CHAPTER 54 - SUNSHINE ON A CLOUDY DAY

A beam of moonlight shines through the window of my prison. Since Cronus left, the only living beings I've seen were the guards to deliver my dinner. This time, I ate the meal, but only because I needed to keep my strength.

I reach down on the floor again, feeling in the darkness for the picture, then remembering all over again that it's gone. I'll never see Buffy again.

No, I can't think that. I will get out of this. I didn't spend all this time training the Astorians to fight only to decide to give up myself. I feel something has got to give though. The end of this feels near. At least I hope so.

My attention turns to the beam of moonlight on the floor, and suddenly, I see a shadow. Turning my head toward the window, I cannot believe what I see.

"Angel?" Roman whispers, peering in to my prison.

"Roman!" I whisper back. "You're alive!"

"Hang on. We'll get you out."

How they plan to get me out, I'm unclear, as the window is pretty high and heavily barred. I'm just glad they came, and I'm thrilled Roman is alive. Cronus had been lying, and I had believed him. I should have known he would try to wear me down.

Through the window, Brutus appears. There's no glass covering the windows, only the large metal bars. His large hands wrap around the bars and to my amazement, forces them to bend. I knew his strength would come in handy. Once the bars have loosened enough, he pulls them out, and the bars are gone.

I then notice Walker being hoisted up and through the window. A rope falls through the window after him, and Walker lowers himself into the dungeon.

He lands on the concrete floor with light footsteps. "Hey, Angel," he whispers as he rushes over to me.

"I'm chained to the wall," I tell him.

"I know. I have a key." He grins as he pulls out a key from his pocket.

"How did you get that?"

"I killed a guard and stole it. I rescued your axe too by the way."

"You got my axe back?"

Walker smiles.

I have to laugh. "Thanks, man. You know me so well."

"I'd be lost without my crossbow, so I know how you feel. Give me your hand."

I offer my chained hands to him and feel immediate relief when the chains are released. "We've got to get out of here," I say as I stand up. I stumble a bit, my muscles numb and sore, and Walker is quick to steady me.

"Be careful, man. Come on, let's get you out of here."

Walker helps me up the rope to the window. With the help of the others, they pull me through, and I am finally free. They pull Walker through seconds later while I rest for a brief moment.

"Time for rest later," Hornsby says. "We need to get moving."

He's right, and I get to my feet with Hornsby and Carter supporting me.

"Roman, I'm so glad to see you. Well, glad to see all of you," I amend, looking around at the familiar faces. "But Cronus told me you weren't alive. I was worried when I saw you go down. Are you alright?"

"I'm fine. Just a bit sore."

He doesn't sound very convincing though, and I see a shadow cross over Roman's features.

"Something's wrong though. I can see it. What is it?"

Roman seems hesitant to answer, and I look around at the other men for answers. It's then that I notice a missing face. "Hey, we're missing someone. Where's Grayer?"

I look to Roman again, and without him even saying a word, I know.


"One more story, Mommy? Please?"

I close the book I just read and give Liam a look. "Liam, I told you it'd be time for bed after this one."

"But I'm not sleepy! Just one more story? Please?"

I'll give in, like I always do, because I'm a sucker for that pouty smile. "Okay, I'll read you one more story, but then it's lights out…for real." I reach for another book on his bookshelf, but Liam puts a hand on my arm.

"No, Mommy. I want you to tell me a story. Tell me another story about Daddy."

Now I really can't say no. I love telling him stories about Angel. I feel it's important for Liam to know what kind of man his father is, so that when the day comes and they can finally meet, he'll feel as if he's known his father his whole life.

I don't tell him about Angelus. I don't feel it's necessary to tell him that part, and besides, he's too little to understand anyway. Mostly I just tell him about how he was a good vampire, because he had a soul, and that one day, a miracle happened and he became human. Liam likes that part.

I return the book to Liam's shelf and smile at him. "Okay. I'll tell you a story."

Liam grins from ear to ear. These are his favorite stories.

"One night, I was patrolling in the park, and I came across two demons who didn't have mouths…"


Back at our campsite, everyone seems to be in a somber mood over Grayer's death.

Roman starts a fire to ward off the slight chill in the air, and we gather around it to talk.

