The Battle Of Who Could Care Less – 52
"I'm telling you, asshole, it was your turn to get the groceries this week!"
Elizabeth smiled against Jason's mouth, pulling away but remaining in his embrace as the elevator doors swung open to reveal two bickering baboons.
"So tell me, Max, how the fuck am I supposed to go out and get your low fat, low sodium sour cream when the entire town is under lock-down?"
"I don't care," the Italian guard replied stubbornly, crossing his arms over his chest. "I'm just not swinging by the A&P this week. Psycho Cybil is always at the bakery counter whenever I go there and she keeps trying to grope me."
"You think you got problems with that harpie?" Johnny demanded, not even noticing that his employer was staring at him and his roommate like they'd lost their minds. "The last time I tried getting some cupcakes for Mikey, she propositioned me! In front of all the Pharmacy guys, too – I still can't buy any fucking allergy medicine there!"
They stopped only when they heard Elizabeth burst into laughter, and the two bodyguards had the decency to look somewhat embarrassed as the petite brunette tugged Jason aboard. But their embarrassment soon faded when the two guards noticed Jason's tousled hair and untucked shirt, along with the brunette's healthy flush.
Even the enforcer's icy glare didn't wipe the grins from Johnny and Max's faces as they took the elevator down to the lobby, making sure to exchange a few thinly veiled innuendos that would most likely get them in trouble but not killed.
Elizabeth was thoroughly enjoying the boy talk at Jason's expense as she stepped out into the lobby behind her boyfriend, listening to her voicemail. Johnny and Max had better hurry up and get all their shots in – the feeling of camaraderie they currently enjoyed with Sonny and Jason would fade as soon as the aftermath of Helena and Alcazar's reign of terror faded, and they'd be back to pushing papers and playing Revolving Door if they weren't careful.
Jason was gritting his teeth and imagining the best way to kill two men with nothing more than a pair of shoelaces when he felt her hand on his arm and looked back to see the brunette frowning at her phone before slipping it into his purse.
"Okay, guys, small change of plans," she started hesitantly, nibbling her lip when she saw that she had their complete attention. "I have to make a quick run by the docks before we head to Luke's."
"I'm coming with you," Jason spoke up automatically, glancing at the two guards who nodded along.
"Okay, see, that's what I was afraid of," Elizabeth admitted with an impish grin. "If you're all coming with me, I need you to promise me something."
The men looked at each other before suspiciously turning to the little woman. "What?"
"That you won't start shooting until I can explain."
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He should have known better than to give her his word when she made such outrageous demands. But he had, and because of that Jason Morgan found himself standing around on the docks at a quarter to midnight with two high-strung bodyguards and a whistling brunette as they waited for their mystery guest.
A large white yacht could be seen in the distance; it hadn't been there twelve hours earlier but was currently at anchor. Instead, a black motorboat cut through the choppy waves of the Port Charles Harbor, drawing closer in order to dock.
Elizabeth glared at Johnny and Max when she noticed their hands resting very close to their hip holsters. The men glared back but didn't remove their hands. Jason shifted his weight from one foot to the other, his narrowed cerulean eyes trained on the motorboat as it approached.
There were four men aboard. One steered, killing the engine as they drew nigh and coasting to a stop. Two others immediately sprang out to secure the boat and help the fourth man out onto the planks, and Jason's gut tightened in anticipation.
Without glancing at the three men behind her, Elizabeth tucked her hair behind her ears and walked down the length of the pier, a broad but formal smile on her face. Johnny and Max exchanged alarmed looks and quickly followed her on Jason's heels, but the three men came to a crashing halt when a single tall, imposing figure stepped out of the inky shadows and they found themselves standing face to face with Luis Alcazar.
The dead man extended his hand, clasping Elizabeth's smaller, paler one in both of his own. She shook his hand warmly, pausing to glare over her shoulder when Jason and the guards all reached for their weapons.
"Lorenzo, I'm so glad you made it," she said, offering the tall Spaniard a small smile. "Robert was supposed to meet you here but he couldn't make it in time. He sends his regards."
"Please return the gesture," the older man smiled tightly, still holding her hand in his. "I came as soon as I got the wire. It was good of you two to warn me personally of my brother's affairs a few days ago. I regret that I could do nothing in time to save him, but at times I have wonder if he was to be saved at all."
