A/N: ENJOOOYYYY
Disclaimer: Don't own anything but my imagination :)
CH. 55- I lost you
The last thing you want to do is walk away from the person you love. You know the saying, "If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they're yours; if they don't they never were." That applies to everything with me right now. I hate the fact part of me is saying set her free but another part is saying don't because, what if she doesn't come back?
It's Graduation Day. I'm walking around campus so I can find my locker. This year went by so fast. I've made many new friends, who are now my second family. Aiden, Kyla, Chelsea, Aria, Lokalia and Ashley were great to my family and me. I couldn't be happier that we all became friends.
As I'm walking around, I see nothing but "Congrats Class of 2014 graduates!" These banners are seriously a reminder of how all of this sucks. I hate leaving. I honestly don't know what's planned for me next. I don't know whether or not I'm going to stay in LA or if I decide to go back to Ohio to finished some unsolved business and/or go to Brooklyn Film School. All I know is that right now I have no time to think because I am madly distracted from my thoughts.
"Spencer!" I spun a full 180 twist on my heels and came face to face with Kyla.
"Hey Ky." Kyla wrapped her arm around my waist as I wrapped my arm around her shoulders.
"Where you headed to Carlin?" I pointed forward at the wall of lockers about 20 ft. ahead of us.
"Locker. I need to collect the rest of my things."
"Good thing our lockers are next to each other's. I got to grab some stuff too." It took us a couple of minutes to reach our destination due to our slow walking pace.
"What do you have planned for summer?" Kyla shrugged and started to unlock her locker, as did I.
"Traveling. Hopefully you'll be there with Ashley." Kyla slowly turned her body and I quickly turned away.
"I don't know Ky." I opened my locker and grabbed out some old notebooks and letters I had left in there.
"Spence, I really think you need to just stay with her. Everyone knows and you know that you know, you're both going to be miserable without each other." I tilted my head and nodded in agreement.
"Kyla I don't know okay? I'm giving Ash her answer later. Believe me when I say I am in love with her and nobody will be able to replace her." Kyla nodded and grabbed out some old notebooks and textbooks.
"Just make sure you thought this through enough."
"Trust me Kyla." I turned to look her in the eyes, "I have and it kills." We both closed our lockers, making sure nothing was left inside.
"When are you going to tell her?"
"After the ceremony." We slowly made our way to the trash can nearby.
"I meant about...you know what." I stopped in my tracks and looked forward, wide eyed.
"Holy crap I don't even have that planned out!" I started walking once more and we finally made it to the trash cans and threw everything away. Well almost everything, there's this one notebook I have that Ashley and I always wrote in...I can't throw it away.
"Well you better plan it out fast. Ceremony is in five hours and you can't keep this a secret forever."
"Noted"
I'm in my room, listening to Jazmine Sullivan. I love her music. It's just so flabbergasting!
My iPhone was plugged into my stereo and the volume was all the way up. This song is much needed right now.
I bust the windows out your car
And no it didn't mend my broken heart
I'll probably always have these ugly scars
But right now I don't care about that part
I bust the windows out your car
After I saw you laying next to her
I didn't wanna but I took my turn
I'm glad I did it cause you had to learn
What should I do?! I'm beyond in love with Ash. She says she is in love with me too. But if she really was then why did she sleep with that other girl?
I must admit it helped a little bit
To think of how you'd feel when you saw it
I didn't know that I had that much strength
But i'm glad you'll see what happens when
You see you can't just play with people's feelings
Tell them you love them and don't mean it
You'll probably say that it was juvenile
But I think that I deserve to smile
I don't know what happened and I wish I did.. I felt like within some point of us dating I just...I lost her. I want her back. I know this isn't the Ashley I fell in love with.
I bust the windows out your car
You know I did it cause I left my mark
Wrote my initials with a crowbar
And then I drove off into the dark
I bust the windows out your car
You should feel lucky that that's all I did
After five whole years of this bullshit
Gave you all of me and you played with it
You know what I don't know?! I don't know exactly why Ashley cheated! Yes we got into a stupid fight about Naomi, but was that really it?
I must admit it helped a little bit
To think of how you'd feel when you saw it
I didn't know that I had that much strength
But i'm glad you'll see what happens when
You see you can't just play with people's feelings
Tell them you love them and don't mean it
You'll probably say that it was juvenile
But I think that I deserve to smile
I want to know why EXACTLY did Ashley do that? Did I do something she wanted to get revenge on or something? I want to know why Ashley did that to us.
