Holly's longing gaze out towards the Normandy continued uninterrupted for a full four minutes, before Garrus politely cleared his throat.

Slowly she turned, a half-incredulous, half-jubilant look etched on her face, as she stepped up close and said, "Alright. How? How the hell? Did you do it? All of this? Are you...you're a wizard, aren't you?"

Garrus blinked once, otherwise remaining perfectly still. After an overly long pause, he drawled out a deadpanned reply.

"Yes. I am."

"Oh bullshit! You don't even know what I just asked you."

"Wizard. Noun. Derived from the Middle English words wyse ard. An individual possessing noteworthy supernatural talents. Also occasionally invoked in arcane Human slang, used to denote high levels of talent or ability."

Holly's jaw dropped, ever so slightly. "Oh. Kay. I don't actually have a comeback for that."

"Well, ten years ago, you might have caught me, but I've had a fair amount of time to study the history and development of alien languages. It's become something of a hobby of mine, actually. But that doesn't answer your question. Two big ones, I'm sure. Which one do you want to hear the answer to first?"

"Ummmm..."

Shepard was perfectly flummoxed, with two equally impossible situations staring her in the face. She was still contending with the rather disturbing and disrupting events of the past few days. She hemmed and hawed, but before Garrus could chide her to pick one, there was a soft metallic ping that caught his attention.

Kasumi flipped a coin.

It landed silently on her hand. She held it out in her outstretched palm to Holly, who glanced at her, then down at the golden circle, and then back up to her. She nodded and smirked, sharing in some odd, private joke between them.

"Alright. How could you possibly find out where I'm trying to go, and why?"

"Funny thing. About a week and a half ago, some information that came straight from the Shadow Broker was forwarded to me. Surveillance footage. Of a rather high-class apartment on Omega. Imagine my surprise, witnessing not only the effect that some piece of purportedly Reaper technology had on you, but the conversation that took place after you recovered. The one you had with the strange hologram. The one that promised you the answers to your questions, about why your behavior changed two years ago. But only if you came out to meet with it within a certain window of time. Granted, the recording I saw was a few minutes of highlights, obviously edited from several hours. But I was assured that it was all completely authentic."

Holly leaned against the window for a moment. "Wait...wait wait wait. Bugged? No way. I was. I mean, I was so ridiculously paranoid about that sort of thing, especially because of Aria. I used to scan the place every time I left it, and everytime before I-ohshitofcourse!" She smacked her forehead hard, enough to elicit and unintentional wince. "I was so hyped up about the black box that I totally forgot to run a sweep when I got back!"

Kasumi laid a gentle hand on Shepard's back, and said, rather matter-of-factly, "That's alright Shep. Those were some state-of-the-art devices I planted. I doubt you would have found them anyhow."

Holly jerked away, instinctively, an initially angry, confused expression on her face.

"You? What? When!?"

"Oh, almost immediately after you left for Bleedok's.

"Why, Kas? Why would you do that?"

Kasumi seemed entirely non-plussed, her half-painted lips crooking into a winsome smile.

"Nothing personal, Shep. It's not like we'd made nice back then. The Shadow Broker told me he wanted to keep an eye on you, in order to make sure you weren't going to get into trouble with whatever it was he was sending your way. I mean really, can you blame him?"

Holly's anger immediately deflated. "Well, no. I suppose not." She then crossed her arms, and leaned in. Trying to stay indignant, but it was obvious her heart wasn't in it. "So when were you going to tell me?"

"I would have told you eventually, except right before we left Omega, I got a message from the boss to keep quiet. That you would, quote-unquote, 'be finding out soon enough'."

Garrus nodded once to this. "And really, when you think about it, it was a lucky break. Otherwise, I wouldn't have been able to come to your rescue."

Holly turned away for a moment, pausing in silence, glancing out the nearby window. Still not looking towards the pair, she said, "Yeah. And after I was so vicious to you." She shook her head. "You certainly had no reason to come back to my side."

Garrus gripped Holly's shoulder, and gave her an affable shake. "I was always on your side, Shepard. Just the question of how and where changed for a bit." He glanced down at her. "In your defense, it appears you were quite insane for a while. Not that I truly allowed myself to believe that until you forced the issue. For what it's worth, I'm really quite thrilled to see you've gotten over it. At least, that's what I'm taking on faith, at the moment."

Holly rolled her eyes, and leaned in. "Huh. We'll see. Am I sane, or just truly aware of being crazy?" Eyes narrowing, she frowned, head falling forward a touch. "I'm glad you seem willing enough to just declare what was past to be past, but..."

She slowly reached a hand out to reach the glass, watching as her reflection mirrored her action.

A small sigh of exasperation began to leak out. "I can't even begin to expect that from everyone else. Especially..."

A deeply pained expression began to spread out over her face, like hoarfrost creeping across an open field of grass.

Please...please, please, please. Just give me one shot, life. One chance. A fair stab at putting things back together. I'm not asking for a miracle. I'm willing to work for it. But just give me...

Fear and depression began to mercilessly squeeze like skeletal fingers around her heart. She pushed the dread far out of her mind, into a deep, dark corner to be dealt with later. All that mattered now were answers. Something, anything she could tell Liara. Her kids. Samantha. Something that would help salvage the situation.

"Shep?" Kasumi called out with concern.

Garrus began to lead Holly away from the window, walking her towards the docking area, with Kasumi following close behind.

"So. The Normandy." he intoned.

This caught Shepard's attention, shaking her most of the way out of her doldrums. In a tiny, quiet voice, she asked:"Right. How the hell?"

"The short version of the story is that when I received the intel on your situation, it was obvious what I needed to do: get to the Citadel in one week and five days, with a ship fast enough to get you to where you had to be in time."

When Shepard spoke, it was with a bemused note that threatened to fracture from the weight of the sadness she was intent on pushing out of her. "Oh. Alright. Well, that explains everything."

