Author's thanks:
I said before the previous chapter that one can never have too many second opinions. Well, one guy whose opinion I found, for lack of a more creative and interesting word, reassuring was tediEmperor, one of my beta-readers and a follower/favoriter of this story. I found enormous amounts of relief in how he was able to pick up on the ideas and implications I left between the words. With all these writers, both amateur and professional, who spoon-feed their audience every single idea in the first viewing, I sometimes get it in my head that they're right and I should just stop treating you all like intelligent, observant human beings.
Then I read a simple, straightforward comment like the kind you left for Chapter 52, tedi, and I come to my senses. Praise is just as important as criticism, and yours was always something I enjoyed whilest hammering out a long-winded chapter.
Chapter 56: To Be a Macho
"WHERE ARE WE GOING?!"
"TO GET BREAKFAST!"
"BUT MIYA SAID-"
Kagedansu cut him off. "MIYA'S THE LANDLADY, NOT THE GRAND SUPER-TYRANT!"
About twenty yards behind them, Kazehana chuckled a little. "If only you knew…"
Back at the front line, while Kagedansu had a point, it still felt like Minato was cheating his way out of punishment. But on the other hand, food.
"Look," said the Shadow Sekirei, touching down and releasing Minato in front of a gas station/convenience store, "if you don't like the game, play a different one. Change the rules around, at least.
He swept a hand towards the store. "We were playing the starving game, now it's hide-'n'-chow-down."
"It still feels sort of… Underhanded."
"Think of it as giving up Miya's cooking for gas station food," Kazehana suggested as she touched down with Ku. "Who knows? You might decide to skip breakfast anyway."
"O-… kay?" Minato began fumbling around in his pocket as he looked at her, a slight furrow in his brow. "Are you going to be alright without food? I know how much you guys need to eat, being Sekirei and all that."
She threw her arms around Minato and pressed her cheek to his. "You don't need to worry about me, Mina-kun! I could survive on just the love resonating from our bond! Aaah, it feels so wonderful!"
"So, is... that a 'yes'?" Minato eyed her warily, keeping his arms at his sides and hoping she didn't go for his lips with this many people around.
Kazehana giggled. "You're funny, Mina-kun."
Then the quartet walked inside. And one by one, every man inside (and a girl, who was by herself), turned to ogle her. The Sekirei didn't seem to mind. In fact, as she placed her hands behind her head and stretched her torso muscles (thereby showing off the ripeness of her fruits), she seemed to enjoy it.
And Minato, with everything he knew about her and their relationship, started to feel the slightest bit, well, "possessive".
The Ashikabi almost ran to the fridge section in the back, such was his hurry to get this done and get [Kazehana] out of there. He quickly selected a can of juice, before a large hand forced his back into the shelving. Instead, a mirroring left hand placed a chocolate protein drink in his, that right hand that forced it back laying on his shoulder.
"Bear with it, Minato," Kagedansu said, though he himself was eying Kazehana with an almost inquisitive look.
"You too, Kagedansu?" Minato sighed helplessly.
Kagedansu turned back to him. "I think she's starved for attention."
Minato's eye twitched a little as he recalled just how much "attention" Kazehana would regularly receive (and demand) from him. The propositions might've been less terrifying than Tsukiumi's, but still.
Kagedansu shrugged. "Why else would she… Um…" He rested his lower lip on his knuckle. "How to put this…"
Minato felt a tug on his right pant leg.
"Can Ku have this?" she asked, holding up a bottle of soda.
Minato laughed. "Didn't you already have breakfast?"
"Ku needs more breakfast!" Kusano piped up. "Ku's a growing girl, like a tree!"
"Well, I think you can do better than sugary drinks."
"Whyyyeeee?" Ku whined.
"Ever tried watering a tree with phosphoric acid?" Kagedansu was reading the ingredients on an identical container. "I mean, I haven't, but I heard it dissolves your teeth if you leave it in your mouth long enough."
Minato had a better idea. "You wanna grow up to be big and-" Minato coughed. "-big like your onee-sama?"
Kazehana by this point had one of those men in the store talking to her, teasingly yet clearly laying his excited hands down with a well-placed finger. Minato was starting to fidget a little.
"Yes!" Ku's response was immediate.
"Then you need protein, vitamins, and lots, and lots, of dairy," Kagedansu said, shooting a perplexed 'What?' look at Minato's protective glare. "Find yourself a bottle of milk, kid. You'll be glad you did."
Ku hurried off to do so, leaving Minato and Kagedansu to watch as Kazehana strode up to them.
"No need to pay," she informed them, gesturing to the half-awake man near the register. "The kind gentleman has us covered."
Kagedansu pursed his lips. "That's not fair…"
"What's wrong with a little charity?" Kazehana smiled. "Wasn't it nice of him to offer?"
"I'm pretty sure he thought he was taking a different offer…" Kagedansu grumbled. Kazehana saw his look somewhat reflected in her Ashikabi.
"I don't know what you're talking about," she said coyly, holding up a small bottle of milk and a far larger bottle of sake. "Now let's and leave. I'm ready for breakfast."
"Yes. Let's," Minato muttered anxiously, somehow keeping his teeth unclenched.
The stranger did indeed pay for their drinks, and was dumb enough to take Kazehana's evasive "If only there were more men like you" while standing still and allowing them to leap off.
