your personal belongings, but I promise I'll be on my best behavior. I'll be the most well behaved guest you've ever had in your room. I'll even laugh at all your jokes. Not even Jasper laughs at your jokes…."
"That is true. I don't trust you though. I bet you just want to get in there, so that you can get your hands on my weed stash. Come on, fess up!"
"Yes, you caught me," Bella deadpanned. "That's exactly what I'm planning."
" answer! That was a joke and you didn't laugh."
"Sorry… Obviously, it's entirely up to you to decide where you want to move this party. No pressure or anything… But if we could relocate someplace indoors, then that would be… nice. "
"I know. Listen, I need to figure out what to do about dad," Edward gesture vaguely with his hand towards the main house. "He's bringing home pizza and we're supposed to have dinner together. God only knows what he's planning afterwards. Last time we had the house to ourselves he forced me to play Fifa with him for three hours straight."
"Aww, he wants to spend time with you. That's kind of sweet, actually."
"Not sweet, pathetic is more like it. You'd think he'd have good hand-eye coordination, with him being a surgeon and all, but nope… He really is terr-.. "
Edward stopped in mid-sentence when the unmistakable sound of tires on gravel was heard and he realized Carlisle's car was pulling into the driveway.
"Crap, there he is now!"
"Do what you have to do, but please, let me wait for you in your room."
"Alone? Unsupervised? No, I don't think so!."
"I promise I won't touch anything. It's just for a little bit, an hour or two…Please, please, please!"
"What happened to' I don't want to be alone tonight, Edward'?"
"It's better than waiting out here in the dark. Please, I'm begging here…"
"The things I do for you," Edward sighed and held up a finger, indicating for her to wait. "Don't move. I'll be right back…"
Then, he sprinted down the stairs and rounded the corner to intercept his father before he could leave the garage.
The conversation that followed went something like this:
"You're late!"
"Oh, you scared me son! My last surgery ran long, you know how it is."
"Whatever… Where the fuck do you keep the Pepto-Bismol?"
"Oh, what's the matter? Not feeling good?"
"Obviously I'm feeling peachy, that's why I'm out here asking for Pepto. You think you could stop waving that pizza box in my face and answer my question; where is it? I don't particularly feel like spending the night is the crapper…"
"Right, sorry. If you follow me, I can get you some Imodium."
So yeah…he may have led his father to believe he had the runs. 'Shitty' idea sure, but at least it got him out of the never ending dinner that his father had planned for them.
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…
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Obviously, inviting a girl into your room for a little bit, doesn't automatically mean anything else will come out of it. Only in this case she didn't just stay for a little bit, no, she ended up staying till the wee hours of the morning.
Bella's original intention had been to only stay for a little while. She left her friend a voice message and a handful of texts, but after two hours she still hadn't gotten any form of response from the Weber girl.
Someone that did, indeed, make the effort to keep in touch throughout the night though, was Carlisle.
'How are you feeling, son? Can I get you anything? Have you been drinking enough water?'
Distrustful hypocrite, that one… Whatever happened to trusting your kids and respecting their personal privacy?
His father probably suspected the real reason he'd ditched dinner was so that he could sneak off to a party or something. He showed up in person, not once but twice, to check up on Edward, before turning in for the night.
True to her word, Bella really was the 'perfect' guest and hid underneath Edward's bed both times, without grumbling or complaining too much about it afterwards.
She did however, complain, when Edward made her wait for another two and a half hours, before fetching a zip lock bag from the bathroom containing a few neatly rolled joints.
Because, yes, there had been weed involved that night. Well duh, of course there had been weed involved.
Normally, he didn't care if his parents caught him with alcohol or pot, or both. It wasn't like his parents didn't already know about his self medicating ways. They didn't like it, but all they ever did about it was grounding him for a month or two, or take away his car and phone privileges. Meh. It was nothing he couldn't deal with...
However, he suspected hell would break loose if he was ever caught smoking pot with the police chief's only daughter– especially if Chief Swan, himself, got wind of it. His own parents wouldn't take it lightly, either - girls are supposed to be protected and looked after, whether they want or not.
