47.
I opened my eyes.
At least, I tried to.
I felt warm fingers trailing along my skin, up my hair. I wanted to squirm to show pleasure. I knew it was a woman's hand. Even though it was big, calloused, and worn. A woman who had seen too much. I figured she was a nurse. Pain trickled through my veins. The doctor had done his deed. Now I was being cured.
Cured of what?
Oh I don't know. But I felt so peaceful. I felt like I was floating high up in the air, buoyed on different clouds ranging in size and shape oh it was marvelous. The hand caressed my forehead above where the white sheet was, then her fingers hooked beneath it and slowly tugged it off.
I heard her say something.
"Close your eyes, the light's too strong. I will dim it before I leave. But for now I must see you."
I nodded weakly and shut my eyes, which wasn't hard to do. She pulled the white sheet off. A wave of light cut through my eyelids, making me see an orange-red glow with bobbing white boxes. I kept my eyes shut. I let her pet me more, let her soothe me. Soon her hands stopped and I squirmed to show that I wanted more.
"Be patient, now, I only have to look. You'll feel a pinch."
What did you want to do with me what was it—ow no that was not a pinch. I winced as something behind my ear turned red-hot and rolled with pain. It stopped quickly and I relaxed. She continued petting my head.
For a moment I pretended that I had opened my eyes and the woman was no longer there. Tino stood over me instead. His gentle voice coupled with a gentle white shirt and gentle white skin so pure angelic and his hands holding me dear and his lips kissing my nose my lips my forehead. He whispered that it would all be fine. He whispered sweet nothings until I drifted back to sleep. A smile burned at my mouth.
But my eyes were still closed. The nurse was still over me. I could smell the strawberry perfume on her bosom, cast towards me and making me feel warm and at peace.
Then I pretended again. This time I imagined opening my eyes and finding teary, prideful eyes of Miranda. She would pin a badge on me, telling me I had done well. She would pet my head, maybe kiss it, and then leave.
I grew fearfully lonesome because of it. I wanted Tino back. My smile vanished and I let out a low, guttural moan.
"Sh, I know it hurts a little. But it'll go away soon." The nurse said. Her feet clicked down the room. I made another moan.
No please don't leave me too I have no one.
Please please don't.
I pleaded with my mind. I wanted her to stay because if she stayed then I stayed in this time. I knew my body was locked into position that I couldn't do much but it was far better than suffering in another time.
Her steps came back. The light of room had dimmed. As she promised. I breathed in relief. She returned and petted my forehead again. Never stop. So comforting.
"There, you can open your eyes now." She said.
I pried my eyes open with some difficulty. I blinked them several times, clearing them of any blur. Over my head the nurse stood. She had a round, delicate face. Her eyes were bright blue and clever. Her hair was curled, pulled back. She was beautiful. I nearly wept from such a sight.
Mostly because only a moment before an image of Matthias' bloodied corpse lingered in my arms.
She was rotund, but in a cute way. She was homey. That was the word. A homey woman. I wanted her to never leave.
I choked that out.
"Please… don't… leave…"
"I have to attend to other patients, too." She said back. "But I won't leave. I'm your nurse after all."
I loved the way she spoke. She had an accent. The same one Tino had.
I began to weep despite myself.
She brought a soft towel and dabbed at my cheeks.
"Are you comfortable?"
"Very… very, very much… miss…"
Her plumy pink lips curled into a smile. "I'm glad to hear that. You've suffered a lot, now. The war truly was quite the burden."
"T-Tino…?!" I muttered. Hadn't the doctors said that I was found in an alley? I had assumed it was following Tino's death. Was I wrong?
She looked at me curiously. "Tino? You said that name often in your sleep. Is it someone you love?"
I nodded. My neck hurt because of it. But I needed to find him.
"Well he hasn't visited you yet. Only one person has."
I raised my brows. Who was it? I asked, too tired to voice it.
"It was a man named Lukas. A little young, long blond hair." She explained, setting the sheets around me better. She was preparing to leave.
Lukas…
My blood froze. Time was broken. Lukas died when I was a teenager. I was an adult now. This was after the war. Why was he here?
"When he comes by I'll wake you up." She said. "If you need anything press the button at your side and ring the bell. I, or another nurse, will come by and tend to you." She petted my head again. I didn't focus on what she said. Time was broken. Time was broken. I was timeless. I was a timeless man. Time was broken. So broken. Glass shattered against the ground. A broken present. Broken broken broken
She left.
And I slipped out of this time, snatched away by an undertow. The tide swallowed me up. And I submitted. For I had no choice.