Elizabeth nodded solemnly and with a small sigh, turned around to face Jason and the two guards. "Jason, this is Lorenzo Alcazar. He's Luis' brother. Robert and I were on our way to see him in Spain when we stopped in Portugal – you know about the hotel explosion. Lorenzo, this is Jason Morgan and that's John O'Brien and Max Giambetti."
The Spaniard nodded at the wary men before turning his attention back to the petite brunette. "Robert said that there would be an agent awaiting me when I came to settle Luis' affairs."
Elizabeth nodded immediately. "Yeah – Garrett McPherrin is at General Hospital right now, and he's expecting you. I think there are some other people with him – some men from the…U.S. State Department? I'm really not sure-"
Lorenzo nodded hastily. "Yes, yes, they're associates of the family. I thank you for your help, Elizabeth, and I'm profoundly sorry for the damage Luis has caused to you personally and the rest of this town. Words cannot express my guilt."
"It wasn't your fault," she offered softly. "You didn't do it."
"No, but I didn't stop it, either," he replied flatly. "Luis…Luis was never right again after Sophia died. We did what we could, but he couldn't be reached. And so when he left Barcelona and set sail on his yacht…we didn't do anything to stop him. We didn't keep track of his affairs or his partnerships or his exploits. And that's how he got involved with Helena Cassidine. I know what my brother was, Elizabeth, but the part of me that remembers him from before needs to believe that he could have been stopped before it went this far."
She pursed her lips and looked down at her feet, nodding. She didn't know what to say to that, and knew that if she attempted condolences, they would ring false because she was glad the son of a bitch was dead.
Lorenzo understood her reticence and seemed to respect her for it. He cleared his throat roughly and glanced at his men who stood stationed behind him like silent sentinels. "There is one more thing…"
Jason's hands remained stuffed in his pockets as Elizabeth nodded quickly. "Sure, what?"
"…Can you tell me if Miss Brenda Barrett is currently at General Hospital?" The Spaniard's eyes met hers directly, imploring her to answer honestly.
Elizabeth opened her mouth but it took her a few seconds to get a word out. "…Oh. Oh, um, Brenda. Y-Yes, she's there, but…but I don't know if it would be smart to – I mean – you know, you just look so much – and I don't know if-"
Lorenzo smiled faintly and nodded once. "I do not intend to see her personally, Elizabeth, if that is what has you concerned. I realize that she is under intense psychological pressure at the moment, no thanks to Luis, and that seeing me would not bode well for her condition."
He touched the breast of his impeccable suit and she could hear the faint crackle of a concealed envelope. "I would only like to give her something…a letter and a few other things I would like her to have. If you say she's still there, I will leave them with McPherrin and have him see to it that she receives them."
"Sounds good," she nodded jerkily, reaching out to take his hand once more and giving it a firm shake. "Thank you for coming, Lorenzo. If you need anything else, feel free to get in touch with Robert or myself and we'll help in any way you can."
"I couldn't ask anything more of you two," the businessman responded softly, letting go of her hand and tipping his chin at his men. "Goodbye, Elizabeth."
She crossed her arms around her middle and stepped aside, watching as Lorenzo and his men strode past Jason and the guards and toward the rickety wooden stairs. "Goodbye, Mister Alcazar."
Lucky, Luke and Robert were already bickering by the time Jason, Elizabeth and the two guards stepped into Luke's Bar which was open for the first time in years.
"Well, how the hell was I to know that she'd throw a vase at my head?" Robert demanded, his hands on his hips as he stood with Luke behind the counter. "At the hospital, she and Noah couldn't have been more grateful, but when I stopped by the Brownstone to say hi, she chucked a vase at my head!"
"Women," Luke agreed, polishing a glass. "And Barbara Jean's usually so level-headed, too, but I guess you never can tell with them."
Lucky was rolling his eyes as the foursome approached. "Honestly, Robert, I could have told you she'd do that. Didn't I tell you that Felicia would cry and hug you? I can totally call all the crazy shit women pull. I don't know how you didn't know that Aunt Bobbie would be pissed off at you – you should just be glad that she didn't throw shoes. Usually, they throw shoes."