Kazehana suggested a roof, oddly enough, and as soon as they touched down she blitzed Minato's mouth so hard that he fell over on to his back. The hard landing was contrasted by the soft mass of the woman that lay on top of him, cataloging the texture and aroma of the cavern that lay past his lips. Minato's tongue did the same, a moan of pleasure reverberating from Kazehana as two feathered arrays of light unfurled from her Sekirei crest.
On the side, confiscating Kusano's drink before she succeeded in crushing it, Kagedansu suddenly got an itch between his shoulder blades, which he was quick to scratch. And Kusano was quick to suggest, in a friendly manner, that he should use some of that skin lotion she always saw Kazehana putting on, before resuming the angry glower at her big sister.
Minato decided to break from Kazehana's surprise make-out session when her hand began absent-mindedly slinking fingers around his wrist. He'd been with her enough to know where she would put it, and how she managed to block everything (including Ku's presence) out when they were kissing.
Kazehana drunkenly opened her eyes, though her sake had yet to be touched, and turned her less amorous attentions towards Sixty-Seven.
"Now what was that about 'unfair'?" Kazehana playfully accused him.
"What's unfair is that I can't use feminine wiles to get what I want," he sulked, curling his fingers in anguish. "It's so… So…! But I can't make it happen…"
"Oh, I don't know," Kazehana teased him, glancing at Minato before continuing. "I hear a lot about the things surgery can do these days."
"You're absolutely right!" Kagedansu exclaimed enthusiastically (a little unnervingly so). "First thing I do when I get back to the Inn is find Six and ask how he feels about-"
"On second thought, don't bother," Kazehana sighed.
"Oh, no-no-no, if there is anyone who's an expert on swapping genders-"
"Do I have to whip out my wiles again, big boy?" she asked, sitting back on her heels and straddling Minato's waist. "There's a lot of guys on the sidewalk who'd love to throw money my way."
"Alright. We'll call it a draw." Sixty-Seven finally uncapped his drink. "Cheers!"
The three adults clunked bottles together before taking a long draught. Kusano didn't know what that was about but she wanted to do it anyway, and with Big Brother. Because she wanted to, that was why.
"What about Musubi and Tsukiumi-nee?" Ku asked, her hand rotating but failing to take the bottle cap with it. "And Matsu?"
"Well, if they want food bad enough," Kagedansu said, preparing to take a long swig on his own drink, "they'll think of something."
"If Musubi doesn't spill it to the landlady," Kazehana jested, earning a laugh from Minato.
"But how would she spill her milk if she doesn't have it yet?" Kusano inquired, a fresh white mustache on her lip, which she quickly cleaned off with her tongue.
Now it was Kazehana's turn to chortle. "Not what I meant, Ku."
"Then what did you me-eeean?!" All these things people meant that didn't mean what Ku thought they did! Why couldn't everyone just talk normally?!
"Sometimes, Ku… Um…" Minato trailed off, as he realized he was about to make a case for lying, and Kusano didn't need that at her young age.
"Sometimes we keep things from people, because we know it would hurt to tell them," Kagedansu explained. "Or because we need to do something and they might try and stop it, and we don't want them to."
"So, lie to them?" the Green Girl asked.
Minato facepalmed. Kagedansu, why do you do this to me?
"Not necessarily," the Sekirei said. "Sometimes, just not tell them."
"But that's lying, too, right?"
"Okay, let's talk about the second match!" Minato exploded, which thankfully the busy sounds of Tokyo soaked up.
"Oh yeah, I almost forgot about that," Kazehana said, still keeping him trapped beneath her ivory thighs. "Knowing Minaka, he'll only take as much time between matches as he needs to. Time for us to recover, then time for us to train up a little, and after that, everyone fights again."
"Any idea what he might plan for the next one?" Kagedansu asked.
Three shook her head, taking another swig of sake. "If he has a plan, I guarantee it's a crazy one. To figure him out, you'd need someone just as crazy."
"Well, then what's the problem?" Kagedansu shook Minato's shoulder. "This guy surrounds himself with crazy people!"
Three raised an eyebrow. "And am I on that list?"
The proverbial waste-matter in Kagedansu's grin was sickening. "Yes."
"In what way?" Kazehana's amusement was starting to wane a little.
"Don't play dumb," he said, poking her shoulder with his finger. "You know exactly what way I mean."
Kazehana mused on that for a moment. The next moment, she'd turned to Minato.
"Mind if I have some?" she asked, pointing to his drink.
"Uh, sure, just let me mmph!"
He still tasted of chocolate protein shake. Which, in Kazehana's mind, was nothing compared to her Ashikabi's natural flavor.
"Delicious," she said, licking her lips and leaning in to whisper, "and so am I, if you ever want me."
Kagedansu flashed them both a thumbs-up. "'Roll with the madness,' says I."
Minato was pretty sure that wasn't correct English, and prayed he hadn't caught Kazehana's little self-promotion, but he soon ceased caring as the beautiful woman straddling his lap began kissing him again.
Ku, meanwhile, was fuming steam out of her ears and her face was filling up like a red-hot coal furnace. She felt a nudge from Kagedansu.
"Let it go, kid. You'll get yours when you're older."
"Why can't I get it right now?!"
"Well, you see, Ku, when a man and woman-"
Kazehana beat Minato to the punch, tearing her face from Minato's to glare at the larger Sekirei. "Don't. You. Dare."
