(Dez)
"Gob!"
I'm so happy to see him! I've spent the whole day urging everyone to hurry their slow asses up, just so we could get to Megaton. Gob's not surprised to see me, my random departures and arrivals are something of the norm to him now. Zack stands at his feet, as they both wade in the puddle in the center of Megaton.
"Hey, kid. Back so soon?"
"We found the house, Gob. It's perfect."
I whisper in his ear, still holding him. A tug on my pants causes me to pull away and look down. Zack stares up at me, happy.
"Hi again!"
Zack says, and I'm all smiles and joys. Bending down I pick him up, returning his smile.
"Wow, you've gotten heavy. You been behaving I hope?"
"Yup. Daddy made me a new car!"
Proudly, Zack shows me the blue toy car he has in his hands. It's shined and polished, the wood almost new. I kiss his head, admiring the toy.
"It's really nice. How fast does it go?"
"Really fast watch this!"
Zack hops from my arms and shows me how it can fly across the water, it goes so fast. Gob doesn't mind when Zack falls in, returning wet and muddy.
"Boone, why don't you show Amata around Megaton?"
Charon suggests behind me, and I hear a grunt in agreement. Zack comes back as I crouch down to talk to him.
"It goes so fast, water can't even support it. It glides."
I smile and laugh, patting his head.
"It sure does. Can it do anymore cool tricks?"
Pouting, Zack shakes his head.
"No. Daddy says he's going to put guns on it so then it can defeat the bad guys. Isn't that what you do? Fight the bad guys?"
Gob's been telling stories about me I see. Looking up, I give Gob a look and he smiles back. Charon crouches beside me, his arms resting on his knees.
"That's exactly what I do. But you can't tell anyone, it's really super secret."
"You mean…not a lot of people know?"
"Nope. I'm a secret agent working for the good guys. The baddies have spies all around, so we're going to make up code words."
His face lights up at that. Kids like that kind of stuff. You know, secret spies and whatnot. At least, kids like Zack do. Eager, he sits in front of me. Putting my butt on the dirt, I lean in close to him.
"Right now, we're going to fight the Evil Monsters. That's what we'll call them. They're hiding in a secret lair that only we know how to get into."
"Will it be dangerous?"
"Oh yes, very dangerous."
Concerned, Zack grabs my hand.
"I'll protect you! They won't ever hurt you!"
I laugh at his courage. He stares at the scars across my face and the ones that decorate my upper body. His small face, shows childish anger and eagerness, against the baddies who caused them.
"I won't get hurt. Uncle Charon is my partner-in-justice. He's super good at keeping me safe."
Folding his arms as he sits, Zack stares at Charon.
"I think he's stupid because he made you sad."
Gob and I burst out laughing. Charon's suddenly become the target of Zack's anger and I find the entire situation simply comedic. Charon knows we're all kidding around, and that Zack's the only one taking this seriously. I've never really seen, though, how Charon is with children.
"I don't like when you come back hurt. It makes me sad, too. But I'll protect you now, so it's okay."
Patting Zack's head, I give him a smile.
"I know you will. But you have to stay here, I'm giving you a special job. And you have to promise me, you're going to do it and do it well. It's the most important job of anything"
"What is it?"
"Tomorrow when I leave, I need you to stay behind and make sure the bad guys don't come here. If they see you, they'll know you're working for me, and run away scared. I want to come back to this town in-tact, Zack. Can you do that for me?"
"Yes!"
"You know, Uncle Charon here could probably teach you some interesting things. I bet if you ask him, he'll teach you how to fight."
"Does it mean you're my aunt, if Charon is my uncle, and you two fight the bad guys together?"
"I suppose it does."
"That's good. Uncle Charon can you really teach me things?"
The three of us look up at Gob who throws his hands in the air in surrender.
"Go for it. Kid's gotta learn somehow."
Zack cheers, and bounds over to Charon. They talk in secret-agent whispers, and Charon begins by showing him how to make a proper fist. Standing up, I light two cigarettes. One for me, one for Gob. We watch as Charon plays mentor, and talk softly.
