Thank you all so much for the reviews! Here's the next chapter.
Chapter 43
July 2, 2012
"Is there anything else you need?"
"No."
"Are you comfortable?"
"Yes."
"Do you want me to—"
"Nathan, I'm fine," Haley interrupted, laughing. Ever since Nathan had brought her home from the hospital yesterday, he'd been fussing over her nonstop.
"I'll tell Mariam to make you that tea you like. Or I could stay and—"
"Nathan. Go." He was supposed to be meeting with Clay today. Nathan had told her that Clay was looking into other teams closer to home for him. She hoped that something would come up.
They'd discussed Haley and the baby staying in Tree Hill no matter what. It would suck, though, if Nathan had to stay in another state for training and games and was separated from the family. But at the same time, they didn't want to keep moving their son around. They both agreed that it wouldn't be the best situation for him.
"I'll have my phone on me at all times. Don't hesitate to call."
"I'm okay, but I promise to call if I don't feel well." She caressed his cheek and leaned in for a kiss.
"I know you think I'm overreacting, but the doctor did say that you need to take it easy from now on. Rest and relaxation are key."
"But how can I rest if you won't leave me alone?" she teased.
Nathan frowned. "Okay. If you want to be that way. I did have a surprise for you, though. But if you don't want it..."
Haley's ears perked up at that. "What kind of surprise?"
Knowing that he had her, Nathan smirked. He opened the drawer of his nightstand and pulled out a few items. He watched as her entire face lit up.
"You got me Boy Meets World box sets!" she exclaimed. That was their favorite show. They used to watch it all time together in college. Taking his face in her hands, Haley kissed him affectionately.
"So, how does staying in bed sound now?"
"It still sucks, but it's a little more bearable," Haley admitted.
"Don't worry, Boy Toy. I'll keep an eye on her," Brooke said, practically bouncing into the room. She took a seat on the bed and smiled. "Brooke Davis reporting for Tutor Mom duty."
Haley shot a glare to Nathan, feeling some of her excitement ebb. "Please tell me you did not call her to come here and watch me while you're gone." Just because she was having a baby didn't mean that she was one, for crying out loud.
"Actually, I volunteered. We have some business to attend to, Haley." Brooke reached into her purse and pulled out a small notebook and some magazines.
"What's all that for?" she questioned, frowning.
"You have to tell me what you had in mind for your baby shower. Obviously the theme will be blue since you're having a boy. I was also thinking we could—"
Haley could feel her Boy Meets World marathon slipping further away with each passing minute.
"I think that's my cue to leave," Nathan cut in. He stood up quickly. The look Haley was giving him right now usually meant that she would be hitting him soon.
"Special delivery!" Mariam walked into the room carrying a new vase of different kinds of purple flowers.
It seemed like Haley had been receiving a lot of gifts after her stint in the hospital. She knew that everyone had been worried and was relieved that she was okay.
"Those are beautiful," Brooke said, admiring the arrangement. "Who are they from?"
Mariam checked the small card. "Lucas Scott," she answered.
Haley noticed Brooke's whole body tense. "Just put them on the table with the others," Haley instructed, sharing a concerned look with Nathan.
"Um, I have to go or I'll be late. You ladies have fun planning the shower." He gave Haley a quick peck on the lips and was out the door in a matter of seconds.
Once he left, Duke hopped up on the end of the bed. He'd been by her side constantly. Haley wondered if he'd sensed that she wasn't feeling well. Either way, she liked the company and didn't shoo him off. Nathan often did, though, which was why Duke always waited until he left the room to make his move. It made Haley laugh every time.
"Let me know if you need anything, honey," Mariam told Haley.
"You don't have to wait on me, Mariam. It's not part of your job."
"Oh, hush. I want to." The older woman patted her hand. "In fact, I'll make you some tea. I think Nathan mentioned it earlier."
Haley gave Mariam a small smile and turned to Brooke. Her friend seemed to be staring off into space, her eyes never straying from the new bouquet of flowers. "Thinking about Lucas?"
Brooke blinked a few times and looked at her. "Huh? Oh, no. I was just having another idea for my next line." "
Oh, okay. Because with you bumping into him at the hospital the other day and him seeming to come around again, I thought that maybe you guys would've talked or something."