This only made Kusano madder, until Kagedansu leaned down, and muttered, "I'll tell you all about it after I'm done wearing him out." Of course, he waited until Minato's attentions were once again elsewhere.
Only to command those attentions when he stepped in to separate Kusano's older siblings.
"Alright, break it up! We don't have all day!" Rather than pick the woman up, Kagedansu elected to slide Minato out from underneath her.
"Don't we, though?" Kazehana leaned back and took another swig of sake, uttering a satisfied sigh. "What's stopping us?"
"If Miya finds us, I have a feeling she'll be more thorough in the punishing," Kagedansu countered.
"Yeah," Minato added, scratching the back of his head and trying his best to chuckle the anxiety away. "It probably won't do us any favors if we get caught."
"So it is bad!" Ku piped up. "Landlady-sama's going to be mad when she finds out!"
Kagedansu looked down at her. "This, Kusano, is what we call 'being a rebel'. Tell her in a couple of weeks and she probably won't care by then."
Ku looked up at him warily. "Promise?"
"Promise," Kagedansu repeated, before lightly elbowing Minato in the back.
"Uh, yeah," Minato said. "Wait, no! Rgh…" He clutched his head.
"Look, it's going to come up someday," Kazehana said. "Why teach her one thing on Tuesday just so she can unlearn it on Saturday?"
"Zigackly!" There it was again: that strange word Kagedansu used like it was common Japanese. Or common English. Or common.
"Okay, you win, can we just get back to breakfast now?" Minato sighed.
"Uh-uh!" Kagedansu shoved Minato's shoulder so hard the Ashikabi almost dropped his drink. "You think you're right? Think you know better than me?!"
Their faces were now inches away from each other.
"Then LEMME HEAR IT!"
Minato massaged his temples, but to no avail: his head was still ringing from that point-blank bellow.
"It's not worth arguing about," Minato said. "Not before noon." A pair of knuckles rapped him on the forehead.
"You really gotta learn to stop folding like this, Minato," Kagedansu scolded. "How are you supposed to stop a guy from taking your wallet if you can't even lodge a complaint?"
Minato chuckled and scratched the back of his head. "Then I guess it'll be worth arguing about," he laughed softly.
"Ku doesn't understand," said the Green Girl.
"Well, if we all did, Ku," Kazehana said, patting the girl on the head, "then we wouldn't have to talk about it, now would we?"
Ku pondered this, then nodded and went back to her drink.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
"You guys know it's only a matter of time before Tsukiumi finds us, right?" Minato commented, stumbling a bit but saved by Kazehana's cleavage anchoring his upper arm. It's a good thing they were in public, surrounded on all sides by pedestrians and cars and concrete structures; without them, Minato might forget just how lucky he was to have a woman like Kazehana fawning over him.
If looks could kill, he knew he'd be a small red stain on the bottom of someone's front tire. All these guys giving him the envy-flavored death-glare would make sure to spread him across as much asphalt as possible.
When Kagedansu had suggested that they take the long road home (a.k.a. "walking"), Minato had been the only one to object. The girls were in no hurry hand Minato back to the other three at the Inn.
"More exercise," Kagedansu said. "Plus if we get mugged, I can show you the ropes first-hand."
"What ropes?" Ku asked, from Minato's other side, seated in his arm and her little fingers hooked on his shoulders.
The three turned to look at her, mildly bewildered.
"You understood that, Ku?" Minato asked.
"No," Ku replied. She paused, then did her best to raise an eyebrow. "If Ku understood, then she wouldn't ask, now would she?"
Kazehana laughed, making her breasts jiggle. She could feel the goosebumps forming where her sensitive skin caressed her husband's own.
"Fair enough, Ku," Kazehana replied. "Your big brother just didn't know you could understand English."
"Matsu and Uzume taught me!" Ku chirped, smiling. "They're great teachers! Ku learned all sorts of words from them!"
"But," Kagedansu challenged, taking an extra-long step before facing them and beginning to walk backwards, "did she teach you any songs?"
The little girl shook her head. "Ku never asked."
"PERFECT!" Kagedansu's finger shot into the air as he heel-turned back around. "Then I have top seedling!"
"'Seedring'?" Ku started pulling on Minato, urging him to get her close to Kagedansu.
"Figure of speech, Ku," Kazehana informed her, before allowing her head to fall upon Minato's shoulder once more. "Though Kagedansu got it wrong."
"Like how we're going to lie to the Landlady-sama?"
Urrrrrgh… There was just no way she was going to let this go now, was there?
"Well, think of it this way, Ku," Kazehana interjected softly, her eyes looking ready to doze off. "Were you hungry?"
"Yes."
"And we were, too. Will Miya find out about this?"
Kusano thought for a moment. "Yes?"
"And how mad do you think Miya will be if she finds out?" Kazehana asked.
"An interesting question, Kazehana," joked an all-too-familiar widow's voice.
The trio's skin turned blue from how fast they all froze, Ku yanking on her Ashikabi's hand as she was brought to a sudden halt. She knew they were in trouble, the other three knew they were in deep shee-it.
"M-Miya," Kazehana swiveled around, her breasts bursting from between her body and Minato's arm as she fearfully hugged her Ashikabi. "What a nice surprise."