Needless to say, Edward didn't want to risk anything, so he didn't bring out his stash until he was sure his father had retreated to his bedroom. This much anticipated event occurred at roughly ten thirty, which was when they witnessed the lights going off on the bottom floor of his parent's mansion like house.
Now, fast forward a joint (or three) and both Edward and Bella were pleasantly high and having a rather enjoyable time. They'd returned inside again (because no matter how freaking cold it was, smoking inside was a no-no) and was now lying sprawled out, side by side on Edward's bed, just chilling, making jokes, talking about nothing in particular. There was a movie playing on the flat screen mounted on the wall opposite of the bed, but they weren't really watching.
At some point there, Bella realized she hadn't checked her phone in over an hour. Lo and behold, as she checked it this time, there actually was a string of text messages from a slightly apologetic Angela Weber.
'Sorry, I couldn't help you earlier. My phone died and I had no charger with me. Hugs, Angie.'
' I'm home now, but I'm guessing you no longer need a ride?'
' Don't hesitate to call. Actually, if you see this before midnight, please do call! I'm slowly dying from Christmas break boredom here!'
'Guess, you've gone to bed already '
Apparently, Angie' had been visiting her auntie all evening and apparently her battery had died and she had been too lazy to bring her charger or something…
Honestly, Edward didn't pay the actual messages that much attention. He just knew had to stop Bella before she could forward any kind of response to Angela. There was just no way he could let her head on over to the Weber's house this late in the evening (surely it was after midnight now…?) and especially not while reeking of pot. That was simply not a viable option.
Obviously, Angela wouldn't agree to anything without checking with her parents first and if the parents got involved then chief Swan would most definitely be informed… So yeah, Bella clearly hadn't though this one through properly!
"But I can't NOT answer her," Bella pouted. "She'll think I've been kidnapped or something."
"Not if you do as I say and text her that you're fine and that you'll speak with her in the morning."
"You can't tell me what to do," she complained, with a whine to her voice.
"I can and I will!"
He ended up snatching Bella's phone out of her hand mid-typing.
"Hey, that was rude! Give me that!" she demanded, rolling over to face him.
"Whatever, you'll get over it," he responded, holding the phone out of her reach. "I'm only trying to watch out for both our interests here."
She could have easily snatched her pone back, but she didn't. It almost appeared as though she deliberately refrained from touching him - which, okay, pretty much was standard behavior for them.
Instead of tackling him (like his sister would have done if it was her precious iphone he'd stolen), Bella tried glaring and scowling mightily at him. This had absolutely no effect on him what so ever…. other than making him laugh a bit, because she looked like an angry kitten. Her attempts were rather pitiful, honestly. He'd been expecting more.
"Come on, hand it over! You don't want me messing with your stuff, now do you?" she warned, crossing her arms over her chest.
"No, I don't, but I know you wouldn't do that, so…" he responded with a confidence he didn't necessarily possess. "Seriously, this is for your own good, Swan. If you don't trust me, trust my brother. No texting, emailing or checking in on social media accounts while puffing, drinking or masturbating -that's my brother's golden rule. He swears by it."
"Ha, ha," she snorted. "Very funny, listen Emmett's not here right now and you're being a meanie, big time. I think I wanna go home now. I should have left ages ago," she said, dropping her arms to her side in defeat. "In fact, what am I still doing here?"
"Yeah that's what I'm wondering too," Edward said with shake of his head. He did, however, finally hand her back her phone. "Don't do anything stupid, alright! If you wanna go home, I'll take you there myself. I'll even stay until you fall asleep, or until your father gets there. He'll shoot me for sure, but no worries, okay?!"
"You don't have to, but thanks. I appreciate the offer," she said, sounding more 'collected' than she had all night. "I mean, I'd like it if you could walk me home, yes, but you don't have to stay and risk running into Charlie," she clarified.
"What time will your dad be home anyway, Swan?"