Brooke laughed humorlessly. "Nope. There was just a lot of awkward staring."
"Maybe he's finally realizing his mistakes. Why else would he show up at the hospital?"
"Because he loves you, Haley, just like we all do," she replied.
"And the flowers? How do you explain that?"
The way Nathan talked, it seemed like Lucas was finally ready to come out of that darkness. Just the gesture of sending flowers already reminded Haley of the old Lucas, instead of the angry drunk one he'd become recently.
"The shop was probably next door to a liquor store," Brooke mumbled and grabbed a magazine. She held it up for Haley to see. "Now, there are these delicious little finger foods that I think will look perfect…"
Haley let Brooke change the subject. It was obvious that the brunette did not want to talk about her former fiancé. To Haley, Lucas's bouquet wasn't just a nice gesture. It was proof that something was different with him. She just hoped that this change was ultimately for the better. Because even if Lucas wanted to get his old life back, Haley wasn't sure if Brooke was willing to give any more second chances.
"So what you're saying is that they're not interested."
"No. I'm not. All I'm saying is that it's going to take some convincing."
Nathan dribbled the ball in his hands and stared out at the water. He was at the River Court with Clay. While Clay filled him in on the whole trading situation, Nathan was practicing his game. It had been seven months since his surgery. Now was a crucial time for him. Nathan had to get back in shape and prove that he was still a skilled player. Everything depended on it. The only problem was that Nathan could already tell, based on his conversation with Clay just now, that his worst fear was coming true.
"Just say it, Clay. They think I'm damaged goods."
"No, they don't. These things just take time."
"In case you haven't noticed, time isn't a luxury we have at the moment." Nathan shot the ball at the basket, hard. It ricocheted off of the backboard, bounced on the ground, and rolled toward the grass. "I have to work harder. I have to be faster and better. That's the only way."
"Nathan, the key is to not push yourself too hard too fast. It takes most athletes seven months or even longer to recover from the kind of surgery you had," Clay said. "And I've been watching you play. I can tell that you're getting stronger every day. You'll be ready when the time comes. Trust me."
"Have you talked to the Sonics? Do they know?"
"I haven't outright confirmed that you want to be traded, but I'm sure they found out that we've been making the rounds with other teams."
"Do you think you should talk to them?"
"I'll probably be getting a call soon. But until then, I don't want to tell them anything. It's best to keep our options open at this point," Clay told him. "All I need from you is to continue with your rehab like you're supposed to."
Nathan noticed Clay check his watch. "What?"
"I've got to go. I have a conference call in a half hour. My stuff is back at the hotel."
"Who's the conference call with?"
"The Atlanta Hawks."
"Clay—"
"Nathan, I'm doing my best. Remember, we're not signing anything yet. Nothing is set in stone. It doesn't hurt to hear what they have to say. When have I ever steered you wrong?"
He had a point there. Nathan sighed. "Never."
"Right. So you stay here and practice. I'll let you know how it goes."
"You better." Clay's phone rang, and Nathan motioned for him to take it and go. Afterward, Nathan retrieved his basketball and began his usual regimen. Soon the world around him started to fade away. It was just him, the ball, the court, and the basket. Nathan didn't know how much time had passed. His body was aching and his knee felt funky, but he pushed through the discomfort. It wasn't until he heard someone clapping that he realized he was no longer alone.
"Nice shot." Lucas bent over to pick up the ball and threw it back to him.
"Thanks." Nathan tried not to look so surprised to see his brother, but he couldn't help it. It was rare these days for his brother to leave the house—even rarer for him to want to visit Nathan. But here Lucas was. And for the first time in a long time, the anger and hostility that he'd been carrying around with him seemed nonexistent. "What are you doing here, Luke?"
"I was on my way to your house to see if Haley was okay. But I saw you here and I thought…well, I don't know what I thought." He scratched his eyebrow sheepishly.
"I'm glad you did stop," Nathan replied. "I've been thinking about you since the hospital."
"I'm sure you've got bigger things to worry about than me."
"You're my brother. And who said I'm worried?"