Elizabeth laughed at that, pulling Jason along behind her as she approached the group. The two old men grinned at her the moment they saw her and Lucky motioned the guards forward and handed them each a beer before sliding off his stool and making his way over to Elizabeth.
"See this one?" he motioned, pulling the petite brunette against his side in a lazy hug. "She throws shoes. I'm telling you, I know this stuff."
"Know what stuff?" Elizabeth wanted to know as Jason took a seat next to Johnny and Max. "Clue me in."
"Cowboy apparently has a knack for predicting the behavior of the fairer sex," Luke drawled, making it clear that he wasn't buying it. "And your pal Robert here almost got beaned in the noggin with a crystal vase."
"Yeah, Bobbie's got a great arm," the brunette admitted, smirking at the ex-commissioner. "You're just lucky she didn't decapitate you with that thing."
"The Brownstone used to be such a warm, welcoming place once, too," Robert sighed before shrugging his shoulder. "Ah, well. I'll just have to strap on some heavy padding before I venture there again. Say, Morgan, where's your boy?"
"Sonny's still at the hospital with Carly and Michael," the enforcer replied, taking a long pull of his beer as Elizabeth hopped onto the stool next to his. "Says that if he doesn't get a chance to say goodbye, to tell you that he'll see you in Hell."
"Such a charmer, that one," Robert growled, reaching behind the counter for a tall glass filled with a pale pink beverage that he then slid across the counter to Elizabeth. "Here – try this, doll, see if it's to your liking."
The brunette quirked a curiously amused glance at him before accepting the drink and taking a sip. "Ooh – that's pretty good. What is it?"
"A Robert Scorpio Special Recipe," the detective informed her, his eyes crinkling with laughter. "I left it with Luke so that when I'm not around, he can fix it for you."
The answer was troubling, and Jason watched as his girlfriend's dark brows furrowed. "You're not leaving right away, are you, Robbie? You're going to stick around for a few days?"
"I'm not sure that I can," the old man replied reluctantly. "I was planning on shipping out in about twenty-four hours – give myself some time to rest. Got a call from a colleague stationed near Macchu Picchu, and I somehow wound up telling him I'd try to swing by and lend him a hand if I possibly could."
Elizabeth frowned, setting her drink down on the counter. "So soon? Really?" Her shoulders slumped when Robert shrugged. "I'm really going to miss you, Robbie. I can't even imagine not seeing you everyday."
"Well, hey, come on, now, I haven't gone anywhere yet," the agent grinned, brandishing his own half-full glass of single malt. "We've still got some time left to have some fun, don't we?"
"Hey! Elizabeth, check out what I found." The small group turned to see a very dusty Lucky stumbling out of the back room with something draped over his shoulder, and Elizabeth let out a squeal when she recognized his old guitar.
"Oh, my God, where did you find that?"
"Tucked way in back, behind Dad's fake accounting books," Lucky grinned, passing it off to her so that she could inspect it.
"I'll pretend I didn't hear that," Robert called out helpfully, glaring at an unapologetic Luke.
"Oh, look, it's still got the stickers on it," Elizabeth cooed, fingering the peeling stickers she had given him years ago. "And, hey – your lucky pick!"
"Pun intended," her ex-boyfriend grinned when she dropped the dark blue plastic onto his palm. "Man, I haven't seen this thing in forever. It can't still be in tune…"
He strummed it once, and he and Elizabeth both made a face at the resulting discordance. "Yeah, it's definitely not."
"Lucky, I didn't know you were a musician," Robert spoke up, tilting his head to the side. "Luke mentioned it once, I think, but I didn't think much of it. You any good?"
"He's great," Elizabeth beamed, returning to her stool next to Jason. "You should hear him play."
"I used to be okay," Lucky admitted, plopping down on top of the counter and trying to tune the old instrument. "But I fell out of it for a couple years. Didn't write, didn't play, didn't do much of anything with it. I don't know…maybe this is a sign. Maybe I should start up again. I used to have so much fun annoying the crap out of Dad with this thing…"
Luke leveled a glare at his best friend. "You're getting a dead rat in your dinner tonight, Robert."
"My compliments to the chef, then," the agent replied, kissing his fingertips with a flourish as the clang of Gothic bells suddenly rang through the room. "Um…I think there's someone at the door."
