17 May 2016
She knocked on the door and then stepped back.
She heard the sound of footsteps running down the staircase and then towards the door.
It swung open. "Cristina!"
She smiled. "Lou."
Louise pulled her into a hug and she accepted it.
"I can't believe you've been here for days and this is the first time I'm seeing you." She said before she pulled back.
"Yeah , well , life has been kinda hectic."
"You heard , huh?" She escorted Cristina inside.
"Don't tell me you knew , as well?"
"Of course I knew , darling. These people are my friends now." She shrugged.
Cristina handed her a bottle of wine and then followed her into the kitchen. "Well , why didn't you tell me? And don't give me that crap about feeling like it wasn't your place."
Louise walked over to the cabinets and got out two glasses. "But it wasn't my place. I'm the newcomer. I'm not going to be the one who rats out on everyone."
"It's not really ratting out if everyone knows , now is it?" She took the two glasses to the table and sat down as Louise popped the cork.
"I guess you're right." She walked over and filled the glasses , sitting down as well. "My bad."
Cristina took a long sip of her wine and then set it down. She looked at Louise for a long moment.
"What?"
"I can't believe you're dating Alex." She made a face. "I sent you here to get away from everything. Not to hook up with evil spawn."
Louise laughed and then sat back. "It's not like either of us planned for it to happen. It just did."
"I know." Cristina paused. "But Alex?"
"Yes. Alex."
Cristina sat back as well. "Okay. Alex."
They were quiet.
"So , how have you been? Kill anyone else lately?"
Louise gave her a look. "That's not funny."
"It wasn't a joke."
"I was going to ask you if anybody had died on you lately but I guess due to recent events , I already have my answer."
Cristina scoffed. "Wow." She laughed. "That was cold."
Louise smiled and then shrugged. "You started it , darling."
Cristina returned her smile. "You seem happy here." She said gently. "With my people." She rolled her eyes and Louise laughed.
"I genuinely am." She took Cristina's hand into hers and squeezed it. "And I have you to thank for that. If you hadn't become my neighbor all those years ago , I don't know what would've happened to me." Her voice was soft. "I'm really grateful for you and all you have done for me." She paused. "You take pride in being this cold hearted , uncaring person but that's not who you are. You have this huge heart and you help others and you take care of the people you love and it's time you get that in return. Darling , you are Harper Avery recipient Cristina Yang. He needs to realize that." Louise watched confusion cross her face. "You're not some basic woman who he can just toss aside when he feels like he needs to and not even inform you about his intentions. You deserve more. You're Cristina Yang."
"Yeah." Cristina said softly.
Louise nodded. "Yeah."
\
18 May 2016
Cristina followed Meredith up the hill and over to their bench which overlooked Seattle.
Over the years , they would come here when they needed a change of scenery. When the cafeteria or the tunnels or someone's house just wouldn't do , they'd drive over to the park , climb up the small hill and claim their bench.
Meredith plopped down. "Do you think all of this walking is good for the baby? You know , since I have a fetus hating uterus?"
"I don't know. The exercise might be good." Cristina sat down beside her.
"The last time we thought exercise was a good idea , you ended up on a operating table and ended up losing a tube."
"I had an ectopic pregnancy. So , your argument doesn't hold up."
"You just wanna be right."
"I am right." Cristina shrugged.
"Whatever." Meredith slouched. "So , I thought we could leave in two weeks , if that's okay with you? I still have to arrange some things before I go."
"Yeah , sure. I'll ask Shane to book the tickets."
"Okay." Meredith nodded. She looked up at Cristina. "How are you?"
"I should be asking you that."
Meredith was quiet.
"I'm okay." Cristina shrugged.
"Are you lying?"
"No. Why would I be?"
"Because my husband just died and you don't want to seem insensitive to my feelings by speaking about yours."
"Know it all."
