Clarke

Stepping into Eema's tent felt like stepping back in time. Some of the details were different, but overall it resembled Lexa's tent quite a lot, complete with a dais and throne. But where Lexa's throne had been made of driftwood, this one was made of dark, sharp stone that glinted in the sunlight filtering through the burlap walls of the tent. Obsidian, Clarke belatedly realised, interwoven with ribbons of cloth in bursts of red, orange, and yellow.

Eema followed her gaze and said, "The Fayakru lands have been on fire for several generations, under the earth," she said. "The fire began even before the Dark Times, and that place will still be burning for centuries to come. We have learned to use it to our advantage."

"Was Lexa's throne made of wood because she was Trikru?" Clarke asked, feeling safe to voice a question in light of Eema's approachable tone. She was still on edge, though; Eema knew her name, and surely she must have also known that Clarke was the one who killed Lexa?

"That's right," Eema said with a nod, taking a seat on the throne and gesturing that Clarke should sit in one of the smaller chairs on the ground.

She did as invited and said, "I guess I just assumed that the Heda would always be Trikru."

"Lexa was the first Heda kom Kongeda," Eema explained, pulling a knife from her belt and setting its tip into the arm of her throne, spinning it slowly under her palm. The engravings caught Clarke's eye. "She is the one who united the twelve clans. But when a new Heda is chosen, she may come from any clan that is part of the coalition."

Clarke was listening, but she was also very distracted by that knife- Lexa's knife. How was that possible? She knew Lexa always had that knife with her, would have had it until the moment she was captured. When Amat took Lexa's body from Polis, had she also found the knife? How else could the new commander have it now?

Again, Eema guessed at Clarke's thoughts and she explained, "I liked Lexa's knife so much that I had another crafted in its image. Unfortunately, the first one was lost after she was killed."

Clarke swallowed a little, waiting for the other shoe to drop on that comment, but Eema said nothing more, just gazed at her. There was something unsettling about her expression, and Clarke couldn't quite put her finger on why- it must have been because despite how different the girl's physical characteristics were, it was like Lexa herself was staring back at her through Eema's eyes. Clarke wondered how these girls were chosen and trained, how someone so young could give off such an air of grace and wisdom. Eema couldn't have been older than eighteen, but her eyes appeared to belong to someone much older.

"So… you met Lexa?" Clarke asked cautiously, trying to make sense of it. "You saw her knife, before…?" She trailed off, unable to finish.

"Clarke of the Sky People," Eema declared, ignoring her question. "I would like to offer you my protection, my alliance, in the war that is coming. We are on our way to rendezvous with the armies of the other clans. We march on the Ice Nation by week's end."

Drawing in a deep breath, Clarke absorbed all that before she said, very carefully, "Forgive me for asking, Commander, but do you know how Lexa died?"

Eema stared at her for a long moment, until Clarke wanted to squirm beneath her gaze, but she remained still and just look back. Slowly, a smile spread across the new commander's face, and she finally looked her age. Setting the knife down on the arm of her throne, she stood up, stepped off the dais, and walked right up to Clarke. Quickly Clarke got to her feet as well, and she resisted the urge to back away as Eema seemed to stare her down for a moment.

Finally, simply, the commander said, "I know what you have done." Her tone was unreadable.

It wasn't unexpected, but it was disappointing. They lost eye contact as Clarke's gaze slid to the floor, but she was startled when Eema reached up and touched her face, gently tilting her chin back up. "Remember, Clarke," she said softly, her voice tender. "Victory stands on the back of sacrifice."

Clarke blinked in surprise, but she nodded her head. "Lexa told me that."

"I know," Eema answered. "And she was right. Lexa was afraid of the Ice Nation… they took someone very precious to her when she was still quite young, as you well know. Losing you to the frozen lands only wounded her further." She seemed deeply troubled as she continued, "I do not believe she would have been able to bring herself to march upon the queen. But I can."

"Wait, how do you know all that?" Clarke asked her, furrowing her brow in confusion. She and Lexa had been standing outside tonDC when she'd given her that line about sacrifice- alone, away from everyone. Who had overheard? Who would have thought to tell this girl now? Just how thoroughly were commanders filled in on the lives of their predecessors?