Garrus snorted, "Although enhanced drive core technology is finally making its way into the civilian market, the Vasudeva is only one of about ten, maybe fifteen, ships available. For an entire galaxy. All custom-built jobs, all supposedly booked up for the next five years. That you were able to initially secure the services of the Vasudeva was itself a small miracle."

"So..."

"So...I went to work. Immediately. I tried to call in every favor I could, weedle everyone with whom I had even the smallest amount of influence. I even...I even called Tali."

Shepard stopped short, looking upward at Garrus.

" . I know that you two...um. Still, aren't. Huh. How did that go?"

Garrus twirled his mandibles sheepishly, like a Human might nervously twiddle their thumbs. "Oh, well, she was furious, of course. That the first time I called her like that, since the divorce, was to ask for something. Even though we had seen each other after you...well. Anyhow. When she found out exactly who it was for, and why, she softened. Still, even someone in her position wasn't able to divert an appropriately equipped craft, not in the short span of time we face. Hell, the Geth still adore you, I'm sure they would have been more than willing to BUILD you yet another ship; but even just retrofitting the Tubman, which I believe is still kicking around out there somewhere, would have taken too long."

"I would ask whether this story comes to a happy ending, except clearly it does. Unless that is an incredibly clever fake docked outside?" Kasumi playfully inquired.

With false yet increasing cheer, Holly asked, "Huh. So let me guess. You went to the floor of the Systems Alliance Parliament itself, and delivered a rousing speech, and they gave you the Normandy, right then and there?"

"What? Oh Spirits, no! Your people couldn't bother to spare five minutes for me."

"Seriously?!" Holly halted again, with the gangway to the Normandy starting to emerge into view. "I know we aren't on the best of terms but...shit. Fine. See if I ever save their asses from impending galactic-scale destruction ever again."

"Don't judge them too harshly, Shepard. They're still dealing with the fallout from the situation with Ortiz. I think it's more a matter of their simply not wanting to deal with you for the time being. Give it a few months, start showing up in public demonstrably NOT crazy, and they'll remember who you really are to them."

"So then who...?"

"Primarch Victus. I called him up. Was extremely blunt about it as well, reminding him who he owed his position to. Turns out I didn't have to be so brusque, he's actually quite good at remembering who his friends are."

"Um. I wouldn't think the Normandy was his to give away."

"I didn't either. Naturally, I started off seeing if the Turians had an enhanced core ship to loan. Again, they didn't, not within the time frame available. But I will give Victus credit: it's clear that when he didn't directly have the resources to give, he kept looking for other ways to help. Tried turning every screw available, following up on every possible lead. It took him about two or three solid days, but almost a week later, he called me up, and told me to expect the Normandy to be temporarily transferred to my direct command."

"Maybe Victus is the wizard then!" Kasumi chimed in.

"No, he just has finely tuned political instincts and a strong tenacious streak. Did you know, for instance, that the joint Turian-Human task force that designed and built the Normandy came about as a form of war reparations after the end of the Relay 34 Incident? Of course you did, that's common knowledge, but what very few know is that there was one stubbornly paranoid general among my people who was convinced that there was some incredibly ill-defined conspiracy, whereby the Humans would immediately attempt to reverse engineer all the Turian technology put into it, and build a warfleet, with the idea of turning around and starting a new war with the Hierarchy."

"Wow. That...that sounds really stupid, actually. Crazy. And I speak as someone who until recently resided in Super Mojo Insanity Crackerstown."

"Yes. It was. Although the recent business with Admiral Ortiz shows just how far someone like that can get. The general was, near the end of his life, found to be suffering from a debilitating neural degenerative disease. But he possessed considerable influence, enough where he had to be mollified. So the Primarch at the time threw him a bone: the Hierarchy reserved a one-time right to recall the Normandy for a six week 'inspection tour', completely under Turian command."

"Huh. And the Human negotiators just went along with that?"

"Well, I can't imagine that they were happy, but the way Victus explained it, my people quietly explained the complications, and made assurances that it was simply a formality, something that would never be used. And of course, your people were tremendously eager for the whole project to happen. Ultimately, both races soon forgot about that proviso entirely."

"And the SAAF didn't have any complaints when he invoked it? No one thought 'Golly gee willikers, your request is strange and fills us with alarm and confusion!'?"

"Believe it or not, no. But only because the Normandy was about to be decommissioned and put on permanent display at the new War Museum opening up in a few weeks. Your Government decided, or at least I'm assuming, that Victus was just...oh. What's a good metaphorical expression?"

Kasumi quickly burst in, "Being a glory hog? Stealing the spotlight? Riding on coattails? Just tell me when to stop, I can keep coming up with these for a while."

"I...have never heard any of those before. Oh wait, no, the last one. Yes. They assumed that. I later discovered some of the Parliament members thought about contesting it, given the SR-2's unique situation, but it became apparent that the same legal framework that allowed them to snatch away what was essentially Cerberus property also kept the original treaty in force. They all quickly decided it was just easier to let us have our six weeks and be done with it. So on that note, might I suggest we board quickly; time is not on our side here."

"Alright, Dad. We promise not to scratch the paint, or leave beer cans in the seats either. C'mon, seriously, what are they going to do if this ends up taking a while? Have their many lawyers send us a firmly-worded letter?"

Garrus rolled his eyes in exasperation. "Shepard, I just managed to acquire literally the only ship in the galaxy available for what you...for what WE need to do. Don't go pushing your luck."

She gave a playful snort in the back of her throat, and then butted her head gently against his. "You sure did. Nice work, buddy. I hereby declare you The Most Awesome Man In The Galaxy for the next six weeks."

He smiled. "Just as long as we're clear on that."


It was the smell that hit her first; that tang of reprocessed oxygen mixed with a faint whiff of ozone from densely packed electronics. Holly took in a deep lungful and held it, as soon as they stepped onboard. It was calming. Familiar. The smell brought back of torrential flood of memories, but only the best ones lingered in the forefront of her mind.

