Prompt: Write a drabble with the word LUMINOUS in it (and for the peeps who asked for a continuation of #49)

Characters/Pairings: Merlin, Gwen

Ratings/Warnings: K+, continuation of 'Realizing' (#49)

Word Count: 357


Shifting

When she gasps, flings her hands to her mouth, and unconsciously shifts away from me, instead of feeling terrified, I feel an almost vicious thrill of victory. I was right. She knows now; she understands now, and of course she wants to put some distance between the sorcerer, his evil,and his sins, which now lie naked before her in the form of his telltale luminous eyes—eyes that have stalked far too many innocents into the sanctuary of sleep and have been the last thing far too many Camelotian soldiers and citizens have seen before…

Nothing.

I am so tired, and the magic, restless and unhappy, is reigned in as I close my eyes and slouch against the wall. Even behind closed lids, I feel her stare of denial and disbelief on me, and I chuckle humorlessly, darkly, "You see, Gwen? I am what's wrong. In my nightmares, I burn too, but it's never sorcerers jeering in the crowd, and it's never a false accusation that lands me on the pyre. No. Because I am one of them and have been one of them all my life…and for all those on both sides who have died in this war, for all that I didn't do to help prevent more death and fear, for the curse I posses and the lies I've told, is it not truly deserved?"

"No."

My eyes fly open to find her glaring at me indignantly, and combined with her puckered brow and tight jaw, the fury in her eyes finally places a seed of poisonous dread deep in my belly, where it festers and spreads…

I'm expecting her to yell at me—to slap me, even—so I cannot contain a flinch when she lunges forward.

And I cannot believe it when her arms wrap around me again.

Slowly, I blink and unconsciously hug her back, and the hope, the faith, the dream I had pushed away in the attempt to protect myself from disappointment, from failure, from pain…

"Never, Merlin. Do you hear me?" she whispers into my shoulder, squeezing me tighter. "Never think that."

Light begins to creep back into the world again.