"It certainly is," Miya replied cheerfully, the public eye finally being exposed to the abject terror that was the Landlady of Izumo Inn and her demonic visage. "For me."
"O-oh?" Kazehana stuttered, slowly shuffling back as quietly as her high-heels would allow, before bumping into the wall that was Kagedansu. "Why not for everyone?"
Miya opened her eyes. Despair and hopelessness oozed forth, like the ethereal nothing that came from the pores and maws of Dread Azathoth's slumbering mass. With basket and the produce within, a black cloak would've seen her become the old hag from Snow White, vending her poison wares to any that were fool enough to face her.
"Because not everyone is being as honest and upstanding as I believed."
She had them.
"Imagine my surprise when, while going to shop for groceries, I happen upon not one but three of my tenants."
Raw, steely tendrils…
"Flagrantly going against my wishes and trying to escape their punishment."
Crushing the very life out of their hearts, constricting them like a massive serpent, slowly forcing them to stop beating, to let fear overwhelm them, rather than stand there and stare down their landlady's beaming ire. From the entropic light of Miya's eyes flowed a soul-crushing abyss, consuming and devouring the world around it as it gnawed and gnashed its salwan teeth at the mortals in its grasp.
Finally, one mortal stepped forward.
"It was me, Miya-sama," Kagedansu said, swaying around the rest, limber as an eel.
Miya raised an eyebrow. "Oh?"
"Yep," he quipped with a nod. "I kidnapped Minato, I hauled him to the gas station, I convinced him to go behind your back and eat because he would need the calories for the day to keep from turning into a skeleton-"
The hanya's visage flared once again, but the brakes had long fallen off the Shadow Sekirei's train.
"-so I decided to pull the single greatest job in the history of cookie-jar-heists and stage a coup d'etat because what honest-to-goodness person starves a man for what someone else corking did?!"
"Okay, just stop!" cried a certain former ronin.
Minato disentangled himself from Kazehana's fearful cleavage and left her to stand on her own, for he strolled up and put himself between Kagedansu and the exasperated Landlady.
"It was actually me, Miya-sama," he uttered, his torso wobbling as he did his best to bow. "I complained to Kagedansu about there being no food and he finally agreed to take me to get some. Kazehana and Ku were just there to keep me company, and I still talked them into going behind your back."
He reset himself and bowed more deeply, getting a perfect view of his shivering knees.
"I'm s-sorry, Miya-sama. I shouldn't have broken your rules in the first place."
"Yet you will continue to do so," Miya stated simply, "for you have no intention of stopping your Sekirei from sneaking in and performing illicit acts under my roof. You will continue to be complicit in their actions, Minato, and thus continue to violate my rules."
Minato swallowed. "But I didn't."
There was silence. From the cold shiver creeping down his spine, Minato didn't dare look up.
"What was that?" asked his judge.
"I d-didn't b...b-break your rules, Miya-sama." Minato had no idea where he was getting all these words from; they just seemed to be bubbling up and thus far, he had no alternatives to go for. "I always stay in my room, I never t-tell my Sekirei to-" He swallowed again. "To sneak in, or sleep with me, or do anything… like that."
He pursed his lips for a moment, afraid Miya might order of him with what he said next."The only thing I could do is lie to them and say I don't enjoy their company."
A small green dress entered his left peripheral vision. "And if Miya-sama can't stop them, how can Big Brother?" Ku added.
Minato saw nothing, just that aura of glacial enmity continuing to anchor him to the sidewalk. Miya wasn't saying anything, the ambient semi-urban sounds of this part of Neo Tokyo enveloping their lopsided back-and-forth as the landlady's only response. The anticipation, the tension, it was eating him alive like a burrowing parasite.
"We'll talk more about this when we return to my Inn," Miya finally said. "After you finish your training regimen, of course."
She brushed a stray lock of hair past her shoulder, and without another word, resumed her trek back to her lovely abode.
Minato's legs finally gave out and he collapsed face-first on to the concrete, his butt on his heels, clutching his head and uttering a low "Urrrrrrrrr…"
Once his lungs had run out of air, he felt the blunt big toe of a foot nudge the side of his thigh. Putting his hands to the ground on either side of his head, he raised himself back up and looked at the man that greeted him.
"See?" Kagedansu said, a closed-lip grin on his face. "Now was that so hard?"
Minato's fist socked Kagedansu squarely in the pectoral; he didn't even budge.
"Please," Minato sighed, completely drained from the abject terror he'd just experienced, "can we just go back now?"
Kagedansu's eyes narrowed, his lips pursed just enough to form an intrigued smile.
"Absolutely," he said softly, taking Minato by the wrist and slowly forcing his hand down. "Let's see if we can put that hostility to work…"
And from behind, the remaining two Sekirei watched their Ashikabi resume. Kusano now had a better understanding of what Kagedansu had meant, when he said there were times when it was okay to lie.
But Kazehana? It was taking every ounce of self-control to not grab Minato and drag him to the nearest love-hotel for the most intense round of passion he'd ever feel. And that was solely because such displays weren't allowed in public. She'd seen first hand the size and girth of Minato's manliness, but what had just happened? That was news, even to her, and it was getting her hot and bothered like a wooly mammoth sunbathing in the Sahara.
Instead, she decided to wait. She had to tell the others about this.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
"Surely, thou jest!"