It was good to be back on the Normandy. For real this time. On friendly ground. It wasn't her command anymore, but that didn't matter. She trusted the one now in charge with her life. Being on this ship, one of her true past homes, filled her with a new confidence she desperately needed.

"We aren't going to die on the way there, are we?" Kasumi asked, sucking the wind from Shepard's mental sails.

"That is at once both an unusually random and disturbingly specific line of inquiry, Ms. Goto." Garrus mused.

"Kas, why would you ask that?" Holly asked, eyes widening with incredulity.

"Well, I just remember what you were telling me, Shep. That story about the first time you came back onto the Normandy after the War, when you were going back to Earth? You said it almost shook itself to pieces. Can we trust the original enhanced drive prototype?"

Garrus answered, "Oh, I wouldn't worry about that. It was a long time ago, and the ship's since been retrofitted with a reliable version of the technology. Not nearly as fast as those early trials, but no longer such a risk, either. At least, that's what the crack engineering team I hired assured me. I certainly have reason to believe them."

"When do I get to meet this motley skeleton crew you've put together at the last minute?" Holly inquired.

"Oh. Soon enough. There aren't a lot of us, but we'll all work to make up the difference."

"Hey you two. If you don't mind, I'm going to give myself a tour. I'll check back in later. As long as this place has a bar, I'm sure I'll love it. Ja nye!"

Before either of them could react, Kasumi turned away, fading into invisibility.

"Don't go stealing anything, Kas!" Holly cried out. Then lowered her voice to a whisper, and muttered, "Or, at least don't go getting caught at it."

"I don't mean to judge you by the company you keep these days, Shepard, but can we trust her?"

"Trust me. Kasumi is good people. She's just got an unusual perspective on life. Don't worry, I promise she won't be any...ah...um..much...trouble. Hell, you two were almost crewmates."

"That was a long time ago."

"Yeah...well..."

Holly looked down, suddenly noticing a rather diminutive looking female Turian standing excitedly before her, back ramrod straight, literally buzzing with effort to keep from gushing.

"Um. Hello?"

"Oh, right. I probably should have prepared you for this ahead of time." Garrus clapped Holly on the shoulder, before standing back slightly. "Alright Ensign. At ease. Get it out of your system. And then I expect us to be ready to depart within the hour."

She gave an odd, formal salute that Holly recognized as one employed within the Hierarchy Armed Forces. "Sir! Yes Captain, sir!" She gazed over to Holly, with utter delight."

"You're her? Aren't you? Shepard." She spoke the name reverently.

"I'm...*A* Shepard. That make a lot of us, actually. But, yeah. I imagine I'm THE Shepard you're thinking of. Hi."

She held out a warm, inviting hand. The Turian clasped it and shook it roughly, clearly demonstrating little familiarity with the Human gesture of greeting.

"I can't believe it's you! I can't believe I'm meeting you. For real! Oh! Ensign Forchezi. Talana Forchezi. Ensign Talana Forchezi. Hi! I really worshipped you, you know. When I was a little girl."

Shepard winced pleasantly.

Ouch. Am I really getting that old? Well, she does look barely old enough to start her term of military service. Probably WAS just a little kid way back in the day.

"I always dreamed of a moment like this, but when you retired from active military service, I figured they'd be no way! I even looked into applying for one of the military exchange programs, to try and get into your Infiltrator class at the Mordvalt on Thessia, but then you...well you stopped teaching, so..."

Holly did her best to temporarily banish all the demons roiling in her chest and gut, focusing her efforts on making her smile as natural as possible.

"Well, it's really a pleasure to meet you, Ensign." She glanced over towards the nearby cockpit, and back. "Let me guess. Ship's pilot?"

"Yup! I've spent my life, practically all my years, studying the Normandy. How it was built, how the stealth systems operate. Everything. You wouldn't believe the number of hours I've logged in simulated flight time! There's probably no one better around to fly the ship these days! I mean...that is..." she stammered and stumbled for a moment, before finally getting out, "other than Lieutenant Moreau. When he was still alive."

Holly reached over, gave Talana's arm a gentle, reassuring squeeze. "Well, I'm sure you'll be great. Glad to be working with you."

"I was hoping, sometime maybe? During the voyage, I could ask you some questions about your time during the War and...?"

"That's enough, Ensign." Garrus firmly, but good-humoredly chided. "You'll get a chance sometime during the mission, if Shepard's in the mood to talk. In the meantime, I need us prepped and ready to go." He glanced over to his omnitool and softly rumbled, "Damn. How many 'reminders' are the Humans going to send?"

Talana saluted once again,and with an emphatic "Aye, Captain!' she dashed off towards the fore of the ship.

Holly and Garrus began walking towards the rest of the command deck. She chuckled low, shaking her head, and murmured, "Wow. Nice kid, but please tell me not everyone you dug up is that dark a shade of green?"

Garrus clasped his hands behind him and answered, "Believe it or not, Ensign Forchezi actually IS highly certified with regards to the flight control systems of this particular vessel. Theoretically. The best qualified of all the pilots available at the moment. But this sounds like it's going to be a simple affair, yes? A milk run, I believe is the Human expression?"

"Hope so. Honestly have no idea. Imagine if the Reapers wanted us dead, they could have done it a million times over by now. My gut is telling me this won't turn into a combat situation."

"Good, because we barely have any active weapons systems as it is. The museum engineering crew managed to strap the original Thanix cannons back on ten hours ago."

"Wow. Shit. Well, you know the old saying, you only go to war with the army you have, not the army you want."

"You have no idea."

They both began to speak at once.

"Shepard, I hate to ask, but I need you to - "

"Garrus, I hate to ask, but I really need to - "

They stopped at once. Garrus gave a slight incline of his head, indicating Holly should go first.