"Stuck his foot in his mouth a little too often," Roman says with a laugh. "But he was a good man."

"He was really skilled with a knife," I add. "Learned a thing or two from him about that."

Grayer didn't have any family. We were pretty much it. So we all went around the campfire and talked about our memories with him. I had learned earlier that after the Invaders had injured Roman, Grayer came to his defense. Roman got away, but Grayer paid the price.

"How's your side?" I ask Roman when I see him wince.

On the side of his torso, Roman had sustained a large gash from one of Cronus' men's swords. It looked like it was bothering him more than he was letting on.

"It's healing, though what I wouldn't give right now for some of Althea's salve."

We decide to head back home in the morning. Obviously this mission wasn't as well-planned as I had hoped it would be, and Grayer and Roman paid a price for it.

Brutus offers to set up the tents while the rest of us clear up what remains of our dinner.

"Hey, guys?" The men all stop to look at me. "I just wanted to say thanks again for coming to my rescue. Don't know what I'd do without guys."

"We don't know what we'd do without you," Roman says.

"You'd survive. You could handle it. You've all come a long way since I first met you. I'm glad to know I've trained you well."

"We haven't won yet, Angel," Walker says.

"I know. But we will. Soon."


"And finally, your daddy burst through the door, fed me the heart, and I was cured. He held my hand until I woke up."

I look down, realizing Liam has already fallen asleep. It's okay though. I've told him this story before. He knows how it ends.

On the nightstand, I glance at Angel's picture. I keep it there so that Liam will know what he looks like. Sometimes he even says goodnight to that photograph. I try not to cry when he does that.

Looking back at Liam, I'm amazed once again with how much he resembles his father. There's no denying it…he is his father's son. He has his dark hair, his eyes, and whenever he smiles, I swear I see Angel's smile.

Sometimes people ask me if it makes me sad whenever I look at Liam, if it somehow reminds me of how Angel's not here. Sure, I'm sad, but the fact that Liam looks so much like him makes me smile. Even though Angel's not here, I see him every day. I see his face reflected in our son.

I stand up, pulling the covers up to Liam's shoulders, and give him a kiss on his forehead.

"Goodnight, Liam," I whisper.

I then look at Angel's picture, seeing his smiling face, and smile. "Goodnight, Angel."

Then I quietly walk away, look at Liam one more time, and turn off the light.


I'm sitting against a tree trunk, listening to the crickets chirp and an owl hoot in the distance, when I sense someone standing near me. I look up, seeing Walker's concerned face looking at me.

He sits down next to me on a rock. "Hey, man, you alright?"

"I will be. Just can't sleep is all."

"Did they torture you? You're not hurt, are you?"

"They beat me up and practically starved me, but I'm not bothered by that. I've been held captive before. No big deal really, but I'm sure glad you guys came when you did."

"I can tell that something's bothering you though."

"Cronus burned my picture of Buffy. I should have never left it out. I wasn't thinking. But he saw it and picked it up. Burned it right in front of me."

"Oh man. Angel, I'm sorry. I know that picture meant a lot to you. I would see you look at it all the time."

"It's all I had left of Buffy. Hey, what day is it? Is it Wednesday?"

Walker looks down at his watch. "It is now. Just after midnight."

I sigh and look off in the distance, seeing a cloud move in front of the moon. "I thought so." I look back at Walker, who still seems concerned about me, as if he senses my depressing mood. "Today marks four years since I've been here."

Walker's eyes widen. "Wow. I didn't think it had been that long."

"Feels like forever to me."

"You just want to go home."

"More than anything. Don't get me wrong, I want to help you."

"But you miss Buffy."

"I wonder what she's doing in her life now. I guess maybe she's done with college. I wonder if she ever decided what she wanted to be."

"You mean…as a career?"

"Yeah. She'd always joke that she never knew what to study in school. They never had a major specific for slayage."

"Too bad your girlfriend isn't here. She could help us."

"Yeah. But I wouldn't wish her here for anything. No offense."

"None taken. If I could send Alicia and the girls away from here, I would. But I feel like they've been safe in the underground bunkers. I just wish they could get out and enjoy the sunlight without worrying about the Invaders attacking us at every moment."

