Hello everyone!:) Apologies for the delay...I went out Thursday night to celebrate (it was rather spontaneous!Lol) and then on Friday I travelled back home...and then yesterday there was family stuff . I'm going through another phase of insecurities at the moment...I hope that it'll pass soon. It's just got to do with some reviews and some comments I've read that made me wanna give up. But I'm stubborn and a part of me just refuses to give up now, when this project is nearly completed, and on top of that I just love Niles/CC far too much...so the urge to write is definitely there. I'm just boring you with this long note coz I'm really disappointed with this oneshot...it feels to me as if I've been trying to please certain people and have lost something in the process. Anyway, reviews are very much hoped for...just anything really, tell me what I'm doing wrong or what the story is lacking,I'm grateful for your help. I try to keep the final updates fairly regularly but can't promise anything, summer hols and all that stuff.
Disclaimer:No, I don't own anything. But I'm really,really sad that my favourite Niles/CC tribute isn't on youtube anymore. I watched it every night and it inspired me and now it's gone...
Episode 17: The Dummy Twins: Niles:"You are going to spend the rest of your life pining for a man who doesn't love you and who's married a woman half your age!Look around you, they're married,they're starting a family. Where are you going to be 10-20 years from now?You're going to be saying "Merry Christmas" to your friends in rehab and wondering what might have been!"
C.C. Babcock had done what she truly excelled in: she'd run away. In the business world that was unheard of, but those who knew her on a personal level,were also used to her fleeing when a situation became too emotional to bear. That's why she had run away from Niles, from a situation that was practically charged with emotion. She didn't stop running, in fact, until she reached her penthouse. She had hailed a cab and never looked back. Seeking comfort in the familiarity of her apartment, however, didn't seem to be the right way out either. It was completely empty and the silence was almost unbearable, all of it seemed to mock her because it emphasised that Niles had been right, she was alone and she would always be alone. The taste of alcohol on her tongue didn't bring her the anticipated relief either. Instead she kept hearing him say "Merry Christmas to your friends in rehab".She stopped drinking and spilled the rest of the glass into the sink. She was a Babcock, for heaven's sake, why did the words of a simple butler mean that much to her? Tossing all thoughts aside that could lead her to the conclusion that it might have to do with the man, rather than his words, she walked over to the window to observe the city. She hated him...hated him for humiliating her ,for pointing out all her flaws in front of Maxwell and Fran. Somewhere in the back of her mind a voice was telling her that she had deserved it for publicly humiliating him in the first place, but that voice was quickly silenced. He was the one who had broken the contract,it wasn't official and neither of them had discussed it and yet there had been certain rules. And clearly one of them had been:Do not make me feel vulnerable in front of others. Pranks, insults, zingers were fine but vulnerability or, dare she say it, the truth...that was off limits.
"You're rich,you're succesful, you will move on." she kept telling herself over and over again until it became her mantra.
Acting on a whim she went into her bedroom and begin to pack her suitcase, maybe a change of scenerie would be nice. Hailing a cab she soon found herself on the way to the airport, the destination still unknown. But during the long drive she grew tired, so tired , in fact, that she led her guard down enough to contemplate her other reasons for quitting. Niles' words had stung because he was right, of course...but there was something else. When he had said that he'd be gone in the morning images had flooded her mind. Memories with him,his smile, him glaring at her, the excitement that usually coursed through her after a particularly good prank...their kiss. And that's when she had really known that she couldn't stay. She couldn't possibly continue working at a place in which Niles' cologne still lingered in the air, a place in which they had shared so many laughs, while knowing that the man himself wasn't there anymore. That realisition brought another one along, no matter where she worked, she would always be missing him.
The need to see him one last time became so overpowering that she ended up telling the taxi driver to turn around and drive her to the Sheffield residence. But as she stood in front of the dark house, her suitcase by her side, she knew that it had been a bad idea. She couldn't possibly talk to him...and so, heaving a sigh, she used her key to enter the house,deciding that she only needed something that reminded her of Niles. She quietly snuck into the kitchen and her eyes immediately fell onto the pair of oven mitts he normally used. Scanning the deserted kitchen she tried to find something else, anything that seemed more appropriate, but there was nothing. And so she quietly walked into Maxwell's office, there had to be something. Picking up his feather duster she walked through the room, running her fingers over bookcovers as she went. Everything seemed so formal, not personal enough, it simply didn't capture his essence. There was no other way out now, she had to go and see him. Reaching his room far too quickly for her liking, she lifted her hand and knocked.
"Fran, I'ved told you time and time again, my decision is final!" he yelled, as he opened the door. Then he saw who was standing in front of him and his eyes widened "What do you want?"
She hesitantly forced herself to meet his eyes and couldn't help but notice how tired he looked. Since the last time she had seen him he seemed to have aged, but maybe it hadn't so much to do with the time that had passed...
"I...I don't know." she whispered.
"Well, then get out.I'm sick and tired of getting my hopes up for a woman who is only wasting my time!Think about the kiss, our daily routine,Maxwell's wedding, you can't honestly tell me that these moments meant nothing to you!But for once listen to the truth, because I don't have time for your "I don't know"." he spat and slammed the door shut.
She leaned her head against the wood that now separated them. C.C. tried to persuade herself to turn around and leave,now that she had seen him one last time, and that he had made it perfectly clear that he didn't want her in his life anymore, but she still couldn't move. Why was it so hard to open that door and march back inside his room?Why, if he claimed to love her, couldn't he be more understanding, he must have seen that she was struggling. But maybe that was where the problem lay, never had he mentioned loving her, all he had done was propose multiple times. Anger was her best weapon,it shielded her from unwanted hurt and vulnerability and so, giving in to it by telling herself that she was once again the butt of some colossal joke, she pushed the door open and confronted him.
