'Today i present something special: a fic written by someone else, who latched on on the writing of Guardian at some point and pretended to help, it's also his first fic so don't forget the pitchforks and torches!' XD

So allow me to present to you...

'Of Kunai and Boys' or 'Birds of a Feather, Fight Together'

Our story opened on an usual sight in the Saotome household, as the numerous children of our previous 'Heroes' (read : entertaining men-children with the power to wreak a town coupled with the social acumen of a 6 years old) were gathered around a meal, bickering as usual, the only missing thing being the parents, who had all assembled for one of their usual rescues, which for once didn't involve a prince kidnapping Akane, while their absence might have seemed minor given the sheer number of people already gathered,...though that was what had allowed what had begun as minor bickering, to turn into something much more.

Talking about the Devil...

"I AM NOT THE WEAKEST AMONGST MY SIBLINGS!" bellowed Mama, the self proclaimed guardian of mount phoenix, his face red with rage and his hand banging on the table, luckily (or not depending on if you're a table salesman), Mama was delicate enough to not break it. All his outburst did though, was to put a teasing smile on Natsuko's lips, the daughter of the genius Kunoichi, having once managed to throw the closest thing she had to an easily frustrated little brother into a frenzy with naught but a few words.

Taking her time, she stretched languidly before answering, not even looking at Mama, she didn't need to, his breathing, heavy with anger and outrage, told her everything she needed to know. "If you aren't, then who is? Surely you remember the last time Carrot got too excite while sparring with you?" She had a mirthful tone in her voice, once again hitting a bull's-eye and sending Mama into a sputtering mess for a few seconds. The humiliation Carrot had unknowingly inflicted on him was still fresh in his mind, while the rest of the assembled teenagers collectively winced with the exception of Carrot, who looked positively ashamed of himself and Yumio. All Ukyo's son could do in response to his sister's quip was sigh.

'Mama is a jerk and merciless when it come to a lot of things, but my sister certainly makes a sport of bringing out worst in him. If this gets any nastier, both of them will end up regretting it.' The junior Okonomiyaki chief thought to himself, ready to hear a lot of things he wouldn't like, but steeling himself to endure it and stay uninvolved, they were both asking for it at this point.

Having gotten over his sputtering fit, Mama was quick to glance at his siblings before answering with a satisfied voice. "Kobara, he'd wreck anyone outside of this house, but he is certainly more of a lover than a fighter, beating him wouldn't even take long." His declaration made most of their ignored (maybe 'unintended'?) audience roll their eyes as Mama crossed his arms and looked very satisfied with himself. The only person who hadn't rolled their eyes, with the exception of Carrot, who just nodded, not really understanding he wasn't really part of the conversation, was surprisingly Kobara himself, who only looked a bit surprised before suppressing what almost looked like a fond smile.

'Wow, he didn't even hesitate to count me amongst his siblings, it seems like hanging out with him, and putting up with his nonsense is actually paying The bud of the Black Rose paid little attention to the rest of the discussion, caring only for making cow-eyes at the older girls.

This whole turn of events (would probably use 'this whole situation') was almost enough for Natsuko to lose her amused smile as she hadn't planned for him to actually count Kobara, she would have been in trouble if she hadn't remembered her father's lesson on verbal warfare, if you don't know what to say, move the goal post!

"Well, maybe you are stronger than Kobara, but as you said, 'he is more of a lover', you're certainly weaker than me!" Natsuko did her best to fake a smile as she made her hollow declaration, waiting to see if she could recover her advantage.

Contrary to what was ('everyone' would be better than 'was') expected, Mama didn't go back into a bellowing ball of outrage at hearing that, his reaction was as dismissive as if you had told him the sky was green, and his tone spoke volumes. "Someone stronger than me wouldn't have to hide and take the house hostage to even stand a chance!"

"It's called taking advantage of the terrain, something you're awfully fond of yourself, what? It's not fair play because you got little birdie wing broken last time you ate bit off more than you could chew?" The Kunoichi's remarks were seething, she was more angry at his absolutely dismissive tone, and a strange feeling in her guts, than at his words.