"They will, Walker. This is going to be over real soon. I can feel it. And you and your family will be safe once again."

"And you'll get to go home too," Walker says, smiling. "Back home to Buffy."

"Yeah, back home to Buffy. I can't wait."

A rusting sound suddenly catches our attention, and Walker turns around.

"What was that?"

I grab my axe and look in the direction the noise came from. "Might just be an animal."

I head in the direction to go investigate, with Walker behind me, when out of the bushes emerges a familiar face.

"Grayer?"

He walks towards us, limping. "Yeah, thanks for waiting for me," he says in a sarcastic tone.

"Grayer, we thought you were dead!" Walker says.

"Like those Invaders could take this cantankerous fool down," Grayer says. A rare smile appears on his face.

Our voices wake up the others, who seem just as shocked as we are to see Grayer.

Grayer, not generally one for any sort of affection, accepts hugs and handshakes from all of us.

"I don't understand," Roman says. "I saw you go down. We thought…"

"I was knocked unconscious. They threw me down a hill. Guess they thought I was dead. I laid low until I was confident they wouldn't bother me. Then I backtracked and tried to figure out where the hell you guys were. So, as I was saying…thanks for waiting for me."

I laugh and pat Grayer on the back. "I never thought I'd say this, but I'm sure glad to have you back."


April 28, 2004

Angel,

It's after midnight now, and it's been four years to the day since you've been gone. Four long years since you were torn away from me.

The anniversary of that day has always been hard for me.

I try to put on a brave face and try not to let on how upset I am. But on the inside, I feel a little part of my heart dying.

I try not to think about that day, but no matter what I do, I can't take my mind off it. I wish you were here, Angel. I wish you'd come back to me. I haven't given up on finding a way to bring you back, but I'm tired of the false hope I get whenever I come across something that I think will work, and it doesn't.

It's ironic. My sister is a key, and supposedly, can open any portal to any dimension. But apparently, she cannot open yours. Believe me, I've tried. She says she's tired of being a pincushion.

I wonder what you're doing now. I wonder how you are. Are you still trying to come home to me, or have you given up? Or is coming home simply not possible?

I close my journal and put it in my nightstand drawer. I then turn out the light, hoping sleep will come soon, but the digital display on the clock seems to be too fast. Not surprised I can't sleep. I'll be amazed if I can actually make it through this day.

I'm not in bed for very long when I hear my bedroom door creak open. Sometimes when Liam is scared or has a bad dream, he'll come sleep in my room.

Tonight, I'm the one having the bad dream. Only it's not a dream; it's reality. Maybe I need to accept it. Maybe it's time for me to finally accept that Angel is not coming back.

Liam climbs onto the bed, his little foot jabbing my stomach.

"Hi, baby. What's the matter?"

"It's thundering!"

I listen, and I realize rain is hitting the roof. I'd been so lost in my thoughts it didn't register before. "It's just raining, baby. I don't think there's any thunder."

"But it might thunder!"

"You want to sleep in my bed tonight?"

"Yes!"

Liam curls up against me, placing his head next to mine, and I get a whiff of the baby shampoo I still wash his hair with. I wrap my arm around him, and Liam turns his head and kisses my cheek.

"Goodnight, Mommy. I love you."

"I love you too, Liam."

Liam must have caught the tone in my voice, because he then asks, "Mommy, are you crying?"

Even if the dark, he can tell when I'm sad.

"Just a little."

"Why you crying, Mommy? You sad?"

"I just really miss your daddy, that's all."

"Don't cry, Mommy. Daddy will come home one day. 'Member what you said? You just have to be patient. Okay?"

I smile, despite my sadness, but Liam's optimism is catching. "Okay," I whisper, holding him a little tighter.


When I wake up the next morning, I'm surprised to find it's already a little after 7:30. Liam usually wakes me up earlier than this. And I know he must be awake since he's not in the bed anymore.

You know you're a mother when sleeping past seven-thirty is oversleeping.

A few minutes later, I make my way downstairs and find Dawn in the kitchen.

"Morning, Buffy."

"Good morning. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sleep so late."

"That's okay. I knew you didn't have work until later today so I told Liam to let you sleep a little longer. I already fixed breakfast for him. He's in the living room watching cartoons now."

