A/N
This is supposed to be a lemon chapter; however THIS is the 'clean' version of the chapter, for those who don't care for the lemon. If you want to read the lemon, it isn't posted here. , according to their TOS, will not allow the posting of NC-17 Materials, so if you want to read the lemon, see MY BIO ON MY AUTHOR PAGE. There is a link to my fanfics on mediaminer, where the lemons are posted.
Let me apologize, there was no 'good' way to edit out the parts that were too graphic. For that reason, I took all of the parts out … There wasn't much of a choice here …
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Chapter 55
Mates
InuYasha slid Kagome's window open and winced as the tang of her tears hit him square in the face. Lying on her stomach with her face buried in her fluffy pillow, Kagome's thin shoulders shook with the power of her sobs. He dropped onto the floor and hesitantly approached her.
"Kagome?" he said as he knelt beside her, clumsily rubbed her back. "Don't . . . don't cry, okay?"
If she heard him, she didn't give any indication. Her sobs continued, and he flattened his ears against the sound of her breaking heart.
'Mate . . . cry . . . hurts . . . .'
Blinking in confusion as he tried to think of something to make her stop crying, InuYasha couldn't figure out who had spoken in his mind. For some reason that he couldn't comprehend, the sound of her upset hurt him deep, and the need to rid her of her pain was almost overwhelming. "Kagome, stop! Please stop," he begged.
Kagome gasped softly and turned her head, her watery gaze locking with his seconds before she threw herself against him. He stumbled back but caught her, holding her against his shoulder as she sobbed.
'Mate . . . soothe mate . . . stop cry . . . mate . . . .'
The desire to protect her from her own pain made him grimace when he realized there wasn't a damn thing he could do. Had he ever felt so helpless before? He flattened his ears. No, he hadn't . . . .
'Mate suffer . . . make better.'
'Whose voice is that?' he wondered as he tightened his hold on Kagome. She was trying to stop crying. He could tell from the way she struggled to breathe . . . . It hit him, suddenly, that voice he heard. 'That voice . . . it's . . . my youkai blood?'
'Soothe mate . . . soothe mate . . . .'
He shook his head. 'Soothe her . . . how?'
As if in answer, the low rumble welled up in him, spilled out of him, and he remembered. The night she'd birthed Marisaiko and other times, as well, for some reason, the low rumble comforted her. She stopped sobbing and pressed her ear against his chest with a hiccup, a sigh.
"She . . . she thinks I was trying to steal Mari," Kagome mumbled quietly between sniffles, between ragged breaths.
"She panicked. She's sorry," InuYasha told her.
Kagome shook her head. "I wouldn't, you know? I . . . she's their daughter, not mine . . . . I wouldn't!"
". . . I know."
"I just wanted Sango to be happy . . . ."
He swallowed the lump that rose in his throat. "I know, and she does, too."
"I don't think she does."
"She wanted me to bring you back. She wanted to tell you she's sorry."
Kagome closed her eyes, leaned closer in his embrace. "I can't, not tonight . . . not tonight."
He nodded as he smoothed her hair, inelegantly wiped the remaining tears off her cheek. "Kagome? Don't cry, okay? I . . . I hate it when you cry . . . ."
She tried to smile. "Why are you being so nice?"
He wrinkled his nose. "Keh! I can be nice."
She sighed again. "Yes, I suppose you can . . . ."
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'I can't sleep.'
Kagome could hear herself blink as she stared at the ceiling. Because InuYasha had seemed uncharacteristically sleepy, she had pretended to be tired around ten, just to get him to lie down since she knew he'd never admit that he was exhausted. She knew he'd been preoccupied lately with Hisadaicho. It was a wonder he slept at all, really.
She'd been awake all night. Making a face as she glanced at her clock, she sighed inwardly and shifted her gaze back toward the ceiling. 'Two-thirty . . . and I haven't slept at all . . . .'
Spending the majority of the time trying to think of what she would say to Sango when she went back, worried that she really had somehow done something to make Sango believe that she was going to try to take Marisaiko away, Kagome had feigned sleep after shaking the vial until InuYasha's even breathing and the low rumbling sound he made told her that he was asleep.
'Why would Sango even think that?' Kagome asked herself again. 'I wouldn't take Marisaiko . . . she was never really mine, to start with . . . .'
InuYasha's arms tightened around her. "K'gome," he mumbled, burying his nose in her hair. She smiled sadly. He'd been so gentle, so careful with her since he had come after her, almost as though he feared she would burst into tears all over again, and yet his concern only made her feel so much worse.
Carefully extricating herself from his grasp, Kagome stumbled out of the bed and padded across the room to slip out into the hallway.
Maybe she'd feel more like sleeping if she had a snack . . . .
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"InuYasha . . . I've been waiting for you."