"Not until-…"She checked the time, then glanced back at him. "Oops! Charlie's been home for at least an hour now. "
"What?! You've got to be joking!" he half groaned, half whined as he threw his head back against the bed. "We're doomed. How much time do you reckon we have before your dad shows up with his gun drawn?!" he joked, looking at the door as if he really did expect chief Swan to storm in right that very second.
"Nah, relax," she responded, shaking her head. "He's just pulled a double shift, so he probably went straight for his room and collapsed into bed, without even bothering to check if I had made it home or not…"
"Probably? That's not very reassuring."
"Well, if he'd bothered to check, he'd known I wasn't there and then he'd be lighting up my phone for sure right about now. So yeah, I'm pretty sure he's gone to bed."
"Oh…okay. Yeah, that's true," Edward ran a hand through his hair. "Let's get you home ASAP though."
"Yeah, we should do that…we should get going, like straight away," she agreed, but didn't move a muscle to get up.
Edward didn't move either. What he did do, however, was to look at her more closely– for a long, silent minute while, trying to figure her out. Her words didn't match her actions. It was almost like she didn't want to leave. Was that it?
Almost as if reading his thoughts her eyes seemed to grow unnaturally large in the dim light from the TV screen and he found he couldn't look away.
"What's going on?" she asked suspiciously, her voice a bit high-pitched. "Why are you looking at me like that?"
'Because I don't think you really want to leave and I don't think I really want you too…' The words nearly escaped Edward's lips. Fortunately, he managed to rein it in.
It was true though, the initial anxiety that came with having someone that wasn't family, or a close friend, in his room had long since worn off. He didn't mind having her there. In fact, her presence eased him, making him feel almost... comfortable, which was uncomfortable in itself. Nothing in his life had ever felt easy... especially not coexisting with other people…
"Nothing's going on," was what he muttered, as he finally managed to tear his eyes away to stare at the ceiling. "I was just-… Your hair looks funny," he offered with a shrug that probably was anything but convincing.
"It does not." She narrowed her eyes at him, like she knew he was talking shit.
"It does. It's flat on one side and sticking up on the other," he insisted, gesturing vaguely with his hand.
"Says the guy walking around with permanent bed head," she shot back.
"Ouch! I get told on regular basis that my hair is very sexy. Ask any girl at school, if you don't believe me," he joked, secretly relieved she wasn't making a bigger deal than this out of his admittedly odd behavior.
"Eh… each to their own, I guess. I mean don't hate it, but I wouldn't go as far as calling it appealing, or sexy. "
"I'll have you know, hair like this doesn't happen by itself. It takes an extraordinary amount of time and energy to perfect this quaff every morning."
"Sorry. I didn't realize fixing your hair was such a strenuous activity," Bella quipped, shaking her head.
"All jokes aside. I'm sensing that you don't really want to leave," Edward suddenly heard himself ask, despite his earlier decision not to put her on the spot like this. He blamed the weed.
Silence stretched for a good twenty seconds before gave any kind of response.
"Nah, not yet," she admitted, her voice barely above a whisper."Is that alright?"
"Yeah, but set your f-ing alarm, Swan. There will be no falling asleep, no staying the night. You really do need to get home before your dad wakes up in the morning."
"Of course, I didn't mean-… I'm definitely planning on heading home to sleep in my own bed."
"Good, then that's settled."
They spent the next twenty minutes bickering over an assortment of completely random things.
Then, suddenly Bella stopped talking and rolled onto her side to look at him.
"Did I say something wrong?" he asked, a bit uncomfortable being scrutinized so closely by her.
"No, you're being pretty great… supportive even. I didn't expect that, so…. thanks! Actually, I feel I should thank you again for driving all the way out to La push when I needed a ride. And for what you're doing right now. I know you don't normally bring other people up here… I really appreciate this, okay?"
"Uhm…. Okay Swan," Edward said slowly. "I just wish you'd tell me what, exactly, happened with Black. It's kind of difficult being supportive when you don't have the full story. "
"That's not true, you KNOW what happened. I've told you what happened," Bella protested.