Dawn finishes loading the dishwasher, then grabs a towel and starts to wipe down the counter.

"Okay, who are you and what have you done with my sister?"

"What do you mean?"

"You're cleaning up the kitchen, you're making breakfast for your nephew…"

"What? I can't do something nice?"

"Thanks, Dawnie."

Dawn hangs the dish towel back on the stove handle, then walks over to me. "Buffy, I know what today is. I just…I don't know. I thought maybe I could do something nice for you."

"I didn't think anyone would remember."

"I remember, Buffy. Every year when this day comes around, you put a smile on your face and try to not to let on how sad you're feeling, but I notice. And I miss Angel too. He was always nice to me. He was sort of like…I don't know, like a big brother to me sometimes."

"He had a little sister once. I think you reminded him of her sometimes. I'll finish cleaning up in here."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'm sure. Cleaning keeps my mind occupied on other things. I kind of need that today. And you need to get to school anyway."

"Hey, Buffy? Is it okay if I go to the mall with Amanda after school? Her mom can pick us up and bring us back."

"Sure, that's fine. Do you need some money?"

"No, that's okay. I have some birthday money saved up."

"Why don't you take a couple of twenties anyway? I have some bills in my purse. It's in the living room."

Dawn looks at me wide-eyed. "Really?"

"Yeah. Buy yourself something nice. You'll be starting college in the fall and you'll need some new clothes."

"Wow! Thanks, Buffy!"

A horn beeps outside, and Dawn grabs her backpack. "That's my ride."

"Yeah, you don't want to be late. Have fun at the mall."

"Thanks." Dawn leaves the kitchen, then seconds later, pokes her head back in the room. "Oh, by the way. Liam drew a picture for you. It's on the counter. He wanted me to make sure you saw that. I helped him write the words."

Dawn leaves, and I reach for the drawing. One other thing Liam inherited from his father was his love of drawing. Of course, the picture was obviously drawn by a three-year-old, but I can tell that when he gets older, he's going to be really good at it.

There's a lopsided square in orange crayon, which I'm guessing is a house. Inside the square are two circle/stick people. I know which one is me. I'm the bigger one with the shock of yellow hair.

On the sidewalk is another circle person with black crayon scribbled on top of his head. He is walking towards us.

At the bottom of the picture, Dawn has written out a description of the scene: "Daddy Comes Home".

This one's definitely going on the fridge.

In the living room, the TV is on, but Liam seems to be more interested in the game he's playing with his action figures. Liam sits on the floor next to the coffee table, holding a soldier in one hand and an alien in the other. Noises which I can only assume must be his imitation of a machine gun sputter out of his mouth, and seconds later, the alien falls off the table.

"Whoa! I'm going down…Hasta la vista…baby!" Liam shouts.

I think he's been spending way too much time with Xander lately. I don't know where else he would have picked that phrase up.

"Good morning, Liam."

Liam smiles at me. "Hey, Mommy."

I walk over to Liam and plant a kiss on his forehead. "Thank you for the drawing, baby. I love it."

"Mommy, are you still sad?"

"Come here, Liam." I sit on the couch and Liam gets up from the floor. I pull him into my lap. "Liam, sometimes I feel really sad, especially when I get to missing your daddy, but you know what?"

"What?"

"You always cheer me up. And you always make me smile." I brush Liam's bangs out of his eyes. "You're like my sunshine on a cloudy day. And I don't know what I would ever do without you." I hug Liam, and he wraps his arms around my neck. "I love you so much, Liam."

"I love you too, Mommy."

I kiss Liam on the cheek, tasting syrup, and I give him a smile. "Did you have pancakes for breakfast?"

Liam grins. "Yeah! How'd you know?"

I can't help but laugh. "Because you still have syrup on your face!"

"Oh." Liam touches the sticky spots on his face and mouth.

"Go get a wet washcloth and wipe your face, okay?"

"Okay." Liam gets out of my lap.

"And Liam?"

"Yeah?"

"Brush your teeth too. You need to get that sugar off before you get cavities."

"Okay." Liam heads to the staircase but pauses at the bottom step. "Hey, Mommy? You can have some pancakes too. Auntie Dawn and me left you some."

"Thanks, baby."