"I'd love to see the rest of the ship again, but I really want to get checked out by a proper Doctor as soon as possible. Think the CMO is on duty? You DO at least have a medic aboard, right?"

Garrus canted his head to one side and then the other, before stating, "You're actually REQUESTING to go to the Sick Bay? As opposed to me asking you first?"

"Uh, yeah."

"You?"

"Yes."

"Of your own free will?"

"I thought that was pretty obvious."

"Okay, now I *AM* starting to get worried about what the Reapers might have done to your mind."

He gave a wry grin, to soften the blow. Holly tried not to take it personally; part of her surged furiously at the quip, given recent events. On the other hand, she had acquired a well deserved reputation over the years for being extremely reluctant to seek medical treatment. A holdover habit from her youth.

"Yeah yeah, asshole. Just for that, I'm making you ride down the elevator with me. They still as torturously slow as they used to be?"

"For a while, I'm told, they were quite swift. But then last month, the museum curator thought that the tourists might not find the experience 'authentic' enough, so she had the engineers intentionally degrade their performance. If anything, it's worse now, compared to the old days. By the way, if the elevator starts insisting on giving you a history lecture, just go with it. We haven't figured out how to turn that off yet. Not without simultaneously disabling life support."

"Ouch!"

It was strange, to Holly, seeing nothing but a handful of Turians on duty. It seemed almost as jarring as the last time, when none but Humans could be seen. In her mind, the Normandy was always at her best with a multi-species crew, and as that was unlikely to happen again, it was probably just as well she was being set up as a museum piece.

She smiled to herself as they passed the command dais. "Probably gonna put up holograms of all of us, huh? You know, I hope in the last ten years, they've managed to make vast improvements in the Shepard VI programs. Considering I had no idea they were even building a museum, and how little input I've had in it so far."

"Well, to be far, they said they tried to contact you. That was over a year ago. A few days after you...well. Departed."

"Oh. Shit. Well. Fair enough."

Garrus suddenly held his arm out, indicating for Holly to stop before they entered the elevator.

"Look, Shepard. I've been putting this off for far too long. Before you go any further, there's something you need to know." He turned directly to face her. "I told you that the surveillance information I received was forwarded along from the Shadow Broker. But the original recipient, the one who actually sent it to me? Well, it was-"

Suddenly, the elevator doors opened. The two of them turned to see who was stepping out.

It was the bodysuit that grabbed Holly's attention first. Black. One piece. Vaguely reminiscent of Commando wear. Stern. Austere, despite hugging every sensuous curve on her body. It was a good reflection of the look on the face of the wearer.

Liara T'Soni.

Holly's heart caught in her throat. Nothing could have prepared her for this moment. What she would say. How she would feel. What she would do.

Just as nothing prepared her for the open-palmed slap that connected with her face, approximately seven seconds afterwards.

Holly staggered hard to the side; it was as if she had been given a hard love tap by a Krogan. The fleeting heat across her face, and the purple flash she caught in the corner of her vision told her the blow had been biotically juiced. Nothing was broken as far as she could tell, but without medical intervention, she was going to have a massive bruise on her face for a week.

"Three months!" Liara sudden shouted accusatorially, before lowering the volume of her voice. The tone, however, remained just as betrayed.

"Three months! I thought you had been killed! I thought you were...that you...and not once! Not! Once! Did you try to contact me! To tell me you were alive. I almost told the children you were gone forever. Dead! Thank the Goddess Kolyat finally had the decency to break down and inform me, six weeks ago. Even Feron eventually told me the truth! But not once did YOU contact me!"

Holly gave a slight groan, pulling herself back up fully onto her feet. She stifled the instinctive response to shout right back, to demand what the hell Liara thought she was doing. To defend herself. To scream out 'That wasn't me! That wasn't me, you crazy bitch!'.

Liara continued, eyes boring into her accusatorially. "And now here you are, acting...as if nothing happened. I mean, was it a game to you? Were you just playing with us? All of us!?"

Shepard did her best to calm herself, to find a sense of serene acceptance. It didn't matter that part of her found it hideously unfair to be left with the mess that this Shadow Shepard created in her terrible wake. It didn't mean a damn if she peevishly thought that in a perfect world, Liara would understand and immediately forgive, because that was a non-existent fantasyland.

The was her one chance. The one she had just begged for not half an hour earlier. Grandiose or subtle, whatever words or actions she took now would forever color whatever remaining interactions she had with her bondmate from this moment forward.

"Liara." Holly breathed out, almost silently. Rubbing her face instinctively. "I'm sorry. I don't know what to tell you. I'm just as confused, and...almost as angry as you. But I don't have any explanations for you. I didn't want to contact you until I finally had answers. Yes, that was probably not a good move, upon reflection, but...I just don't know. I'm hoping we'll all finally find out. That there's some damn meaning. To all of this."

She then gave Liara a crooked, roguish, yet vulnerable grin, and murmured, "The only thing I know for sure is that I'd take another hundred of those in a row, for this moment. To finally see you again."

Liara stepped back, her expression softening, as the initial rush of uncontrolled anger drained away. Clearly not expecting the response given, nor sure how to respond herself. The pair merely stared at each other for a prolonged moment, before Liara spoke, an imperious, distant tone returning to her voice.

"Well. I... I hope this trip is worthwhile then. There is...there's a lot to be answered for."

With that, she quietly turned, retreating into the old war room. Holly gazed at her longingly, before finally allowing Garrus to be guide her into the elevator.


"Welcome aboard the SSV Normandy SR-2, modern galactic history's greatest warship! Based on the original prototype commissioned in GSY 2683, the Normandy served at the forefront of the war against the Reapers under the captaincy of Commander Holliandra Shepard."