"Oh, not at all," Kazehana said, pouring herself another cup and watching the quartet below. "You should've seen it, Tsukiumi. I was there, and I almost couldn't believe it when it happened."
The Wind Sekirei began to swoon. "Haaah, but it did happen! He was so manly!"
"Yes," Tsukiumi murmured, though not to Homura, smiling down at her husband, if not how amusing it was to see Kazehana so shamelessly rendered prone. "Minato doth have a certain bravado to him at times."
Nearby, Homura huffed. "I have to wonder how long it'll take before that bravado gets you guys thrown out."
"We can cross that bridge when we come to it." Number Three gulped down her drink and hissed as she reveled in its burning flow. "Aaah, this midday sake really hits the spot."
"What doth the time of day have to do with thine indulgence, thou drunken wastrel?" Tsukiumi scoffed, folding her arms and turning away, so Kazehana wouldn't see she was still slightly smiling. "Thou woult drink when the rooster crows."
"Or sleeps," Homura added.
Kazehana laughed. "I'll drink to both!"
Aaaand the smile was gone.
Down below, both Miya and Kagedansu instructed their pupils on the art of war. For Musubi, that meant defense. She was still trying to figure out that darn secret, the one that would let her catch Miya's sword during an overhead slash.
"Ow!" Musubi yelped, another lump starting to form on her head. "I don't understand! I did it before!" She paused, then drooped a little. "Well, kind of…"
"When was this?" Miya inquired, flicking her sheath to one side. Of those gathered, only Kazehana and Matsu knew the story behind that little habit of their landlady's. But Matsu was back inside, doing another scouring of the city for any signs of Hametsu, who hadn't shown himself since the first match a few days prior.
"In the forest," Musubi replied. "I caught Number 43's scythe when she tried to hurt Minato."
"Aa-agh!"
Musubi turned to see what had made Minato cry out. Turns out, Minato's latest punch had missed Kagedansu's hand and collided with his teacher's left cheekbone. Unsurprisingly, the frontal skull region of a Sekirei beat out the much smaller, brittle bones of a human.
Miya smiled and nodded. "I see. You drew power from your bond; your concern for Minato honed your speed, as well as your reaction time."
"So…" Something clicked. "Oh, I see!"
Musubi turned to where Minato was wringing out his hand. "Minato, punch him again!"
"Why?!" he squawked.
"It'll help me master sword-catching!" Musubi chirped. She clasped her hands in front of her pelvis. "Pleeease?"
From the way her cute, girlish face was looking at him, and how her arms were reminding him of how stacked she was, Minato almost went along with her idea.
That is, until Miya bopped Musubi on the head with her sheathe.
"Ow!" Musubi rubbed her head and turned around.
"You expect to catch my sword when you can't see it?" Miya chuckled.
Musubi's head drooped again. "No…"
The snapping of fingers brought Minato's attention back to his own training.
"Eighty-Eight's got a point, and that last shot brought up something we need to address," said Kagedansu. "That was a perfect punch, but there was something…" He paused, his eyes darting to one side. "Stand up straight."
Apparently, Minato's 'straight' wasn't up to snuff, because he immediately felt the wedge of a thumb-knuckle prodding him all over.
"Stomach in! Chest out! Don't let your chin slouch!" Kagedansu reamed. "Look up when you stand-to! No, not at the sky, at me!"
Where was this coming from, Minato wondered.
"Now lemme have it!" Kagedansu ordered, poking himself just below the cheek, at the soft flesh that lay beneath the bone.
"… Why?"
"Because the punks you fight won't be made of sandbags and pads," replied the Sekirei. "Now hop to it!"
Minato raised his guard, and did as he was told, floating from his left foot to his right, bobbing up and down like he'd seen professional fighters do in movies.
"No, not hop like some pink bunny rabbit!" his sensei barked. "I mean hit me!"
And like those fighters, Minato sent a quick jab at Kagedansu's cheek. His aim was dead-on, his knuckles socketing just in front of the jaw hinge, and he could feel the teeth behind the soft flesh.
"What is this, a spitball parade?" Kagedansu's critique was uncharacteristically imaginative. "You got a solid chance of knocking out a ladybug with that punch."
Minato closed his eyes to concentrate, let Kagedansu's words wash over him, and received a light rap on the forehead for his trouble.
"Anyone home?" Kagedansu's hands beckoned him forth. "No nap-time until I see some of that hostility!"
His sensei wasn't making this easy for the former ronin not to spoil. Minato tried a right-cross, which he'd been taught was a more powerful knock-out punch than a jab or a hook.
"You trying to offend me, boy?! Because it's working!"
Minato did an impression of a frog as a gust of air escaped from between his lips. He didn't dare; Kagedansu was trying so hard.
And then Kagedansu stuck his nose in Minato's face and laid out the final straw.
"Come on, lemme see your war face!"
That was all Minato could take, and he clutched his stomach and started laughing. He laughed until his Sekirei all stopped to give him looks of slightly varying degrees of worry, because by that point tears were streaming down his cheeks.
"Sahashi-san."
Kagedansu's first attempt to get through to him fell on deaf ears. Minato was on all fours now; his instructor's impression had been so ramrod serious that it circled all the way back around to ridiculous.
"Sahashi."
Minato couldn't help it. He wondered he'd suffocate and never get a chance to apologize.