I bust the windows out your car
But it's don't compare to my broken heart
You could never feel how I felt that day
Until that happens baby you don't know pain
Yeah, I did it, you should it
I ain't sorry, you deserved it
After what you did you deserved it
I ain't sorry, no
You broke my heart, so I broke your car
You caused me pain, so I did the same
Even though what you did was much worse
I had to do something to make you hurt, yeah
Oh, but why am I still crying
Why am I the one who's still crying
Oh, oh, you really hurt me baby
You really, you really hurt me babe
Damn you Ashley for breaking my fucking heart! For letting us lose us... You're all I ever wanted and more...why am I losing you? Why now? I just wanted to do my best to make you happy...did I not make you happy enough?
"I bust the windows out your car!" If on cue, Kanani, Glen and Clay all burst into my room, singing that last verse.
No one could contain their laughter at how perfect that moment was.
"Let's go Spencey Poo! Need to get ready for graduation!" Kanani cheered. I groaned in pain at getting up.
"But why?!" I let Kanani and Clay pull me up from the bed and kept groaning
"Because baby sis, you're now graduating high school with this little one." Glen said. We all started to laugh as Glen wrapped his arm around Nani and mess up her hair.
"Asshole you're lucky my hair isn't done yet!" Kanani yelled back, pushing Glen a few steps away. Kanani and Glen bust out into a full blown wrestle match as I laughed and talked to Clay.
"What's on your mind little sis?" Clay asked. I shrugged and moved hair out of my face
"I don't know what to think or do anymore. It's like one moment I want to punch Ashley in the face for breaking my heart but at the same time I just want to grab her and kiss her forever." Clay put his hand on my shoulder and lifted my head to look at him
"Love isn't easy little sis. This is the price to pay. We all love Ash and either way you two aren't going to be able to spend much time away from each other." I nodded and patted his hand
"Thanks for reminding me."
"No problem, but seriously Spence. What are you going to do?" I dropped my head in my hands and shrugged again.
"I really don't know. I have so much to explain!" Clay kneeled down in front of me and patted my knee.
"Understandable, just remember. You aren't just telling her about her answer today kid." I nodded and stood up from my spot in bed, Clay following my actions.
"How could I forget?" I stared at my oldest brother and youngest sister all tangled up on the ground. "Move buttmunchers, need to get ready for graduation."
"Yeah you go baby sis! Show that spirit!" I kicked Glen on the leg and stepped over Nani and him. Time to get ready for a crazy night.
Oh God, time for my Speech. I grabbed my flashcards from my dress pocket and walked to the podium. I cleared my throat and tapped on the microphone a couple times.
"This thing on?!" Bam feedback! "Oops sorry everyone!" I took in a deep breath and looked down at my cards.
"You know what, forget the cards." I spread out my cards like I was flashing around money and threw them in the air.
"This is 2014. We've come a far way don't you think? We've all gone through a living hell. Whether it involves family, school or even love." I looked down to the front row and made eye contact with Ashley.
"This year was one of the best years of my life, as well as the most difficult, having to move from Ohio to California. Yet somehow it was still an awesome year. I'm pretty sure all of us here had our stressful moments but we still had our fair share of laughter and love. We all made new friends or we could've just kept the old ones. We all broke some hearts in our four years of high school or have gotten our own broken. We've all gotten a bad grade or failed a test. I know it's been tough. We've all had our ups and downs but all I'd like to point out is the fact that, it gets better. All of us here, is going to go our separate ways. Even though some of us might stay in LA with family or friends. Some others might pack up and travel the world, or travel to an out of state university. Maybe even out of the country. No matter what, we're always going to have our memories we made here at King High Tech. Our problems with high school ends here. Unfortunately, it's time to say goodbye high school and hello world! It's time to really become adults! We're ready for it. So world throw your punches! We can take them! We can fight back and learn! So everyone stand up! Move your tassels from right to left and know that you can succeed no matter what! Don't give up! It isn't the end! Your future starts now! Last but not least, enjoy your summer! Live your life and just have some fun! No looking back, only looking forward! Congratulations class of 2014 and fuck you high school!" I shouted into the microphone.
Everyone started screaming in joy, laughing and clapping when I was finished. All of the graduates moved their tassels then ripped off their caps and threw them in the air. I smiled and took in the fact this really is the last day of high school.
"Spencer!" I turned to see my parents and brothers waiting for me with Kanani. I smiled wide and jumped off the stage running towards them.
"Mom! Dad!" I ran and jumped into their strong embrace
"You did amazing honey! Didn't like the cuss word at the end but nonetheless I was extremely proud of you and your sister!" we all laughed as Nani and I kissed my mom's cheeks.
"Photo time!" My dad yelled. We had a random relative from another family take a photo of us Carlin Clan. When we were getting into place I looked around and found Ashley staring at me. I waved and smiled towards her as she returned it.
"Time to face the music kid." I turned to see Clay whispering in my ear.
"You can do this baby sis" I looked to my left to see Glen patting my shoulder.
"We'll be right here in the end of it all." I looked to my right and saw Kanani on her tippy toes, trying to match up to my height.
