A/N: Ok, time to be honest. I feel bad! Like... really bad! And you know what I realized? This is the only place I feel safe. Here I can feel the love and support I need now. Thank you to all of you who are beside me now and I can't stop saying that you are the awesome readers! You are the best!

P.S. English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way.

Rating: T (maybe M(or R) for some chapters, but we'll see);

Story:

Rory comes back to Stars Hollow to try and pick up the pieces of her ruined life. But she is not the only one who want to do that. Jess is there too, but he is not the same.

Note: This and the following few chapters are really hard for me to write. They hit too close to home for some reason. I hope you'll like them and review them as well. Thanks for your support and I always tell to my friends that you guys are awesome! Thanks and please keep reading. This is Jess' POV about how the things happened to Rory. Please, enjoy!


Chapter 52 Pills and bruises

Her last feeling was the pain. It was the thing that pushed her into the darkness. Rory could not breathe from it. Her whole body throbbed from the pang possessed her body. Her only thought was about the child inside of her; the little life, so helpless and not ready to this world. She knew what was about to happen if she delivered now. Her son would not survive. She was in her sixth month and it was way too early for him. Then she experienced the guilt, she had seen in Jess' eyes. Now Rory could understand him. What would happen if she had failed to protect their son?

Then she had seen the pain in Jess' eyes. She knew that pain. It was the same as when he had told her that she had to leave. He thought that he would hurt her. He thought that he had hurt her already. Rory would never forget that face. He had it now and her heart ached. If something happened with her or the child, Jess would not make it. He might look strong on the outside, but Rory knew that he was still weak on the inside. His soul had not cured yet. Jess blamed himself for her pain. Rory could see that in his eyes. He blamed himself for everything bad in her life and it hurt him. That was the last thing she saw before her pain could posses her completely. Rory had seen the pain in his eyes before, but not that vivid.

When she opened her eyes again, she found herself in the hospital. Some strange feeling slid up her body. Her eyes fluttered and she looked around – white walls and a ceiling. And she could not move. She felt her arms heavy and some mask had attached to her face. Rory sighed and tried to talk, but she could not. She could not even feel her body and that scared her. Something had happened to her. Something had happened with her child and she did not know what exactly. Her mother's face emerged before her. Rory tried to talk again.

"Sh-sh." Rory heard her mother's voice and looked at her. Lorelai tried to smile, but her lower lip trembled. Rory blinked furiously, but she could still feel the tears in her eyes. "Calm down, honey."

Rory gathered the small powers left in her and her lips formed a word under her oxygen mask.

"My… baby."

Lorelai's eyes went wet. She took her daughter's hand and that was the moment when Rory thought that she was going to die. She thought that she had lost her son. Her eyes widened at first and then closed carefully. She did not have the strength to cry even.

"You received contractions, hun." Rory felt her mother's thumb slid over hers. "Your doctor told us they were pretty strong and… then the bleeding. We thought that we're going to lose you. But everything is under control now, hun. Don't worry. Everything would be okay."

They thought that they were going to lose her? Was that matter right now? Her child had not survived and it was all her fault. Rory was not strong enough for him. She was a bad mother. She could not save her own child.

"Rory?" Lorelai called her and Rory opened her eyes once again. "What's wrong honey? Why's that pain in your eyes?" Lorelai looked at her daughter carefully. She took her hand and placed her palm on Rory's stomach. "You have to be very careful now, honey. You have to be calm now, see? Your baby needs you!"

Rory was about to cry, but then she felt a small kick under her palm and she could feel her body again. The numbness was gone. Her baby was alive. Her son had survived the crisis and it was still in her. It was in the place that she could protect him. Rory moaned in her oxygen mask and looked up at her mother. Lorelai tilted her head and her eyes shone. Her daughter tried to smile.

"You have to rest now." Lorelai leaned and her lips touched Rory's forehead. Rory closed her eyes for a moment. "Your doctor ordered a permanent bed rest until your labor. They have to monitor you and the baby here couple of weeks. Then you could go home, but you have to stay on the bed."

"Jess." Rory gathered enough strength to ask for him. Her eyes went heavy.

"Don't worry about him. I'm sure he is alright." Lorelai murmured and saw her daughter's steady breathing. Her face faded. "I just wish we knew where he is now."

Two hours later, Lorelai walked out of her daughter's room. She saw Luke sitting on the bench at the corridor. He had leaned his elbows on his knees and his hands covered his face. Lorelai rushed to him and touched his shoulder. Luke shuddered and looked up at her. His face scared her.

"I found him." His voice cracked, but he kept his face hidden.

"You found Jess?" Lorelai sat close to him and rubbed his back. "Where? And why he ran away in the moment they took Rory?"

"How is Rory?" Luke asked instead. "Is she okay? How's the baby?"

"She is okay, but they're still monitoring the baby." Lorelai frowned. "She is with a belt right now and that belt follows her baby's heartbeats. It looks good so far." She ran her fingers through her messy hair. "Rory has to stay here for observation few weeks at least."

"Okay." Luke sighed. "That's okay."

"But Rory concerns me." Lorelai's face faded. "She looks so skinny and she is so pale and… she needed a respirator to breathe." She shook her head. "How that could happen? She was always a strong! She never gets sick and now… I'm scared!"

"Talk to me about scare." Luke looked at her carefully. "I thought that I know what that feeling is until today."

"I'm sorry?" Lorelai frowned.

"I found Jess." Luke swallowed hard and rubbed his eyes. "I found him, Lorelai."

"So? Where was he?"

"I found him in the diner." Luke spoke quietly. "I found him on the ground at the office on the second floor."

"What?" Lorelai got the strange feeling that she would not like the answer. "What are you talking about?"

"He had taken the pills, Lorelai." Luke almost moaned in despair. "All of them! He finally did it!"