Another installment of Welcome to NYADA for you, my lovelies.
Thanks so much to keeperofwords for helping me out with some of the details of this chapter. :)
Started this the other day after school and decided to finish up the last few paragraphs tonight before starting to get things ready for school tomorrow.
Tell me what you think and I love you all!
Love always, Hayley
Welcome to NYADA Pt.5
Three weeks after the kiss that Cassandra and Shelby had shared and Cass was still avoiding her. Well, as much a girl could avoid her roommate. Neither woman particularly loved this situation, but Shelby didn't question it, focusing on her studies, and Cassie didn't speak to her, on the account of avoiding her.
Shelby walked around the dorm, hands on her hips, warming her voice up.
"I am a shining star...
I am a shining star...
I am a shining star..."
she went further and further up the scale, trying to take her mind off of Cassandra-something she just couldn't seem to do.
The night before, Cassie had come in late, with a guy. She looked absolutely terrified, but she ignored Shelby completely and let him kiss on her until late into the morning.
Cassie justified this in her mind with a simple fact: If Shelby didn't exist, neither did the kiss or the crush. If she let the guys kiss her, maybe her feelings for Shelby could go away completely. And maybe if this happened in front of Shelby, Shelby would understand this as well. Of course this never worked. No matter how many times she tried.
And she was about to just give up on her theory and talk to Shelby again. She missed hearing Shelby's voice, her laugh that sounded a little more like a cackle but was too adorable to continue ignoring, her smooth singing when she was studying without realizing she was doing it.
She missed Shelby rolling her eyes at her. She missed helping her study.
Shelby missed everything about Cassandra. Shelby Corcoran was all about getting attention and absolutely loathed being ignored. Especially by Cassie July. She kept thinking maybe it was her fault. That she just shouldn't have kissed her...but...
All she really wanted to do was kiss her again. And again. And again.
But the fact that Cassandra was pretending it didn't happen at all, was not making that any easier to do.
Shelby just didn't understand. She knew they hadn't kissed each other the wrong way, and they sure as hell both thoroughly enjoyed doing so, so what the hell was the problem?
Although she would admit herself that it felt weird. There was a part of her telling her it was wrong-that she didn't like Cassie like that.
But she did. Oh...she so did.
And she wanted her back.
She scolded herself. She wasn't supposed to be thinking about Cassandra.
"I am a shining star...
I am a shining star..."
she could only do one more key up before cracking.
"I am a shining star..."
She had her back to the door but Cassie opened it, alone this time, and eyed Shelby up and down slowly. She looked down at Shelby's feet, her eyes grazed Shelby's finely toned legs, landed on her perfectly rounded ass, then continued to look up Shelby's spine, which you could practically see through her shirt. Her eyes landed on Shelby's neck, which she SO wanted to be kissing, and trailed up to see her perfectly naturally wavy chocolate brown hair, which cascaded so beautifully down her back.
"You are." Cassie said softly to her. She knew she shouldn't have, but she couldn't resist and felt horrible for not talking to her for 3 weeks.
Shelby spun around, surprised. She hadn't heard the door open. Instead of saying what she really wanted to, which was, "You scared the hell out of me." she said, "Oh, so you CAN speak. I was starting to get worried." in the most sarcastic tone she could muster.
"You're pissed at me," Cassandra concluded, shutting the door and throwing her key onto her bed. "I get it. I do. And I'm sorry. But no matter how much I might want to kiss you again, I can't do it."
Confused and slightly amused, Shelby said, "Oh, so you're admitting now that you want to kiss me again? Along with speaking to me for once? How drunk are you?"
"Pretty drunk," Cassandra admitted, moving her key off of her bed and onto the floor before lying down and putting her hands on her forehead. "Apparently drunk enough to accidentally admit stuff, but sober enough to realize what I'm saying to you. I didn't mean what I just said about wanting to kiss you-"
"You didn't mean to say it. But you meant it." Shelby said softly, turning the light off and lying down on her own bed. It was 11:30 and she had early classes. But Cassie was finally talking to her again and she was too tired and too wired to sleep. She pulled the blankets up over her and sighed.
"Why the hell were you warming your voice up so late at night?" Cass tried changing the subject.
"More importantly, why can't you kiss me?"
Cass raised her eyebrow. "Do you really want me to?" she couldn't resist asking; her curiosity getting the better of her. She hadn't realized just HOW MUCH Shelby had enjoyed it.
"Of course you ignorant fool!" Shelby sat up in her bed and glared at Cass from across the room. Not that Cass could see it, with the lights off, but she could feel it. "I mean," Shelby continued, feeling outspoken and crass. "I don't know what I want. One minute I think I want you and the next I don't think it's right, and I...I really need to focus on my classes..."
"Do you ever not study, Corcoran?! Get your head out of the damn books, this is real life and it's scary!" Cassandra's heart was pounding wildly. For once being drunk couldn't seem to calm her down.
"I KNOW THAT." Shelby was so frustrated. She was top of everything. Top of the class, winner of first place in every competition. She won all the time.
But she couldn't win the battle going on inside her own head.
Cassandra, for one of the first times since Shelby had met her, sans the past few weeks, went speechless. She wasn't expecting Shelby to yell. She thought Shelby was totally calm...like all the time. She always just seemed so...organized. So together.