InuYasha skidded to a halt under Goshinboku, peering up through the branches as Kagome smiled down at him, face flushed, the tangy scent coming from her filling his senses as he struggled to figure out why her scent was so encompassing. Settled back against the tree trunk with her legs dangling from both sides of the thick branch, her shoulder was moving, and her scent grew stronger. "How'd you get way up there?"
An impish grin rewarded him for his question. "I flew, silly, how do you think?"
He shook his head. "You can't fly, wench."
"I can, whenever I think about you."
He pushed off the ground and landed neatly beside her, gaze widening in shock as comprehension slowly, almost painfully, washed over him.
------InuYasha's
Dream------
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Kagome turned off the burner and dumped the tomato soup into an oversized mug. Standing at the kitchen window, she stared over the darkened world as she sipped the hot liquid.
'Maybe I wouldn't be as worried about it if I could just figure out why Sango feels like she does. I've never really done anything to make her think I'd take Marisaiko away from her . . . I wouldn't . . . . But why does she think I would?' She sighed and shook her head as her gaze fell to the contents of the mug, black in the darkness.
She'd never been one to procrastinate. Still the idea of going back, of trying to convince Sango that she was sincere in her insistence that she had no intention of trying to reclaim Marisaiko . . . .
Taking another deep swallow, she winced. 'Too hot,' she thought as she sucked in a few deep breaths to assuage her scalded tongue. Making a face, she stuck out her tongue and crossed her eyes as she tried to look at it.
'Now you're being stupid, Kagome. You can't see your own tongue,' she chided herself as she took a more careful sip of the hot soup.
She set the mug on the counter to cool and nibbled on a few rice crackers. The look on Sango's face haunted her, the look of shock, the hurt of betrayal, and Kagome shivered. Sango was as close as Kagome ever had to a real sister. That she believed Kagome would do such a thing cut her to the quick.
She drank the rest of the soup and washed out the mug as she tried to shove aside the tiny voice in her mind that whispered that she had to have done something to make Sango think that way. 'Maybe she found out about your slip, that you called Marisaiko yours that one time . . . .'
Kagome shook her head. The only other person who knew of that incident was InuYasha, and he wouldn't have told, that she knew.
She stacked the clean dishes on a dishtowel beside the sink and dried her hands before heading back to her bedroom.
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------InuYasha's
Dream------
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Kagome stopped at the top of the stairs, face contorting in a frown. The sound she'd heard sounded almost like a whine, almost like a groan. "InuYasha?" she whispered as she cocked her head to the side to listen. Again the sound drifted to her, and she shook her head. 'Is he having a nightmare?' Her frown darkened. Somehow, she couldn't picture him having a nightmare, but still, there was something odd about the noises he was making . . . .
She hurried down the hallway and slipped back into her room, careful to close the door quietly before turning to look at him. Her gasp was loud enough that it actually echoed in the room as her hands shot up to cover her drop-mouthed expression. Eyes wide in incredulous panic, she couldn't do more than stare at the half-clothed hanyou sprawled on her bed with his hands places they shouldn't be and parts of him that she hadn't ever seen quite like that were fully exposed.
'Kami-kami-kami-kami-kami! Don't look!' her mind hissed at her as he groaned louder.
The trouble was, as much as she wanted to look away as her face exploded in what had to be the darkest flush ever, she . . . well, she couldn't. It was like a train wreck. She knew she shouldn't be watching this, and yet she couldn't seem to help herself, either. He had to be sleeping, she knew that much. There was no way he'd do what he was doing where he was doing it if he was awake.
'Oh, kami, he's . . . he's . . . touching . . . it!' she squeaked to herself as she tried to force her eyes away again. Retreating until the small of her back hit the door handle painfully hard, she winced without looking away.
And she could see the muscles along his forearms tense, corded, thick under his skin as he stroked himself. Fascinated and yet wholly aware that he'd either die of embarrassment or she would, if he found out that she was witnessing . . . what he was doing. The sounds he uttered seemed almost pained. Kagome's palms slipped from her mouth to her cheeks, as though she had to hold her skin in place before the embarrassed heat that was fast becoming a burn melted her skin right off. His movements were rough, jerking, and with a wince, she couldn't help but wonder if he was actually hurting himself.
'Look away, Kagome! Get out of here!'
'Right,' she thought absently. 'Out of here . . . .'
But her feet wouldn't move.
'InuYasha's on my bed asleep, touching . . . it . . . and . . . and . . . oh I have got to get out of here!' she thought wildly, finally managing to reach behind her back to grab the door handle.
Wrenching it open with a vicious yank, Kagome started out of the room when InuYasha's voice stopped her again. "Ka . . . Kagome . . . ."
Her heart stopped for long, painful seconds as she stared blankly at the hanyou on her bed. 'He's dreaming . . . about . . . me?'
Again, she paused. He lifted his hips off the bed as his hand stroked up and down. Kagome swallowed hard as another wave of heat brought and even darker hue to her skin.