A gust of wind heralded the arrival of one rooftop observer, nudging his twitching form with her now-empty bottle. "I think you broke him."
"Is Minato gonna be okay?" Musubi asked, bending over her Ashikabi. She swiveled her head to look up at Kagedansu. "Can you fix him?"
"Yeah," came the angry mutter of Sixty-Seven. "I'll fix him."
And he did. With a fist to the gut that expelled all the air from Minato's lungs.
"Kagedansu!" Musubi yelled. "That wasn't what I meant at all!"
Sixty-Seven ignored her, and what came out of his mouth was heard by all the neighboring households.
"You gotta be RUTHLESS, kid!" Sixty-Seven thundered. "There are guys out there who would rip your guts out, take your wallet, rape your date and leave you lynched on your own intestines!"
Kagedansu leaned in real close. "As casually as you'd throw out a gum wrapper."
He grabbed Minato by the hair and hauled him to his feet.
"Now I want you to start punching." His tone was quiet, the previous explosion now balled up inside him and leaking out in a trickle. "And don't stop until you actually mean it. MATSU!"
The Shadow Sekirei crossed his arms and began rhythmically tapping his big toe. Sure enough, a pink-robed form slid the back door open and for the first time that day allowed the sunlight to touch her. Accompanying her (or rather, clinging to her leg for fear of what she might see her Big Brother doing) was Kusano.
"You hollered?" Matsu grinned, before catching a torso-sized, square-shaped punching pad that was tossed her way.
"Hold that until he means it."
"And how am I supposed to know if he 'means it'?" Matsu asked, looking not at all puzzled so much as skeptical.
"You're his Sekirei," came the response. "I think you'll know."
A hand smacked against Minato and sent him stumbling towards Matsu. It gave Tsukiumi a brief flashback to the fight of her marriage.
"Get punching," Kagedansu ordered.
With that, Minato did as he was told, mechanically thrusting his hand forward and landing a solid smack onto the black leather. He looked towards his sensei, who was still glowering at him with that look of sheer, utter disappointment. At that moment, Kagedansu looked like he could give Minato's mother a run for her money.
He hit the bag again, but Kagedansu's expression didn't change. A third time saw his nose wrinkle a little and his pursed lips shrink further into frustration. Upon strike #6, Kagedansu marched across the yard over to the porch and sat down next to Tsukiumi.
"Urrgh, this kid…" His large hands cupped his face from the cheeks-up. "Drivin' me nuts…"
Tsukiumi looked back to where Minato continued punching, moving down his body with her eyes, watching the way his limbs moved and twisted as he struck. Matsu held the back, the most receptive to Minato's strikes given her weaker physique, though The Perverted Sekirei seemed to be deriving some sickening arousal from the blows to the bag. Was she a masochist?
"He hath improved since we wed, even more since first crossed our paths." Tsukiumi smiled, proud of her husband and herself for their sound judgement. "Per thy instruction, his body behaving as it should."
It was then that Tsukiumi wound her way back up to Minato's face, and began to gather what it was Kagedansu had been trying to instill.
"His technique is fine," said the brawler, taking his hands off his face so he could lean on his knees. "It's his attitude that's the problem."
Tsukiumi frowned. "Wherefore?"
"The short answer is, 'he's too passive'."
"Fact, but thou hast known since before thy stewardship began," Tsukiumi said. "Didst thou intend his stripes change on a whim?"
"Tell you the truth, I'm more the fool for getting my hopes up," Kagedansu grunted. "I've just… Never seen someone throw an empty punch like that, all while doing it perfect. Where's the aggression? The… the hunger? Vrrr, it just doesn't… feel right."
"Thy memory faileth thee," Tsukiumi rebutted, looking to where Musubi obliviously continued swinging at Miya. "Musubi harbors no fury when she fights, yet her blows bear more power than most, and I leave myself not from that sentiment."
She looked to her rival, who was sparring with the Landlady. Musubi had the opposite dilemma to their Ashikabi: plenty of spirit, lax technique. She was hopping and jumping from toe to toe like a boxer, but when time came to strike she relied heavily on her natural Sekirei strength, powering through with her fists or barreling into a heavy but stumbling blow for her knock-out attempts.
"Thy choice of word was most poignant: 'hunger'. Tis a feeling that taketh many forms."
If Tsukiumi had been looking at her conversation partner at that moment, she would've seen the light bulb go off in his head; not just lighting up, the thing exploded.
"Yeaaah…" he rumbled, slowly climbing to his feet and beginning to pace, oblivious to the sounds of Musubi swinging at Miya. "Oo yeah."
Tsukiumi could see the wheels in his head turning, a slightly devious look in his eye that brought back many old, vexing memories of her latter years with her adjuster.
A big, jolly smirk across his face, Kagedansu about-faced and looked at his equally-blonde counterpart. "Tsukiumi, you are going to hate me for what I'm about to unleash."
"Explain thyself!" she snapped. Several meters away, Minato ceased his monotonous punching and glanced Tsukiumi's way.
"Relax!" Kagedansu strode past her and into the house, heading for the kitchen. "Minato's gonna be fine."
"I ordered thee to explain, not assure." Tsukiumi's hair began to roil, her eyes narrowing. Kagedansu noticed not, for his destination was more specifically the fridge.