"Maybe we should just try it." Cass said quietly. Wait, what? What the hell am I saying, we can't do that! Part of her mind was driving her away from the idea.
But the other part...
Shelby was shell-shocked. "Is this the drunk talking or are you being serious?" her heart actually skipped a beat, surprising her more. She was under the impression that only happened in things like books and movies.
After a moment of silence; a moment of trying to overpower one side of her mind, Cass said, "I'm...I'm being serious."
"You hesitated. I'm not going to be your experiment, Cassandra." Shelby already knew what THAT felt like. And she didn't like it. At all.
"I'm not asking you to. I'm asking you to be my girlfriend." Cassandra rolled her eyes. Sometimes the brunette could be so...stubborn. So confusingly, relentlessly mind boggling.
Shelby stood and stormed over to the light switch, flipping it on and walking over to Cassie, who sat up in her bed.
"You're asking me to what?!" her emotions were all over the place. Things were moving so fast now and though one half of her wanted, more than anything, to be with Cassie. Part of her screamed that it was so so SO very right, and was so excited to try it. But the other part of her was screaming how wrong it would be. That was the part that her parents had instilled in her.
Cassie's parents were a strong part of her fear as well.
"I...Okay here's the thing, Corcoran. I've never liked a woman before. Ever. Not in real life anyways. I mean there was a time when I thought I might..." she trailed off, not wanting to go to that bad place in her mind, and continued, "But then I meet you and I...I get so fucking confused about everything...You confuse me, Corcoran. But you also intrigue me and it feels...well when I'm not thinking about it, it feels amazing. Like we could really be something, you know? Shit, I don't know why I'm telling you all of this. I usually just bottle things up, I don't talk about emotions..." she bit her lip, (and god, did Shelby think it was sexy), and looked down at her lap.
"Neither do I." Shelby spoke up, pressing her lips together.
Cassie moved over and Shelby sat next to her.
"But, Cassandra..."
Cass looked over at Shelby and Shelby bore her eyes into hers.
"Cassie," her voice warmed and she slid her hand onto Cassandra's knee (her legs were crossed). Cassandra's body reacted in a way she was begging it not to. Because if it did that meant that all of this was real. It was that reaction she had been trying and failing desperately to get with all of those guys.
"I...I really like you. And it's destroying me. I can tell it's destroying both of us. So...maybe you're right. Maybe we should try something. Maybe...we should try being together. But I'm scared. I am NEVER scared, but damn it, I'm scared."
With a nod, Cass replied, "I know the feeling. But we shouldn't go public either." going public would be...well if they did so while they were both in the confused state they were in, it could damn well be dangerous.
"No." Shelby agreed. "No we shouldn't."
"Would we be exclusive? Or are we just...testing waters...? Shelby I don't know what to make of this, and I'm not positive that you do either."
With a deep breath, Shelby shook her head. "No, you're right. What are we thinking?"
"We're not. I'm drunk and you're tired. Maybe we just need to get some sleep. Maybe we'll make better decisions in the morning."
Shelby eyed Cassie carefully. For someone so drunk she was being pretty logical.
She supposed she was used to it-the drinking. Shelby had never seen her without some sort of alcohol. Besides the day they met, when she was drinking coffee. Shelby scoffed at the memory-for all she knew, Cassie spiked that coffee after walking out of Starbucks.
Giving up, Shelby nodded slowly. "You're right."
Sighing, Shelby got up from Cassie's bed and made to get back in her own. It took all Cass had in her not to ask her to stay. She had almost ALMOST mustered the words "Please stay with me." but refrained from it.
It was for the best, anyways.
They fell asleep, reluctantly. Neither ones' mind wanted to stop running long enough to let them actually rest, and Cassandra's night was accompanied with dreams.
To her horror, dreams about Shelby.
. . .
Cass was in the studio, practicing ballet. Suddenly Shelby was in the doorway, dressed in a black leotard and fishnets, her long brown hair in waves cascading down her shoulders. Cass couldn't see this yet, because most of the room was darkened. She smiled, softly, and walked up to Cassandra. Cass sucked in a short breath. Shelby was dazzling as she stepped into the light.
A single mirror stood in front of the two of them. A spotlight on them, the barre off to the side, and then nothing. Just a dark room. Besides that one spot of light, shining down like a dome around them. Like a dome of protection. Like all of their emotions and feelings could be expressed in that room alone.
A shiver went down Cassandra's back when Shelby slid her hand slowly up Cassie's arm and brought her lips to the blonde's ear, whispering, "Teach me how to dance, Cassandra."
With a dry swallow, Cassandra pulled Shelby in front of her. Shelby took control of Cassandra's hands, moving them over her stomach, resting them on her body. Cass's heart pounded and Shelby pressed her back up against her. Inhaling, Cassandra nearly melted. Shelby smelled so good. She had her own scent. Like rain and lavender.
They moved intimately around the room. A leader and her follower.
Shelby's touch made Cassandra swoon.
Slowly, seductively, Shelby placed her lips to Cassandra's, pulling back slightly, making the blonde want more.
. . .
Cass woke up practically panting, her eyes wide as she realized, with a sense of dread, feeling, and a serious want, that there might actually be some deep chemistry between her and her roommate.
And she wasn't quite sure what to make of that.