"No, what I know is that the bastard did something you weren't comfortable. And that when you tried to tell him to stop it, he wouldn't listen, so you had no choice but to punch him in the face. But what exactly are we talking about here?" Edward prodded. "Did he try and smooch you? Or did he touch you inappropriately? Did he hurt you? Did he force himself-.."
She interrupted him before he could finish. "No, it wasn't like that. He didn't hurt me; he would NEVER hurt me… He knows Charlie would kill him, if he ever-… you know. It was stupid. I think I might have overreacted a tiny bit. I mean, I don't regret what I did, but I made a big deal out of something that, looking back, seems a bit stupid. It was nothing…really."
"If it was nothing, then just tell me what happened already," Edward suggested calmly, despite his rising agitation. "Tell me and let me decide what I think about it…"
To be honest, he didn't expect her to say anything, except maybe repeating the whole 'it was nothing' bit again, so it came as a minor shock when she actually started explaining instead of just evading the subject again.
"Well, you see, Jake and I were on the couch in his living room, watching a movie - Die Hard, the one with the payphone and the riddles - an oldie, but it's one of his favorites… " she trailed off, tugging nervously at a strand of hair.
"It's a classic," Edward nodded, keeping his expression neutral. "Don't tell me you guys got into an argument over whether Bruce Willis or Samuel Jackson is the better actor? Is that it? "
Her lips twisted a bit before her face smoothed. "No, that's not it… Uhm, so we were on the couch, watching the movie and I guess I must have fallen asleep on him." She paused again as if gauging Edward's reaction.
He simply gestured for her to continue. He didn't trust himself to say anything yet, not until he'd heard the whole story.
"It has happened before, me falling asleep around him, I mean. There is nothing particularly unusual about that… However, next thing I knew, I was waking up to find a hand inside my top - a hand that wasn't my own and had no business being there, clasping around one of my tits!"
"An unauthorized boob-grab? What the actual F? And while you were ASLEEP?!" Edward said with disbelief and a great deal of irritation.
"Yeah, that was my reaction too," she agreed, with a visible shudder. "I scrambled to get away from him so fast, I nearly fell out of the couch and-..."
"And you had to hit him to get him off of you?" he asked interrupting her again, feeling a strange sense of something he couldn't quite put his finger on.
On one hand he wanted to kill the bastard, yet he knew his reaction shouldn't be the one that mattered. Not when Bella was right there, on the bed next to him, expressing concerns that she'd been overreacting, that she had somehow done something to warrant waking up and finding grabby hands down her top…
"No, I hit him because he was being an insensitive jerk, even as he apologized. "
"I repeat again 'what the actual fuck'?!"
"It sounds worse than it was though. This is a bit embarrassing, but I kind of, sort of, talk in my sleep... like actual conversation talking."
"I don't get it. What does that have to do with anything?"
"Well, Jake claims he honestly didn't realize I was still asleep, because of the noises I was making. Apparently, I was wriggling against him and saying stuff like 'feels nice' and 'more please' and… and I might have been like sighing and moaning too. "
Edward forced his anger down, considering this new information. "Bella, I don't care if you were reciting fucking Shakespeare with the enthusiasm worthy of a very convincing porn star. He didn't even bother to make sure you were awake and actually lucid enough to be consenting. "
Decisively, he got up and grabbed his shoes from the small mat beside the door. He had to get out, had to get air, fresh air…
"Wait, where are you going?"
"Where do you think I'm going?" he growled back at her, his jaw set. "That fucker needs to learn to keep his hands to himself." His arms fell at his sides, his hands balling into tight fists – if he didn't get out soon, he'd end up punching a hole in the wall.
"Don't!" she protested angrily, swinging her legs over the bed to stand. "It would only make it worse. He didn't really mean any-.."
"Unbelievable! " Edward pinched the bridge of his nose , trying to calm himself. "You're DEFENDING him? How can you not see that what he did was wrong?!"
"Of course, it was wrong." She grabbed onto his arm, holding him back. It was the first deliberate touch she'd initiated between them since… well, ever possibly.