"Mmmph, why am I not surprised? Obviously a Kunoichi whore that who got her cherry popped by Kuno would compare using your surroundings to taking a hostage! That's the kind of people it takes to employ such pathetic tactics!' Mama stared, looking at Nastuko like a judging noble would look at a lowlife.

That actually got a raise out of Natsuko, who didn't even take the time to deny it before hitting back! "Better to be a 'kunoichi whore', than some outcast virgin, whose own people would rather kill than see again."

Much less wordy than Mama's response, but much more effective as the look of pure fury on Mama's face could attest. As Natsuko was congratulating herself on her 'perfect kunoichi strike', her brother was already bracing for the worst.

"Do you really want to talk about 'outcasts', you degenerate squatting filth!? Do you!?" Mama started screeching, his eyes almost bloodshot. "Does the daughter of a desperate whore, who was rejected by my father, and yet still pathetically clings to any contact with him by throwing you in our house at every occasion really want to talk about outcast ? do you even know about your grandfather? Do you ever wonder why you never hear of him? No? You don't? Because you still want to delude yourself with thinking you have a family name? Does the kunoichi bitch, with her delusional weakling of a father, who can't even endure manhood, want to talk about being killed by their own people!? As if you don't know how your clients would react if your father's pretty apron fell off and revealed the kind of freak he is! Talk about projecting! Why don't you stop being the excuse for their harebrained plan to sneak in my Dad's bed before trying to talk as if you're anything compared to me?!" Mama's ranting seemed to only stop because he ran out of oxygen.

Hearing all of this had put quite the strain on Natsuko's moment of self satisfaction, quickly turning it into absolute rage. The gloves were off apparently, and if that was the case, why would she hold back the truth?

"What the hell is wrong with you? Oh wait, everything is wrong with you, from your disgusting bird features to your attitude! You're not even human, not in body and certainly not in spirit, that's why everyone hate you, even your family, the only difference between them and everyone else is that they pity you too much to throw you away and you know that, that's why you're always spewing bullshit, and put so much stock in from which family you are from, because that's all you have, and that's all you'll ever have! That's why you're so mad whenever I am around, because I have more of a place here than you ever will, they got stuck with you, while they brought me in by choice, and none of your stupid theories about some scheme of my parents will change that, nor solve your insecurities!" She almost screeched the last part, nearly ready to pounce on him or defend herself depending on who you might have asked.

What happened next shocked everyone in the room, instead of the expected rage or even attack from Mama, there was a pure detached and cold look on his face, directed entirely at Natsuko.

While everyone else was seeing that look for the first time, Natsuko had been shocked out of her rage as she recognized that look, she had only seen it once, during a secret sparring match she had goaded Mama into to try out a new dodging technique that Konatsu had taught her, during which she incessantly mocked him and just danced around all of his attacks until that look appeared on his face and he began to read her like a book, going as far as using her newly found reflex against her, making them push her into his attack just to avoid what were basically non-threatening ones. That day was one of the few reminders she had that for all his sputtering and bravado, Mama's keen mind, cunning, and lack of mercy, combined with his natural Saotome tendencies, made him as dangerous as any of his siblings, if not more so.

Mama began calmly, slowly and deliberately. "Oh yes, people hate me and I'm just a half breed from some dead race isolated on a mountain in china. Yes, my family can barely stand me. Hell, I'm not even successful with girls, unlike every single one of my siblings. Yet, you're still jealous of me. Why I wonder? Because I actually have a family? Instead of two freak outcasts, who were shunned out of their family tree, and passed their life trying to be the other gender because they couldn't take it? Those same freaks for you weren't good enough over your dislike of goddamn Okonomiyaki? Because I have an actual identity, instead of some delusion transmitted by the son of tea saloon owner? Or maybe it's because I'm an actual inhabitant of this house instead of some convenient furniture? Face it, you're nothing, you're just a part of the decor that dad always pushed on us, we got used to you being around but we wouldn't even notice if we never saw you again. You've got nothing to offer to anyone beyond a bunch of holes! That's why you act like you're proud of being a 'kunoichi', because you think it will stop people from using it against you, you're just a lost little girl disowned in all but name, who keeps clinging onto us in the hope of having an inkling of what having a family feels like. If I left tomorrow, my family would feel relived but at least they would feel something, if you left tomorrow? No one here would feel a single thing and you know it.' He softly ended his tirade, turning his head and uncrossing his arms, his face unreadable.

