Disclaimer:Stephenie owns all things Twilight.

A/N: Happy Breaking Dawn Day! Hope the move was everything you guys hoped for. I'll be seeing it on Sunday, so I'm getting my fixed through reviews, although some of them are downright nasty. Did you guys hear about Kristen being threatened during the London premier by fan? Crazy people! On happy news... voting has started for the short n sweet awards so please go vote for this story under the Best Humor category... please... And on a stressing note, I won't update tomorrow cause my Mac is being serviced by the geeks... let's hope they don't find my rob porn. Until Sunday...

www . shortnsweetawards . blogspot . com (take away the spaces)

Selfish 53

I stay up all day and most nights fiddling with the TV or computer.

If I can't sleep, what is the point to try?

I usually just stare or browse until sleep finally does decide to grace me with its presence.

Tonight it seems, is going to be long.

God, I miss him. I can't stop thinking about him.

Thoughts of him consume me, leave me breathless with desire, wanting, and hatred.

Just when I'm about to cave in and answer his phone calls, I remember the reason why I'm still mad.

How will I ever get over this?

I'm not the type of person to ever forget things.

Look at my dad... he abandoned me 26 years ago and I hate him more as time passes.

The man could come to my door ridden with disease asking for forgiveness and I know for a fact that I would dance on his grave when the time came.

I think I'm turning bitter, no longer being able to hang out with my friends.

Team Rosem are just too insensitive, very self-absorbed. Why can't they understand that I don't want to fuck the next available dick?

Team Jalice is too sensitive, too supportive. Why can't they understand that I don't want to see them 24/7?

I have a mom already and I don't like her... so why are they smothering me like one?

I can't seem to find a balance with any of them.

That is why I stick to what I can control... the TV and the computer.

Reality TV seems to dominate the job that used to belong to actors... not happening, cause I don't need to see someone else being drunk, dreadful, and wonder who is fucking who...

Although, it might make me feel better to see someone else do something stupid when they think it's cool.

Idiots.

The computer is always the safest choice... although I'm running out of ideas as to what to search for.

I find myself in the weirdest websites...

And I also discovered that I learn more from wikipeida than I do from school...

Which is why I decided that this will be my last semester.

It's a sad concept... I will not be a college graduate.

But I will be able to hold down a conversation with all this net learning I'm doing.

I bet those college kids don't know half the stuff I do.

Like I said, eletronics are my life source at the moment.

It isn't until I clean my apartment on day 14 that I find something unexpected...

Something that very surprisingly makes my heart jump to my throat.

Am I ready to open myself up to new people?

Fuck! Am I ready to even open up my front door?

Jalice and Rosem are too close to the problem.

And no matter how much I google ways to get over heartbreak...

It just doesn't cut it...

I guess the geeks who update the websites don't know about being cheated on.

With trembling hands and too fast heartbeat... I pick up my cell phone... ignore the dozens of messages and dial the unfamiliar number...

I'm gonna fucking faint, lay on my piss and no one will know...

"Hello?"