"He's growing up so fast, Gob."
"He's lookin' just like Nova, too."
"You know, eventually, he's going to want to get out of Megaton and explore. What happens then?"
Shrugging, Gob smokes his cigarette and carefully watches Charon as he teaches his only son to spar.
"Hopefully by then, he'll have learned from the two best survivalists I know, and I won't have to worry."
"What are you getting at?"
"Dez, I ain't blind. I know Zack's gettin' older every day, jus' like I ain't gettin' any younger. When you two are done liberating the land and all that violence, drop a line to Megaton. We'll come up there to see you, and I'd appreciate it if you took the time, to teach him how to shoot a gun an' defend himself. Don't want him learnin' it from anyone else."
I never thought of having kids myself. It was never something I felt I'd be mature or responsible enough for. Even if my biological clock ticks as it does in all women, the idea of raising my own is impossible. Charon's sterile, and won't be able to provide me with one. But strangely, I'm alright with that. I think, if Gob brings Zack around once in a while, and I get to play and have fun with him, then it'll be easier. When I start getting older, and wanting kids of my own, having Zack will fill the temporary void I know that comes with that ticking clock. Then, when I get too exhausted, I can go to sleep and give him back to Gob. Can't really give back your own kids when you get too tired.
"I'd love to teach Zack everything I know. From the looks of it, Charon too."
Charon has Zack punching the palms of his hands. With each small 'slap' of Zack's fist into Charon's open hands, Charon coaches him on how to hit better and more efficiently. There's no better teacher for Zack, than Charon.
"Ever think of having your own? If so, don't. You two ain't really responsible enough to have a kid. You'd leave it in the Wastes somewhere."
"Gob, I wouldn't do that. First off, I'd probably leave it somewhere in the underground metro system. And secondly, having Zack around is enough to fulfill any womanly wants I may later have to bear children."
"I'm glad to hear that. World won't ever be prepared for suttin' like you two combined. Shit. That'd…that's scary even to me."
"He'd be a handsome, debonair, anti-hero, with blue eyes."
Gob looks at me, humored.
"You've got this all planned out, don't you?"
"You really forget how quiet it gets out there. I have more than enough time to plan this out. I'd want my son to have my mom's hair though. Charon and I are dark red-heads almost, I want brown for my kid."
"Maybe thinkin' of a kid you ain't never gonna have isn't a good idea. Might get needy and whatnot. Besides aren't there bigger things to worry about?"
"Sure there are. But I worry about those things all the time. Sometimes I like to divulge into my womanly fantasies."
Gob laughs at me and I give him a look.
"So long as you don't actually pull it off, I guess. Dunno what I'd do if you came here holdin' a kid in one hand an' a gun in the other. Think of a name for your imaginary baby."
"Charon Part Two."
More laughter and I smile at Gob. Of course, that really wouldn't be my child's name if, god forbid, I had one. Once I name something, though, I tend to love it. Once I love it I tend to want it. Giving something like that a name, would mean at some point in my time I expect it to be given to me. I act like something like that's a present. I gave up any shot I had at a 'normal' life, when I left the vault for good. It was fine by me then, and it's fine by me now. I don't see myself as 'nurturing' anyways. Plus, I don't know how to be a mom. I'd probably cry myself if it started to cry.
But looking at Charon teach Zack how to handle his small fists, I can't help but wonder, has Charon ever thought about his own family? Having one, I mean. I don't think so, because Charon…well, he's always either thinking of me or what we have to do and lately, his past. I don't think there's time for him to have such foolish pipe dreams. He's interacting with Zack well, but then again, it's easy to be good with kids when they're not your own. If it ever comes up in conversation, I'll ask. But, I doubt it will and I'm not going out of my way for it.
"Gob I need your help."
I say, keeping my voice low and hardly above a whisper. There's a lot of eavesdroppers in Megaton, and what I'm planning, can't be heard.