"If you go after him, he'll-… " She cut herself short, shaking her head. "I just don't want any trouble. Promise you won't go after him! Please! I don't want any more drama to come from this-…"
"You don't want any trouble, no drama!" Edward shook his head with a derisive hoot. "He's the one causing trouble, acting like an immature idiot, treating you like shit. This wasn't the first time you've had problem with him, you've said so yourself. You need to let him know you're done with him. You need to cut him out of your life once and for all."
"I can't really do that though. Billy and Charlie are tight and this town is so god damn small you can't avoid anyone for long. I need to coexist with him- with all of them - for another two years at least. AND he's not all bad, he been a good friend since I got here -always held my back, always been on my side. Please, I don't need you to go make it any more complicated than it already is. Also, I don't want YOU to get in trouble because of me."
"Your reasoning is fucking stupid," he rolled his shoulders back, pushing her hand off of him. "How can he have your back, if you can't even trust him? He isn't a friend, if you can't be alone in a room with him."
"Maybe so, but can we please drop this for now? I promise I'll give it some thought later when I am more clear-headed, okay?"
"Fine," he agreed with a nod of his head. "Maybe I should walk you home now."
"Maybe you should. Speaking of clear-headed though- this conversation very efficiently killed my buzz. You think you could get your sweet stash out and roll up a little something for the road," she suggested looking up at him with those damned brown, earnest eyes of hers and oh. he wasn't nearly as immune to her as he would like to think.
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….
.
Half an hour later they were back on Edward's bed again. Because who in their right mind wants to walk around in the freezing cold, when you can lay on a cozy, warm bed and watch the ceiling spin and whirl and dance above your head?
"Edward, I'm bored," Bella complained. "Can we try something?"
"Try what?" he responded. Something in her voice had him looking over at her suspiciously.
"Relax, I'm not gonna ask you to kiss me or turn this into a make out session anything."
"Okay. What do you suggest then?"
"Can I touch your hair?"
"My hair? Why do you wanna touch my hair?"
"Because… just because. Do I have to have a reason?"
"You don't even like my hair. You said so yourself, remember?"
"It's not like I hate it or anything… I mean, I'm sure you do the best you can with what you have," she teased him. "I just want to touch it. Is that so weird?"
"Depends… You got a hair pulling fetish going on, or something, Swan? Because that would be a bit weird."
"Meh, I'd say it's more of a scalp-rubbing fetish…" Bella answered, straight-faced and Edward honestly couldn't tell whether she was serious or not.
"That's even weirder, if you ask me," he responded, still eying her cautiously.
"A good scalp massage is supposed to be very relaxing. Just consider it an experiment. Who knows, you may even like it."
"Ha, not likely, but whatever." He felt himself shudder and almost flinch, as she reached out for him.
"Wait, I need the TV on for this to work," he said, ducking away.
"What? Why?!"
"Because background noise makes me less fidgety….it drowns out my thoughts…Besides, my bedroom, my rules." He pushed himself up to a sitting position and got out of the bed.
"You sound like I'm about to torture you," Bella commented as she waited for him to return.
"Well you kinda are…" he pointed out.
He flipped the channels, once he was satisfied he'd found the most brainless program of them all he came back to the bed. In the meanwhile, Bella had managed to position herself sitting cross legged at the center of the bed.
"You're awfully far away. Come closer," she beckoned with a motion of her fingers.
"Can't believe I'm agreeing to this, he muttered, but moved closer all the same. He maneuvered around so that they ended up sitting face to face. He did, however, make sure to leave plenty of air between them… because…. Well, just because…
"Aren't this little experiment of yours going to hurt your hand, Swan?"
"Probably, but I'll live…" she answered. "Stop making excuses. I'm really not doing this to make you uncomfortable. If it gets too much for you, Cullen, or if you don't like it, just let me know. It's as simple as that."
Edward rolled his eyes at her, but nodded that he had understood.
Then, without further warning her hands slowly made their way into his hair. They were barely touching at first, but gradually she started to apply more pressure. It didn't feel too awkward or weird. In fact, it felt pretty nice.