"In fact, when we're through…" he began, opening the door and sticking his head inside, before uttering a disappointed rasp. "Nghh, she doesn't have any. You'd think I'd know better, but nope!"
"Allow me to rephrase," Tsukiumi growled, her teeth as clenched as her fist. "Spill thy guts or take a short but violent bath."
"Really putting me on the spot here," he said, before his lips pursed and the sinews in his neck bulged. The English that came out sounded like it was scraping against a grindstone. "Unjustifiably in a position that I'd rather not be in…!"
That's when he produced a liter-sized container of half-and-half, unopened.
"But the CREEAMM," he said, balancing it on his head, "will riiise to the top, oh yeah."
For the first time since he'd met her, the man with a dairy concoction sitting atop his cranium saw a look of genuine, unsettled concern in Tsukiumi's eyes.
"What spore of madness is this?" she asked, laying the back of her hand across Kagedansu's forehead. "Sekirei are not ones prone to maladies. Hast Hametsu done this to thee?"
"Macho Madness, yeah," Kagedansu rasped, making Tsukiumi jump a little.
"Thou art certain?"
"Oh, I'm dead certain, yeah." That cream was still on his head as he thrust a finger into the air. "AND I'D LIKE TO SAY THAT THERE IS NO ONE THAT DOES IT BETTER, yeah, but then you'd have to call me a liar."
"I recant my request," Tsukiumi said, a small feeling of nausea growing in her stomach. "I've no wish to know what thou hast in store for my husband."
"What he needs," Kagedansu said, finally taking the cream off of his head and punctuating what he said with a waggling finger, "is a little excitement."
From his emphasis on the letter "t", Tsukiumi's first inkling was to go outside and find her husband, leaving Kagedansu free to enact whatever half-brained scheme had afflicted him.
"And now," Kagedansu rasped, "not only the Intercontinental Heavyweight Championship belt must fall…"
Fortunately, Minato was right where they'd left him: punching that square, convex-bent pad. And much to Tsukiumi's ire, Matsu seemed to be relishing the impacts.
Off in the distance, her Sekirei ears could still hear the mad rantings. "-but the Worrrrld Heavyweight Championship Belt!"
"Minato, I must speak with thee," Tsukiumi said simply.
"Okay." He relaxed himself.
"I fear that Kagedansu may be slipping closer to insanity than first seemed," she said, biting her thumb. "I wished not to intervene, as I agreed with his teachings-"
"You agreed with him punching me in the stomach?" Minato asked, confused.
"… In a sense, yes."
Somehow, that made Minato's insides feel worse than any blow ever could.
"What?! Why?!" Ku was there. "You want Big Brother to get hurt?"
"Tis not the point," Tsukiumi countered, addressing the pint-sized Sekirei. "Kagedansu was correct insofar as to cultivate his anger, and pain is one such way to do it. I see now that my husband cares not for his own safety, hence why no response was given."
"I'm standing right here, you know…" Minato mumbled.
"Tis likewise known," Tsukiumi continued, "that to strike a friend without cause is not the way of thy teacher, Minato. Now threefold have I learnt this, and twice of that this very day."
"When did he-" Minato stopped, remembering: that drop on his head. And… "When he punched you. To stop you from chasing Hametsu."
Tsukiumi folded her arms and looked away. "I saw no cause to mention it outright…" she lied.
"But now I fear for what comes next," Tsukiumi told him. "Kagedansu admitted that he hath lost himself to insanity, and hath made it a point of pride to declare so. To my face, no less!"
"Well, what kind of insanity are we talking about here?" Minato asked. "I mean, you of all people would probably know it best."
A vein bulge on Tsukiumi's forehead from how hard she was clenching her fists, jaw and arms. "And just what dost thou mean by that?!"
Minato did not shrink, and instead pecked a finger in her direction. "That's what I mean be that."
Just like that, the tension was out. "I seek not to harm thee, Minato, despite what mine anger may suggest," Tsukiumi said. "I…" She looked away.
He laid a hand on her shoulder. "You don't have to talk about it, Tsukiumi."
"No." He felt a soft finger press on his lips. "I shall have words with thee, my husband. At a later time."
The finger was then retracted. "But my thoughts become clouded; Kagedansu hath lost his mind!"
"I thought you just agreed," Matsu said, joining them, "that Kagedansu's training is just weird, not crazy."
"He hath not confessed his own madness before," Tsukiumi countered. "Tis unlike him."
"Oh, come on!" Matsu dropped the pad and turned to her Ashikabi. "Minato, you don't actually believe this, do you?"
"Weeelll…" He didn't have pockets to stick his hands in, so instead he slipped his thumbs inside his waistband.
"Oh, come on!" Matsu flung her hands (and sleeves) widespread in bafflement. "What possible reason could you have for thinking that?"
"Because he told me that Uzume was The Veiled Sekirei like it was nothing."
He waited for a retort, but none came.
He glanced to Matsu, then to Tsukiumi, and it was only after he fully grasped how wide and in shock their eyes looked that he realized the entire yard had fallen eerily silent.
"Uzume-san's not a bad person," Ku sniffled, a little teary-eyed. She went over and tugged on Minato's pant leg. "Right?"
Miya felt a similar tug on her sleeve, this one from Musubi. "Right?"
