AN: WOO! Next week is this fic's 1 year anniversary! That means this fic has been successfully publishing every week for an entire year. That's amazing. So, to celebrate, I'm taking next week off...and coming back the week after with a bonus chapter titled Bonds. I may not publish the extra chapter on that Monday, I'm not sure yet, but after that we'll resume the regular schedule of weekly updates. Also, I decided that since this chapter is a better stopping point, I'd take my vacation now rather than after the next chapter, which will be more of a cliffhanger. ;)

Also, I did include some manga dialogue in this chapter to help flesh out Zeki's relationship a little more. It fit the flow of the chapter very well. If it bothers you, then I recommend skipping the flashbacks. =)


ZERO

"You're improving," Zero observed, knocking away Yuki's practice sword with his own. She certainly was getting better, a little bit each day. She was not going to be an expert swordfighter anytime soon, but her progress was encouraging.

"I'm not improving much when you keep going so easy on me," she replied, squinting at him.

"It's bad form to injure a princess," he answered simply. He had given her a few bruises, but the methods under which he or Hanabusa had been trained were far too harsh for him to employ on Yuki, and he did not believe that she needed them, either.

Zero had been teaching the princess for a fortnight now, intent on seeing some tangible improvement before they continued to Seagate. With such little time to train her, he was working on the basics of her form and stance rather than the minutiae of her movements. He was impressed with her enthusiasm and determination, though less impressed with her clumsiness, which he found endearing nonetheless. If they were ever able to rejoin Hanabusa and Yori, perhaps the Wakaba noble could teach her the basics of the bow. Archery was more stationary and Yuki might not injure herself so easily by tripping. However, while Yuki could not engage in a swordfight, she could, at least, defend her own life in a crisis. Most likely, she would not be able to hold off a skilled opponent for long, but Zero never planned to leave her unprotected anyway.

"In the capital I was a princess," she was saying, "but out here in this swamp I'm nobody. I rather like it."

Denial edged up, creeping up into his eyes. "You are the rightful heir, Yuki."

"I don't think so. You have more claim to the throne than I..." Her eyes sparkled obstinately.

"We already talked about this," he growled stiffly. "Even if that were so, the Kiryuus haven't ruled for so long that most of the kingdoms have entirely forgotten them. The people would not recognize the Kiryuu name like they would yours." He regarded her with calm logic. Yuki was stubbornly clinging to this idea, but he refused to acknowledge such a possibility. The throne was hers and hers alone. She needed to accept that.

"You keep denying your heritage Zero, but whether you're a prince or a knight or a slave, it doesn't define who you are. It never will." Yuki pointed her wooden sword at him with a defiant toss of her head. The remnant of her once-long hair, a short, dark brown ponytail, bobbed behind her in sync with her gesture. "Besides," she added, much to his frustration, "No matter what you say, I'm not a princess anymore. I'm a traitor and a fugitive."

Zero could feel the anger blaze through his limbs again. Why was it that Yuki could not see the truth when it lie so clearly before them? Why was she ignoring so much history? The Kiryuus had sat on the throne, yes, but their magic was twisted. That same magic warped his veins, healing his injuries, sharpening his instincts... Kiryuu magic had preserved his life in the arena, giving him strength when he hadn't wanted it, guiding his sword arm to take hundreds of lives in spite of his desires to die. He was an abomination, made so from both magic and his own history, while she was a princess, and in spite of her current predicament Kaname could not take away her name or her claim to the throne. If the people of Ashgate were as unhappy as Rima and Senri had said, it would not be difficult for them to support Yuki. There was no reason for her to continue pressing the issue of Zero's ancestry. But Yuki always seemed to push him, to press at the anger that deep in his marrow and to counter whatever feelings or objections he harbored. She always had, even from the first moments that he had arrived in Ashgate fresh from the arena...

He loathed himself, hated the mark scorched into his skin by the slavers, designating him forever as a murderer, as property. Attempting to dismiss her, to shove aside her pitiful kindness, he had inadvertently triggered something within her that spurred her to press herself even closer into all of the spaces he didn't need her to be. He had wanted to be alone, he needed to be alone, but somehow she was always there when he least wanted her. Bit by bit, Yuki was discovering all the parts of him that he didn't want anyone to see.

She had chased off the group of older trainees who had been fighting with him. They had seen that brand and jeered, laughing through snide comments. He had engaged them, responding to their taunts, but even so, he had been holding himself back...because if he had wanted to, he was sure he could have killed them all, even though they had been the ones foolish enough to test him. But she had interrupted them, expression desperate and concerned to see his knuckles covered with blood where he had broken one boys' nose. She had seen his lust for violence and the way he glowered at her from beneath his silver fringe. He longed for some outlet to his rage, to all of the things that had been caged inside of him for so many years now. She was denying him that.