"Aren't you?" Lucas shrugged. "I know you, Nate."
"Actually, I have to say not as much as usual."
"Oh."
"The truth is that I was kind of relieved to see you at the hospital." Nathan met his gaze. "It was nice to see a glimpse of the big brother I used to know."
Lucas shoved his hands in his pockets. "I know what you mean."
Nathan's eyes scanned him up and down. Lucas was dressed in a t-shirt and jeans with flip-flops. It was casual but still nicer than the other ratty clothes he'd been wearing. He'd also shaved. "You look better. Are you showering again?"
"I wasn't that bad."
"Sorry, man, but you reeked of B.O. and booze."
Lucas rolled his eyes but smiled anyway. "Whatever. I'm sober."
"Are you really?" he questioned.
"I haven't had a drink since that day, if that's what you're asking."
"I am. And good."
Lucas exhaled loudly and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Look, Nathan, I know how horrible I've been. I've made so many mistakes—and I know it's probably too little too late—but I'm sorry. For everything." He averted his gaze. "It's okay if you can't forgive me. I just had to say that."
"It's not too late, Luke." Nathan nodded over to the picnic table. He took a seat, with Lucas following suit. "What changed?"
Lucas was silent for a moment before beginning softly, "I was angry and depressed for a really long time. Everything had changed so drastically in such a short amount of time…I couldn't handle it. I know I'm usually the responsible brother or the go-to guy, but I've never had something that bad happen to me. I've been through a lot of shit in my life—with Dan especially—but that just pushed me over the edge. It felt like everything in my life that had originally brought me joy was now a burden. Everything got dark and suddenly it was all spinning out of control.
"I couldn't stop it, and I didn't want to. I felt like no one understood. I just wanted to wallow in self-pity and mourn my loss. I drank and partied. I hung out with people I knew weren't true friends—mostly because I knew they wouldn't try to judge me or stop me. And for a while I was fine with that. But it all changed the night you had your birthday party. I'd gotten the call from Haley inviting me. I told myself that I wasn't going to go. That I didn't belong there. I don't know when or why I decided to take a walk by the café. It was like I had no control over my feet. Suddenly I was there, looking from the outside in. Everyone was talking and laughing. You all looked like you were so happy—without me. It was like I'd never been a part of you guys in the first place."
"Luke, we all wanted you to come."
"I didn't know that then. I thought Haley only invited me to be nice. Anyway, you were all happy together while I was miserable and alone. Even Brooke looked like she was having a good time. Your teammates certainly paid her enough attention. It bothered me more than I wanted to admit. The need to walk across the street and join you guys hit me like a ton of bricks. I'd never felt so disconnected and envious of my previous life than I did in that moment."
"Why didn't you come inside when I saw you?"
"Because I didn't deserve to. Not then. When you told me I was going to be James's godfather…I've been questioning my choices and my behavior ever since that day. I've been trying to figure out what it is I really want. And it seems like little by little I've been able to let go some of my anger. It's still there—I think a part of it always will be—but the darkness doesn't drive me like it did. I realize what I'm missing and how much I've lost. Haley's stint in the hospital only confirmed just how tenuous life can be. I don't want to wake up someday to realize that ten years have passed by and that I've been wasting my life away, dwelling on the past. I don't want to be Dan."
"I know the feeling," Nathan muttered. He'd been thinking that exact same thing the last couple of days. He still couldn't believe how upset he'd made Haley. So upset that it jeopardized her and the baby's health. And all for a game. There was only one person he knew that would put basketball ahead of anything else in his life, and that was Dan.
"I just don't know what to do. I don't know how to let it go. I still feel like I need it in my life, but I know it's impossible. My heart is willing but incapable. How is that for irony?" he said, shaking his head.
"You'll find your way, Luke. I have no doubt about that. The question is will you find your way alone, or are you going to finally let the rest of us help you? Because we do want to help you, Luke."
"I don't deserve your help. But I want it," he quickly added before Nathan could object.
"Good." Nathan patted his back and smirked. "Because you really didn't have a choice."
