Chapter 50 – Gumdrops and Psychiatric Disorders

They ran.

Courier set a bruising pace as they stumbled through the starless night over the uneven ground, frequently tripping on rocks and plant life and faltering into the unseen burrows of the smaller wasteland creatures.

They didn't stop running until the sun tinted the world pink in the east and then they only slowed to a fast walk.

Cade was tired though he wouldn't say a word of complaint about it. He was the eldest of the group by at least a decade and though he still worked out the mandatory four times a week as set out by Maxsons regime while on the Prydwen, he was also the least fit of group when they had started all of this. He wasn't sure but he guessed that the Courier was no older than thirty five, Boone too but they were seasoned hikers. MacCready was a former smoker, but he was far younger and quick to recover. Dylan Cade did not want to be the one to slow them down.

He occupied his mind by thinking about Max and what had happened in Cedar City and well before that in the Institute rather than the burning in his lungs and the protests from the muscles in his legs. He had a glimmer of an idea as to what it was and he wanted to see if he was right, he wanted to test his theory and wanted to talk to the Courier when they had a moment to do so. Of everyone, the Courier would understand what he needed and why.

He tripped on a hidden rut in the dirt and was quickly caught by Maxson before he fell. He corrected himself and sent a thankful look at his Elder. Maxson would not like what he had in mind for Max… not at all.

Cade guessed that Boone wouldn't like it either considered their ill hidden relationship, but he would be more easily swayed by the Courier if it came to that. Cade didn't want to hurt Max, but he could think of no other way to get the answers he wanted and potentially all of them needed.

The Courier and Boone could run at a mile eating pace for a long time, but even they needed to rest now and then. As morning broke and they slowed to a walk, Boone and Zac scouted ahead to find some form of shelter to rest up in for an hour or so. They needed to sleep and to eat, apart from the snacks that had been consumed in the market during their resupply mission they had not eaten since the previous morning and had not slept in even longer. Courier was sure they had a good lead on the Legion garrison at Cedar City and it wasn't too far to the northern border of Zion.

It was maybe an hour after Zac and Boone left that Maxsons pipboy crackled to life.

"About two miles south of you there's an old dirt road intercepting your trajectory, go left and about a hundred yards on your right you'll see an upturned truck. I'll meet you there." It was Zacs voice, it was a bit much to expect Boone to say so much in one breath.

Courier looked at his group. "Can we manage a jog?" he asked them, looking a little drawn himself.

They nodded and Courier led them according to Zacs directions, finding the road and the truck in no time at all. The Lone Wanderer sat atop the cab of the truck, he had acquired a faded blue truckers cap reading 'Tits 'n' Grits Topless Bar 'n' Grill' in bold white lettering with an artfully arranged nudey picture underneath it.

"Found a logging office just back off the road." He advised them, popping something into his mouth and chewing absently. "There were gumdrops."

He jumped down to the ground and wandered ahead of them finally emerging in a clearing amongst a cluster of long dead tree trunks. In the centre of the clearing in the lengthening shadow of an enormous earthmoving machine of some kind, was a small, mostly intact building.

Boone emerged from inside and met them at the door.

"I don't like it." He said shortly, his voice gruff. "Can't see."

He motioned purposefully towards the tall standing tree trunks around them.

"It'll do for now." Courier said also eyeing the tree line.

Max slung her rifle over her shoulder and started to climb the massive machine but Boone caught her arm before she made it far.

"No." He said firmly.

"I can climb this and keep watch from the top." She started.

"No." He repeated with more force.

Maxs eyes narrowed dangerously and she yanked her arm from his grasp drawing breath to launch a scathing retort.

"Max should go up." Cade said quickly, and everyone looked at him in surprise.

It was rare for the Proctor to speak out. Courier tilted his head and sent a questioning look waiting for him to go on.

"She is an experienced free climber and the best sniper we have." Cade defended Max, "She'll be safe up there and if one of the guys with the working pipboys lent it to her for an hour, she could warn us of danger without having to climb down first. The view of the surrounding landscape would be better without the tree trunks obscuring everything." He concluded.

He was looking at the Courier like he was trying to convince him but the Courier picked up on the subtle undertone… they needed to get rid of Max so that they could talk.

Courier nodded sagely pretending to ponder it. "You're right. Boone give Max your pipboy."

Boone opened his mouth to argue, but snapped it shut again with a click of his jaw. He unfastened the pipboy from his wrist and shoved it at Max, his teeth clenched so hard together, Courier was sure that he was grinding teeth to dust.

"Max, one hour and we're gone." Courier instructed. She nodded as she buckled the pipboy on her wrist, handing Boone hers with a dirty look. "Eat something." He added.

She was part way up the machine before he finished, her fingers somehow finding purchase against the seemingly smooth structure, like she was a radroach scurrying up a wall. It felt somehow wrong to compare the General to a bug, but Courier shrugged and ushered the rest of the team inside. Boone was alternating between watching Max climb and glaring at him.

"Cade wants to say something." Courier informed him, hoping to reassure his friend.

"It'd better be good." Boone grunted, casting a long look up at Max before making to slouch inside.

Courier grabbed his arm before they entered and looked hard at his friends face. Boone glared back defiantly and after what seemed like an age, Courier nodded his head and released him.

"I get it." Courier said, walking inside.

Boone looked up at Max one last time, watching her settle in her perch above before following him.

They were met by Cade as soon as the door closed.

"Dissociative Disorder." Cade blurted.

"Bless you…?" Courier said with a raised eyebrow.