Yet her hands were warm against him as they reached out to examine his knuckles, her eyes wide and innocent and sparkling with tears. As he watched, a few of them broke free from their containment and spattered down her cheeks. Her grip tightened on his wrists as she told him, her words repeating through the still night air, "If you can't forget these painful feelings, then I will stay beside you like this until you can forget. So please, don't fight anymore...don't hurt yourself like this anymore, okay?"

Why was she the one crying? It irritated him. She made him angry, made him so irate he thought that anger might burst from his skin and explode. He wanted to lash out against himself, wanted to punch his fist into a wall or ruthlessly claw out that brand, but she was holding him back. Why did she have to hold him back? He wanted to be alone, but she insisted on comforting him. Why couldn't she just leave him alone? He didn't want her to stay, didn't want her touch. It made his skin crawl with fury.

But all he said was, "Okay," even though he thought, 'Next time, I'll make sure you don't find out.'

The Kuran princess launched another series of attacks with her sword, which he blocked distractedly, his arm following her motions automatically. He was still half-immersed in his thoughts, remembering the petite fourteen year old girl who had so drastically transformed his life. Yuki had always insisted on doing as she pleased, and this time was no different. And she made the situation far more painful by continuing to propose that the throne was his birthright and not hers, because each and every time she did so he could almost glimpse that impossible, ethereal future where she was by his side... He shut his eyes for an agonizing beat, rooting himself back in his cold reality. That illusion was something that could never become real. Yuki did not know how deeply, how dangerously he desired that future. She did not know how much she tempted his love for her each time she spoke those words. A crooked, painful grimace touched his lips. Even before he had fallen in love with her, hadn't he always been tempted by her? Tempted to give into her kindness? Even back then, young and full of wrath, he had wanted her for himself, because she had the uncanny ability to drive away his nightmares and soothe his rage...

Zero sat up suddenly from where he had fallen asleep beneath a tree, a name half-formed in his mouth. "Ichi-!" He swallowed the last syllable like bile. He didn't want to think about that name, that face... Ichiru was dead. There was nothing in that name anymore.

A shadow twitched off to his right, and a wave of resentment crashed over him. "You're so annoying!" he growled. The shadow jumped. "Until when did you plan to stay here? You're supposed to be riding with Hanabusa!" The princess of the Nine Kingdoms should not be bothered with him, and it irritated him that she did anyway, despite how hard he pushed against her.

"Sorry...," Yuki mumbled sheepishly. "It sounded like you weren't sleeping well, so I was worried... Do you mind if I sit beside you?"

"If you want to sit, then sit," he replied crossly, laying back down and staring fixedly up at the branches above. "You're the princess, after all. You can do what you want."

She could do as she pleased. He didn't care, he didn't care about anything. He despised her interferences, but he didn't care what she did. Right at that moment the only thing he cared about, the only thing that mattered, was to desperately try with everything he had to not let the terrible weight of those nightmarish emotions welling up inside him make him lose his sanity completely. Every time he fell asleep, without fail, he dreamed of bloodshed and death. He dreamed of the massacre of his home, dreamed of the arena, dreamed of corpses. It was like crawling uphill through mud and fog, trying not to slip further into the darkness which festered inside him.

He felt a hand rest against the top of his head and the air shift as her skirt billowed around her in a silken pool as she sat beside him. Very quietly, she murmured, "I'll stay like this with you until you fall asleep again. When I was little it was the same for me. When I missed my mom and dad, I would manage to feel safe and fall asleep thanks to my adopted father petting my head like this."

He wanted to hate her then. Wanted to scream at her, chase her away, hit something. But instead he found himself thinking about her gentle hands and her soft voice and the comfort she transmitted with that simple gesture. It was the first time that he started thinking that he wanted those gentle hands and that kind smile all for himself. It was the first time a beautiful feeling started growing in his heart...a beautiful, dangerous feeling that would eventually become so large and consuming that it would break his heart every day...

"It's okay," she said, and he felt his eyes fall shut automatically. The furious, tumultuous beating of his heart slowly calmed as he drifted into the first deep, undisturbed slumber that he could remember, despite the discomfort of the hard ground beneath him.

A small, warm form crashed into him suddenly, snapping him out of his reveries. Stepping backward in an attempt to regain his balance, Zero felt the sole of his foot slip against a muddy foothold. For a moment, suspended in time, he was surprised that Yuki had slipped through his defenses, even when he was lost in thought. And then, as he collided with the ground, he thought it ironic, since it had always been Yuki who managed, with the force of her smile alone, to get him to lower his guard and let her in.

A little breathlessly, hands pinning his wrists to the ground, the princess grinned and said, "Got you."