"Who that is?" Luke yelled toward the door, frowning when no one replied. "It's open, so you might as well get your ass in here. Five dollars with ticket, ten at the door."
Elizabeth and Lucky could hardly believe their eyes when the door opened just a crack and a very familiar face peeked in apprehensively. "Claude!"
"Claude?" Luke's eyes were as wide as saucers and the old man set his drink down on the counter, stumbling toward the door as if in a daze. "Claude? My Claude? It's you – you're back!"
Elizabeth and Jason bit back their laughter when the senile old man threw his arms around his former employee. If Claude looked like he was about to bolt before, he looked ready to scream right about now.
"Oh, Claude, why did you leave me?" Luke implored, refusing to let the younger man go. "I missed you so much – you and your dreadlocks and your cigarettes and your shitty bartending skills. And the Rastafarian music – did I tell you I missed the Rastafarian music? I can't say Yea, man without getting a little misty."
Even Robert was grinning at the exchange as Elizabeth did her best to remain on her stool instead of falling to the floor. At the door, Luke continued to clutch a very terrified Claude.
"Oh, Claude, you were the son I never had."
"Hey!"
The old man didn't even turn around at Lucky's indignant cry. "The dark-skinned, dread-locked, crappy bartender son I never had. Don't ever leave me, Claude. I promise, I'll be good to you. From now on, things will be different between us. From now on, I'll treat you with respect and kindness, and I won't yell at you, and I'll actually pay you on time. We're turning a new leaf, you and I. Oh, this feels good, Claude. Doesn't this feel good?"
"Mr. Spencer…" The man's wide eyes darted helplessly around the room. "If I say yes, will you let me go?"
"Oh, I'll never let you go, Claude."
"How about you just…hold my hand instead?"
"Done!" Luke exclaimed, releasing the poor man and throwing an arm around his shoulders to lead him toward the group. "Guess what, gang? Claude says he's going to come work for me again!"
"Wait, Mr. Spencer, I never said-"
"Claude says he's going to come work for me again!"
Jason chuckled as the man in question opened his mouth to say something then appeared to realize that it would do no good. "Yeah, I did."
"You heard him," Luke exclaimed, brushing his son off the counter and buffing the spot and the adjacent stool with his shirtsleeve before offering it to Claude. "Now everybody shut up and pay attention to Claude. You want something to drink?"
"Water will be fine-"
"Have a beer," the old man commanded, setting it down in front of him. "And drink it fast because we've got work to do. This is our first night with customers again! So, tell me, Claude, my favorite Claude, how did you know to come by here tonight? Did you hear my fractured and wounded soul calling out to you?"
"I was taking the I-25 back from seeing my sister in Rochester," he replied meekly. "I saw the lights on and thought I'd see what was going on."
"Did you hear that, gang? Claude heard my fractured and wounded soul calling out to him."
Elizabeth turned her face into Jason's shoulder to hide her laughter as a humming Luke went happily about his business behind the counter. Lucky, who had since hopped back onto the counter with his guitar, directed a bland look in the bar tender's direction. "Welcome to my Hell."
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The grandfather clock in the corner had just finished striking four in the morning, and the gang was still going strong. Sonny had dropped in for a little bit to say hi and Luke had sent him back with a bag of ribs that they had all ordered from Eli's, just so a recovering Carly and Michael wouldn't take another nosedive due to crappy hospital food. Claude's reign had come to an end and Luke had put him to work in the kitchen but had been forced to send him into the back room to take inventory after he heard the crash of breaking dishes. Lucky had finished tuning his guitar and handed it off to Johnny to let him try his hand at it. Jason and Elizabeth were sitting tangled together on the leather stools, downing their drinks at a healthy pace and just enjoying the downtime.
Robert grimaced when he turned away from Luke toward the young couple only to find them in another clinch. He eyed the seltzer dispenser that he had used to separate them earlier, then thought better of it. The last time he'd hosed them down, Morgan had actually reached for his holster, and Robert didn't feel like trying his luck again tonight.
Instead, he picked up a paper napkin and wadded it into a ball before pitching it at the pair. It caught Jason directly on his large nose, and Robert couldn't help but smile as the young man glared at him.
"What do you want?"