Natsuko couldn't even move. It was as if someone had seen every single insecurity she had and thrown it in her face. The shock of his insight left her frozen in place.

"Mama!" Kazuma's shout seemed to break Natsuko out of her paralysis as she bolted out of the house as fast she could.

Sighing, and feeling somewhat guilty for having spoken in the first place, Kazuma continued with his best Ranma impression "Goddamit Mama, that was messed up, she went far but you went over the line."

"Don't patronize me!" Mama started to regain with a his more typical petulant tone of voice. "You're not dad, you'll never be, no matter how much you delude yourself into thinking you'll ever step outside of his shadow!"

The conversation ended on that note, Mama simply got up and walked toward the court where the koi pond was.

"I need to take a breath of fresh air, I'll be back later." Mama spoke to no one in particular as he began to fly away.

"Oh no, you don'-" Kazuma started to protest before Yumio held him back.

"They both need it at this point, just like they need to get over it on their own." Yumio looked down with a serious expression.

All the siblings simply nodded and tried to clear their head from what had happened.

-!-!-!-

A few hours later, as the Sun was setting, Natsuko was sitting on a roof, high above the district, huddled in a ball. Her eyes red, her cheek stained with dried tears and her breath was ragged. She was unmoving beyond the ups and down of her chest as she breathed, at least until she heard two very soft feet hitting the tiles of the roof, but even that did little more than make her look in the direction of the noise.

There, was standing the last person she wanted to see. Mama himself wasn't feeling any better about their meeting than she was, but he had learned a few things from the time he had spent with his diminutive sibling and Carrot, and it was enough to eat away at his awkwardness and pride. The small glimpse of a tear as he saw Natsuko run away had nothing to do with it, nope, that weakness was good for their father and Carrot but not for him, nope, not him, nor would he ever admit otherwise.

And so they stood there for what felt like an eternity, both unable to walk back what they had said, and unable to finds the words to make it better, that was until they remembered Ranma's favorite way to make the kids make up when they were little and simply walked toward each other and hugged. They stayed there in comfortable silence under the setting sun for awhile.

Surprisingly, Mama spoke first "I know I said you were furniture, but I never said you were bad furniture or that the house didn't need furniture." The young bird of prey looked more sheepish than Natsuko would have though possible, combined with his lame yet sweet attempt at an apology and It was impossible for Natsuko to not laugh.

"You dummy." The Kunoichi chuckled as she playfully tapped Mama's chest...

"WHOA."

...which had the unintended side effect of pushing him over the edge of the roof.

Mama's arms were flaying around as he tried not to fall, and as they finaly caught something Mama almost felt relieved until he realised that what he had caught was just Natsuko and rather than stabilising himself, all he did was take her with him in his fall.

Luckily, for both of them, their fall ended on a big pile of leaves, rather than cold, hard, concrete.

This unexpected incident had both of them blinking in disbelief for a few seconds before Natsuko began giggling and for all he tried, Mama couldn't help but quickly join her laughter.

After calming down a bit, they just contentedly laid there, watching the sun's last ray in silence.

"We're both terrible at making up." Those were the only words either of them had uttered until they went back home, neither of them really sure of who had said them.

-!-!-!-!-!-!-

Balrog crawled out from under his boxes, waving to no one in particular as he handed over the small flash drive that contained his story. "Hello, I hope you liked my little story."

Upon snatching the content from the outstretched hand, TheDevian kicked the deformed man across the room. "Good! Now back to the basement with you!"

"Thank you Master, may I eat then?"

"After I proofread it, if there are no more mistakes this time, then ...maybe! Now GO!"

Excited for the prospect of eating that month, the writing slave scurried back into his hole to await his possible reward.