Maintaining eye contact wasn't exactly something he excelled at, so he let his gaze drop down to her collarbone instead. Probably a mistake as it gave him a spectacular view of her chest and every little move she made had her tits bouncing provocatively.
What the hell? An involuntary shudder crept over him; he so didn't need those kind of thoughts.
"Oh, I felt that," Bella commented with a chuckle, but her voice had a little catch in it, revealing a hint of… anticipation. "You're liking this, just like I knew you would."
"Fine Swan, I admit, you're good at this. Happy?" he said, to distract his mind. Rather than continuing staring at her chest, he closed his eyes and leaned his head forward, giving her better access.
"Don't sound so surprised. I told you, you would like it."
Her her fingers were full on massaging his scalp now, from his forehead all the way to the back of his neck, in rolling caresses.
It was an effort not to arch into the touch of cool fingers, every time she reached the sensitive skin at the nape of his neck. Surely this was not intended to be anywhere near as sensual as it felt… Why did he fell like he was being tricked here?
He pulled back a bit. "I thought you said this wasn't going to turn into a make out session..."
"It doesn't have to turn into anything. I can stop right now," Bella answered him, stilling her hands. "Aren't you curious, though?" she added, almost like an afterthought.
"Curious of what?"
"We have this weird spark between us, without even trying. What's up with that? I mean, I'm not a people person. I don't really flirt and rarely initiate any kind of interactions with guys in general. I keep to myself. It's better that way. I don't want o encourage anything that will never lead to anything anyways. And you-…" she trailed off gesturing with her hand for him to fill in the blank.
"And me what?" he asked, because he had no idea where she was going with this.
"Not trying to be mean, or make fun of you for your OCD or anything. It's just that you're always worried about being clean and staying clean and germfree and you seem to have issues with touching and being touched by others-.."
"Only in certain situations," he interrupted her.
"Yeah, I know, I get that. What I mean is, we both have issues, and probably should stay far away from one another. Two wrongs don't make a right. Regardless of that though, there is an attraction, a pull, a drawing to… I can't be the only one to feel it."
"Bella," he said her name in a low warning tone. "Don't go there…Everything you just said about me is somewhat true. I've got good reasons for not dating and not getting into relationships. I'm not someone you should be wasting your time on. Find someone better suited to experiment with, alright!"
"Hello, I'm not exactly looking for anything serious either," she objected. "I don't think I'm in the right head space for a relationship right now. If I didn't know that already, I'd say what happened with Jake pretty much cemented it for me-…"
"Wait," he interrupted her. "Before you say anything else, let me just set you straight about one thing - Jacob Black is a JERK," Edward stated with conviction. "I wouldn't put too much weight into anything he's said or done around you."
"I don't base my decisions around Jake. I didn't mean it like that. This has nothing to do with him.-..."
"Good… just putting it out there again that what he did was wrong. That guy deserved a good punch to the face. He had it coming and I hope you broke his fucking nose. "
"Unfortunately, I think his nose is still intact. But I don't want to even think about him anymore. I just want to see where the sparks takes us."
As she said that, he realized she was touching him again… Her hands had moved on to his shoulders and maybe it was because she did it so slowly that all he felt were goose bumps forming on his arms — no stress, no anxiety, no discomfort of any kind.
The only thing still bugging him was… well, the jerk from La push. "Swan, are you sure this isn't a delayed reaction to what Black did to you?" he felt compelled to ask one final time. "I mean, I don't blame you if that's the case. It's just that I can think of tons of better ways to get even with someone that doesn't involve getting hot and heavy with someone else. You're being very forward with this and… I guess, I just want to make sure you're doing this for the right reasons."
"Your concern is touching, but I know what I'm doing. I'm not a freaking virgin," she snapped, stilling her movements. "I can make sound decisions and exercise good judgment even when the pressure is on."
Edward's head shot up at that. "Not what I asked, but okay… fair enough."