A smile nearly surfaced on his lips, but he pushed it under as the lone thought ghosted its way through his mind: You've always got me.

"We make a great team, you know. I think you could do it, if you were to reconsider." As before, something vague, unnameable, and melancholic passed over her features.

She sat up then and he did the same, watching her with a puzzled gaze for a moment before averting his eyes. Again, her suggestion was corroding his heart. Even if it meant that they could be together, even if it meant that he would at last be free to love her, he could not take away what rightfully belonged to Yuki. He would not claim the throne just to be by her side as an equal. And besides, elevating his status to royalty would not equalize them. Yuki would forever be above him, a precious flame that would be smothered by his darkness if he came too close.

His lips could not express the emotions that collided and coalesced in his chest, and so the only syllables they uttered were those of her name: "Yuki..." Somehow, he still could not meet her eyes.

The soft pressure of her fingertips sliding over his face, palms cupping his cheeks and shocking his eyes into locking with hers, made his heart leap violently. He could read the frustration that stamped its presence over her features. Her eyebrows were angled down, her lips tight, her forehead creased. She shook her head slightly, murmuring with intensity, "No. I won't hear it again."

She leaned forward a little, as though via proximity alone she could transmit the force of her own feelings. "I've known you longer than anyone, Zero. I know what you're capable of. I know you have it in you to be a great ruler, just like you have always had faith in me to be one."

Her eyes fell then, down to his collar where he could feel them tracing against his tattoo. For a moment she hesitated, faint color flushing across her cheekbones. Then, in a near-whisper, "Please... Just reconsider... Zero, I...I always want you by my side." Chocolate eyes rose now, tentatively peering into his before dropping away again, along with her hands this time, which clasped and unclasped in her lap for a minute as she finished, "With me." Despite her apparent nervousness, those last two words sounded out strongly, unwavering and steady. Her eyes, unyielding as they gazed at him, transported him back to when he had first started training as her knight...

"Don't touch me with those clean, manicured hands. Isn't that for a servant to do, anyway?" he snarled, flinching away from her hands. It was nothing, he wasn't hurt badly. The cuts and bruises he accumulated from fighting with the other trainees didn't bother him. It was their own foolishness for challenging him once again. Moreover, he didn't want her to touch him. He didn't want to feel those gentle hands on him. They threatened him, scared him, caused him to tremble...

"Sorry, um... I'll just leave these bandages here then...but please...change them at least." She bit her lip, face falling, downcast.

"I know already. Just leave it there and get out of here!"

He clenched his fists. He didn't want to see such an expression on her face. Why...? Why did it anger him so very, very much? Was it because he wanted to hate her, and yet couldn't? Or was it because he was afraid, because he didn't want her to get close...because... An immeasurable storm crackled through him. Already, the wounds he'd received yesterday from the knights he'd been training with were healing. He always healed so fast, but this speed, this... She would find out. She would realize that he was some kind of monster. Some kind of demon. And he dreaded that day.

He threw the medical kit away, watched as the tonic bottle smashed against the far wall. The glass rippled and shattered outward, drowning out Yuki's cry of, "Zero!" Watching the fragmented glass fall and tinkle against the floor, watching the tonic leak out and spread over the ground like a pool of blood, the teenager felt a strange satisfaction. He wanted to break apart himself, like that, into a million pieces.

"Z-Zero," the princess stammered, stepping closer. She reached out hesitantly. "Come on, you're hurt, we have to-"

Violently, suddenly, he lashed out, slapping her hand away. "Don't touch me!" he snapped, shaking with insuppressible anger. He didn't want her concern, didn't she understand that? He didn't want to feel the comfort her hands conveyed. He was trying to face his past, trying to face the fact that, after healing from dozens of fatal injuries, he didn't seem quite human, and she continued to turn up when she wasn't wanted.

"Zero...," she whispered, and he caught the shimmer of unshed tears in her eyes. He watched her swallow them down and attempt to approach him again, ignoring it even though... Rage coursed through him, but... It was the first time he had felt his heart sting from hurting her.

And then, later that day he had found her waiting for him in the training yard, asleep on a bench. He had watched her for a long moment, wavering between fury and...something else. Irately, he had dropped his equipment loud enough to wake her.

Startled, she exclaimed, "Ah!" Then, "Oops...I dozed off for a bit."

He glared at her. He had used force to push her away earlier, and yet she still returned, like a particularly idiotic bird with an unshakeable migration pattern... She should worry about herself more rather than waste her time on him.

When he didn't immediately answer, she asked, "Are you okay?"

"Sorry for your hand...," he mumbled at last, averting his gaze. He shouldn't have used so much strength to knock her hand away...