'He'd never want you to see this!' her mind screamed, and she knew it was right.
His moans grew harsher, raspier, louder, and Kagome's eyes widened even more as he mumbled nonsense words punctuated with little whines, rough growls.
A small noise from the hallway caught her attention, and Kagome gasped, darting out of her room and closing the door as she feverishly glanced up and down the hallway. Quickly tiptoeing from room to room, she satisfied herself that everyone else was still asleep. Only after checking the last room---Grandpa's room---and finding him still snoring did she relax a little.
With a sigh, she shuffled down the hallway toward the stairs. Buyo ran past her, flicking his tail against her ankles as she smothered a surprised yelp. "Buyo!" she scolded, both irritated and relieved that the disturbance was only the family's pet.
After retrieving a blanket from the hall closet, Kagome stumbled into the living room and flopped down on the sofa. True, there was a guest bedroom upstairs, but anywhere on the same level of the house as InuYasha wasn't something she wanted to think about. Putting space between him and what she had felt under the shock and disbelief, Kagome grimaced. Even in the wan light, the savageness of his actions had been . . . .
She squeezed her eyes closed for a moment. The same rough grace, the same primal dexterity . . . .
Covering herself from head to toe with the blanket, Kagome stared at the ceiling. 'But he . . . didn't he shake the vial?'
She sighed. She wasn't sure if he had or not since she'd rolled over just after she shook it. Normally he shook it just after she did. Besides that, he was always so adamant about shaking the stupid thing that it just wasn't like him to simply forget . . . .
'But if he did shake it, then why would he have a dream like . . . that?'
Frowning at into the darkness, Kagome tried to make sense of everything. 'Maybe . . . he . . . he wants to . . . .'
Blushing at her own forward thoughts as memories of InuYasha, bathed in moonlight on her bed filtered back to her as a slow and steady tension built in her. He had shaken the vial and still had a dream like that . . . ? 'And maybe I . . . I want that, too . . . .'
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InuYasha awoke with a start in the silent room. His heart was pounding in his ears, breathing heavy and harsh. His hakama were shoved down, and, he realized with a sickened feeling as he jerked his hands back, he was still stroking himself.
Where was Kagome?
With a low moan, he arched up off the bed to drag his hakama back up and retie them with a wince as his body protested the reminder that he hadn't spent himself. 'Fuck!' he berated himself. 'What the hell . . . ?"
And slowly the dream came back to him. The moan shifted into a frustrated growl as he swung his feet off the bed and sat up. 'Baka! How could I be so fucking careless! Kagome shook the vial, but I . . . .'
He flopped back, dragging his hands over his face. She'd shaken the vial, all right. He had been so wrapped up in watching her, in making sure that she wasn't trying to hide her upset, that he . . .
He'd forgotten to do the same.
'Baka, baka, baka, baka, baka!' he fumed, smashing the heels of his hands against his eyes.
But why wasn't Kagome here? He sat up again, sniffing the air. Wincing as the smell of his own stimulation hit him, he forced himself to concentrate. Her scent lingered---of course it would, since he was in her bedroom. He could vaguely discern her scent, a faint trace of her aura nearby. 'Kami, what if she saw . . . ?'
Ears flattening as he sighed, InuYasha shook his head. If she saw what he had been doing and had run away, or if he had scared her away . . . . He wasn't sure if he ought to be happy that she wasn't there or worry because of it. Embarrassment aside, he knew deep down that he didn't want to claim her as his mate because of a dream. For that reason, he could be glad that she wasn't here, no matter the reason.
Or what if . . . .
He groaned. Had he done something in his sleep to chase her away? What if he had tried to . . . well, act out his dreams? Would Kagome have run away from him then?
A million memories of her blushes, of her nervousness when he'd only brushed her hand sailed though his mind. She didn't pull away or hide from him now, but that didn't mean she wouldn't have freaked out if she woke up with him doing . . . something . . . to her . . . .
'That's because what you were doing . . . it's not natural. It's not normal!'
InuYasha winced. Normal or not, he couldn't help but feel like he'd done something colossally stupid . . . .
Had he scared her away?
A/N:
'Dream' Kagome is SUPPOSED to be completely OOC because he's thought it before, and because of the toxin's effects. He doesn't like 'dream' Kagome and feels like he doesn't really know her, as he does in the dreams they share or when they're both awake. This whole chapter was to illustrate this difference since I hadn't done that before, and to show exactly what he does dream when under the toxin's effects.
Final Thought from Kagome:
… Uhhh … ummm …
Blanket disclaimer for this fanfic (will apply to this and all other chapters in Metamorphosis): I do not claim any rights to InuYasha or the characters associated with the anime/manga. Those rights belong to Rumiko Takahashi, et al. I do offer my thanks to her for creating such vivid characters for me to terrorize.
Sue