Putting the phone back in its receiver, Haley walked to the refrigerator. Brooke had left about an hour ago and still wasn't finished listing ideas for Haley's baby shower. Haley had called Peyton afterward to fill her in on some things. She hadn't been able to come over earlier, because she'd had some work to finish at the gallery. Haley told Peyton all about Brooke's ideas, and Peyton assured her that she'd help rein in Brooke a little. Their friend always had the tendency to get carried away.
Haley also told Peyton about the Lucas conversation she'd had with Brooke. Peyton was concerned, too, but she wasn't entirely sure if Lucas was starting to come around. It seemed like the blonde wasn't ready to get her hopes up and thought that Brooke shouldn't either. Haley could understand that. It didn't mean that she couldn't hope for the best, though.
Searching through the refrigerator, Haley found the leftover pasta that Marium had made for her and Nathan yesterday. It had been so delicious. She would have to ask Marium for the recipe when she got a chance. Haley had just taken the pasta out of the microwave when she heard the garage door open. Right on time. She grabbed a second plate from the cupboard.
"Haley, what are you doing out of bed?"
She didn't turn around. Instead she focused on dividing up the food for her and Nathan. "I'm eating dinner."
"Hales." His tone was scolding. "You know what the doctor said—"
"Nathan, I'm fine. It's not like I'm doing jumping jacks or anything. I needed to get out of that room for a while. I was starting to get a little stir crazy." She picked up the plates and turned around. "Now sit down and let's—" Her words disappeared when she saw that Nathan wasn't alone. "Lucas."
"Hey," he replied, smiling timidly.
"I ran into Lucas at the River Court and invited him for dinner," he explained with a hopeful look.
"I hope that's okay," Lucas said when Haley didn't answer right away. She was still slightly shocked to see him—but in a good way.
"Of course," she finally spoke up. "I'll just get another plate." Haley handed the plates to Nathan and proceeded to heat up a third one. "So what did you guys do at the River Court?" she asked, making conversation.
"He watched me train."
"Yeah, he's really getting good again," Lucas stated.
"I'm getting better. I don't know if I'm good, exactly. We'll see."
"He's always so hard on himself." Haley took the seat between Lucas and Nathan at the kitchen table. A short bout of silence followed; the only sound in the room that could be heard was the scraping of forks on plates.
Not one for awkward silences, Haley was just about to speak when Lucas beat her to it. "So, how are you feeling?" Lucas questioned.
"I'm much better. I still get some pains, but the doctor said that's normal. I guess the closer I get to the birth the more uncomfortable I'll feel. Lucky me," she joked.
"Well, I'm glad you and the baby are okay."
"Thank you for the flowers you sent. They were beautiful."
"You're welcome. And how is Br—I mean, how is everyone else?"
Haley and Nathan exchanged a discreet look.
"Everyone else is doing fine."
"Jake's working at a great law firm, and Peyton is getting her gallery ready," Haley explained. "And Brooke's hard at work planning my baby shower. I wouldn't be surprised if this turns into a red carpet event. You know how excited she gets."
"Yeah, I know," Lucas murmured with a half-smile.
"I think part of the reason she's getting so caught up in it is because of you."
"Haley," Nathan said under his breath. He brought Lucas over for dinner so that he could forget some of his troubles. Leave it to Haley to start meddling.
She didn't listen and kept going. "She misses you, Luke. Even if she isn't ready to admit it. And based on that look on your face, I'm willing to bet that you're missing her, too."
Lucas used his fork to push around some of his pasta. "Does it matter? I really screwed up, Hales. There's nothing I can do to make it right. You didn't see her at the hospital. It was like she couldn't even look at me."
"I find that apologies are always a great way to start."
"Haley," Nathan interrupted.
"Nathan, trust me," she told him and looked back at Lucas. "I know you've been hurting, Lucas. So has Brooke. We've all been there at some point or another. But if you don't even try to fix this and get her back, then you'll really have screwed up big time."
Nathan nudged her gently. "I'm not sure this is helping, Hales."
Haley continued, "You remember when Nathan and I had that huge fight and I left? I wasn't sure what was going to happen between us. Everything had turned so bad so quickly. We probably would've gotten a divorce if he hadn't come after me the way that he did."
"You really think we would've gotten a divorce?" Nathan interjected, frowning.