"You have no right to speak to me like that!" she said, her voice raised.
She had caught him off guard for a second, for his blue eyes had nevously flickered up to find hers.
"Why? Because you're a Babcock and I'm a servant?" he asked, and although his voice was quiet his tone was filled with bitterness.
"This has nothing to do with it and you know that." she snapped "What makes you think you can just talk to me like that?You just throw around these moments, moments I can now see clearly meant something to you, but you mention them now, after you have proposed." she could see the hurt in his eyes as she spoke but it only encouraged her,because if he was miserable, she didn't have to be. "That kiss you mentioned...I don't even know when that was...but I do know that I was drunk and that it was you who started it."
"That's not true." he pressed through gritted teeth,as if her last comment had stung more than the rest "You know damn well when that kiss happened and what it had led to had Fran and Maxwell not come home. My hand was barely touching you, C.C.,I was too afraid that you'd change your mind!It was you who pulled me closer before we were interrupted!"
She knew he was telling the truth, that memory was so vivid still she could almost taste him.
"You claim to love me and yet you've never even said the words." she yelled "You are trying to make me feel guilty but it's not going to work. There was never any indication for your love! The only thing we know how to do is fight, Niles!How should that have prepared me for your proposal today?"
And she stopped for air, her chest rising and falling rapidly.
"You're right." he said so softly she wasn't sure she had heard correctly.
He sat back down on the bed and rested his face in his hands.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said these things to you. But you provoked me...and I just wanted to make you understand,wanted you to see how I feel. But I've failed...I'm sorry, Miss Babcock, would you please leave me alone now?"
He sat in silence for a while before risking a glance,to his surprise she hadn't moved.
"Do you know what I've always liked about you?" she asked quietly and held his gaze "You were never afraid to stand up to me,Niles. I'm not easy to live with and yet you've never backed down, don't disappoint me now."
His smile was so hesitant,so hopeful that it took her breath away and she had to sit down.
"What do you want?Why did you come back?" he asked again,more gently this time.
"I don't know..." she repeated,sighing,while trying to collect her thoughts, for he didn't interrupt her this time "I guess I just...well, I was on my way to the airport.I quit, you see, because I couldn't possibly work somewhere that reminded me so much of you. But then I realised that...no matter where I went,I'd always carry a piece of you with me,so I came back...I needed to say goodbye. But when I got to the front door I was scared...afraid to face you."
"I've noticed that before." he said softly, slowly scooting closer to her.
"I went through the house,searching for something that reminded me of you...there were a number of things but I just...I couldn't find it...I couldn't find what I was looking for...nothing seemed right and then I knew I had to see you, there was just no way out...but I don't know what to tell you, Niles, I really don't know." her voice grew quieter and she looked past him,blinking away the tears that were forming in her eyes.
"It's ok to be afraid, Miss Babcock." he reassured her "Sometimes it's scary to find something you hadn't expected."
She focused on him again, trying to pull herself together.
"I'm not good at this sort of thing,I'm not good with kids...I'm not naturally warm-hearted and caring...I'm nothing like you,Niles."
"Maybe that's why I love you," he said simply "because you complete me."
He was doing it again, breaking through her barriers, making her feel so warm inside.
"It won't be easy..."she voiced quietly "God knows we're different..."
"Patience, Babs, we've been doing it for the past 20 years." he soothed her with a smile and carefully reached for her hand.
"You know, we really need to work on these names, Butler Boy." she teased.
"But I like mine." he replied with his best pouting face, and pressed her hand against his chest so that she could feel the fluttering of his heart.
He could feel her stiffen immediately as a shadow of doubt still lingered in her eyes.
"I'm not pranking you,C.C." he told her and let his lips brush over her knuckles "I apologise for the times I've told you you're ugly, because you aren't,you're very beautiful" and he placed a kiss in the palm of her hand before trailing kisses up her arm "you smell so good and you taste delicious."
She reached out with her right hand to run her fingers through his hair before resting it against his cheek.
"You care about me?" she asked.
Niles stopped kissing her arm and instead cupped her face. He wanted to tell her how much he had longed for her, how every time she touched him his skin was tingling,but he also knew that she needed the simple truth and so "I do." was all he said. A small smile graced her features as she closed the distance between them and claimed his lips. He wrapped his arms around her while their lips were still caressing each other and he nearly broke into a grin when she pulled him closer, just as she had done three years ago. When they finally broke apart for air she asked:
"Will you give us time?"
"Of course." he replied,touching his forehead to hers.
"Good, then you won't mind if I'll stay the night?" she said and trailed her fingers down his back suggestively.
"As long as this is not just a one night stand?" he said, knowing full well that if he wanted her to trust him, he had to show his insecurities too.
"No, I'm not that quickly satisfied." she purred.
"We'll see about that." he said in a low voice and their lips crushed against each other again.
Their love-making had been so much more intense than she had imagined. His passion fuelled by his hidden yearnings he had pleased her over and over again, running his fingertips over her body in such a tender way,like a sightless person learning someone's face. She could only marvel about how right it felt when they finally became one. It was the ultimate proof, no matter how much they would clash on the outside, somehow they just belonged together.
When they had fallen asleep, he had cradled her against his chest, his right arm protectively wrapped around her. His breath kept brushing over her skin in a steady rythm and it served to calm her so much that she fell into a very deep sleep, completely oblivious to the fact that Maxwell and Fran stumbled into the room later on that night.