Shepard groaned to herself. She had quickly forgotten the warning Garrus had given her, in the confrontation with her bondmate. It was bad enough that elevator now moved so slow as to seem barely in motion, but the VI voicing the tour sounded distinctly like David Anderson. She realized it was no doubt intended to be a fitting tribute, but it struck her instead as oddly ghoulish.

"Elevator: full stop."

The elevator did its best to ignore her, as it continued to extol the history and accomplishments of the ship from over a decade ago.

"Elevator: emergency stop." she commanded curtly.

Again she was ignored.

Quickly, she hunched down, grabbed a hold of the override access panel, braced herself with a foot, and began to pull with her full strength until she managed to jimmy it open, engaging the physical stop mechanism.

Garrus looked over at Holly with concern. "Shepard?"

"Sorry, pal." she stated, still panting with the exertion. "Sorry you gotta witness this, but I don't want the doctor to see."

Garrus gave Holly a wary glance. "And what is-"

Shepard suddenly reared back, balling her right hand up into a tight fist, and slamming it, bottom side down, against the metal wall, screaming out at the top of her lungs.

"MOTHER FUCKER! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUUUUUUCK!"

She continued to assault the wall with a series of fist slams and kicks, shouting and sobbing for a good half a minute, before Garrus finally called out, in a surprisingly firm tone.

"Shepard! Hey! Stand down! What's gotten into you?"

He reached out a hand trepidatiously, clamping it down onto her shoulder. The action seemed to immediately drain the rage from her body. She bowed her head, leaning it forward against the steel wall of the elevator.

"Sorry." she whispered, in a tiny voice. "Sorry you had to see that. I'm kind of a wreck right now. All this shit going on." She choked back a half laugh-half sob, and remarked, "I can't exactly be helping my case here, trying to convince people I'm not a crazed madwoman anymore."

Garrus nodded, his expression softening, "Well, no. But it's good you're aware of that. Still, you shouldn't be angry at her-"

"I'm not! I'm...not." Holly interjected. "Really. Believe me." She reached up, wiping at her wet eyes, and turning around to face the Turian. "I'm angry at...at life. I don't know how to explain it. But in my mind...it's like last month, I just turned forty. I pass out a few days later, and then suddenly, I wake up in this nightmare. Or at the end of one nightmare, having to clean up the mess. With someone else's memories crammed into my head, along with the physical effects of their bad habits wearing away at my body, with no real explanation. Like I've been handed a note with the words 'Oh, sorry, I fucked up your life. Here, you take the wheel now.' Seeing Liara just...made it all real. At long last."

She slumped down, sitting on the floor, exhausted from her outburst. "I've been an atheist most of my life, Garrus. I've always taken this kind of odd, perverse comfort in the notion that the universe is random, chaotic. That there's no karma, fate or destiny, other than what we make for ourselves. No Gods nor kings but us. I always held with the belief there wasn't some power out there, punishing or rewarding people in an unknowable, and almost always illogical fashion. But now? Now I'm not finding any comfort in it whatsoever. Or rather, I want there to be a God, but only so I can knee him in the groin, and punch him in the face."

Before Garrus could respond, Holly suddenly changed topics, "So Liara. She's the one who gave you the info, huh? She insist on coming, or you have to drag her along?"

"Oh, she made it crystal clear she was coming aboard." He crossed his arms, drumming his fingers against the sides briefly. "That's good, right? I'm still no master when it comes to interpersonal romantic relationships, as should be blindingly obvious by now."

"Hmm. Shows she cares. If not directly about me, then...around me? Shit though. I didn't want our first meeting to be like that. God, she had a point, I should have called. Should have told her. As soon as I had my wits about me again but maybe it would have been worse? Doing it just over the comm. You know what? This is all really fucked up."

"You don't say. Here..." he reached down, extending a helping hand to Shepard, assisting her back onto her feet.

"Thanks. Alright. Just a few more questions, before I go see your medic. So uh, please, please please tell me the kids aren't here? As desperate as I am to see them, this is no-"

"No. No children. I think I would have insisted, but I didn't have to. I imagine Aethyta is watching them. Her and Traynor."

Holly let out a heavy, languid sigh. "Samantha. Shit. I remember now, the thing. With the gun. The rage. The mindless hatred, the jealousy. It's still this alien, outside, objective thing though. Like, I understand it, but I'm missing the context. But still, Jesus fuck, I pulled a gun on her, Garrus! I almost killed her."

"I know. I almost shot you to prevent it."

Holly stopped short, blinked furiously. "Really?"

He nodded once, somberly. "Another point seven five seconds, if you hadn't apparently come to your senses...well. We wouldn't be having this discussion. I was perched up in a room across and above from the HQ. "

They silently gazed at each other, before Holly spoke again.

"Well, I seem to remember begging you to do that. So thanks." She cracked a wry smile, chuckled. "So. Liara."

"Liara. Yes. I know you said you weren't, but don't be angry with her. I don't have to tell you, she's been through a lot. Not the least of which, some individuals might have said or done some things that muddied up the situation."

"What do you mean?"

"Aethyta. Apparently she managed to get video of you and the K'Lial woman."

Holly rolled her eyes with inordinate exasperation, half-heartedly slammed her first into the wall again, and then shrugged. "Well...well shit." She gripped her face with her palm, and then shrugged. "Doesn't matter now. I can't make myself care, or even ask why or how. I know my wife, and that's probably the least of what she's angry at me for."

She sighed hard, running her hands through her hair for a moment. "For anything else? I'm just...I'm going to process that later, Garrus. So just don't tell me anything about what's been going on unless it's absolutely vital, right now. Maybe it's not healthy, but I'm just going to put all this shit on hold, get some damn answers, and then figure out how the pieces fall out. Let's just hold the impending tsunami at bay a little longer, alright?"

Garrus nodded, and then patted at her arm, amiably. "Fair enough. I can't imagine that any other individual in history has undergone precisely what you've just endured, so we're all in new territory here."

