Chapter 45

Sorry for the delay in updating, have been really busy and, not had time to update, hope you like this chapter. ;-)

As soon as I left the station, I went for a walk along the beach, I walked along to where Charlie and I sat when we came to the beach and sat on the bench nearby and just stared out to the sea watching the waves thrashing against the rocks, I kept thinking about how Charlie reacted when she saw me laying there whilst Sam was assaulting me and I couldn't get it out of my head how Charlie reacted, I imagined if things were the other way round what would I have done, but I knew that I would have trusted Charlie to know that things weren't how they seemed even though I would have perhaps had good reason not to trust her, but I would have still trusted her just the same, especially as we had never done anything like that whilst making love, I would have known straight away that something wasn't right. It was all going round and round my head, when I could feel tears rolling down my face, to the point where I couldn't even focus, I was actually really crying I don't think I had cried this much when Mel died, I was both angry and hurt that Charlie thought I could cheat on her, not something I would ever do no matter how much she might hurt me, I still wouldn't hurt her.

After a short while I heard Ruby calling me, I looked to see her running towards me, she sat down beside me and took me in her arms, I had stopped crying when I saw Ruby, but she knew anyway and asked me if I was alright, because she was worried about me, I asked if she had seen Charlie and she said she had, that Charlie was at home sobbing her heart out, thinking she was going to lose me, I didn't answer, Ruby looked at me in the eyes and, asked me to tell her that Charlie was wrong, I said I was sorry but I just didn't know, I could see the sadness in her eyes which said she hoped I would change my mind.

Ruby said Charlie loved me, I asked Ruby if she did, I meant really loved me, because earlier today I did not see love in Charlie's eyes all I could see was hurt thinking I had cheated on her and, how could she even think I would after everything I did to get her back, Ruby said Charlie knew this and regretted her actions, Ruby said she had already had a go at Charlie for that, because she did not believe for one second I would hurt Charlie and she told Charlie just how stupid she was to think I would hurt her like that and, asked her to look at the situation, I was handcuffed and blindfolded that should have told Charlie that the situation was not what it seemed, but she wasn't thinking straight and, would have to live with that, when I needed her she wasn't there for me.

I told Ruby that I loved Charlie more than anything, but couldn't help thinking that there was always something just waiting to cause problems between us, first it was Brax, because he raped Charlie the day after we got together, he then went to jail, after that things settled down for a while after a very tough few weeks, but our love for each other, got us through it, then Charlie went through some kind of insecurity thing, pushed me away by working all the time, dumped me telling me I wasn't what she wanted after all and had made a terrible mistake being with me then, not even five minutes after she dumped me. Charlie went out with Daniel and, expected me to be happy about it, but I wasn't I was devastated and hurt that Charlie could rub my nose in it like that and, I tried really hard not to act like a jealous child, but it was hard and it turned out Daniel was not good anyway, but Charlie convinced me that she had made a terrible mistake where Daniel was concerned, that she did love me and always had, which again we got through after talking to each other about everything, now this. I asked Ruby if this was what being with Charlie meant always wondering what was going to come between us next, then I wasn't sure I wanted it anymore and, that maybe it would be easier if I walked away whilst I had any dignity to do so.

Ruby said who said love ever ran smooth, that everyone faces hurdles in their life even if they aren't with someone, that if I loved Charlie and she loved me nothing else should matter, that life would be boring if everything was perfect all the time, she was right of course, but I was hurt today and I needed Charlie but she wasn't there to support me like she should have been and, the question was did I forgive her and give her the chance to make it up to me or did I just walk away and spend the rest of my life wondering whether I should have given Charlie a chance to sort things out, I just didn't know what to do, because I couldn't go on like things were.

Ruby said Charlie had been really hurt in the past not that Charlie talks about it much because she didn't and that was probably why she always made so many mistakes, I told Ruby that was not really an excuse and Ruby agreed, but she said Charlie couldn't help it, and I was the one to help her sort her life out, no one else had ever got Charlie to open up about her feelings before, but I did and Ruby said she liked that Charlie who was open about stuff she would have kept to herself before I came along.