"What is it?"
"Gob, I need you to make me some explosives. I need them to be strong enough to take down a concrete structure, with a hand-held detonator."
"Dez, I can't make something like that."
"If you can make a pre-war truck run, with scrap metal and fix a gun with a wrench, you can do this for me."
I can feel the worry seeping from Gob. Asking him to make such a dangerous thing is a risk, but I have no idea where else to ask. Anyone else would raise an eyebrow and be suspicious of it. Gob, he knows whatever I may need this for, it's to do the right thing. He knows, that my plans although seemingly cruel in the short-run, are always for the greater good in the future. Hearing him sigh, I see him look down at the dirt.
"When do you need this by?"
"By the time I leave tomorrow afternoon."
"Alright. Take Zack with you for the day. I'll do my best, and I don't want him near if anything were to happen."
"Thank you."
Walking over to Zack and Charon, I fold my arms and smile down. Zack looks up at me, stopping his 'training'.
"Hey Zack, you have a BB Gun?"
Lowering his small fists, Zack nods.
"Yeah but I don't know how to use it."
"Want me to teach you?"
He answers by smiling wide, and dashing off up the hill. Charon stands up, looking at me.
"What are you doing?"
"We're taking Zack for the day. I'll explain later, just trust me."
Curious, Charon looks back at Gob. He shrugs, knowing full well I'll tell him as soon as I get a chance. Charon trusts my planning, he knows that even though they're poorly planned, they somehow work. Putting my cigarette out in the dirt, I stand beside Charon and wait for Zack to come back from Moria's.
"Dez?"
"Hm?"
"I like kids."
I look at him, surprised, and shocked.
"You mean you like Zack."
"That too. But I think I might actually like them."
A door slamming above our heads is a nice diversion. Zack's small feet echo and patter down the steel streets, as he excitedly makes his way back down. I hope Charon drops this. I don't know, how I'd react if he said the world 'family' aloud or even suggested we adopt or at least attempt something. I don't have the heart or the courage right now, to tell him a family isn't what I think I want. It's great, I guess, for people who live here. But not for me, who never has a permanent home, and can't stay in one settlement for very long. I can't bring a child into this world, without structure. I'm too scared to, and it wouldn't be fair to my kid, to have a mother like me. Frankly, I wouldn't make a very good one. Although the image of me with a Nova-like pregnant belly does make me smile to myself.
Zack returns with his gun in his hands, and two metal containers of BB's. I smile, because when I was four years older than him, I got my first BB Gun and I was just as excited to learn how to shoot it.
"Are you really going to teach me?"
"Only if you promise to listen to whatever it is me and Uncle Charon tell you."
"Yes!"
"Alright, then come on."
Taking the gun from him, I sling it over my back and walk with him and Charon up the hill. There's no safe place in Megaton, to teach a six-year-old how to shoot. Or is Zack still five? I'm not sure, I don't know his birthday. Anyways I figure we can take him to the outside of the gates, and show him out there. At least then if he hits something, it's either no big deal or worth hitting. Then the citizens won't complain and Gob won't be very distracted with it all. And at the same time, I can safely talk to Charon about what it is I'm planning in my head.
"Alright do you know how to put the BB's in?"
I ask, crouching down and handing Zack the gun. He shakes his head at me. Damnit Gob, you can't give a kid a gun and then not show him how to use it.
"Okay, here, watch and be very careful."
"Okay."
Slowly, I show Zack the proper way to load the metal balls inside. Charon looks on, with his arms folded over his chest, and every once in a while scanning the area for enemies.
"I think I know now."
Zack says as he finishes. To my surprise the kid caught on quick, and loaded it up his first try. I'm not sure where he gets his swift learning from, maybe Gob, maybe Nova, but neither one of them were great in the weapons department.
"Now, Uncle Charon is going to teach you what to do from here."