She snorted softly, and then moved over to re-engage the elevator, placing the cover back over the panel.

"Yeah. No kidding. All I'm hoping is that the answers we're going to get from the Reapers at the end of this journey prove to be something worthwhile."

"And if they aren't?"

"Not even entertaining that possibility right now."

They rode silently down the rest of the way to the Crew Deck.


As she made her way into the medical bay, Holly began to instinctively look for Karin Chakwas. To her, this had always been the other woman's eternal domain, and she supposed in her mind it always would be. Becoming a museum piece would help to freeze all of that in time and space.

She then expected to find a Turian or a Salarian. Possibly an Asari. Maybe some intern from Huerta who got roped into this grand outing. She did not expect to see...

"So. Shepard? Kasumi Goto. You really don't like to leave a thread hanging, now do you?"

Holly stopped short, gawking, and then laughed. "Oh, fuck you very much. Miranda! God, come here."

She gathered up the woman into a tight hug. Miranda seemed taken by surprise at first, not exactly the most physically affectionate of people, but quickly returned it all the same. Then stepped back, reapplying her smug grin of satisfaction.

"Kasumi. Goto."

"Oh my God, yes yes. Damn, word travels fast. Two things: first, you already won that argument, so shut up. Second, it was a chance encounter. But you were right. Completely. I should have gone for her sooner. I was childish for feeling threatened by her awesome skills. End of story."

Miranda mimicked calling up her omnitool. "I'm sorry, could you say that again? I would love a recording."

Holly gave her a mock-glare in response.

"Alright. Let's put fun and games time aside for now. You, onto the scanner bed, please. My primary task for today is to assess your fitness for duty."

"Wait a minute. Fitness for duty? I'm here as a civvie, aren't I?"

"Ah. Well, technically no. You know the Turians, all legally minded as they are. Since the treaty that allowed us to take control of the Normandy specifically said 'under Turian command', everyone on this ship who isn't already a Turian citizen has been temporary granted tier-two status. You've ah...well I suppose you've been drafted, in a manner of speaking? You could always walk off the ship, of course, but why would you?"

"Oookay. Well. Fortunately, for you, I'm actually quite eager to get poked and prodded at today, for any number of reasons."

Holly eagerly hopped onto the scanning bed, then lay back.

"Well. Getting you into bed was easier than I thought. Didn't have to make it an order."

"Was that bawdy, flirtatious humor, Doctor Lawson? Must have been a long, complicated procedure to finally remove that stick from your ass." Holly instinctively held up her hands, as if anticipating being hit for her cheekiness.

Miranda blinked, clearly caught off guard. She then gave a soft shake of her head, and began to call up a series of complex looking diagnostic programs. After a few moments of silence, she murmured, a slight blush to her cheeks "I suppose I HAVE been told a few times that Jackie seems to be a positive influence on me."

"Awwww! You two are still together? That's...that's really great." Holly spoke with genuine, heartfelt emotion, staring up straight at the ceiling as she began biting down on her bottom lip.

At least someone on this ship should have a successful love life these days.

A slight hum filled the room, and Shepard could feel the familiar electric tingle of active scans running over her body.

"More than that, actually. Ah...she proposed. Right as I was leaving for the Normandy."

"Wow! Get out! Congrats, Miranda. I'm sure your sister must be thrilled."

"Oriana was far more accepting than I expected. She practically forced me to make her my bridesmaid."

"Oh my God, like you weren't going to do that anyhow?"

Miranda narrowed her eyes, concentrating as the first streams of diagnostic data began to fill the holographic display. "No. I suppose not. Hmmm. My. You've made quite the proper mess of yourself, haven't you?"

Holly sighed hard, "Yeah. I know. I don't know how much you know about my situation, but I just kind of woke up, and discovered that I had physical dependencies on alcohol and downers, but none of the mental addiction. Believe me, I'm counting my blessings. I tried to get myself cleaned up, but I knew I needed a proper Doctor at the first available opportunity. Actually, really glad it was you. Makes sense, in retrospect. Garrus knew I was in bad shape, I'm sure he realized you'd be the best person in the galaxy, other than Karin herself, to check me out."

Miranda murmured low, "Wasn't Garrus who initially contacted me, actually. Liara did. Not a lot of flowery details in her message, quite short and to the point."

"Oh."

Before Shepard could ask further, Miranda spoke, "Well the good news is that despite your best efforts, you haven't suffered any permanent organ damage. Nothing that your cybernetics won't ultimately resolve, especially once I recalibrate them. Done an acceptable job with the dry out kit. Sinclair Method I suppose?"

Holly nodded.

"Well, lets get you out of the age of stone knives and leeches here, shall we?" Miranda lifted up a hypospray, and pressed it against her neck. "There you go. You should be set in another day or two, thanks to the far superior Lawson Method. Naturally, it helps that you're one of the very few people in the galaxy with such a completely invasive synthetic support system that can be adjusted for the purpose."

"Thanks! Those patches aren't pleasant to use, for various reasons. I suppose I'd probably be dead right now - again - if it weren't for all the hardware inside?"

"Not necessarily. You DO have a full set of Osbourne-Richards markers in your genome. That helps an awful lot."

"Who the what now?"

"Osbourne-Richards. About a hundred and fifty years ago, during the early days of genetic research, scientists noted that some Humans had the ability to chemically abuse themselves and continue on to old age, while others died quite young. They decided to see if there were any specific genetic reasons why. They convinced two popular entertainers at the time to donate material, and it's from their contribution that the genetic markers that were ultimately discovered are named. Long story short, you have an exceedingly healthy and robust genome. Honestly, it's one of the major reasons Project Lazarus worked at all in the first place."

Holly made a somewhat sour, incredulous expression, "You're telling me I was genetically predisposed towards resurrection?"

"That IS one way of looking at it, I suppose. Now, lets have a peek at that brain of yours."