"Nothing from you," he snipped, fumbling around under the counter for the envelope he remembered putting down there earlier. Four hours of alternating between scotch on the rocks and club soda were catching up to him, and it took him three tries to locate the elusive envelope. "For Elizabeth."
She took the packet from him, eyeing it curiously. "Who's this from?"
"Anna," Robert replied immediately. "It arrived at the bar for you today, and I completely forgot about it until just now when I saw you two trying to crawl into each other's mouths."
"I really like that Anna Divine," Luke announced from halfway across the room. "She's…hot."
"It's a good thing you're way the hell over there," Robert informed him, pointing toward the grandfather clock that bore a remarkable resemblance to his best friend, "or I'd beat the living spaghetti sauce out of you. All…four of you. And your little dog, too."
"That's a lamp."
"Close enough."
"Oh, wait – I lied. It's Claude. Claude, you lamp, what do you think you're doing out here? I told you not to take in the light of day til you got the list done!"
"It's night, sir."
"That's it, you're fired! Take your stuff and get out! But do the list first!"
"Sure thing, Mr. Spencer."
"He's not going to do the list," Luke confided to no one. "He's just going to go upstairs and smoke a doobie in one of the rooms before going to sleep. Damn you, Claude. Damn you to Hell."
"So, Elizabeth." Robert shook his head briskly before crossing his elbows on the counter and turning to his little friend. "What's my ex-wife got to say?"
"She sent me a letter," the brunette replied happily, pulling out the note. She had been watching her alcohol intake all night and was doing better than the rest of the men in the room. "She's got real pretty handwriting. Okay, this is what she says…"
Wildcard
– Nice name. It's been jumping through the wire all day.
I've finished up in Mexico; the operation was a success and all
your friends are fine. Emmanuel Mortega is the new governor of the
town, democratically picked by the people of Calvillo, and was sworn
in yesterday morning. Enclosed you will find some photographs that
Magdalena wanted you to have – they're from her wedding! It was a
lovely affair, and very warm and inviting with enough home-cooked
food to feed an army. She says that she hopes you and Señor
Roberto and El Guapo are fine, along with the other men that came
down to Calvillo after you, and that she hopes you have made up with
your own gorilla because she certainly has with hers. In fact, she
married him. There's a shot of your kitten in there, too; he's
living with Pedro now. If I had more time in Calvillo, I would have
made my next mission finding that incorrigible boy a good girl to
spend some time with. But that's the size of it, and I must be off.
I pack up tomorrow morning and jet out to lands unknown – and
classified. Magdalena sends her love, and I send my warm regards to
you and your friends. I don't quite know all of what you and Robert
have been up to these past few weeks, but I'm sure I'll be filled
in promptly. Bang-up job – you're far too clever by half, it
seems. Til we meet again; hopefully it will be under far better
circumstances. – The White Rose
Jason watched as Elizabeth brushed away a single tear that ran down her cheek. "Magda called you a gorilla."
He laughed gently and pressed a kiss to her temple. "I heard."
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"Hey! Hey! Everyone shut up! That means you, Claude!"
The bar quieted down as the assembled group looked toward Luke who was punching keys on his automated phone system.
"What's going on?"
"Cool it, Crocodile Dundee," the old man growled, holding the receiver pressed between his shoulder and ear. "There's a very special little lady on the phone and if I can just figure out how to get this damn thing to…Aha! Sing it, Gumdrop!"
"Hiiiiiii, fambly!"
Lucky and Elizabeth's jaws dropped. "Lulu!"
"Eeeeee! Lucky! Elizabeth! Hi!"
Luke was beaming as the two practically mowed Johnny and Max down in their haste to get to the counter. They hopped onto the stools and leaned almost completely over the edge of the bar as Jason and Robert set down their pool cues and ambled over.
"What are you guys doing up this early? Isn't it, like, five in the morning?"
"Six," Elizabeth corrected. "And it's a really long story, but we promise we'll fill you in. Two words: Helena Cassidine."
"Son of a-"
"Daughter…"
"Sorry, Dad. So what happened? And how come no one told me that the Dragon Lady was on a rampage?"
"Like she said, long story, Lulubelle," Lucky shrugged, using her old nickname from when they were both much younger. "Helena teamed up with one of Sonny Corinthos' enemies – you remember Sonny, right?"