Again, Eema ignored her question. Instead she said, "Do you accept my proposal of alliance, or not?"

Of course Clarke wanted to accept, wanted her people protected, but she couldn't shake the hesitation she felt, and the betrayal that Elody's own offer of alliance had brought- not to mention Lexa's before her, and Mount Weather before that- was still fresh in her mind. She was scared to make the wrong choice again. So she answered truthfully, "I don't know."

Eema let out a irritated breath, shaking her head. "Why must you always allow emotion to cloud your judgment?" she asked impatiently. "You know this is the right course."

"No, I don't," Clarke protested. "I've been burned again and again by treaties and offers of peace- I'm not going to make the same mistakes again."

"You are making an even bigger mistake by refusing my offer now," Eema said, her frustration only seeming to grow. "Your clan is small, your people few, yet your technology is formidable. This alliance will be good for both of us, Clarke." She shook her head, clearly exasperated. "You are being offered a gift when what you should be given is death, and still you hesitate. Do not let stubbornness dictate your decisions now."

"That's not fair!" Clarke snapped, unable to stay respectful in the face of all those accusations, the blame. "I'm just trying to do the right thing, okay?"

Eema shook her head. "Even when someone offers you their protection, ignores the protests of her own people to help you when you have caused only destruction, still you refuse what is offered. For once in your life, will you show gratitude for what is being handed to you and not fight against it at every turn?"

"No, wait a minute," Clarke exclaimed. "I don't want to fight! I never did. I didn't do this. I wasn't the one who decided to leave all those people to die in tonDC! I wasn't the one who broke the alliance to make a deal with the enemy. And I wasn't the one who turned my back on someone I supposedly loved!"

"Do you think that's what I wanted?!" Eema growled, equally impassioned. "Do you think I would have left you there if I had any other choice? You never see the bigger picture, Clarke! You cannot make decisions with your heart and expect it not to be broken. You can be a good leader or a good lover, not both! I didn't want to leave you behind, but you were not the reason I did it. The duty to protect my people must always come first, or how could I call myself their commander? Who I care for, who I love, is not the point. And you know it."

They both stood there, seething, glaring at each other, eyes filled with fury, and then abruptly and in unison they both froze, as though each of them, at the same time, registered everything that had just been said.

Eema was the first to back away, swallowing hard, moving to her throne and dropping herself into the seat. She rubbed her fingers against her temples and then from next to the throne she pulled out a clear bottle of sky blue liquid. The same decoration that rested between her brows was also inlaid into the bottle. She poured herself a tiny sip and drank it down quickly.

"I am not Lexa," she snapped, her voice strained. "Do not distract me."

"What…?" Clarke trailed off, not even sure what question she wanted to ask, just trying to wrap her head around everything had just happened.

"The elders have warned me against commiserating with people who were important to Lexa," Eema said finally. "I should heed their words more carefully."

Clarke reminded herself that she did not believe in this: reincarnation. That was part of their belief structure- it had to be a ritual, nothing more. When Eema had been chosen as commander, no doubt Lexa's former advisors had come together to teach her, to tell her what had happened in Lexa's life, the people who had meant a lot to her, everything that mattered. That had to be why Eema seemed so mature, why Lexa had seemed that way before her, despite both girls' young age and limited life experience. They'd had excellent teachers, that's all. It wasn't because of reincarnation. That wasn't a real thing.

"I can't agree to an alliance right now," Clarke said, steering the conversation back onto solid ground. "But I'll consider your offer gratefully. That's all I can do."

"You have until sunrise," Eema answered, seeming thankful for the change in subject. "Until then you have the protection of this camp, but at first light you must give me your answer. If you agree to this alliance, we will join forces and march against the Ice Nation together with the other clans. If you refuse, you will have no protection from me. Do you agree to these terms?"

"I do," Clarke said, nodding her head in respect before turning for the exit.

"There is one more thing," Eema spoke up, stopping her. "I have noticed that Bellamy is a Reaper. I suggest you keep that information private from my guards, as they will not understand. They do not know what you can do." She eyed Clarke for a moment before she asked, "Why have you not turned him back into a man, as you did for Lincoln?"