Cade titled his head questioningly, he obviously hadn't heard the conversation where Max had mentioned that old world custom. Cade shook his head in dismissal of it whatever it was.

"She has a dissociative disorder… I think bought on by extreme stress." He went on to explain, his eyes going bright at the thought of a new affliction for him to explore.

Zac looked up from the pack he was rifling through. He had a MRE in one hand purchased from the market in Cedar City and his box of gumdrops in the other. "I'm not an expert on mental disorders or anything but my dad had a few books on this sort of thing. The first time you guys saw her, I don't know… black out… was when she watched Danse die, right?" He took a bite of the jerky he pulled from the pack next and chewed thoughtfully. "Too much for her, shut down her head while she processed."

Cade nodded and said "A bit simplistic but close enough."

"I was summarising in laymans terms for those less gifted than myself." Zac grinned.

"So, just for me then." MacCready grimaced as he dropped his pack tiredly and flopped onto the floor. Zac patted him on the shoulder in mock sympathy and offered him a gumdrop.

"Most of the literature that the Brotherhood has is about PTSD but I remember one of them mentioning this. It may even be caused by PTSD… She was in the military, right? Served at Anchorage back in the old days?" Cade looked thoughtful. "Not sure what happened back in town, maybe being disorientated was enough. She didn't black out at the slavers camp and you'd think that'd be pretty traumatic."

"It's just a theory of course, I haven't seen it happen first hand, but I have seen the after affects, she doesn't even recognise us." Cade continued. "She doesn't remember what happened during the event... from what happened in Cedar City… I don't even think she knows what's happening to her, that something is happening at all"

"So why don't you ask her." Boone snapped from his position by the door. "Instead of talking about her behind her back."

Courier nodded, agreeing with his friend. Last time they did something like this, he ended up with a broken nose, something he didn't want repeated.

"Because." Cade said cautiously and with exaggerated patience. "I want to see her enter the state, what it would take for her to…"

"Wait." Maxson interjected angrily, and Boone straightened from his slouched position against the wall. "You just said trauma bought it on. You want to see her hurt?" His face was accusing.

"Of course not, Elder. I want to see what we are dealing with, that's all." Cade put his hands up defensively.

"In the Institute she tore apart a dozen Coursers with her bare hands while in that state." Maxson pointed out. "You saw her after that; she didn't know you… or me, or anyone. You want to put her there again? What if she hurts one of us? Kills one of us? Forget the one of us she kills, what do you think she'd feel if she came out of it and saw what she had done? Leave it alone."

"She knew Danse." Cade said bluntly. "She knew Boone."

Maxson frowned but didn't say anything more.

"Look, all I'm saying is, if we knew the triggers..."

"For fucks sake. Talk To Her." Boone bellowed suddenly. His patience had run out. He pushed himself off the wall and came to stand in front of Cade, his sunglasses gripped tightly in one hand and the other hand balled into a tight fist.

Cade didn't back down and Courier was once again impressed with the Proctor. Boone could be an intimidating guy. He himself had been on the receiving end of a few of Boone punches and he was a big guy. Cade had to look up at him but the Proctor kept his nerve and looked Boone right in the eyes.

"If she knew it was a test, she wouldn't be scared." Cade said evenly. "If it was even hinted that there was no danger, she wouldn't be scared and it wouldn't trigger anything."

"Then it can't be anything that would hurt her." MacCready spoke quietly and everyone turned towards him in surprise, he was another guy that barely spoke up. "She won't budge if she's hurt… She wouldn't give a stuff, you'll need to hurt someone she cares about."

Cade stepped back from Boone, putting a little more space between him and the sniper… the guy was radiating angry heat and Cade needed to think.

"If you want my theory," Zac said from his seat on the floor, he was twirling the faded paper wrapping from his found gumdrops in his fingers and staring at it absently. "She wigged out back in town because of Boone."

All of the mens eyes swung towards him.

"She was wearing his NCR Beret. I reckon the Legion boys that tried to accost her may have said something or done something to threaten Boone." Zac elaborated without looking at them. "She was disorientated and not thinking clearly… it may have been enough to trigger her… I dunno, just a thought."

"Why Boone…?" Maxson asked his eyes narrowing on the sniper who was still standing in the centre of the room.

Courier sighed to himself, he knew this was coming. He edged his way towards the young Elder.

"Calm down, mate." Zac said with a tinge of exasperation in his voice. "It could have been over any of us… she cares about us all."

"That's right." Cade said quickly. "Umm… it was Danses death that triggered the first time and she recognised him in the aftermath… if Boone was the trigger the second time, he would be the one she recognised. If it had been MacCready, he would have been the one she recognised. That makes sense. I think"

"So basically, we have to make sure one of us in in mortal danger so Max can relapse and save whoever it is without killing the rest of us… this is going to go real well." Courier grunted.

"I can talk to her about it when I see it for myself." Cade assured Boone who still looked angry. He pretty much always looked angry.

"This is a bad idea." Boone snapped and walked back to his spot on the wall. He leaned against it with a thud and slapped his glasses back over his eyes.

"Boys." Maxs voice rang out urgently over Maxsons Pipboy and they all looked at it, their eyes alert.

"About a dozen hostiles inbound, about two miles north... we're moving again."

"That was the least restful rest stop I think I've ever had." Zac complained tiredly, hoisting his pack onto his shoulders and picking up his Perforator.

"We can outrun them, they won't go into Zion." Courier said striding to the door confidently.

The rest of the men filed out of the door behind him to meet Max outside and to head out as quickly as possible. Maxson hung back for a beat and watched Craig Boone duck out of the doorway, his azure eyes icy…