"Sure, sure, Sonny and…Jason, was that it? Mister Jason?"
"Yeah. She teamed up with their enemy and took control of the whole town while me, Dad, Elizabeth, Sonny and Jason were all in Mexico trying to find out who killed Roy."
"Roy? Roy DiLucca? He died? No! Why didn't you guys tell me sooner? How's Aunt Bobbie?"
"She's doing fine," Elizabeth assured her. "She and Roy broke up almost a year ago and even though it's still a big shock, she's doing okay."
"Well…okay. So what happened in Mexico?"
"We met up with Robert Scorpio and-"
"Wait, I thought he was dead."
"Ha!" came a laugh from the other side of the counter as Robert sloppily tried to pour himself some more scotch. Losing two hundred dollars to Jason in a game of pool was cause enough to drink. "Your father only wishes!"
"Okay, so, obviously, he's not dead. He pulled a Mom?"
"Pretty much," Lucky admitted. "We found him there in Mexico already and then somehow we found this necklace and then figured out that Helena was after it, too, so we all split up. Elizabeth and Robert went to England to find out more about the necklace and me and Dad came home to help Sonny and Jason."
"Long story short," Elizabeth cut in, wanting to save them all some valuable time, "Sonny's enemy is at the bottom of the harbor and Helena disappeared in a puff of pink smoke."
"Okay, which idiot didn't see that coming? So everyone's okay, right?"
"We're drunk," Robert clarified, wagging a finger at the telephone. "We're better than okay."
"So…everyone's okay, and the commissioner over there needs to go lie down on a sponge, right?"
"Right," Elizabeth laughed. "So tell us about you, Lu – how's school? How's the Colonel? How's life across the pond?"
"Oh, it's all great," they heard her laugh nervously. "School just started again, and it's going to be tough, but I can handle it. The Colonel's great. His arthritis is acting up again, so he has to take it easy."
"You being good to the old guy?" Luke asked, thinking of his old associate who had graciously agreed to let Lulu stay at his house while she attended the boarding school in Wales. "You doing everything he tells you and letting him keep you safe?"
"Yes, Daddy. Anyway, everything's good. I'm really looking forward to being an upperclassman. It's going to be pretty awesome. Plus, we're finally going to learn how to drive – I can't wait!"
Lucky burst out laughing at that. "Man, I hope you're better at it than I was. The first time I took the car out, I ended up mowing down half the block."
"I only learned how to about a year ago," Elizabeth admitted. "Nikolas said it was 'inexcusable' that I didn't know how to drive and he made me come out to Wydemere and practice on the abandoned trails. I still like the bus better."
"Hey, I bet you're going to be chauffeured places from now on," her ex quipped, tipping his chin at Jason. "Isn't that right?"
Without thinking about it, Jason nodded as he accepted a beer from Robert. "Francis is on permanent driving duty."
"Why is Elizabeth going to be chauffeured places from now on?" Lulu wanted to know.
"Because she's banging your Mister Jason now," her older brother snickered, barely managing to duck before Elizabeth beaned him upside the head. "What? It's true!"
"Elizabeth, you're…with Mister Jason? Really? Isn't he too tall for you?"
Lucky just shrugged. "It's why beds are flat, Lu. Ow!"
"Ack! Elizabeth, what did you do to him?!"
"Pushed him off the stool onto his fat butt."
"Okay, he kind of had it coming, so I'll forgive you. So…you're really with Mister Jason?"
"It's just Jason," Robert felt the need to announce. "There's no Mister. It's just Jason. Plain old Jason. Jason, Jason, Jason. No matter how many times I say it…I still really hate that boy."
"Wow, you're just a barrel of sunshine, aren't you, Uncle Robert?"
The detective frowned at that. "Uncle? No, no, there's no Uncle. It's just Robert. Plain old Robert-"
"Robert, Robert, Robert," Lulu finished with a laugh. "Yeah, I was there the first time. So you guys are all just chilling at the bar? Who all is over there right now?"
Lucky did a quick head count. "Let's see…me, Dad, Elizabeth, Jason, Robert, Johnny O'Brien and Max Giambetti – they're the bodyguards – and Sonny was here a while ago. Oh, guess what? Claude's milling around somewhere, too."