Of the two, neither Minato nor Miya had a good answer. The best Kazehana could do was lift the Green Girl and let her sob into her onee-sama's left shoulder. Up on the roof, Homura had taken flight to anywhere but here. Things had just gotten really complicated for him, and given his body, that was saying something.
Finally, Tsukiumi spoke up. "I wish not to question his honesty, but how dost thou know Kagedansu spoke true?"
"It's true," Matsu said, looking down. "I cracked Number 10's profile last night before I went to sleep. Uzume's definitely her."
"How convenient," Tsukiumi replied scornfully, her eyes narrowing slightly. "After how many hours of failure?"
Matsu shrugged, her head beginning to hang low. "It was a Trojan program in my computer. No need to shore it up, now that the cat's out of the bag." She sighed, a single tear dripping down her cheek. "I shouldn't have dragged her in…"
"Into what?" Minato sullenly inquired.
The Wisdom Sekirei shook her head. "I really don't wanna talk about it, not right now."
So, that was two conversations he'd have later.
There was silence for a moment, before Musubi broke the ice.
"I think I want to go back to training, Miya-sama."
The landlady nodded, raising her blade once more. "Of course, Musubi. I'm always happy to."
Musubi had the right idea; Minato picked the black pad off the ground and handed it back to Matsu.
"Let's keep going. Don't want Kagedansu to come back and yell at me again, right?"
Matsu did her best to smile, but she couldn't quite muster the strength. It was easier to let Minato hold the bag, trying to get aroused at feeling her Ashikabi's strength. It didn't work.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
It was now late in the afternoon, with the orange tint of sunset just starting to dye the sky. To Minato's credit, all that conditioning and strength-building he'd done in the weeks prior had paid off. Only hours after he'd started did he finally wear out, which surprised even himself, and his watchful Sekirei.
That and Matsu had let him take a few breathers. Despite how much she loved feeling Minato exert his strength on her, he was still a human being. Besides, what Kagedansu didn't know couldn't hurt her, right?
"Just a little more?" Matsu pleaded, the weight on her heart and throat still lingering. "One more good hit, Mina-tan. You owe it to yourself."
"I can't go on," Minato huffed, cranking his right arm around and releasing a few minute crackling sounds from the shoulder joint. "One more punch and my arm'll snap."
At that moment, a sunglasses-wearing, red-cowboy-hat-adorned head, complete with what appeared to be leopard fur around the base of the crown, popped up from outside the fence.
"Did you say 'snap'?"
There it was: that throaty, gravelly voice that Tsukiumi had come to dread.
There was a loud crash as several meters' worth of picket fence went flying into the yard. Now that they all had a good look at him, the man who stood behind it was wearing a pair of sunglasses… No, more like a dark-tinted snorkeling mask, given the shape, just without the rubber strap or the nose cover. A series of blunted yellow zigzags, like sideways stalagmites, adorned the outsides of each lens. Or rather, the outsides of the lens, as it was all one piece of plastic. And covering his jaw, all the way up to his ear on either side, was what appeared to be black marker, scribbled on to affect the look of a beard.
But even more ridiculous was his outfit. Minato didn't know where that kind get-up was sold in Tokyo, or how Kagedansu had found one that fit, but the overwhelming red on the buckskin jacket along with the pants and boots, complete with the same zigzagging yellow trim as adorned the glasses, almost made him overlook the most ridiculous thing of all.
Beyond the outfit, beyond the sunglasses, beyond the sheer "what-the-hell-is-going-on" that was stampeding through the synapses of everyone in the yard, was that both feet of the red-hatted man were firmly on the ground.
That hadn't been a kick which destroyed the fence; the wooden boards had exploded by themselves.
"Kagedansu," Miya asked cordially, that frightening demonic visage appearing behind her, "is there a reason you've ruined my fence?"
The Shadow Sekirei didn't seem to hear. He was too focused on pulling a vacuum-sealed stick of jerky out from within his jacket, with a statement to make on what he would do with it.
"SNAP INTO A SLIM JIM!"
Khik! Boom.
Minato spun, the sound of the southward explosion faint but very distinct. "What was-"
"TEARINTOTHESPICE!"
The former ronin fell over when he found Kagedansu's frame mere inches away from his own. What pressed against his left hand, upon landing, felt eerily slim and jim-like.
"W-wuh-" He held up his hand to find not only was there a Slim Jim clutched in it, but it had been opened and unblemished by the grass.
"That BEEFY, JUICY TASTE!"
By now, Minato's brain had overloaded from all the shouting and booming noises and the fact that Kagedansu was dressed like that, and thus did as he was asked.
Khik! FWOOM!
Now the sound came from his left, towards the east end of the city. A chaotic plume of smoke was rolling up from the harbor, looking like someone had set off a giant, coal-filled cannon.
"What was that?" Musubi and Minato asked, Musubi far less alarmed by it.
Kageansu slapped Minato on the back, watching the smoke rise from the direction of the latest explosion.
"There's a word for somethin' like that… S'called 'providence', yeah. I'm talking all the way to the top, yeah. AND THERE IS NOTHIN'…" He did a very slow 360-degree turn, like he was looking for something, before realizing it was right in front of him. "-that's gonna stop us now."
Khik!
"OOOOOO YEEAAAAHH!"
Tsukiumi eyed the other Sekirei from the porch, her eyes a little wider than normal.
He hath lost his mind, she thought. But, on the other hand, Minato needed no convincing of that now.