"I'm going to straddle you now," she warned, pushing herself up to stand on her knees. "…as the next part of this experiment. I'm going to sit on your lap and here's the challenging part – you're going to place your hands on my hips."
"What's the challenge in that?" he couldn't help but snort. "I know what I'm doing. I'm not a freaking virgin," he added, mimicking her voice and mannerisms with such perfection he could tell she was fighting back a smile.
"Well then, get on with it!"
"You're so impatient, Swan," he shook his head at her, but let her place his hands where she wanted them. "There will be no kissing, just so you know," he warned, as she went ahead and situated herself in his lap.
"On the mouth," she said, as if they were hammering out negotiations and trade agreements. "There will be no kissing on the mouth, but I'm gonna be kissing the spot behind your ear and drag my lips down the base of your neck and you're going to love it."
"You seem very confident, all of the sudden," he answered, his voice not quite as steady as he would have liked.
"Any reason why I shouldn't be?" She ran a finger along his jaw line, eliciting a low shudder from him, as she gave her answer.
"I thought you said you didn't flirt? What do you call what you're doing now?"
"Experimenting," she suggested, dipping her voice low and biting down on her lower lip in a mockery of innocence. "Scratching an itch, letting out some steam, releasing some pent-up energy… Honestly, I'm hella nervous here, because I'm not exactly good at initiation stuff… I don't think I've ever done anything quite as forward as this before."
"How do you normally do it then?" Edward asked .
"Do what?"
"How do you hook up with someone new? How do you pick up guys? I mean, if you don't flirt and never initiate anything…. I guess I'm just curious, seeing as you said you are no virgin. Do they just come in hoards and line up outside your house? "
Deciding to test the waters a bit, he moved his hands up her back. Between her shoulders he gently applied a bit of pressure and brought her chest closer to his.
She responded by leaning forward, whispering in his ear, "You want to know a secret, Edward?"
He nodded, eagerly.
"There's only been one."
"One guy since you moved here?"
She shook her head. "I've only slept with guy… like ever. I'll probably regret telling you this, but he was the older brother of my best friend. I'd been crushing on him for months and I wasn't subtle about it. I got tongue-tied and blushed whenever he was around. In my defense though, I was fourteen at the time, so…."
"How much older are we talking about here, and what happened?"
"Five years older and he waited til my fifteen birthday before he slept with me. The relationship, if you can even call it that, lasted a grand total of teen days, before he replaced me with the next flavor of the month. To make it even 'better', my friend found out about it and got extremely angry….at me, not her brother. She gave me the silent treatment for months afterwards."
"Sorry, to hear that, Swan," Edward responded warily, taking his hands off of her. "I hope he didn't, like hurt you, or anyt-…"
"No, it wasn't like that," she cut him off before he could finish. "As far as first times go, it wasn't awful. I mean it wasn't great either, it was pretty awkward and a little painful, but unlike other jerks I've encountered, this one was at least careful, not to scare or scar me… Annnd, I don't feel like talking about this anymore," she declared with a determined shake of her head.
"Okay," he said with a frown, clasping his hands together and placing them on his head. "Pick another subject. You wanna talk about the weather? School? Hey, I know, let's talk about getting you home to your own bed, Swan."
"No," she shook her head. "I think it's only fair I get my turn to ask you a personal question. Don't you agree?"
"You can ask, sure… but I'm not promising I'll answer."
"Relax, I'm not going to ask how you lost your virginity or how many partners you've had. But you do have sex, occasionally, right?... with girls?"
Edward's head shot up again at that. "Well, yeah. I'm not a monk or anything. And, yes, I'm straight. Was that your question?"
"No, I already knew that. Your reputation is preceding you. I just wanted to hear it from you, rather than assume anything. The thing is, you have quite the bad boy/player reputation going for you at school, and you seem to be very popular with the female student body, and yet-…"
"You shouldn't believe everything you hear, Swan," he interrupted her. "There are certain kinds of stories that tend to get more exaggerated the more they are told. "
"I know. You didn't let me finish. I was going to say despite your reputation, I've yet I've never even seen you smile at a girl, let alone flirt with one, so… I guess, my question is the very same question you asked me earlier. How do you go about finding someone to hook up with when the urge strikes? Don't tell me you have your brother do the groundwork for you?!"