"Huh?" She held it up as if to show him it was fine and shrugged. "It's nothing, don't worry. I'm glad, it's nice that you're calmer now. You were actually a bit scary earlier...ah..." A hand flew to her lips, the regret plain on her face for uttering such a thing.

His chest contracted, just once. Only once, but that contraction was enough to alert him that he actually was... "Sorry." He was actually sorry...

She smiled then, infuriatingly. Why couldn't she just be normal, be mad at him? He would have deserved it. He was always malicious to her, and she never seemed to take offense. Instead, she was saying, "No, don't be. I'm sorry, I was actually very scared, but then... I thought you must have lived through such horrible things, so I thought... I thought... Well, you don't want to hear this from me..." She broke off abruptly, fidgeting nervously.

It wasn't that. It wasn't exactly. It wasn't that he didn't want her comfort, exactly... It was him. Or rather, it was that he was the one who was truly scared. She scared him. The way she affected him, was changing him...it was terrifying.

She stood, moving towards him, and automatically he heard himself voicing the words: "Don't touch-"

Ignoring him, she had already flung her arms around him. She was holding him tightly, and even if he didn't want to be held he couldn't pull away. Even if he didn't want to listen he could still hear her tell him, "It's okay. If you have a place where you can feel safe, then you'll be okay even if scary things happen. So you don't have to be afraid anymore."

He wanted to walk out of the yard. Wanted to run away. But those arms prevented him from leaving. They always did, always would. And as time passed, as the years continued on, the arms he had no right to seek held him there. He felt so safe, so whole in her arms that it was almost cruel. And her face, always so sincere and unwavering...it had never ceased to give him strength.

Seconds buzzed by, thunderous in his ears. Memories rushed through his mind as her words rushed through his ears. His limbs had gone numb, steeped with disbelief. It seemed impossible that he and Yuki could want the same thing. He swallowed hard, mind and pulse racing. What was she saying? That she wanted to them to be together..? But even as he immediately rejected such an idea, the blush that reddened her cheeks confirmed it. Incredulous, Zero was rendered immobile, paralyzed as his mind jumped sporadically through a maze of conflicted thoughts. How could it be that Yuki wanted him to stand beside her?

He was surely dreaming. Yuki Kuran, princess to the Nine Kingdoms, could not possibly have wanted all along to be with someone like himself. And yet, the unforgiving, scorching whip of the sun's rays and the roar of insects around them forced him to face her confession as reality. Suddenly, he understood her insistence that he take the throne. She had advocated his claim for the very reason that he had discarded it: so that they might be together, as equals, as they reclaimed the kingdoms. It was the same as before, when she had come to comfort him. She had wanted them to be friends, to be equals... Really, she hadn't changed at all since then.

Twin emotions warred in his mind. He did not deserve her, did not deserve the crown. He shouldn't accept, shouldn't allow himself to be persuaded no matter how much he yearned to. And yet, he did not want to break her heart. He had already given himself to her as a knight, had vowed to protect her, to bind his life to hers. More than that, he had loved her for so long that his devotion, his affection for her had ingrained itself in his very marrow. If Yuki Kuran, the woman he loved with all of his being, desired this of him...desired to be with him...perhaps there was no longer a reason to keep resisting his heart...or her. After all, even at his most angry and broken, he had been unable to refuse her or prevent himself from inexorably surrender to her. And while he doubted that what she felt in her heart was the same powerful love that he had for her, if she wanted to be with him, why should he deny her?

Zero felt himself give in to her, felt himself bending, softening under her gravity, under her gaze which had not changed in all the years that he had known her. His words were gentle, devoid of the bleak shadows that had characterized them only moments before, as he whispered, "You always have me, Yuki." A pause, the thoughts sticking together heavily in his mind as he struggled to vocalize them. "And you always will have me...with you...if that's what you wish..." He trusted Yuki to understand what he had difficulty expressing: his acceptance.

She did. The girl's blush intensified through a dazzling smile that banished all of the demons within him for its duration. She didn't speak, only threw her arms around his neck and embraced him tightly. And for a moment he could not speak either, overwhelmed by a torrent of emotion. Slowly, his arms rose to wrap around her, holding her close for the first time without consequence, without breaching the social boundaries that had always kept them apart before. To have her there, to feel her warmth, her life, against him, moved him so profoundly that he could feel his blood tremble.

There, under the inexorable sun of the Brackmire Basin, Zero Kiryuu vowed to preserve that smile and all of the happiness it contained.


AN: Casual reminder: "And while he doubted that what she felt in her heart was the same powerful love that he had for her, if she wanted to be with him, why should he deny her?"

He still doesn't know she loves him...idiot.

We'll leave off there for now, folks! Tune in soon for the bonus chap! And review!