Settlement

November 2013

"Aww, come on,"

"No,"

"Please?"

"No. You got to choose last time,"

"And look how well that went! Don't tell me that Marvin Waitforit Erikson doesn't have the coolest middle name of all time,"

"He does," (Lily means it too- she honestly does think it's cool, it was never just the epidural talking), "But we want to choose the middle name this time. She's our daughter,"

"My niece!"

"Mother beats uncle - we're choosing the name,"

"Can't you let me choose one and you choose one?" he offers.

"Two middle names it pretentious," says Lily. She tilts her head to jam the phone between her ear and shoulder while cutting up an apple for Marvin.

"Yeah, that's why when Ted knocks Tracy up their kid'll be called, like, Jemima Guinevere Prudence Ophelia Penelope Anne Boleyn Edith Agatha McConnell-Mosby,"

"Did you prepare that?" Lily deadpans.

"A bit," he admits, "I'll keep adding more until Tracy gets pregnant. And then more until the baby's born. And it'll be, like, such a long name and such a rip on Ted," he boasts.

"You put too much energy into ripping on Ted,"

"He deserves it. But that's Ted's kid- your kid's middle name is going to be Legendary,"

"You mean it's actually going to be Legen-"

"-dary. Yup,"

"Nope,"

"It matches with Marvin Waitforit!" he protests.

"Names don't have to match. They're kids, not shoes,"

"Marvin matches Marshall matches Marvin Snr," he points out.

"It's not happening, Barney,"

She deposits the apple slices on a plate in front of her son.

"But...come on. Firstname-TBC Legendary Erikson is awesome!"

"Why don't you ask Ted? Then you can use one of your Agatha Penelope Ophelia names,"

"Tracy isn't even pregnant. You're my best bet, Aldrin. Speaking of which, I bet Mickey that it's a girl,"

"You two are awful," she cringes.

"You just wait till the Super Bowl. Mickey'll be killing himself trying to watch it on some crummy Italian channel which only works half the time. And he'll have a mega-bet with me,"

"He will not,"

"I won't bet with him if you let me choose the middle name,"

"That is the stupidest blackmail I've ever heard,"

"Take it or leave it, baby,"

"Leave it,"

"Your funeral,"

"That's a risk I'm willing to take. You don't have much luck at the Super Bowl," Lily reminds him.

"I've been researching more this year," Barney says loftily, "I have a system, and I've been reading all the newspaper supplements, and I'm not betting on everything- only the winner, obviously, and which team scores first,"

Lily sighs, "I'm going. Got a big week at work next week so I want to play with Marvin tonight in case I don't see him much over the next few days,"

"BYE MARVIN!" Barney hollers down the phone, making Lily wince and hold it away from her, "BYE FIRSTNAME-TBC LEGENDARY ERIKSON! BYE MARSHALL! BYE MARSHALL'S MOM! BYE MICKEY- REMEMBER TO ANSWER MY EMAIL ABOUT OUR SUPER BOWL BE-"

"Are you done?"

"Yeah, I'm done,"

"I'll talk to you soon. Miss you,"

"Miss you too. Legendary Erikson, remember?"

"Goodbye, Barney,"

Thanks to all my readers, favourite-ers and most of all reviewers, for your support and feedback this year. Happy new year and best wishes for 2015 xx