"I can do this. I'll be right back. I love you guys. Tell mom and dad I love them and I'll meet them at the restaurant." My siblings nodded and patted my back as I walked over to Ashley.
"Ready to talk?" I intertwined my fingers with Ashley's and smiled.
"I have to be Spence" my smile slowly faded and I pulled Ashley through the crowd. We reached the front of the school parking lot, hidden near the office. The clouds were settling in.
"Would you like to say something or will I?" I held my hand up to stop Ashley and started to speak my mind.
"How could you Ash?! How could you just tell me you are in love with me then go fuck some other girl?!"
"Spencer I swear I didn't mean too! I wasn't myself nor there at the time and wasn't paying attention!"
"And that's supposed to make it better?! Ashley you told me that you knew somewhat of what was going on! If you knew then why did you still do it?!" Tears were already streaming down my face and Ashley's.
"I don't know okay?! I was being stupid! I took our fight over Naomi to decide to do something big and stupid! I didn't care that I actually had someone who loved me for me! I didn't take your feelings into consideration! I messed up and didn't realize the damage I was doing! I thought it was all fun and games! But to top it all off I was scared! Scared that even though I am fucking up right now, I knew in the long run I was going to do the same thing and lose you either way."
I shook my head and wiped away my tears. I walked behind the bulletin board and came back into the front of the office with a bouquet of lilies.
"The lily means I dare you to love me." Ashley smelled them and smiled, looking up at me.
"I love you." Ashley admitted.
"So you say." I retorted. It went to a complete and utter silence. To make things worse, it started pouring rain. The silence was deafening until something drew my attention away from Ashley. It was a sweet angelic voice.
"Spencer?! Spencer!" I turned around to see a little girl running towards me. She had long light brown hair with blue eyes, and has tanned skin. She looks about 4 years old.
"Sophia?! Oh my gosh Sophia!" I ran out from under the ceiling of the outside area to the parking lot, dropped to one knee and opened my arms, waiting for the little girl. Once I felt her small childlike body leap into my arms, I wrapped my arms around as tightly as I could, stood up and spun her around with my eyes closed.
"Spencer I missed you so much!" I pulled back and looked at the bright blue eyes in front of me.
"I told you I'd see you soon didn't I kid?! I'm so sorry I had to leave." I apologized. I moved some hair out of the little girls face. I took off my gown and wrapped it around Sophia, who was jacketless.
"I don't want you to go again." I kissed the little girl on the forehead and set her down.
"I won't I promise." The little girl put her hand in mine and squeezed tightly. I looked down and smiled, squeezing her hand back. Ashley walked up next to me and smiled "Sophia this is Ashley. Ashley this is Sophia." The rain started to pour down harder and within a few seconds we were all drenched.
"Hi Sophia I'm Ashley." Sophia let go of my hand and gave Ashley a hug.
"She likes you. She never gives strangers hugs." I point out. Ashley laughed and hugged Sophia back.
"I'm glad." Ashley stood up all the way as Sophia's hand found purchase in mine.
"Ash...do you know that saying, If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they're yours; if they don't, they never were?" Ashley bit her lip in thought then nodded
"Yeah, what about it?" I let go of Sophia and kissed Ashley. I poured everything into this kiss. My heart, my soul, my mind and my love. Everything. It lasted for a minute long until I heard Sophia giggle, then I pulled away.
"I love you so much Ashley. I am beyond, madly, deeply in love with you. Which is why, I need to set you free. I need you to be Ashley Davies, bad ass rock star. I can't come between that right now. Not with Sophia." I stepped back and took Sophia's hand in mine again.
"Spencer please just give me a chance to fix this!"
"There isn't anything to fix Ashley! Sophia and I can't get in the way of your career and I have to do what's best for all of us." I picked up Sophia and carried her in my arms. I smiled once Sophia reached over and wiped away Ashley's tears then mine.
"What do you mean all of us? This is just hurting us Spence!" I shook my head
"I know Ashley... It's killing me and breaking my heart right now to do this...but I have to do what's best for us...and Sophia."
"What's going on Spencer? Who really is Sophia?" I kissed Sophia on the forehead then looked Ashley in the eyes. I took a deep breath and paused.
"Ash…Sophia's my daughter."
HEY EVERYONE! I had an AWESOME time writing this story. This is my first completed fanfic story. Thank you for reading! Thank you for reviewing and for following or favoriting this story, my other stories, and/or me! Thank you to my boyfriend for encourgaing me to write. I love you so much. Thank you for the readers and other writers who've read my stories and this one. There will be a sequel! Look out for it, its called "Speak Now or Forever Hold Your Peace." ALSO LOOK OUT FOR A NEW DIFFERENT STORY CALLED, "The Mix Up" THANK YOU! MEANS A LOT!