"Sure. Just as long as the hacksaw doesn't come out."

"Actually, I WOULD have to attach some diagnostic headgear to your skull under normal circumstances. Again, your cybernetics allow me to pull out all sorts of fascinating data from your body. Hmmm." She mused, deep in thought, before speaking again "Once this mission is complete, do you think I could convince you to come back with me to the Institute for a while? I'd be interested in doing a ratherintensive evaluation. Tapping into your deep storage RAM network and pulling up a decade's worth of details would be pure gold. You'd need to stay in a medical coma for a couple of weeks, but it would be a tremendous help to my research."

"Uh. Okay. First, I'm refusing to make any life plans at this point until I find out why the Reapers did what they did to me. Second, seriously? Don't you have wedding plans you need to make?"

Miranda blinked, paused, as if the reality was finally sinking in. "I suppose...that I do. Oh...Jackie wouldn't mind if we paused it a bit, I"m sure-"

"No! Wedding first. No poking around inside me until you're officially Mrs. Jackie's Blushing Bride, Lady Frankenstein."

Miranda appeared to have a tart remark at hand, until a soft ding drew her attention to the displays, "Ah. Well. Good. You'll be pleased to know that you currently have no physical signs of neural trauma, degradation, or the like. Nothing that would correlate with problems that would manifest as mental illness. Absolutely no signs of new tumors. In fact...hmm. That's odd. I don't even see any scarring from the one we removed."

"Oh, that can't be so weird, right? I mean, magical body machines and everything? They could have just fixed it up?"

"I suppose so, but it would be surprising. Since I don't have any medical scans of you since the last time you were at the Institute, I can't be certain. But no, there is definitely something curiously odd about your brain. It's...good. Better than I should expect it to be."

"What, precisely the fuck, is that supposed to mean? That's not exactly a statement filling me with rock solid confidence, if that was the intention?"

Miranda reached up with both palms, rubbed them over the bridge of her nose, and then her lips, as if in concentrated thought. "Okay. There is no way that I can explain this in three hundred words or less, so I'm not going to try. Let me, however, go out on an shaky limb, and test out a hypothesis I am suddenly developing: The Prothean beacon knowledge in your head. Are you able to sense it? Can you tell if it's still there?"

Holly propped herself up on her elbows, "I can honestly say no one has ever asked me that question before. I mean, it's not like something I can just summon on demand. After the Cipher, it just...was there, you know? Oh, I've got it! Call up something in Prothean for me, on a datapad. Doesn't matter what, just anything."

Miranda did as instructed, handing the request data to Holly.

Shepard stared intently at it, narrowing her eyes in concentration. Then began holding it at different angles, before lying back and holding the display over her head.

"I can't read this." she said softly. "Miranda, I can't read Prothean anymore."

Gently reclaiming the datapad, Miranda explained, "I suspected as much. You previously possessed several exceedingly unique neural formations and structures in your brain which I always assumed were a result of taking in and then ultimately processing the Beacon data. I know them well because they were a complex nightmare to work around; the last truly great challenge that Project Lazarus had to tackle, in order to bring you back to life. Those structures are now gone."

"Is...is that good? Am I going to be alright?"

"I don't have a concrete answer for you. If I had to guess, I don't see any problems, but...hold on. Something I want to follow up with. Just a moment." Her fingers began to fly over the holographic controls. "I'm comparing the baseline Lazarus data against today's scans and the ones I took a couple years back, and running them through a new filter I've been working on. Now let's see." She tapped her lips in thought, while Shepard silently waited.

"Well. Hello. What are you?"

"Don't leave me hanging, tell me!"

"It would appear there were other neural pathway structures that I can't account for. More subtle, less situated to any particular physical part of the brain. I'm not entirely certain I would have spotted it without having these three points in time to make the comparison, running the extremely specific scans that I have."

"Couldn't that just be related to the Prothean data?"

"Possibly. Unlikely though. I'm sorry, I don't have anything to say really other than this: Holliandra Shepard, you possess the perfectly normal brain that the rest of us mere mortals in the Human race are condemned with."

Another soft buzz went off.

"Oh. Except for what appears to be an exceedingly large amount of activity, from about two weeks ago, in the hippocampus; the region on the brain primarily responsible for memory formation."

"Let me guess: kind of like a whole bunch of memories were just dumped into my head out of the blue?"

"That's one possible interpretation."

"Yeah. That actually makes sense, believe it or not. For about an hour after I...woke up...I could not recall a damn thing after I had my first seizure. As I started going through my records, it was like it all started coming rushing back. But maybe something was putting those memories back in?"

"Interesting. But why?"

"Maybe whom or whatever didn't want to leave me with a massive gap in my head, but had to process everything first. So that I didn't get the full impact of having two years of crazy-person viewpoints put back in? Really, when I think back over it, it's like watching someone elses' life unfold. It's missing the deep, intuitive context."

"You don't remember what it was like to be mentally ill?"

"Sounds as good as any other way of describing it."

They looked at each other for a short while, before Miranda motioned for Holly to rise up from the table.

"Alright. I need to go through the rest of your medical results, but I don't think I'm going to find anything problematic. For the time being, I'll certify that you are mentally and physically qualified for 'service'. But I want you in here every morning for a quick checkup. I'm also going to add a constant telemetry mode into your system firmware. On a ship like this, I can keep a non-stop stream of data flowing. If there's any problems brewing, we should be able to spot them immediately. No offense, but I think keeping you under some form of observation is for the best, given past events."

"No offense taken. Seriously. If you had just let me walk out that door without continually poking and prodding me on this trip, I'd wonder which one of us was the crazy one. I don't mind telling you, Miranda: part of me is frightened. The only thing keeping me from outwardly freaking at the moment is the fact that this isn't the first 'Let's Fuck With Shepard's Brain' rodeo that life has seen fit to send me to."