Meredith looked at her. "You don't have to be okay , you know? It's okay not to be okay. You have every right to be pissed off and sad and devastated and confused. And it's okay not to feel all of those things as well. Just... don't pretend. Not with me , at least."
Cristina moved closer and removed Meredith's hand from her coat pocket and held it. "I'm supposed to be telling you these things."
"Not necessarily." Meredith shrugged. "Just because Derek died doesn't mean everything has to be about me."
"It kinda does."
"Yeah but this is me and you. There's always room for the both of us."
Cristina looked at her for a moment and then rested her head against Meredith's shoulder , keeping her eyes on the Seattle landscape in front of her. "I'm not okay." She said softly.
Meredith squeezed her hand. "I know."
\
The doorbell rang and Cristina groaned. She threw back the covers and pulled on Meredith's robe that she had claimed as her own.
She made her way out of the room and down the stairs as the doorbell went off again. "Okay , I'm coming. Calm down."
She walked over to the door and pulled it open. "Owen?" She squinted at him as the outside light came flooding through. "What are you doing here?" She tightened the robe around her body.
"You were enough." He stated.
"What?"
"You were enough. You always have been , you always will be but , having a kid... it was my dream. It's something I needed as much as you need to be a surgeon."
Cristina folded her arms across her chest.
He carried on. "I could have lived my life with you. And I would've been happy. We would've been happy. But I knew that somewhere in the back of mind , I'd always be going 'what if?' And I couldn't have that. And I'm glad that I got my answer because Connor is everything I've ever dreamt of and more. But , you're not there. You're not with me. And I know that I had to sacrifice one to have the other but it's hard. It's hard being this happy without you because I want you to be a part of my happiness." He held her eyes. "I fucked up... Cristina. I fucked up. I was a coward who was too afraid to tell you once again that I had changed my mind. I couldn't tell you. I tried. God , I tried. So , i took the easy way out. And I hate myself for doing that to you. You have every right to hate me for doing that to you."
"I don't hate you , Owen." She said softly.
His eyes softened. "You should."
"But I don't." She shook her head.
He reached out to touch her face but she stepped back. "Owen..."
"Cristina."
"We can't keep doing this." She stated. "We can't keep hurting one another over and over again. It's not fair. It's not fair to the both of us." Her eyes were glistening over. "You have a child now. And I'm happy for you. I am. You deserve to have your dreams come true. I want nothing but the best for you. But , I can't go down that road again because I feel like we've been down it enough times to know what's coming and I don't want to go through that again." She looked down and then back up at him. "Maybe it's time that we move on for good." He didn't say anything so she carried on. "We've survived the last two years. We have a head start. So , let's just keep going. Let's just break this perpetual cycle."
He took a step back. "If that's what you want."
"It is."
He nodded. "Okay , then."
"Okay." She whispered.
He dug his hands into his pockets and turned around like he was going to leave but then turned back around. "Can we... can we at least be friends?" He paused. "Please?"
She nodded , wiping away a stray tear. "Yeah. We can be friends."
"Okay." He said again.
"Okay."
They looked at one another for a long while until Cristina broke eye contact and pushed the door closed.
She stood there for a moment , her hand against the door , trying to gather herself.
She heard tiny footsteps behind her and she turned around to find Zola standing at the top of the stairs , trying to open the safety gate.
She smiled a little. "Hang on , Zozo. I'm coming."
She made her way over to the stairs and slowly ascended them. She climbed over the safety gate , scooping the girl into her arms and walking over to her room.
She plopped down on the couch and placed Zola on her lap , facing her.
She watched the baby examine her face. She reached out with her tiny hand and touched Cristina's damp cheek. "Sad." She stated.
Cristina laughed as more tears began to fall. "Yeah. I'm sad." The little girl looked concerned so Cristina wiped away her tears and sat up. "But I'm going to be okay. And you're going to be okay and so is mommy. We're all going to be fine." She kissed the baby's hand. "I promise."\
/
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