I suddenly realised that I shouldn't be talking to Ruby because she was only 16 and although, very mature for her age, she hadn't even experienced life yet, but when I told her, she jokingly said she had with Charlie and I, plus Charlie was high maintenance, and being that she was her daughter meant she was in the best position to advise on what being with Charlie involved, seeing as she had seen all Charlie's mistakes, and as for me discussing it with her, she said she had begun to see me as family and there was no one else really for me to talk to because, I didn't have family of my own there to support me and, I couldn't talk to Charlie about Charlie,so she wanted me to talk to her whenever I wanted.

I asked her if she wanted me to stay with Charlie and she said a definite yes, that yes Charlie made mistakes and had a lot to learn about who she should trust, but one thing she was sure of Charlie did love me and would do anything to put this right, she knew she had got this whole thing wrong and wanted so much for the chance to make things right between us, if I was willing to let her. I told Ruby I still needed time to think which she said she understood.

I asked Ruby if Charlie had told her what the Chief Inspector had asked me to do, Ruby said yes that Charlie had and she wanted to talk to me about that too, because she was worried that I would let him try and manipulate me just because he was worried about the embarrassment of having to explain to his father what his precious wife had done and would probably end up having to resign, I told Ruby he never said that, Ruby said Charlie said that too, that he probably didn't want to mention that, because that would have been guilt tripping me into letting Sam off the hook, but Charlie thought she should pay for what she did, I asked Ruby if Charlie was saying that because that would make life easier for her if I decided Sam should be charged, Ruby said she didn't think so, that Charlie just wanted justice for me that she accepted that she was wrong in her first reaction and should have supported me, but what Sam did was serious and could have been a lot worse, if they hadn't come home when they did, so Charlie was just thinking of me not herself, I asked Ruby if she really believed that, Ruby said she did, that Charlie maybe stupid sometimes, but she could tell if she was lying and she didn't think she was.

Ruby asked if I knew what I was going to do and I said no, that Charlie was right Sam should pay for what she did, but I would have to go to the hospital to be examined, which I wasn't sure I could go through all that, plus the Chief Inspector was right I did have, trouble writing my statement, because writing it down made it all real and I just couldn't get my head around it at the moment. Ruby said Charlie told her that she would accept whatever I decided to do and would not put any pressure on me.

I told Ruby I was really confused and didn't know what to do for the best, it had been a very stressful day, I did love Charlie and yes I was disappointed that she jumped to the wrong convulsion, but I couldn't just walk away either despite today I needed her because I wasn't sure how I was going to deal with what Sam did and I hoped she would be there for me like I was when Brax raped her, Ruby said she would be if I gave her the chance.

Ruby told me she was staying at April's for the night and she expected to come home the next morning to find I had sorted things out with Charlie, that even though Charlie does make mistakes she hoped that I would be the one to sort her out because she couldn't think of anyone else better for the job, I laughed and asked her if she would be that wise with her own life when the time came, Ruby said of course she would. Ruby said she had to go, but before she went, she hugged me and, asked me to promise not to rush into anything, I promised I wouldn't.

I watched Ruby walk the other way towards Bianca's house. I continued sitting on the bench I watched the sun go down, which Charlie and I normally did together whenever we wanted to be alone, still unsure of what I should do, there was no denying that I loved Charlie but was I prepared to accept that she would continue to make mistakes and maybe I would too but we both would work through them together or should I just walk away, but this time walking away had to involve me going back to the UK because I couldn't be in the same town as Charlie knowing how much I loved her but couldn't trust her, so I would have to make a clean break all together or I would never get on with my life or Charlie hers, we would both be in limbo and that wouldn't be good for either of us and would be much easier if we didn't see each other again.

This was so tough, it would have been easier if I didn't have what Sam did hanging over me too, them I could just concentrate on Charlie and I, but nothing in my life was ever that simple and Ruby was right love didn't run smooth, otherwise it would be boring.

I walked along the beach watching the stars as I did so mumbling to myself as I walked when suddenly I saw a shooting star just as I was asking myself what I should do about Charlie, whether I should sort things out or make a clean break, but seeing the shooting star kind of made up my mind for me, I now needed to talk to Charlie.