Miranda nodded. "Well, you seem to be handling it well. And as your Doctor, let me try to set your mind at least partially at ease: right now, I don't see any cause for concern, certainly not in the data at hand. Obviously, you'll need to undergo extensive exercise to regain your military physique, but no reason why you couldn't. And your brain? Honestly, it's probably in better shape overall shape now than at any other point in your life since Eden Prime."

"Well. Fingers crossed then."

"Not a philosophy I normally subscribe to, but in this case? Fingers crossed."

Holly rose up, squeezing Miranda's hand gently. "Thanks. You gave me some answers, actually. And more questions. But we'll get to the bottom of it."

"I'm sure we will. Welcome back, Shepard."

Holly grinned widely, "Good to be back.". Then turned and headed out the door.


"Hey Captain, the purty Professional Smart-Lady gave me an official Writ of Not-Crazy, but she said it'll be a good four to six weeks before the plaque arrives in the mail."

"Well, if you're cracking wise like this, Shepard, you must be back to your old self. Which isn't exactly sane, mind you, but sane enough."

She shook her head, a pleased smirk on her lips, "Asshole."

"That's Captain Asshole, Sir."

She saluted lopsidedly. "Sir, yes sir!"

He shook his head, and with mock exasperation said, "You know, they actually had to temporarily demote me to a lower citizenship tier so I could be a ship's Captain."

"Ouch. Well, we'll try to wrap this up soon." The devil-may-care attitude washing away as she added, "Get people back to life as usual. Whatever the hell usual is supposed to be, from this point on."

Garrus simply nodded. Then glanced up towards the command dais. "Speaking of which, we're ready to depart. I thought you might like to give the order. Take your place up on the perch. For old time's sake."

"Oh, hey. Garrus, thank you, but it's like I told Uhuru, way back when: I'm not here to step on anyones toes. Not my circus anymore, not my monkeys. Your show."

"Actually, it's not. Oh, I'm the Commanding Officer for this entire affair, and Ship's Captain by way of convenience, but since everyone on board needed an official function, I designated you 'Mission Commander'. So...Commander Shepard, it is my order, and my pleasure, that you take the conn, and set our course."

It came back to her, so quickly. So readily. Like a pair of old shoes.

She tried not to let too much of her emotions bleed through as she stood ramrod straight, saluted crisply, and softly said, "Aye aye, Captain. And...thank you."

Slowly she ascended the small ramp to the command dais. Turning around slowly. Looking around. Getting reacquainted with the various controls and deck layout.

"How's it feel, Commander?"

Holly gripped the railing in both hands, and leaned forward slightly.

"Calm. Orderly. Safe. I mean, not that we were ever safe much, on this ship. But we knew what to expect. We knew we could handle whatever the war was going to throw at us, even if we never admitted it to ourselves."

For the moment, she was a mother eagle, perched at the top of her aerie. Surveying her domain. Ensuring the safety of all under her care and protection. Same as she had been, all those years ago. It occurred to her that she could do this, all over again. If she had to. If for some reason, there was nothing left for her, and if she found some military willing to trust her with a ship and a crew. She could spend the rest of her life in the Big Chair. But that would be going backwards. Retreating. There was so much more out there in her life worth fighting for now, and she knew it.

Garrus walked over to the side, near the communications terminal, and looked up. "I know what you mean. Back in the old days. When all our worries and cares in life essentially consisted of saving the galaxy from the Reapers. So much simpler back then, wasn't it? For all of us."

"Hmmm. No kidding. No kidding." She paused, then asked. "Mind if I address the ship?"

"By all means."

She then looked up, and in a firm, confident tone of voice she hadn't felt herself use in almost a decade, she thumbed the intercom button.

"Attention. This is Commander Shepard. We will be undocking momentarily, and setting course for a point in interstellar space just outside of the Nubian Expanse. I'll be honest: I don't know exactly what we'll find, when we arrive. I've been promised answers though. Both to questions of a personal nature, and perhaps long unanswered questions about the Reapers themselves. But I thank you all, for your service on this voyage we are about to undertake together. And for your trust. With such a small crew, we'll be hard pressed to keep the ship going, but...I have faith. In all of you. As I hope to live up to the faith you've all placed in me. Shepard out."

She glanced over to Garrus, with a meaningful expression. He merely gave a single approving nod.

She then pressed another control, "Ensign Forchezi, undock the Normandy. Set course for the preloaded coordinates in your helm control."

"Aye, Commander! Undocking operations commencing."

It was perhaps as long as ten seconds before every light on the ship suddenly went out.

Only to return a few moments later.

"I...sorry! Sorry Commander! THAT...never happened in ANY of the simulations!"

Holly breathed in hard through her nose, tried to keep from laughing, and then said, "Let's try that again, Ensign. I think I know what you might have done wrong. I'll come over shortly and give you a few pointers, alright?"

"Yes, Commander! Sorry again!"

"What was that, about taking it all on faith, Shepard?"

"Hmmph. Starting to think that faith and ten credits is the only thing that gets you a decent cup of coffee in this galaxy."

The Normandy managed to depart from the Citadel, and make the first jump out of the Window system without further incident.


A/N: Whew! It feels good to publish something again. I've been soooooooo sick over the past two and a half weeks with this weird plague. Just getting a fourth one in under the wire for the month. (Or is it third?). And just barely starting to catch up on my reading stack here as well.

Many thanks, as always, to Corentin IV. Adept as ever at pointing out bolts that need to be tightened, or replaced entirely.

I suspect that Independence Day will come and go before I publish again, so I will wish all my American readers a happy one. Weird, I remember exactly the chapter I put out, same time last year. Fifteen months. Seems like only yesterday when I started this. Also, I suppose I should say something about the World Cup? I haven't watched it at all, but it seems like this is the year, at long last, that my fellow countrymen actually are giving a damn about soccer, so go fig :-D.

Thanks as always for the reviews, and have a great week!