"Claude? Yay! I love him! How long has he been back?"
"A couple hours."
"And he hasn't been fired yet?"
"Oh, he's been fired at least seven times."
"Good," Lulu sighed with relief. "Any less and he feels neglected. So you're all sitting around at the bar together and no one's shot anyone yet? That's amazing."
"Jason's come close," Elizabeth admitted with a laugh, nudging her boyfriend who was trying to duck the wadded up napkins Robert kept pitching in his direction. "And I'm still convinced that your dad's been slipping rat poison in Robert's drink all night."
"No respect," the detective in question lamented, taking a seat next to Johnny and Max who were once again arguing about groceries.
"Hey, speaking of Dad…is he still around? Can you get him? I really need to talk to him."
Luke perked up at that and abandoned what he was doing at the other end of the counter to come closer to the phone. Lucky pushed it closer to him and crossed his arms over the counter. "It's about money," he whispered loudly. "How much do you want to bet it's about money?"
Luke glared at him before hunkering down by the phone. "What do you need, Daughter?"
"Actually, I have a teenie, tiny favor to ask you. Have you wired over my tuition money yet?"
"Not yet," her father admitted. "And I haven't spent it all playing the ponies, in case you were tempted to ask."
The sixteen-year old laughed. "Yeah, I was going to. Anyway, about that. They're setting up a new student account system at school and it would be much, much easier if you just wired the money to my personal account – you know, the one with the Colonel? I could make the payments myself and draw money from it whenever I needed, and you wouldn't have to keep wiring it to me every time I ran out. Just a one-time payment transfer to my account – do you think you could do that?"
Luke glared at a triumphant Lucky, then scratched his head. "…I guess I could. It sounds all right, doesn't it?" His son shrugged, then nodded. "Okay, if it makes things easier for you, sure, why not? When do you need to have the first term's dough in by?"
"About a week."
"Okay. I'll send you the money tomorrow, then, if I'm sober enough to go out into the light. You got all your books for the term? Your school supplies? Your uniform, that sort of thing?"
The Mother routine wasn't his forte, but Lulu appreciated the effort. "Nope. I need money."
"Okay, then I'll do it tomorrow," he promised. "And you call me if you need anything else, and be good to the Colonel."
"I will, Daddy. Thank you, thank you!"
"And say goodbye to your brother and Elizabeth – and don't take so long to call next time."
"I won't," the girl promised. "Bye, Lucky, Elizabeth – and Robert and Johnny and Max and Mister Jason. I love you guys! I gotta go call Nikolas and then I gotta run, but I'll try to call again soon. Things are going to be really crazy this week, so I'll try again in two, okay? Bye! Have fun! Have a drink in my underage honor!"
"Bye, Lulu," Lucky and Elizabeth replied in unison.
"Take care, sweetie," the brunette was sure to add. "We miss you – and we can't wait til you get home!"
"Two more years," came the smug answer. "Later, fambly! Thanks again, Dad."
Luke clicked off the phone once she hung up and slid a sidelong glance at his son. "Shut up."
"I'm telling you," Lucky shrugged with affected self-importance, "I can totally call what women do. It's a gift."
"Yeah, too bad this gift found you at a time when you ain't got no woman of your own, huh?" Luke sneered good-naturedly. "Why is that, Cowboy?"
The boy glared at his father. "You're just jealous because I called all of it. All of it."
"You should write this shit down," Johnny announced, resting his elbows against the counter as he sat with his back to the bar between Max and Robert. "You know, like, make notes on all this stuff that women do. What guy wouldn't like knowing what they're thinking and what they're gonna do?"
"They're a real mystery," Max agreed. "And, hey, if you got the gift, you can't waste it, man."
"I'm with the boys," Robert agreed sagely. "I've been an internationally renowned super-spy for the last forty years, and I'd trade everything I've learned just to know what a woman was thinking for even one minute."
"You know, I think I will write it down," Lucky mused, ignoring Elizabeth and his father as they glared at him. "Think about it – if we guys knew what women were thinking, we'd never get in trouble. It'd be a revolution in the technique of mind games. Yeah, I'll compile all my stuff together in a little book – it'll be like, the Book on How To Fix Everything."