It's better Charon show him how to shoot his first gun. Not because I don't want to show him, I do, but because Charon is a lot better marksmen than I am. With Zack being so new to the field, I'd rather him learn off of him. Standing, I move back and let Charon take it from here. Lighting another cigarette I take over the duty of watching for danger as the two of them talk and Charon shows him first how to safely handle a weapon. See I wouldn't have done that. I would have gone straight to shooting and then Zack would have shot his eye out. Imagine trying to explain that one to Gob. He'd be less than thrilled, I assume.
Before I know it, though, the familiar soft popping of a BB Gun fills my ears. Charon's a quick teacher, and Zack's a fast learner. I see the happiness light up on Zack's face, as he realizes he's just properly shot his first gun. I smile back at him, finding myself pretty proud. I can see, Charon's proud too.
"I'm going to set up targets and I want you to take your time aiming at them."
He tells Zack, going over and gathering some old tin cans. After propping up the cans and giving Zack a quick rundown on aiming techniques, Charon comes and stands by my side as we look on. I feel something coming from him, something strange, so I quickly tell him my plan to divert the subject.
"Gob's making us explosives to use at Fort Independence. We're going to infiltrate, and plant them. Someone needs to wait on the outside for my signal and the detonator. That or I can detonate them from the inside, but I don't want to risk losing anyone."
I give him the short-summary of it, basically. Putting out my cigarette, Charon lights one and looks at me.
"Have you thought about how we're going to get inside to plant these bombs?"
"No, but there's got to be a way. Nothing is impossible."
"That is true. In more ways than one."
I look at him, shoving my hands in my pockets and raising my eyebrow.
"Dez I have nothing to offer you. All I have is the gun on my back and the armor on my body. I know at some point, you expect more. A normal life, perhaps even a family. If you want it, then…I'll do my best to find a solution and offer it to you."
Shaking my head, I nudge Charon a bit with my elbow.
"I gave up the hopes of a normal life when I left the vault. Families out here, don't last long. And no offence but we're a lot better off as vigilantes than parents. I don't know how to raise a stupid kid."
"It comes natural. I'm simply saying, I wouldn't mind. I know how to work hard, so we'd have enough money. Between us we have the medical experience of any Wasteland doctor, and there are places we can go that are safe."
"It seems you're the one who wants a family here, Charon. Cap for your thoughts?"
He inhales on his cigarette as Zack takes a shot at one of the cans. Charon, tell me, what is it you're thinking?
"I just thought I'd let you know, that when all is said and done, and there's no one left to fight, I'd be content and happy, with providing for a family. I never had the chance, to have one of my own or enjoy a mother or father. Maybe because of that I wouldn't be good at it, but there are far worse things we could do together."
I don't answer. There's no kind answer that's truthful, to be said. When all is said and done…I'd like that to be true. I'd like that, for the hope of never again having someone to fight. But the truth and reality is that just because we might defeat the Brotherhood once and for all, won't take away the fact that there's others out there. That there's still a chance the Enclave or the NCR could come here and do the same thing. If there is a period of harmony in my life after we finish at Fort Bannister, it'll be short-lived. Charon's not saying he really wants a family, and he's not saying he doesn't want one. He's saying he'd be happy either way, I think. But would I? As selfish as that sounds, I have to ask. Have to think, if I have the ability to be responsible for such a small and helpless thing for such a long time. And if I am, if it happens, then what about if another enemy rolls around? I simply can't say 'Here watch my kid goin' to fight the bad guys' and take off into the sunset. No. Right now, I think, there's too much at risk to think about family life. After all, anyone who dreams of having a peaceful time doing that out here, is batshit. Unless they're at Rivet City. Hey. I have an answer for him.
"Maybe. If we ever find ourselves in a settlement as safe and secure as Rivet City, I'll suggest letting you curse me for nine months. But before we even go there or talk about that, let's take some time for us."
"Us?"
I give him a look. Yes, 'us' stupid.
"We have some well-deserved time to ourselves coming up. Ditching Humpty and Dumpty and living in that shack alone, you know? Before we have any extravagant adventures, let's do that, first."
"I completely agree."