"Heavens no! Imagine if he'd try to set me up with someone like Rosalie," he shuddered. "I can get girls on my own just fine."
"Let me guess, you lure them in with the promise of making them popular and then you seal the deal with your stellar weed?"
"Hey, now… No bribes or lures needed," he objected, indignantly. "All I have to do is give them my smoldering sex stare and it's a done deal."
"What smoldering sex stare? Because right now all I'm getting from you are dead eyes and a slack expressionless face."
"Well, that would be because I don't turn 'it' on for just anyone," he teased her.
"What, I'm not pretty enough for you? Is that it?" she asked, making a pouty face.
"No, you're plenty pretty," he admitted, even though he knew she was just baiting him. "Anyone telling you otherwise is either delusional or having a good joke at your expense."
Without realizing it, he'd reached out and cupped her face, unable to resist tracing his thumb along her cheek.
He saw her suck in a breath. "There they are again – those annoying sparks," she muttered. "Where do they come from? We've never even 'done' anything yet…"
"I feel them too," Edward admitted, before he could stop himself.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah, and I agree, it's weird… They don't go away, do they? Even when we're just hurling insults at each other, they are always there."
"I know. They make me forget who I am, where I am. Being around you, make me forget all the shitty things life has thrown at me," she murmured, breathlessly. "And, honestly, sometimes I just need to forget for a little bit. Like right now… Make me forget, Edward. Please…"
After that, it happened fast. One minute they were glancing at each other apprehensively and the next minute they were full on making out.
As she squirmed in his lap, pushing her sweet ass into his crotch, he was almost embarrassed at how fast he got hard.
They paused for a second to pull their sweaters and t-shirts over their heads. Her simple cotton sports bra was doing nothing to hide her petite breasts and hard nipples. He was itching to touch them, but before he did so, there were things he needed to say…. she needed to know his terms… This couldn't continue if she didn't agree to follow his rules.
"I've got rules. They are HARD limits, no exceptions," he said, or rather panted since he, too, was out of breath at this point. "No kissing on the mouth, no staying the night, no telling anyone, and no falling in love. Oh and condom is a must, obviously."
"Who would I tell?" she countered, sounding frustrated and annoyed. Annoyed? He pulled back to look at her.
"I mean it, who would I tell? Your sister? I've already lost a friend that way. My dad? He'd never let me out of the house again. The girls at schoo-…"
"I was thinking Black," he interrupted her. "I've already warned you. Don't use this to try and get back at him."
"Paranoid much? I've already said he has nothing to do with this."
"Yeah? You talk a lot of shit, though. How about you show me who gets you all weak in the knees... "
He brushed his lips against her collar bone, scratched his teeth against her skin as he made his way down to her breasts.
Her head tilted back and she moaned softly.
"May I?" he asked, not wanting to go any further without permission.
"Please," she breathed.
He circled one nipple through the cotton layer of her bra with his tongue. He sucked it into his mouth, fabric and everything.
Her head tilted back and she moaned softly.
And so the snowball was in motion. Yes, sex was had that night, and while it wasn't phenomenal, it was certainly promising. So much so, that they kept falling into bed (or sometimes the backseat of Edward's Volvo) together again and again.
The rules had to be reworked after a while, because two months in there were suddenly loads of kissing happening, on the mouth and everywhere else. And the 'no spending the night' one, was broken on several occasions. They added a 'no talking about other people while naked together' rule and a 'no leaving marks above the neckline' rule. They also crossed out shower sex as being unsafe and too slippery, after a near condom fail experience. Apparently you really can slip and fall into someone, or in this case drop someone onto something, not yet properly covered with protection.
Surely, you can't get pregnant that way though?
Reaching for his phone, Edward spent the next twenty five minutes reading up on sperm content and pre-ejaculatory fluid.
….
.