"I will," Clarke assured her. "I just need time and somewhere safe to rest and help him through the detox. I'm managing him with small doses right now… it's why he's lucid. He's not dangerous, I promise."

"Very well," Eema said with a slight incline of her head. "But you must keep him under control while he is in this camp. Should my warriors discover what he is, I will not be able to stop them from destroying him."

"I understand, Commander," Clarke said. Again she turned to go, but this time it was her own thoughts that stopped her and she couldn't help but ask, "Will there be any consequences for what happened to Lexa?"

The silence that followed made Clarke's stomach churn.

"Lexa's favour fell after Mount Weather," Eema informed her, finally. "She was seen as weak for abandoning the war effort, especially after the Wanheda-" she said that word scathingly "- defeated the mountain almost singlehandedly."

Clarke swallowed a little, and then said delicately, "You didn't answer my question. Even out of favour, she was still the commander. And I still killed her."

There was another long pause that pulled at Clarke's already frayed nerves.

"Come here," Eema said finally. Clarke hesitated only a moment before stepping up onto the dais. Eema stood as well, and she reached up, touching Clarke's cheek with her fingertips and staring into her eyes. Clarke was careful to make her expression neutral and respectful as she met the commander's gaze. Eema seemed hesitant about something, uncertain. They stood so close together that Clarke could feel her breath, and she couldn't help but be drawn into her gaze, that presence she had, strangely wise. When her hand dropped from her face, she missed it.

"Are you sorry?" Eema asked softly, and there was such an edge of vulnerability there that for a moment Clarke didn't know what to say.

But she answered her question honestly. Softly she said, "I was so angry, but the moment I…" She trailed off, shaking her head, her eyes filling with tears. "I regretted it," she whispered, her voice catching a little. "Yes, I'm sorry."

Eema's eyes closed for a moment and then lightly her palm slid onto her chest, touching the spot just over her heart, her face tightening a little. She opened her eyes again and looked at Clarke, letting out a sigh, and its tone was almost one of longing. Again her hand came up, her fingertips tracing the curve of Clarke's cheek. Clarke felt her heart hammering in her chest, not sure what was going to happen, whether she was going to be punished or not.

Then she saw Eema's eyes flicker to her lips and she suddenly realised that the girl was not debating whether or not to kill her after all, but whether or not to kiss her. For a moment she was sure she had to be totally crazy, but the look in Eema's eyes spoke volumes, and Clarke knew she wasn't misreading her.

Abruptly, Eema dropped her hand and stepped back. "I am not Lexa," she told her, forcefully. Clarke wondered which one of them she was trying to convince.

"I have no desire to hold resentment against you," Eema continued, shaking her head as if trying to clear it. "I cannot speak for all of my people, for those who may still be loyal to Lexa, but you will not find punishment at my hand." She still looked uncertain, uncomfortable, but then a slow smile spread over her face as her true personality seemed to shine through. "Perhaps in death, our feelings soften… I find that I wish you nothing but goodness, Clarke. Truly. Consider my offer carefully, and whatever decision you make, I will respect it."

Part of Clarke rejoiced, but the remorse and shame she felt for murdering Lexa- for being manipulated into murdering Lexa- remained like a knife in her heart. She stepped off the dais, starting towards the exit of the tent, but again she found herself turning back. Softly, wretchedly, she said, "But I'm guilty."

Eema gave her a long look, and then she nodded. "You are," she agreed, with a gentle smile. "And what you did to Lexa will haunt you until the end of your days. We both know that is punishment enough."

Those words evoked memories of Finn, the way she'd slid that knife into his heart, how badly it had haunted her, and she knew it was true.

Letting out a breath, Eema continued, "War brings much in the way of heartache, Clarke, and holding grudges from another life will only divide my energy. I do wish you goodness- and peace."

Clarke was still trying not to believe in reincarnation when she said, "Thank you, Commander."

Eema nodded and sat down on her throne again, picking up the pretty gilded knife and twirling it between the fingers of both hands, giving it a thoughtful look. Then she frowned, letting out a sigh, almost wistful, as she said, "Lexa's fight is over." Gritting her teeth a little, she looked into Clarke's eyes and added, "I fear mine is just beginning."