"I don't know. I'd like to think not, but it was a possibility. I was really upset then." Haley shrugged. "My point is that you showing up and fighting for me made all the difference. I needed to know that you truly loved me." She faced Lucas. "Maybe Brooke will ignore you for a while and play hard-to-get. But sometimes hard-to-get is just a way for someone to see if the other person's feelings are real."
"Look, Luke—" Nathan began.
"She's right," Lucas said after a minute. "I know she's right."
Haley smiled. "Of course I am."
"Brooke isn't the only one I hurt." He stared Haley in the eyes. "I'm so sorry for what I said to you, Hales. I should've never treated you the way that I did. You've always been a great friend to me. I'm sorry."
She reached across and placed her hand atop his. Lucas appeared so broken, and yet sincere. Haley knew that he meant every word. "Apology accepted."
"That was a great thing you did for Lucas today." Nathan tightened his hold on Haley as they sat together on a lounge chair on the patio. They'd watched the sunset in silence, letting the events of the day sink in. Nathan sipped on his wine while Haley had her usual root beer.
"What was that?"
"You know, the way you talked to him and encouraged him."
Haley smiled and looked up at him. "What about you?"
"What about me?"
"You talked to him at the River Court first. I have a feeling that whatever you said was exactly what he needed to hear."
Nathan shrugged, thinking. "Maybe."
Haley caressed his jaw with her fingertips. "This has been tense all night. What's the matter?"
"It's just something that Lucas said today. It's been bugging me."
"What is it?" she prodded, still stroking his face.
"Luke said that he felt like he'd become Dan."
Haley remained silent, waiting for him to continue. "And what's ironic is that I've felt the same way lately."
"Why?"
Nathan finally met her gaze. "You ended up in the hospital because of me, Hales."
"Nathan—"
"No, Haley." He shook his head. "It's true. I keep thinking about how I was willing to put basketball before the well-being of my family. I didn't want to listen to you or your concerns. All I could see was my career slipping away." Nathan was quiet for a moment before revealing, "It scared me, Hales."
"Nathan," Haley began, "It wasn't entirely your fault. I shouldn't have kept my feelings hidden for so long. It was understandable that you'd be upset. You thought everything was fine."
"What kind of husband does that make me if I didn't even notice? What kind of a father does that mean I'll be?" he questioned. "I keep asking myself if I'm ready. I want to be a father. I do. But I don't want to be my father. It's always there in the back of my mind. It's like it's waiting to say 'I told you so.'"
Haley felt her heart breaking at the tormented look on her husband's face. She knew that he was nervous about the baby and asking himself if he'd be a good parent. Hell, Haley had been doing the same thing. This baby was something that would change their lives forever. But she knew deep down that no matter what happened, she and Nathan would face it together. Everything would be all right because, like her, her husband had a good heart.
"Nathan, it's normal to have doubts. I have them, too. But you are not Dan Scott," Haley stressed. "If you were, then you wouldn't even be looking for another team right now. You would just do whatever you wanted without a second thought for me or the baby."
"Haley—"
"And I want to tell you something else," she continued. "Even though you had a crappy childhood and a horrible father growing up, I know without a doubt in my mind that things will be different for our son. You won't make the same mistakes, Nathan. I know that you will do everything you can to keep James safe and happy. Because you were once that little boy, and you're going to take everything you've seen and been through and make sure that our son has better. And because of that, he's going to be the luckiest and most loved little boy in the world, with the best father."
"I'm just afraid that I'm not strong enough for this. My whole life I've willed myself to face things—anything that was bigger than me or would've defeated me. I just kept going until I beat it. But this is different. And when I think about what could've happened…I don't know if I'm strong enough, Haley."
"Yes you are," she replied, looking him square in the eyes. "And when you're not, you have me. My strength is your strength. Your strength is mine. You're me, and I'm you. Believe that."
Nathan closed the distance between them and captured her lips in a fierce kiss. He didn't know how he got so lucky. He didn't know how he had made the right choices that gave him the life that he had. That gave him a wife so loving and trusting. Who would soon give him a son of his own. There was so much he didn't know and probably would never know. But one thing was for sure: Nathan Scott would never stop being thankful.
